Dirty Mike🤌 and the boys👯♂️
@willab86
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‘We are gonna have sex in your car. It will happen again.” Lady in the streets, disaster in the tweets.
Joined April 2012
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Pinned Tweet
Bro, put down that fork and knife and fold that slice of pizza in half like a god damn adult.
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@svershbow
Trick question. He told her in September before he did a bunch of contradictory things. He will propose to someone else the following November.
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@POOPSCRUFFIN4U
I know doctors that live off of scotch and adderall and plenty of nurses that love cocaine but jobs that don’t even pay a living wage are out here testing for weed.
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@DrBillFisher
@TreyYingst
When I see folks arguing with doctors and scientists about things they are totally unqualified to have an opinion on, I have to admit, I’m not at all surprised that this is where we are now.
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@itsmariannnna
Bruh, just the other night I was standing outside wearing only a big ass tshirt, high as fuck, looking at the moon. And I was like, “wow, the universe is incredible,” and that’s why I will never give up marijuana.
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@AaronSmarter
@Isaacshere
@chrissyteigen
Tomi Lahren, Ann Coulter, and kelly Ann are the same person in different dimensions of time and space.
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@bejohnce
@MaraWilson
One time I ordered a side of ranch and my waiter said, “one side of white girl ketchup coming right up. “
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@jonswaine
@theferocity
A women’s healthcare clinic where maybe abortions took place but also where women go to have access to Pap smears, mammograms, general medical care. This is horrific that someone feels comfortable saying this shit.
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@MarxistLEO
@SharletteH
@hughhewitt
Republicans care so much about troops that they go out of their way to ensure none of our returning vets suffer from homelessness and all of them receive the healthcare they deserve.
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@DrakeGatsby
I did the math on having a job and something is not adding up.
There are 24 hours in a day and you want me to be awake for 16 of them?? And of those 16, I’ve gotta work 10?? Seems like a scam.
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@quintabrunson
People that say this are:
A. Uncomfortable with successful women B. Uncomfortable with successful black people
C. Uncomfortable with successful black women
D. Jealous
E. All of the above.
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@gbobke
@DrBillFisher
@TreyYingst
DJT is 73 years old...
Not sure we can pin all of the promotion of disinformation on young people.
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@LindseyGrahamSC
@realDonaldTrump
You have to really hate understanding US history to believe the problems created by US policies and intervention have nothing to do with why people now have to flee their homes.
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@chrissyteigen
I would do anything for these abs
Except give up eating 6,000 calories per day.
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@Nakia_dph
@tlawless001
@dayjuhhhh
@itschrespi
@Khory_Kam
@indianschoolboi
To be fair, "I would've just died," was probably an extremely common response.
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@JenAshleyWright
@Rschooley
I chose minority studies as an elective in college and I don’t understand how it wasn’t a required humanities course. When we allow teachers, nurses, doctors, police to enter into their field without understanding our brutal history we allow them to carry unchallenged biases.
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@BradfordPearson
I did gymnastics for 16 years of my life and let me tell you, she is spinning multiple times while flipping multiple times. That is incredible. It’s a spring floor but it doesn’t give you a 6ft vertical. Anyone that thinks this isn’t an incredible feat, can catch hands.
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There are 24 hours in a day and you want me to be awake for 16 of them?? And of those 16, I’ve gotta work 10?? Seems like a scam.
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@TheSteinbag
@deanmcgowan
I’m not sure I wouldn’t punch some of my guests in the throat if there were no consequences. Thinking about the 2 business men that dropped my tip on the floor and told me to bend over and pick it up.
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@JessicaValenti
Girl. He has a calendar that proves he didn’t do it. I still have a calendar from my freshman year of college that explicitly mentions I WAS NOT doing mushrooms and watching the muppets for 6 hours straight.
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@alyssalimp
I refuse to be intimidated by anyone that doesn’t have a fully developed frontal lobe.
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@MarxistLEO
@SharletteH
@hughhewitt
Did you know that if our government didn’t sacrifice men and women of the armed services in Iraq we probably wouldn’t have any constitutional rights at this very moment? Thank god we won the Vietnam War as well.
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@panoparker
Never delete this video of a racist getting knocked out. It’s the only therapy I can afford. Thank you.
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@WIRED
@BostonDynamics
This isn’t even the beginning of the end. It’s probably the middle of the end.
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@chrissyteigen
My mother’s body was my very first home, it nourished me. I watched her give birth when I was 15 and it was the most incredible thing I’ve ever seen. Now I am losing her but she will never feel shameful around me. What kind of weird ass, cold relationships do people have?
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@quintabrunson
My dr. called me and was like “I haven’t received the MRI I ordered for you” and I’m all like yeah, insurance won’t cover it.
Her: Did you go to the specialist?
Me: No, insurance won’t cover that either
Her: Good luck to you.
