Ria Lina ⚜️
@rialina_
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ON TOUR 2024! Comedian. I know, I know, you don't ALL think so. Ain't subjectivity a bitch. ☎️ info @bluebookam .com VO @AnotherTongue
London, UK
Joined July 2009
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Pinned Tweet
Dear Xers (is that what we all are now?) I wanted to let you know that I have a WhatsApp channel that you can get all your Ria Lina news from. If you have WhatsApp then please join me there:
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I did a thing yesterday. You can see it tonight on your telly box. 9pm. BBC One.
#HIGNFY
Tonight’s
#HIGNFY
is hosted by
@StephenMangan
, with panellists
@realrossnoble
and
@rialina_
joining Ian and Paul. 9pm – BBC One.
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I didn’t ask for this. Did you ask for this? Anyone ask for this??
WHO ASKED FOR THIS?
Before Christmas I promised to better support law enforcement to stop disruptive protests.
Today, this government has delivered on that promise.
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Going ‘home for the holidays’ should not be confused with ‘holiday’.
I am now at home recovering from a week at my parents.
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Am I, with my PhD in herpesviruses, calling the chancellor out for his PhD in economic history? Yes, yes I am.
But I don’t use mine as a justification with which to destroy lives so…
Tonight's
#HIGNFY
is hosted by
@XanderArmstrong
, with panellists
@rialina_
and
@MattChorley
joining Ian and Paul. 9pm - BBC One.
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Happy New Year beautiful people!! 🎊May 2024 kick 2023’s ass.
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I worked with these glorious people yesterday
1 - my team partner Ian Hislop (we were robbed!)
2 - our opponents
@ShippersUnbound
and Paul Merton (both very f*ing funny) my head annoyingly is in front of our fabulous host
@VictoriaCoren
#HIGNFY
@BBCOne
9pm tonight
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Thanks again to everyone who watched
#mocktheweek
this week. Your tweets, comments and DMs have all been so lovely. ❤️💜❤️💜
(It's still on BBC iPlayer for another 26 days or so if you haven't seen it. Series 19, Episode 8.)
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I am someone whose vote counts as much as yours.
I’ll leave you to google my science credentials in your own time.
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Commiserations to England for not bringing it home this time.
Maybe next time don’t send men to do a women’s job.
#FIFAWorldCup
#ENGFRA
#WorldCup
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Just ask her to email it to you.
#SuellaBraveman
#leakySue
The funding of the ERG comes from the taxpayer. It’s a lobby group within the Conservative Party - payed for by us, but secretive and unaccountable.
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There seems to be this erroneous idea that economic migrants are unwilling to work, when the truth is, they are willing but unable (ie not legally allowed) to.
The idea that poor people are scroungers and petty criminals stems from our own prejudice against our own poor.
1/
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Today my mother said in almost the same breathe:
“You need to do butt exercises it jiggles too much when you walk”
and
“Why don’t we see you more often?”
🙄
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An honour it was to represent you.
Here’s to Rosalind Franklin 🥂
A huge congratulations to
@rialina_
- who was absolutely incredible on Celebrity
#Mastermind
this evening and took home the trophy! 🏆
We'd like to say an even bigger thank you for representing
#TargetOvarianCancer
, we're truly grateful for your support 💜
@MastermindQuiz
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This is so on point, please have a watch. I didn’t know about Rishi’s overpay on debt interest. Did you?
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Have you seen this petition to get parliament to call an immediate general election? Already signed by more people than voted for Liz Truss.
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Happy New Year from The Netherlands! Wishing you all a better year in 2023 🥂🎉
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I’m most excited by the fact that
#qi
has made me my own gif. I shall be over using this in the coming year.
In the meantime I am also excited to say that this airs tonight 10pm on
@BBCTwo
. With
@sanditoksvig
,
@jimmycarr
,
@alandavies1
and
@eshaanakbar
.
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So excited that my ‘Live At The Apollo’ episode goes out tonight at 10pm on BBC2! Watch me ,
@zoelyons
and Tom Ward tonight at 10pm on
@BBCTwo
💃😄
#liveattheapollo
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I agree! Could you PLEASE tell the men I come across online to stop conforming to old-fashioned out-of-date stereotypes that inform my own personal experiences and thus directly influence my comedy?
