Vinny Thomas
@vinn_ayy
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Following
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1,245
Statuses
8,940
ancient reptile. stern but fair. | Omar on Platonic | Apple TV+
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Joined May 2017
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Pinned Tweet
The Galactic Federation interviews Earth for membership
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So if a fetus absorbs a twin in utero are we slapping some tiny cuffs on that mf? What’s the plan?
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if I was the law, I would force them to sit down and eat every last noodle from the bed of that truck, like that boy who ate that chocolate cake in Matilda
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If Biden had COVID Trump would be retweeting cartoons of himself pushing Biden’s hospital bed off of a cliff
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Nobody is putting gargoyles on buildings anymore. It can’t be that much more expensive to slap a gargoyle up there. We used to be a proper country.
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Very embarrassing that I got sick and it wasn’t covid. Everyone else got the name brand and I got Kroger Winter Illness ®
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Mind you, it took 73 years just to find the actual Titanic
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I had a 5:15 AM flight this morning, and the businessman next to me ordered Whiskey and set his laptop up in the middle seat between us. He opened one email and just stared at it for two hours
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The Alabama Supreme Court ruled that frozen embryos are children and that a person can be held liable for destroying them.
Reproductive rights advocates say the case could have implications for fertility treatments such as IVF.
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maybe everyone is staring at her because she’s dressed like Madeline at a funeral and a cameraman is following her idk idk
Modest clothing yet every guy looks. Is there something attractive to being classy that society has lost?
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mind you, Athena is a virgin and creates children with her mind. It would seem this time she imagined a Black child.
Furthermore, Athena is not real.
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Fireworks are meant to exist briefly and disappear. When you post a picture of a firework you are undermining the artist’s ephemeral vision (1/85)
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girl dinner
This is what it looks like when a bottle of Advil sits in the sun for too long.
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not me sending your sons to Vietnam
Dwight D. Eisenhower poses in front of an American flag. 19th June, 1945.
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Putting a little orange juice on my hands before I go to the butterfly pavilion so people think I have a special gift
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I think canceling a show after a cliffhanger should carry some light jail time.
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A dollar a year? brother i would not pay an acorn a decade
"X, the platform formerly known as Twitter, will reportedly begin charging new users $1 a year to access key features including the ability to tweet, reply, quote, repost, like, bookmark, and create lists"
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I will never tire of this website. Someone will say “i love spending time with my husband” and the replies are all like “WOW that’s great for you but I am ALLERGIC to BEES”
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Did the police run out of rubber bullets? Idk it seems like they had a lot of them last summer.
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I miss all the attention you get when the waiter brings you a sizzling fajita skillet
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She’s a 10 but she’s forcing teenagers to dig holes in the desert
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he is under no legal obligation to look sheveled
Jack Nicholson, 85, looks disheveled on LA balcony as he's seen for first time in TWO YEARS
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Forcing strangers into pregnancy because you want them to share the same eternal afterlife as you (?) is incredibly stupid
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I miss when commercials were just a man yelling about a new sponge at 4am
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The discovery of the Burger King’s burial chamber is perhaps one of the most important archaeological finds of this century
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obsessed with the runes carved on the surface of an Oreo. what are they up to over there
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They’re better than me bc I would’ve let her know about the sweat stains on her little shamrock shake gown almost immediately
A homophobic woman in Miami, FL harasses a lesbian couple and accuses them of touching children
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hey you guys, as a reminder, please don’t “save” couches if you find them outside. The mother is probably nearby and she will reject it if it smells like people.
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I will never forget when all of you pretended to hate the word “moist” for no reason. You ruined that word’s entire career and for what??
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my grandparents raised six kids, lived in a house, had a car and they worked at places like Winchell’s donuts. DONUTS. SIX KIDS. A HOUSE.
why has money gotten so heavy? Money used to be light!!
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The founding fathers probably never even ate lasagna in their entire lives, who cares what they think?
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please look at what he’s replying to i am beside myself
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Welcoming ppl into my grand estate and asking them if they want a sub on Italian herb or whole wheat
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lots of autistic doctors on TV discourse over the past 24 hours but nobody has mentioned the queen i fear
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Getting our outfits ready for the function at the Lincoln Memorial
A beautiful night at the Lincoln Memorial interrupted by demonstrators chanting “reclaim America.“ The crowd gave them the finger and exchanged profanities.
