Tom Allen
@tomallencomedy
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Following
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Statuses
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Responds well to deadlines & strong women. Going back on tour in 2023 with my brand new show - Completely. Tickets and more info here:
Joined June 2009
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Pinned Tweet
It’s true! I’m going back on tour next year with a brand new show! Would love to see you there!! Pre-sale access to my mailing list on Friday at 10am. Join it here:
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Anyone else’s mum make them turn off the TV in a thunderstorm in case lightning hit the aerial and came out of the screen?
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I know it’s been a tough day but here’s a picture of me holding a tiny kitten
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I think
#ItsASin
is the best piece of television I’ve ever seen. Devastating while still celebrating community, friendship and honouring the beautiful lives lost. Thanks to
@russelldavies63
and the cast and crew And
@channel4
for making it.
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Just to confirm, this isn’t me - I know a lot of people thought it might be.
🤝 We are delighted to announce that Tom Allan has signed a new two-year contract with
#NUFC
!
The 20-year-old will also join
@ASFCofficial
on loan for the 2020/21 season.
Congratulations and best of luck
@Tom_Allan99
! ⚫️⚪️
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Not long to go now until it’s coming home. Styling by Rob Beckett.
#EnglandvsItaly
#Euro2020Final
@England
@robbeckettcomic
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I’m cooking today. Asked mum for a time plan to know how to do the roast. I’ve just found this in the kitchen
#christmas
#Cooking
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Looks like I’m hired!
#YoureFired
@BBCTwo
🚨BREAKING NEWS ALERT! 🚨Comedian, writer and actor
@tomallencomedy
is the new host of
@BBCTwo
’s The Apprentice: You’re Fired, as exclusively revealed this morning on the
@BBCRadio2
Breakfast Show! ❤️ ❤️ ❤️
#TheApprentice
#YoureFired
#Radio2BreakfastShow
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For anyone socially distancing, self isolating or just avoiding people I’ve got too much time on my hands and so started to make you this: Locked in with Tom Allen! The magazine show no one asked for...
#SelfIsolation
#SocialDistancing
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Well this is my favourite tweet today.... 🤣🤣🤣
I think I need to clarify to
@Telegraph
readers, who may have seen the truncated headline, that the full quote is .... "I've been having cocktails parties on Zoom" ... really, matron!!
#carryonisolation
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Thanks for watching
#ExtraSlice
& thanks to Jo Brand - truly the kindest person in the world. We have the best time putting the extra into these slices. Lovely bakers & an amazing production team. Congrats
@LoveProductions
&
@Channel4
for making it possible in these times!
#GBBO
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Had such a fun time reporting for
@SkySports
yesterday with my friend
@markmcadamtv
for the
#RainbowLacesCampaign
. Thanks for the lovely comments and to Jeff Stelling &
@CAFCofficial
for making me so welcome. Among so many nice comments I’m a bit upset by some of the negative...
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Feel very cool posing in my
#ItsASin
themed ‘La.’ t-shirt. What a series - the best piece of television I’ve ever seen. T shirt designed by
@philipnormal
raising money for the brilliant
@thtorguk
#pinkpalace
Get yours at
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Oooooh
#MightyHoopla
is so much fun! I never know what to wear though. I look like Alan Whicker...
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So tonight I fell asleep watching that pandemic documentary and when I woke up it was the Top of the Pops documentary and for a moment I thought this whole thing would be solved by Pan’s People. And now I can’t sleep I’m so excited.
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I’m delighted to tell you I’ve written a book! It’s about growing up in 90s suburbia, overcoming shame, coming out & coming to terms with being an outsider (and the laughs along the way!) I’m excited for you to read it. Pre order for 12th Nov!
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Thank goodness I was there...
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Thanks
@SundayBrunchC4
for having me today!! Such an honour to co-host.