In the meantime, I’ll write a few jokes taking down the good guys, shall I?
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It was great to be back in the
@MockTheWeek
studio with my team
@rhysjamesy
&
@IvoGraham
. Our opponents Hugh,
@MaisieAdam
&
@MisterABK
played a marvellous game. As always
@daraobriain
refereed so well he should have won.
@BBCTwo
10pm Thursday 😀💃
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Yes, I was also irritated that we ignored the one MP who faced justice for his crimes and instead continued to draw attention to all those still at large and working in government.
@TheNewsQuiz
@BBCRadio4
@ZaltzCricket
@mrmarksteel
@rialina_
@CatherineBohart
@camillalong
@aliterative
@ZoeTomalin
@beakachu
@Cloxdale
@JuliaAMcKenzie
Trust this week's edition of the uber-left-woke and painfully unfunny
@TheNewsQuiz
show to deliberately ignore the former Labour Party MP, Jared O'Mara, fraudulent expenses claims news story, as posted below.
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I speak with another country’s accent. Is that cultural appropriation?
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I had my Bugle debut this week and it was such a great experience. What was I doing on Sky News and Talk Radio all this time? The Bugle from now and forever… have a listen.
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Staying with my sister.
She’s already told me off for not saying ‘please’ to Alexa.
It’s gonna be a long week.
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Last night was fun! Went to the
#nationalcomedyawards
with the lovely
@MockTheWeek
lot and had the best seat in the house.
@tomallencomedy
was fantastic (not easy hosting a live show in front of all your colleagues) and everyone looked great! Now to spend the weekend recovering.
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Really honoured to be included in this line up. Four of my heroes that I ‘grew up’ with.
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I feel so sorry for the
@metpoliceuk
who are clearly in an abusive relationship with the current Home Secretary.
Earlier this week she was slapping them about and now she’s kissing it better.
They can’t leave, so c’mon
@RishiSunak
, hurry up and remove her for their sake??
Our brave police officers deserve the thanks of every decent citizen for their professionalism in the face of violence and aggression from protesters and counter protesters in London yesterday. That multiple officers were injured doing their duty is an outrage. 1/3
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Why are we so willing to accept bonuses for CEOs to “incentivise people to do the right thing” but we struggle with the idea of paying doctors/nurses/teachers to incentivise them? They hold our lives and our children’s minds in their hands! I’d rather a letter go missing…
While some postmasters can barely make ends meet, the Post Office chief exec was paid of £870k - including a whacking great bonus of £455k.
In parliament he tried to justify executives receiving bonuses as a way to "incentivise people to do the right thing".
Ridiculous.🧵1/2
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The opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference. And I am far from indifferent about the state of our nation, just as you seem to be far from indifferent about me.
Next time tag me, Jane, so we can work this through together.
#LovenotHate
🫶
Someone called Ria Lina on
#BBCRadio4
News Quiz spouting off her hatred of Britain but doing it in such an ignorant way & no one on the panel interrupts her.
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Got divorced. This game is too easy 😂
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*Unless you:
> arrived by boat
> are a nurse or junior doctor
> use food banks cause you’re lazy
> use the state school system
> are homeless
> don’t have private health insurance
> aren’t comfortable in your birth body
> are a minority religion
Otherwise, happy Easter folks! 🐣
On this Good Friday, as we remember the sacrifice of Jesus Christ, let us reflect on the values of compassion, charity and selflessness he embodied.
These values are at the heart of British values, inspiring us to build a society based on respect, tolerance and dignity for all.
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If you missed it the first time (or just want to watch it again 😆) you can catch my Live At The Apollo episode tonight at 9:45pm on
@BBCTwo
!
#liveattheapollo
#bbc2
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Apparently my virology credentials aren’t worth mentioning when I up against an anaesthetist 😂
📢 Coming up on Friday Night with
@skynewsniall
👇
🔴 Comedian, author and NHS anaesthetist Dr
@Parmapatrick
🔴 Comedian
@rialina_
⏰ 7-9pm
📱 Watch live:
📺 Sky 501, Virgin 602, Freeview 233 and YouTube
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All the tops I wore on
#Pointless
this week came from various vintage and charity stores including Picknweight, Goldsmiths, and Rokit. 💜
Would very much like to know where
@rialina_
got the top she is wearing on Pointless tonight 😚
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I would LOVE to. Where do I sign? 😋
@rialina_
Should stay on
@TVsPointless
. She’s the best of the guest presenter and fits really well.