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Whoever keeps putting gray hardwood floors in apartments, i need you to know that you are ruining everything for all of us
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There’s no reason to be playing loud music on the speakers at a sit down restaurant
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mind you, people on this app don’t even click on articles for *free*
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obsessed with this guy on insta who left a critique that he apparently thought a bear would read
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You might have thought your lifesaving medicine was free, and for that we apologize ❤️ rest assured, we will still be punishing you for the crime of diabetes ❤️❤️❤️
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we wiped out Subway’s natural predator (Quiznos) and now the population has grown out of control
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mind you, One Direction hasn’t been a band for almost 10 years
I put my American audience to the test with a selection of my darkest jokes...
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Oh you ate your twin inside the womb? I am not impressed. Eat your twin outside the womb and then talk to me
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can everyone please look at the wheels at the bottom of the crosses, It’s really a sublime detail, thanks
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It’s important to recognize that in mouse years, Stuart Little was a middle aged man and his presence in an orphanage among children was problematic at best
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Free him
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Lot of people telling me Punxsutawney Phil is dead and I don’t know how to break it to them that they have used more than one groundhog since 1887
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the election is rigged but i would like run again just to double check
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On my way back home after being added to the no-fly list! Just checking in!
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Personally I would never wear a diamond bc if I’m being honest I can’t tell the difference between a diamond and a really nice piece of glass
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women 😍😍😍
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ah yes, the Biblical story of the good Samaritan, who famously choked someone to death.
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Coachella sounds like a kind of bacteria. If someone told me they were tired from Coachella, I’d be like “you should have washed your lettuce better”
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finding out that I snore has been such a humbling experience. I thought I was a good person.
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oh, you’re using bleach? I dip them in hydrochloric acid and dry under a UV disinfectant lamp and then I throw them away and buy new dishes.
but I guess we’re different 💅💅💅
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you do look like the type of little freaky guy that makes people answer riddles before they can travel
I am on board a Delta flight right now. The person sitting next to me in first class refused $100,000 to remove her mask for the entire flight. No joke. This was after I explained they don’t work. She works for a pharma company.
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this is not remotely close to being one of nature’s most unnerving birds. Be serious
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Today’s Wordle had the energy of a coy little trickster who stole six of your most precious belongings and hid them in plain sight
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Everyone who was involved in the kidnap and consumption of this goat must be eaten. The road to justice is not easy, but it is right.
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“God gave someone ELSE a heart attack to send ME a message” is incredible sorry
Just yesterday I finally made the decision to say god isn’t real …. I let it come out my mouth 3 times yesterday. Not even a hour later I was hit by a older man that passed out & had a heart attack while driving . I could have died but I didn’t . That was my sign from god
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bread looks dense!! nothing feminine about dense bread!! brick bread like that is not gonna keep Don Draper in the house!!
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wow, praying they develop a vaccine soon 🙏
Measles Now Spreading in 9 States Amid 'Staggering' Outbreak, CDC Warns
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this is insane coming from creature who produces no meat and can plow no field.
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I really don’t want to see millennials, and Gen Z making fun of boomers anymore, bc the way many of you watch staged tiktok skits and respond to them like they’re documentaries is, frankly, nuts.
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Okay wow unfollowing now. Did not realize that she was forcing teen convicts to dig holes in the desert
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dating apps are crazy. How are your first two interests “Harry Potter” and “mindfulness”
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Ah okay so you can refuse service to people based on your religious beliefs. Mind you, the Mormons officially thought Black people were cursed until they said “nevermind 😬” in 2013
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okay, so go to prison, my GOD. Always something w her ass. Nobody looks at her for five seconds and she’s hollering about genitals again. Respectfully.
J.K. Rowling says she would “happily” do prison time for her transgender views
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The way worms lay out on the sidewalk after it rains is extremely dramatic
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My sauce packet drawer is a thriving metropolis and a beacon of diversity
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Getting my cheek fat removed and placed in my forehead until I look like a beluga whale
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Cocaine bear looks great, but I would also watch a movie about a possum who eats an indica gummy and just sits there
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okay so what I’m gathering is that Jewish people are never immigrants, lgbt, or Black
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In the future, Suez Canal boats should be donut shaped so they can bounce off the walls like lazy river tubes I think we all agree
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when you’re going to a function at 11 but you’re holding an owl at 1:15
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I’m sorry, but the real villain in Encanto was the cousin who said “I heard him the whole time and I let him rot”
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Okay just learned that tickling the ivories is a piano reference and has NOTHING to do with making white ppl laugh
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