A brief summary of medical care in America.
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@robreiner
Even if you support him for economic reasons. You are fighting to keep wealth in the hands of the wealthiest people in the country which means you are actively stealing wealth from the hardest working people in the country.
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@KatieArtigli
Hey. Turning this tweet into greeting cards to send to the children that will still be in cages after Trump’s re-election.
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@MatthewACherry
Kind of looks like a celebration of someone that is really good at her craft.
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@TedNugent
Is this one of those writing prompts where you try to write a sentence using only the word predictions on your phone?
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@K8te_k8te_k8te
@svershbow
If we started a support group for every woman this has happened to, we could overthrow the entire male species and make this world so much more adorable.
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@BradfordPearson
The springiness of the floor give you a boost but it’s not an air mat or a trampoline. It helps absorb the shock of landing more than anything. Can’t tell you how many times I pissed my leotard from those landings and I wasn’t 10ft in the air.
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@BuzzFeedNews
Imagine someone planning their wedding at Dachau or Auschwitz. Is it really that different?
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If I had jade cargill’s body, I would do crimes and I would get away with them.
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@DrakeGatsby
I can definitely relate to being up to no good while wearing lots of turtle necks.
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@NBCTheVoice
@itsMaKenzieT
@IAMJHUD
Oh my lawd. I just gave Makenzie a standing ovation in my living room. Such a fan 💛💛
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@DwayneDavidPaul
@Chatvert
Lol everyone’s quick to judge my plans to move into a van but they over here paying to live in a box. At least I can park my tiny van house by the river.
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@AaronSmarter
@Isaacshere
@chrissyteigen
Waiting for
@neiltyson
to hop in here like, “Well, actually........”
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@RyanLizza
I mean the man with a golden living room convinced them that he’s a champion for the average joe. Not like they’re the brightest bunch.
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@chicagodadon
@zellieimani
@D_West30
Me: *negligently hits pregnant woman with my car, killing her
Also me: To the cops “Men kill their pregnant wives/girlfriends all of the time. What’s the difference?”
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@sp2kidssparks
@rozkellum59
@MarxistLEO
@SharletteH
@hughhewitt
Honest question. What do people think this gif means?
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@_benjvmins_
Bisssssh I just rolled through Rainbow for the first time in 15+ years. Same shit as fashion nova
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@ZackBornstein
Remember that study a while back that suggested America could be defeated in a conflict where China and Russia joined forces?
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@rominabina
It is so rude to interrupt someone's workout. Why is it so hard to believe women go to the gym to workout and not to pickup dudes
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@DiogenesCritic
@MollyJongFast
@JoeBerkowitz
@seanspicer
I’m on a diet and I thought this said “Dorito”. I am so hungry.
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@deadeyebrakeman
One time I got fired from Applebee’s for dinging someone’s car with the nickel tip they left me. All I had to do to not get fired was say I was sorry lol. Nah.
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@ElyKreimendahl
If you’re talking about Don’t Look Up- it was great. You’re not broken.
And while we’re on the subject of good movies receiving unwarranted hate, The Beautician and the Beast always makes me happy and that movie has a 17% on RT.
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Me: This edible isn’t working.
Me 23 minutes later:
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@JoeLawl27329326
@ILVHER
@ElephantInRo0m
@allgood_pat
@JustaFan18
@KaitMarieox
@RehearsalLot
True true. I definitely keep a nuke on me and a few samples of various infectious diseases in my tank in case shit goes sideways. Gotta be prepared.
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@AshleeMPreston
Why is it so hard for some people to just mind their fucking business? Why does it matter what two grown ass adults are doing? I hope that one day someone loves me. Doesn’t much matter what they’ve got between their legs.
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@Damoo6400
That’s why I travel alone. I don’t want an itinerary, I want to take naps in various chairs, stay a little stoned, and have food and drinks delivered to me.
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@jburnmurdoch
@chrislhayes
This is amazing news. I’m on track to accomplish my retirement goal of being dead by 65 so I don’t have to work until I’m in my 70s.
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@OhNoSheTwitnt
Maybe if we start referring to students that are being gunned down as aborted, they’ll start mattering.
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@GovMurphy
It would be so dope (pun intended) if New Jersey made so much money off of the legalization of marijuana that our god damn property taxes could be lowered.
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@jessejanderson
I thought I was a fucking idiot for like 20 years. How no adults in my life noticed how much I was struggling to function as a teenager is way beyond me.
To be fair, I am a little bit of an idiot, just not at the level that I assumed.
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@TheDailyShow
All I know is that one of those guys is fighting for 9/11 first responders and the other is Donald Trump.
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@cichuck
@donovanxramsey
@chrislhayes
I’ve been working in restaurants for almost 15 years and right up to this year, the only state I worked in that didn’t pay that wage has been California. My wage just went from $2.13/hr to $3/hr. What are you talking about?
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