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Dear NHS,
I have a letter and 2 texts telling me, if I miss my scan appointment, I will cost YOU £500.
But what about what you cost ME when I show up, on time, having done nil by mouth all day, and you aren’t expecting me and thus won’t do it?
Sincerely,
Extremely Hangry
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Nice try, mate. I’m the headliner.
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There’s an actual law, The British Museum Act 1963 that PREVENTS us from returning the Elgin Marbles to Greece. (So sorry Greece! We want to but… 🤷🏻♀️ )
How about we send them to Rwanda and they abscond from there? Seems a reasonable work-around.
Thoughts?
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They said ‘let’s do faces’.
So I did faces.
‘Did you all do faces?’ I asked.
‘Yes, we did,’ they said.
😒
We're back with a brand new series on
@BBCRadio4
in 30 mins!
Feat
@ZaltzCricket
with
@TheSimonEvans
@rialina_
@IsabelHardman
&
@scottbcomedyuk
Written by
@ZaltzCricket
With additional material from
@_brinky
@JGebbie
@KateDehnert
Produced by
@SamRussellComic
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House of Games is fun in itself but when you play it with people that become genuine friends it’s a joy.
Everyday this week Mon-Fri 6pm
@BBCTwo
with gorgeous
@brionymaybakes
, delectable
@themiltonjones
, and joyous
@TVMartinRoberts
.
And of course the inimitable
@richardosman
.
Eek! You can catch me on
@richardosman
’s House of Games this week every day at 6pm on
@BBCTwo
❤️ It was so much fun to film!!!
@rialina_
@themiltonjones
@TVMartinRoberts
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My daughter is blonde AND Asian - the reason will blow your mind 🤯😂
#science
#genetics
#patriarchy
#comedy
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At 17:35 today on
@BBCOne
I’m sitting in the
#BlackChair
on
@MastermindQuiz
talking Rosalind Franklin with
@CliveMyrieBBC
.
She was an amazing scientist (virologist! Girl after my own heart) who died of ovarian cancer at only 37.
Which is why I chose it as my charity. 💜
We'd like to wish
@rialina_
lots of luck as she takes to the
#BlackChair
this evening representing
#TargetOvarianCancer
on Celebrity Mastermind! 💜
See how she gets on tonight - 5.35pm on
@bbcone
📺
#Mastermind
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My ex husband, who stays home and does most of the housework while I travel and work, during a recent argument actually said these words to me, without irony, with no awareness:
“I do so much around here that I don’t get paid for.”
Welcome to a woman’s world. How’s it feel??
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You may not know this but I ended up in comedy because I really wanted to act and it was the closest I could get. I was always ‘not Asian enough’ AND ‘too ethnic’ at the same time.
Am I the only one who sees headlines like this and thinks ‘why in 2024 are they all white??’
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🧵
Guy on the tube next to me is watching Andrew Tate videos without headphones. I keep staring at him but we all know that isn’t going to do a damn thing.
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As an autistic, I want to make at least one show on my tour more accessible. November 1st
@comedystoreuk
is:
> Live Captioned by
@stenomum
> Wheelchair accessible
> With Quieter Section
#deafaccess
#livecaptioning
#captionedcomedy
#inclusivecomedy
#accessibility
@DeafAction
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I’ve decided to choose my own gold standard (⚜️) to prove I’m really me on here.
If you’re still not sure, feel free to go to my website , buy a ticket for my tour, and verify it’s me in person. 😉
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Never have I read someone else’s words and gone ‘I wrote this’ but I will be sending this out to every producer I work with to explain so many things about me including why I need to show up early and why I’d prefer not to leave my dressing room till we record. These words are me
Today, a mini-guide on why autistic people need advance information.
Why it's not 'unreasonable'.
Why telling us to 'just relax' isn't an answer.
And how to get some fantastic results.
A thread based on 30+ years in this industry as a trainer, lecturer, researcher, etc/
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That awkward moment after you tell the Greek’s to f*** off when you remember your boss is half Greek…
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Not a single straight white male on this lineup. What is comedy coming to?!
