Richard Osman
@richardosman
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We're being taken for absolute mugs. Our parents, our kids, our carers, our health workers, every one of us. It's such a sad day.
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The most magical, joyful day on Saturday with my beautiful wife @ingridoliver100. Surrounded by wonderful friends and family, a day full of love and laughter. We're so, so happy ❤️❤️❤️
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If you can't do your job without bullying people then you can't do your job.
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I try not to tweet political opinions, but as it’s my birthday allow me just one. The Tories do want to sell off the NHS. Not in one go, just bit by bit until it’s unrecognisable. You’ll turn up one day and there will be a priority waiting room. They’ve always been open about it.
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Over 15 years producing '8 Out Of 10 Cats' Sean Lock made me laugh so much and so often. A unique and brilliant comic voice. Love to his family and his many friends #RIPSean.
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This is pathetic for so many reasons.
Gary Lineker to step back from presenting Match of the Day until agreement reached on social media use - BBC statement
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After four months of not being able to go to the pub, it's been so lovely, finally, to not go to the pub out of choice.
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A woman on 'Deal Or No Deal' told us she needed ��15k for IVF treatment. George Michael secretly phoned the next day and gave her the £15k.
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I see Amazon boss Jeff Bezos’ wife is leaving him. With a neighbour, presumably.
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On my way to Harrogate. Sorry this photo is so blurry.
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Gavin Williamson live on BBC Breakfast right now. Or, as he calls it, DDE Breakfast.
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Just explained to a delighted American that we call ‘crosswalks’ ‘zebra crossings’. Then she asked what we call ‘crossing guards’, and I said ‘lollipop ladies’ and now she thinks I’ve just made the whole thing up.
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Refusing to believe anything you're told, doesn't make you cleverer than the rest of us. Recognising the times when you are actually being told the truth is a crucial skill.
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I worry that the forthcoming lettuce shortage is just the tip of the iceberg.
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I don’t think we can ever really say this enough, but if you’re an NHS worker just coming off shift, or about to go on shift, you have the gratitude of an entire nation. Sending you love and strength and thanks beyond words. None of this will be forgotten.
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Ukraine getting 431 out of a maximum possible 468 from the European public. That's incredible. #Eurovision.
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Regarding LGBT issues being discussed in schools. When I was at school it seemed there were no gay pupils at all. Now I look back, of course there were, they just didn’t feel able to be themselves. I feel sad that they had to hide, and stupid that I didn’t know. So teach away pls.
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Stop engaging with idiots online. Your response is the only oxygen they have.
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Look, most people are going to wear masks, just like most people were kind and careful throughout lockdown. So stop engaging with the 'no facemasks' gang. They don't mean it, they're showing off to their mates. Give your attention to quiet, empathetic, secure people.
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'Sweet Dreams' by Eurythmics was released closer to the end of the Second World War than to today.
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People still congregating in busy spaces saying ‘it’s the Dunkirk sprit’, need to understand that in this scenario they’re actually being the Luftwaffe.
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Everyone under 30: Five friends isn't enough!. Everyone over 30: Where the hell am I supposed to get FIVE friends from?.
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Getting to University from a state school changed my life. I'm beyond gutted that that opportunity is being snatched away from a generation of talented kids. My support and respect to kids and parents affected this year.
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I'm going to buy Liverpool FC, but if Mo Salah wants to play he has to pay me $8 a month.
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SOME NEWS!.After 13 wonderful years I'm leaving daytime Pointless, to concentrate on writing. Will still be doing the celebrity shows and 'HouseOfGames'. It has been the GREATEST pleasure and I can't wait to start watching as a viewer. Thank you to everyone! ❤️.
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My Mum is getting vaccinated today. So happy about it. Here's to the incredible parents and grandparents who have quietly and stoically isolated for such a long time, while watching the huffing self-publicists dominate the news.
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I'm going to need a couple of stiff workplace events to get over this.
