Ross Noble
@realrossnoble
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With the passing of Sean Lock we have lost the best of the best.He made me laugh like few others do.A massive talent who made stand up look effortless and approached his illness in the same no nonsense way he approached life.A great loss.
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Most of the people complaining about me saying we shouldn’t let our theatre industry collapse have the cross of St George and the union flag on their profile. What’s that all about?.
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To all the people on here who think the theatre world isn’t important compared to other parts of the economy.Consider where most of the writers,actors composers,designers,comedians etc who have been keeping you entertained in lockdown honed their craft.Then fuck right off.
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Decided to fly @easyJet Great value. The emergency hatch falling on me was at no extra charge. Staff didn’t waste time apologising or showing any concern they helpfully informed me the water dripping on me was just condensation. Great job 👏
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@mrjamesob Rishi Sunak identifies with Will Smith! It was Chris Rock that was hit in the face. That says it all.
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Like most sensible people I am down the shops panic buying and stockpiling incase as a nation we vote leave tomorrow
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What would you think if your local theatre closes and is bought by a property developer and turned into flats. Genuine question. As much as it has got a bit toxic on here today I want to hear what the general view is.seems like a lot of people aren’t bothered.
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Loads of people talking about @MrMichaelSpicer having his idea ripped off. The best thing to do is buy his book/buy a ticket to see his tour.If you like it support his work.
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RIP Nicholas Parsons.I was 21 when we first worked together and I will never forget how welcoming he was to me and others like me.He was a born performer who lived to be on stage and never lost his love of being infront of a crowd. A true gent.He will be greatly missed.
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@mrjamesob anyone thinking of believing Boris. I am in Australia had this on my phone for weeks! Current death toll 102.
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So sorry to hear that Tim Brooke Taylor has passed away. He was such a lovely funny man. I watched him as a kid and it was always a thrill to work with him.
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Just checking the dictionary definition of irony. Oh yes here it is.
Piers Morgan steps back from Twitter as he's sick of dealing with 'awful' people.
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Yes as performers we can seem like shallow poncy twats and I will take that criticism but most people in the entertainment industry are hard working people doing a honest days work.Anyone who doesn’t get that can fuck right off.
Southampton’s Nuffield Theatre is closing for good. 60yrs of investment, training & serving its community. All profitable in normal times, just needed shortfall funding while closed & it didn’t come in time. So sorry to the 86 made redundant, & the locals who loved their theatre
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@mrjamesob have I got my tin foil hat on here? Am I making a link too far. Wetherspoons buy up old theatres turn them into pubs.
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Just to clear up I have two daughters and we personally would prefer motorcycle magazines were not classified as men’s interest.That is all
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I just felt a great disturbance in the force as if a millions of voices cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced.
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How many times do I have to say it.most people who work in theatres and connected business are the average man (or women) on the street. Yes we performer are useless pompous twats but behind the scenes these people do an honest days work.
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Just a heads up to anyone planning on watching live comedy. You are not permitted to get up on stage and hit the comedian unless you are at least Oscar nominated. This is the worst thing Will Smith has done since his singing in Aladdin.
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Say what you like about the tabloids this is a work of genius.
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I would like to deeply apologise to anyone who has been offended by my language is childish and not necessary.i was being flippant and not trying to anger anyone. But if you honestly think I genuinely told you to fuck right off then please fuck right off.
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Finally it has been made public.i am going to be playing Igor in Mel brooks musical young Frankenstein in the west end.ticket on sale now.
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Stop freaking out I have followed the debate carefully from now on every week we each get a hospital.
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Devastating news to hear of the passing of Barry Cryer.He was a legend of his generation and more engaged with the many new generations of writers and comics who followed him than anyone else in the business.Spending time with him was always a great joy.Such a funny and nice man.
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So pleased a comedian has finally won #BGT and a Geordie comic at that.congratulations to @LostVoiceGuy well deserved.
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Big decision.I hope she realises she will have to live with that for the rest of her life!.
"All of a sudden, I decided I would like to have one. And if I could, a frog. Because I like frogs.". A 103-year-old woman got her first tattoo to cross it off her bucket list.
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Wow seems lots of you happy to let the local theatre go and I guess the people who fill local restaurants bars. Taxis etc. I respect that but personally think it’s a shame. Hands up I am officially out of touch.