We've got an incredible show coming your way, Friday 17th March in Twickenham featuring:
@ThatGledhill
@NjambiMcgrath
@eryntettcomedy
and
@rialina_
🎟TICKETS🎟 available here:
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There comes a point where I refuse to constantly reflect on what I did wrong, what could I have done differently, how could I avoid situations in future when the same process of reflection never happens in exchange. Why should it always be me who adapts to you??
#actuallyautistic
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Regardless of your thoughts on ULEZ etc, you have to admire the sleuthing in this thread. I wish someone would do this for every article I read…
Gosh, this sounds terrible.
Imagine losing 70% of your customers overnight…….
🤔
Or do we think someone might be being slightly economical with the truth?
Let’s dig in!
🧵
1/12
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Here’s that obviously-scripted, left-wing bias I was spewing all over the
@BBCRadio4
#NewsQuiz
this week (catch it on
@BBCSounds
)
I can’t wait for the general election so I can bias to the right already, that’s if Starmer leaves any room to by the time he’s elected. 🙄
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Rishi Sunak will make a pledge to "reimagine our approach to numeracy"
@RishiSunak
We’ve had a meeting and we’ve all agreed please start your ‘reimagining’ with the NHS.
Then you’d better imagine up some more maths teachers.
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Did you hear that root canals are no longer available on the NHS??? Isn’t that insane? Apparently govt cut the funding so NHS dentists can’t afford to do them.
That leaves those unable to afford the cost with the option of either suffering the pain or total tooth extraction.
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We had some ex-police on the front row. They were very well behaved, they restricted their inappropriate comments to their WhatsApp group.
#police
#crowdwork
#comedy
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🎉TICKETS ARE NOW ON SALE!🎉
I’m excited to announce that all links and dates are on my website .
My Riawakening Tour starts Autumn 2023! 😍
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Rishi is milking this Northern Irish Protocol resolution the same way my husband used to boast whenever he did the dishes.
#NorthernIrelandProtocol
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Graph from
@EveningStandard
- UK wages are pathetic. And now Australia are coming to recruit our key workers. Truss et al think grow economy = cut tax. Tax on what? We don’t pay enough!
You grow your economy by valuing your population.
Stay in school kids. Become geologists.
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This Saturday I shall be sitting in the infamous
#blackchair
of
@MastermindQuiz
and chatting all things Rosalind Franklin with the great
@CliveMyrieBBC
I had the honour of sharing the experience with
@VictoriaSmurfit
,
@James_Buckley
and
@HemingwayDesign
Thanks
@HatTrickProd
!
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Pilot on my flight just finished his announcement and he forgot to mention our cruising altitude.
Livid.
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Just wasted some time this afternoon with this guy. Never not fun. We stormed a bag of pastilles (which is only possible apparently if you pronounce it properly)
@daraobriain
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Two Tory MPs interviewing Tory chancellor on GBNews is clearly against Ofcom rules.
New pitch: political gogglebox. John Nicholson and Ofcom boss watch the interview together and we watch her squirm as they do.
How come Tory MPs are interviewing the Tory Chancellor on GBNews?
@Ofcom
rules are clear. MPs may not present the news or conduct political interviews.
I challenged the Ofcom boss today in the Culture Select Committee- are you satisfied with the answer?
@CommonsDCMS
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I'm not so much a mother as my children's fixer.
🧑🏻🦱Lost my PE kit!
👩🏻 I'll forge a doctor's note
👱🏻♀️Overslept!
👩🏻 I'll corroborate your bus was on diversion.
👦🏻 Didn't do my homework!
👩🏻 I did it last night. Submitted online.
I should charge them more for this shit.
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Lately, I've been wearing my virology hat a lot to talk about the news, but tonight, I've donned my ol' comedy hat to ... talk about the news. 😁
BBC2 10pm
@MockTheWeek
Show Day! We're on
#BBC2
at 10pm. Dara and Hugh are joined by
@rhysjamesy
@rialina_
@tomallencomedy
@MrEdByrne
and last minute supersub
@maffbrown
Don't miss it
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Got divorced, but I’m trying not to make a habit of it.
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This is TONIGHT! Then on
@BBCiPlayer
for like aaaages.