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Just remembering the time on Pointless where we showed 100 people a picture of Earth and asked what planet it was, and it only scored 91.
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It couldn't really be simpler. You can meet up with girls who are boys, who like boys to be girls, who do boys like they're girls, who do girls like they're boys, always should be someone you really love. And always stay two metres apart.
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I will vote for any political party who agree to immediately give us the rest of the day off so we can follow this Coleen Rooney/Rebekah Vardy thing properly.
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Because of filming I've already had 20 Covid tests this year. I've had more stuff up my nose than a 1990s Big Breakfast presenter.
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@GaryLineker To be fair he was in second place in the breakfast ratings for years. I mean, in a field of two, but it's still a silver medal.
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I take it back, they probably could organise a piss-up in a brewery.
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I think ticket offices at railway stations are one of those things that remind of what a society should actually be. Real jobs and real interactions , and community can sometimes be placed above shareholder dividends. It's a choice we can make. #SaveTicketOffices.
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My wonderful Mum, Brenda, is 78 years old today! She is currently isolating at home, making face masks for local care homes. Do feel free to wish her a Happy Birthday!.
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I don't think we discuss enough how ABSOLUTELY INSANE it is that caterpillars turn into butterflies. This should literally be the leading story on the news every single night.
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It’s so hot outside, it’s almost as if the yawning gates of Hell have chosen to open up on this particular day from some reason.
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‘What will Meghan do for a living?’ is a weird to question to ask the one member of the Royal Family who most recently had their own full-time job.
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In an era where Twitter doesn't do much right, I have to say I love what they've done when you press the 'like' button, to celebrate Valentine's Day.
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The 6 year-old son of a colleague has just drawn this. He has offered no explanation for it.
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I think I just need one or two more cabinet ministers to tell me it's time to move on. 15 isn't enough, but I think 17 would probably do it.
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Boris Johnson should do this press conference with the lights off and a torch under his chin.
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My Somalian cabbie was granted asylum by the UK 20 years ago and has lived here ever since. His daughter, aged 21, is now in the 4th year of her medical degree at Kings College and plans to work in the NHS. Merry Christmas ❤️.
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I think we all know from our own lives that you can sometimes get away with lying in the short-term. But in the long-term it almost always catches up with you. And, in the meantime, the lie diminishes everyone involved.
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Please no Brexit spoilers, I’m still catching up on season 6.
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Bin day today. Absolute respect to the refuse collectors. Thanks for doing an amazing job in trying circumstances.
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Now I'm allowed to tweet anything without being fired, I can finally say it. Pickled Onion is not the best Monster Munch flavour. Roast Beef is.
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You can save an absolute fortune in the sales today by not going shopping.
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This is just a thought, but what if we cancel the election and just install Bob Mortimer as Prime Minister?.
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When people say 'live life to the full' they're usually telling you to go on adventures, to say yes to opportunities and to embrace new experiences. But I do think that living life to the full can also mean watching the darts with a cup of tea while the cat sits on your lap.
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When this is all over someone should launch a tour of Britain which is just Salisbury Cathedral to Barnard Castle, with a stop off for lunch at the Woking Pizza Express.
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@Rylan Rylan, I've said it before and I'll say it again, you're a lovely, kind guy, and a brilliant presenter. Someone is being judged today, and it's not you.
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No-one used to resign until I resigned from 'Pointless'. Now they're all at it. I think I made it cool.
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As always, my New Year's Resolution is to annoy less grammar pedants.
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Wow, 11.48m viewers for #GavinandStacey last night. Peaked at 12.3m. That’s the biggest Christmas Day audience for a very long time. Incredible.
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Daughter’s best friend heading home to Hong Kong. She will be tested on arrival, with results 10 hours later. If positive she will be quarantined for 14 days, if negative she must stay at home for 14 days anyway. Most of HK open for business now. Emphasis on testing and tracing.
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A couple of weeks ago a friend in Paraguay was followed home by a skinny, abandoned cat, and decided to take her in. It is safe to say that the cat is now feeling very much at home.