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Right let's start spending the extra cash we have now.We prob already sent 350 million this week but next week we can all get a speed boat.
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With all this uncertainty At least our PM is here to hold the country together. wait what. oh fuck.
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I had the vision. Now illegal you can buy them off me 1 euro a box which at the current exchange rate £5000
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Glad I stockpiled the French fancies I am now off down the shops to fill my van with haggis.
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@easyJet not looking for compensation. Maybe ask staff to say sorry for the inconvenience it’s all safe .rather than with shrug. it’s just condensation dripping on you.dont lean on the door. Or pull lever. i am not a nervous flyer but that is potentially terrifying for someone who is.
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Bindi Urwin is engaged! Her boyfriend said she is a keeper. She said fuck you I own the zoo.
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@easyJet Are you a chat bot ? You haven’t read my Message. They didn’t! A thing fell on me and then water dripped out. when we have seen news of a plane door coming off maybe show some concern. Apologise even if you don’t mean it. I know it’s a budget business but manners cost nothing.
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I haven't been on a train in ages.I get on today it's full of politicians.
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Everyone is so obsessed with drug cheats has anyone checked that the dressage riders aren't using Bernie Clifton style horse costumes.
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The reboot of It’s a royal knockout had some very different challenges.
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Did anyone ask if they thought a balloon with a face drawn on would make a better PM? I would like to know the result of that question.
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@nik_tyler I will take the opinion of the 3500 people in the room laughing over one bloke with 12 followers.come on mate don’t be a prick.
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When my wife asks me to "take out the bins" Must remember she means put them out for collection.
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Just awful news about Sean Hughes.he was very nice to me when I was starting out in comedy.a sad loss.
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I am very excited about being called up to play rugby for Scotland http://t.co/OJOPXdjIzN.
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Take your ear off the glass then take the glass off the wall.
'I can hear my son having sex with his lockdown lover - how do I stop it?'
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settling in to watch several hours of pointless speculation over the Eu result.Its like a massive episode of deal or no deal just more boxes.
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Stephen Crabb is running for Tory leadership.He does have experience as the hand of the King.
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Jacob Rees-Mogg in his losing speech just quoted Caractacus Potts “from the ashes of disaster grown the roses of success” it was grandpa Potts who sang that! No wonder he got voted out. I should really go to bed.
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Having a cracking time at @iom_tt today I am riding around with no gps enjoying getting lost. I will eventually hit the coast.
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@mrjamesob Ha ha that will be it. Hope you are well. I would love to hear you talk about the theatre on air. Some people can’t grasp the idea it is a real business we are world leaders in. That it employs real people.The big one is it should fail because actors mocked brexit.🤯.
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I do hope my 2nd place finish at the chacombe 10hr iron man doesn't overshadow the other sports news this week
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From finish line in South Shields to sound check in Glasgow! On time! mission accomplished. Glasgow one of the best comedy audiences on the planet hoorah
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Never mind Boris putting silly promises on the side of a bus. Look what the greens are offering!!!!!!
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This is why I love playing Western Australia. Not many theatres where dolphins can swim up to the stage door. I would happily sign their fins but they never have a pen.
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I must have the reverse of OCD I saw this bit of pavement and it made me happy http://t.co/4ldtZy6sek.
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This is clearly to distract from him amending the ministerial code so ministers would not always have to resign for breaching it.don’t fall for it don’t discuss it delete this tweet. He has total contempt for the British public.
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I'll be joining @EddieIzzard today at 10:30am GMT to talk about how to #MakeHumanityGreatAgain. Eddie's now running 32 marathons & performing 31 shows in 31 days to raise money for great charities. Tune in, support and donate at
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If you had to fight Bono using a tree as a weapon. which tree would you use and how would you attack/ defend yourself.
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To be honest I would watch a show of Jeremy vine in his CG studio just fighting CG monsters for 6 hour then announcing the EU result.
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This is a nice touch in the hotel I am staying at. Not enough hotels have mystery tube facilities.
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we don't need to build more homes because we now control immigration.worst case we can live in one of the new hospitals we build each week.
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What a great day at #GreatNorthRun don’t know how wise it is to do a gig night Before half Marathon then head straight off to do another straight after. I am so pumped now. show tonight is going to be high energy. Tomorrow I sleep.