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Did we actually buy vaccines? Or did we just give millions to a shell company that claims to have exclusive access to the lab but will turn out to know absolutely nothing about science and is actually owned by an MP's cousin's best friend's dog. 😒
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You’re right Jane, they made those changes in the 1840s but the:
Cruelty to Animals Act 1835 (amends Cruel Treatment of Cattle Act 1822)
predates the
Prevention of Cruelty to, and Protection of, Children Act 1889.
Predates your changes too.
Thanks for listening as always 🙏
@rialina_
Restrictions on children's working hours, ban on climbing boys, factory acts & laws on conditions in slaughterhouses all brought in in the 1840s. You know NOTHING about British history so please stop displaying your ignorance on
#BBCRadio4
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When you take your teenager on holiday and he won’t stop playing games on his phone.
I mean how much chess can a boy play in a day ffs?!
#asianparentingproblems
😂
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My ex and I have only just created a WhatsApp group with our youngest so when he speaks to one of us he speaks to both of us.
HOW DID WE NOT THINK OF THIS SOONER??
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Dear
@british_airways
, why, given that you are in the travel business do you not provide decaf tea in your lounges? It’s always bedtime somewhere!
Sincerely,
Wired For No Reason
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EVERYBODY IN THE WORLD watch that Dispatches show about Russell Brand and took away from it what not to do…
except these two.
👇👇👇
GB News suspends Dan Wootton and Laurence Fox over comments on show
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What a pic! Thanks so much for being there to capture this. I thought my head made it up!!
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Note: I fully admit I am a grumpy Londoner, I’m also ASC and the existing noises on the tube are excruciating enough. But listening to videos, even on a low volume is rude right?
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I can’t believe this needs saying, but we boycott anyone who hires
@BorisJohnson
to do any kind of speech/job/consulting after he leaves office. Yes?
(And heaven help the House of Lords if they let him in and don’t reach out to
#JohnBercow
)
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Happy Autism Acceptance Day! Here is a routine about genetics, but told many an
#actuallyautistic
comedian (me). Hope you enjoy and hope to see you at a stage near you later this year 😎
#liveattheapollo
#genetics
#patriarchy
#comedy
#rialina
#AutismAcceptanceDay
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I have watched this over and over again. Partly because I really respond to Asian babies 😁🥰 and secondly the range of emotions they go through at such a young age is incredible. We underestimate the capabilities of children all the time, and this is a great reminder not to.
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I’ve learned that my ‘type’ is emotionally unavailable.
But I’ll settle for a rich, childless, orphan with commitment issues.
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So pleased to have lost my blue tick as proof I have finally made it as a celeb.
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I may or may not be coming to a quiz format near you in the new (financial) year… 👀
#Pointless
💙
📢 Eight more famous faces are gearing up to share some pointless, yet interesting facts alongside Alexander Armstrong as
#Pointless
guest hosts!
Meet them ➡️
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Today starts a week of great TV with this lovely lot:
@richardosman
,
@stephencomedy
,
@CharlieBrooks0
and
@JohnnyThomson2
and not a single camel penis eaten between us.
See you on
@BBCTwo
at 6pm for
#HouseOfGames
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I didn’t get the ‘no teeth’ memo for the photo. 😬
Tonight 10pm
#BBC2
We're back for our final series! 😥Joining Dara and Hugh tonight are
@AngelaBarnes
@MisterABK
@rhysjamesy
@rialina_
and, making his debut,
@JoshPughComic
#BBC2
10pm
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I am not ashamed to admit I burst into tears when they said Michelle Yeoh.
#AcademyAwards
#Oscar
#Oscars2023
#proudasian
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This is the order, top to bottom, of the superiority of fruit pastille flavours.
I dare you to disagree.
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RTing and not just cause I’m in it.
@talkRADIO
"The Tory party are almost entirely funded by Russian oligarchs, most of whom are sanctioned" - Ian Hislop, 8th October
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Dear people of X. I am looking for a few different people for a couple of possible jobs. Want to try and spread the net wisely to find those that are perfect for the job but might not always push themselves to the front because it’s not in their nature.
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If we educate them… they could be
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Need a change? Stay in and watch this tonight on BBC2, 9:30pm.
(PS I'm the change 😉)
Show Day! Joining Dara and Hugh are
@MrEdByrne
@MaisieAdam
@rhysjamesy
@rialina_
and
@EdGambleComedy
We're at a new time of 2130hrs on
#BBC2
tonight. Don't Miss it.
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