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I know the #RoyalWedding is not for everyone, but we all saw Harry lose his Mum so young, then grow up into this kind, cheeky, thoughtful guy. Now he’s found this incredible woman, and it brings a tear to my cynical eye. Have a great day everyone (also, enjoy the cup final).
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This is all leading up nicely to Theresa May being free for ‘I’m A Celeb’ on Sunday.
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Just going to sand down this old sideboard using the backs of my hands.
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Every single supermarket should be forced, by law, to have a huge sign at the entrance telling you where the eggs are.
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I bet McCartney's already been jogging, made breakfast for his wife and done a tip-run by now. What a guy.
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I'm just about old enough to remember people refusing to wear seatbelts. They disputed the science. 'It makes it harder to escape from your car if there's an accident!' All that stuff. These people will always be around. Wanting to prove they're cleverer than you? I don't know.
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I did maths from the age of 4 til the age of 16, and those 9 years were all I needed, thank you.
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My New Year's resolution is to annoy less grammar pedants.
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There would be huge ratings in a half-hour show where Andrew Neil goes through the questions he WOULD have asked Boris, and puts them to some interesting fact checkers instead. Let’s just do that.
@afneil For those asking when Boris Johnson's interview will take place, we're in ongoing discussions with his team but we haven't yet been able to fix a date.
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Wales has the coolest flag in the world 🏴🏴🏴.
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Am worried about the ratings for 'Escape To The Chateau' on Sunday evening.
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The chef on This Morning showing us what we can do with any 'leftover roast potatoes' has clearly never spent Christmas at my house.
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Can you help two friends of mine? They’re coming to the UK, but only for 2 days. With time so tight, which two places should they visit?.
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This is why I feel so proud and so lucky to work in television. If anybody knows Tricia personally, please pass on the love of the whole 'House Of Games' team ❤️❤️❤️
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When you create a new entertainment show and start discussing who should host, the first name on the list is always Phillip Schofield. That’s a fact. He’s just the very best at what he does, and the public adore him. Looking forward to many more years of his charm and brilliance.
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Look, I take absolutely no pleasure in saying this, but I have been quiet for long enough. A Twix is not a chocolate bar, it is a chocolate biscuit.
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Just created a 'Pointless Playlist' of some of my favourite songs on Spotify.
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Medical tip. If someone tells you they're not going to have the vaccine, take a scroll through the rest of their timeline, just to make sure they're usually right about things.
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As always, my New Years Resolution is to annoy less grammar pedants.
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Sometimes I like to watch 'Frasier' instead of listen to the news in the morning, just so the only thing I have to worry about is whether Niles has found his cufflinks or not.
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I worry about what Rishi will do for money if he loses his job.
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To put Harry's 400,000 book sales into perspective, that would put him in the top 10 books for the entire year after just one week.
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My ticket is an off-peak Super Saver only valid for travel via Darlington or Runcorn.
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Still think there's a chance they'll crack and announce Joe Lycett as PM.
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Mint Choc Chip is the best ice cream. And all the other ice cream flavours know it too.
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In this drive to recruit thousands of people to pick fruit, I bet the cherry picking industry ends up with the best candidates.
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I love Britain, and believe we are the best at many things, but one thing other countries are better at is that they have double-decker trains.
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So happy to announce that our Thursday Murder Club line-up is complete. Alongside Dame Helen Mirren, Pierce Brosnan and Sir Ben Kingsley, we now have our Joyce. The one and only Celia Imrie! So thrilled!
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Is there not a single grown up running ITV or ITV News who can take that tweet down? Are you all off for Christmas? It looks terrible for all of you.
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Everyone in the shops in masks today, which was lovely to see. Never be fooled by social media, we are a kind, classy and intelligent country when it comes to looking after each other. Respect to one and all.
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I’m waiting to run out of bread and milk so I can go out and buy Easter Eggs.
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Just got repetitive strain injury by scrolling back to my year of birth on a online form.
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