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I am playing the Glasgow kings theatre tonight. The bin shepherds have rounded up the bins into their bin pens. All locked up safe for the night they can head to the show. Never ask a bin Shepard if he hosts tipping point. They don’t find that funny.
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Loads of cops on the rds round Victoria today.Turns out if your not speeding you can have a go on their bikes.
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Why can't we combine splash/the jump and dancing of ice and watch celebs diving face first onto a frozen lake? I would watch.
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Shocked and saddened by the news of Robin Williams passing.A true master of the art of stand up.
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I can hear so many owls in my garden tonight I have a feeling one of my kids might be going to hogwarts next year.
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I have dragged my arse into the modern times and joined instagram. I am @ mrrossnoble I haven’t figured out how to use it yet but I have the account.
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I was the studio warm up guy. It was a total joy to work on. Kathy and James both class acts.crew and audience where always super friendly.back then as the warm up it was rare to be treated with warmth and respect. Happy days.cant believe it’s 22years.
We’re on the iPlayer, cats! 22 years later. If you like filthy single entendres and cheap knob gags, look no furthers guy! #gimmegimmegimme
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A friend of mine sent me this photo of when I was in slitherin house at Hogwarts http://t.co/dUz43SVO0z.
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Sydney airport. Well done for showing women what they should be interested in.some good titles for them to ask their husbands to buy them.
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In Harrogate now does anybody know where I can buy some tweed? Oh hang on its fine.turns out every shop.
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Bloody typical Thatcher dies when I am in rural Australia. I hate to miss a good street party.
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Happy to announce birth of my second human child today.one of the girl ones. judging by the look of her my wife had an affair with a walnut.
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From the 18th I will be doing a month of shows in Adelaide and then a month in Melbourne. I cannot express my gratitude enough to the people of Melbourne who endured the harshest lockdown in the world to eradicate the virus.these gigs would have been a dream without that.
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Mel Brooks has reworked young Frankenstein from broadway. He is 90 but has the energy of a teenager a true legend.
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It's the presentation that really gives a dish that special touch #justeatyourfuckingbreakfast
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Less than twenty six hours. if you have or have had any sort of media profile if you see this man run like fuck!
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I am not sure how much I am allowed to say but I have written and will be directing and starring in a one off horror for sky this Halloween.
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Amazing statistic. The new U2 album is the most deleted record in history.
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I am not saying the Young Frankenstein dance routines are full on.But I am sweating and this bloke didn't last long
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I have just carefully folded all my old thin plastic bags and put them in a box in the loft.see you at the 2055 antiques roadshow Suckers!.
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It's a shame Biggins is out of #CBB.I was looking forward to hearing his views on how bi sexuals control the banks.
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Breakfast at Dublin airport I ask for brown toast the bloke looks at me like I asked for a warm glass of unicorn tears.
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If I use "you're" not "your" in a tweet please don't correct it.it saves letters and if you don't know what I mean YOUR'RE a twat.
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Thanks to nurse Jackie (not the one off the telly) for jabbing me up. I was very brave. So far I haven’t heard the voice of bill gates in my head telling me to do stuff.
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It is with deep regret I have had to Postpone the shows tonight and tomorrow in thirroul. as much as the show must go on it is just not responsible to have that many people in one place with covid cases rising in NSW.
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My daft mate Billy is always joking and constantly taking the piss so when he tweets this. To me it is worth a thousand government statements.
This is my middle daughter - Ella - she’s a Doctor in the NHS. I love her. I can’t see her. I miss her. Please keep them safe. #LockdownEaster
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great news looks like ken Dodd is getting a knighthood.even if your not a fan of the honours system that is a nice thing.#Properlegend.
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Today at 3.00 and 7.30 I scuttle about as Igor for the last time at the Garrick theatre. Its been a total joy.
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If you have booked ticket to see Young Frankenstein the musical it will look something like this.
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The son in those tesco ads has made me decide never to shop at tesco and breathy cover versions on xmas adds can piss off as well.
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Tonight I play the Nottingham concert hall but I am currently just enjoying the view from my hotel room window
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Sure.I might have missed out on the olivier award but I won the bidding and now own Russell Crowe’s signed Evel Knievel picture. Result!
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