@TimLovejoy
is one of the most generous people I know & does an incredible job of effortlessly making everyone feel welcome. Along with such a lovely team. Delighted to be on with so many people I admire. X
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I’ll tell you what’s horrifying as a gay on Halloween: when you’ve forgotten to buy treats, there’s suddenly a knock at the door and you have to hand over a panettone.
#Halloween2022
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For
@stonewalluk
#RainbowLaces
I got taken to the football! I got really into it -
@markmcadamtv
even interviewed me as a football manager. Watch
@SkySports
at 8.30 to see how I got on!
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After sitting on the sidelines 🤣🤣 for so long I’m delighted to be finally rolling up my sleeves in the tent for The Great Stand Up To Cancer Bake Off. Coming this spring!
@BritishBakeOff
#gbbo
He's very familiar with a showstopper and a soggy bottom, but will his time on An Extra Slice get him the apron?
@tomallencomedy
will be joining the tent for The Great Celebrity Bake of for
@SU2CUK
.
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It’s time for a new Locked in with Tom Allen!! The magazine show no one asked for! We’re talking video conferencing!
#selfisolation
#socialdistancing
#stayhome
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Now I hope you don’t mind my saying so but I do think it’s a good idea to register to vote. It takes 5 minutes out of your Sunday night and you do it right here:
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Screaming watching this!!!! Amazing!!!
#Strictly2021
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Did I ever tell you about that time I did my special at the London Palladium? Anyway we filmed it and long story short, it’s going out this Sunday at 10pm on
@Channel4
. My mum & dad were there and I’m super proud of it. Hope you like it!
#standup
#standupcomedy
#comedy
#LGBTQ
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What an idiot I bloody overslept and missed my flight. Thanks Ibiza, you are quite a place! (On the plane tonight now...)
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This is not me, ok?
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at anything different to what’s often seen. Feel very grateful to have the support of Mark and everyone at Sky - they’re doing brilliant things.
#RainbowLaces
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Of course I’m wearing a suit while working from home! What other options are there?!
'Don't have a desk bed!'
@tomallencomedy
looking fabulous in his suit even at 9am from isolation 😲 We are impressed!
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EVERY WEEK Call The Midwife = 😭😭😭! And every time it’s SO good. All of life’s complexity and hope and sadness and everything all wrapped up in a starched uniform and a Vanessa Redgrave Voiceover. Oh god I’m still 😭.
#CallTheMidwife
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Turns out
@suziruffell
and I are heading to
#NewYorkPride
! Oh my what a flight to be on!!!
#Pride2019
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Nice afternoon with
@AlanCarr
dressing up to recreate Cast Away on Ramsgate beach.
#TheresSomethingAboutMovies
#Beautiful
#TheBeeGees
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Forgive me this moment but here is Joanna Lumley Reading a segment of my book out and...well..I may never recover. Thanks Jonathan Ross Show!
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Thanks very much for all the nice comments regarding
#YoureFired
I can’t wait to get started! A lot of you have been asking (actually, literally no one) how I got the job so here’s what happened:
Here's what happened when
@tomallencomedy
met with
@Lord_Sugar
and found out he's Hired for
@BBCTwo
#TheApprentice
You're Fired... We can't wait to see how this works out. 🙈🙈🙈
#YoureFired
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What am I up to? Oh I’m just flying to Venice to meet Judge Rinder and interview a man about a death pod. What’re you up to? Yeah whatever...
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Home Schooling!!!!! It’s time for another Locked In With Tom Allen and we’re talking about how everyone’s getting on with teaching their kids at home!
#SelfIsolation
#SocialDistancing
#stayhome
#homeschooling
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Oh hey you guys so I’m on
@HaveIGotNews
For You tonight. I’ve never been on it before so I was relieved to be on it after such a quiet news week😂. It was such a fun experience made doubly so by Paul, Ian and these great guys
@AyeshaHazarika
and
@GaryLineker
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My twin...?? Separated at birth?!
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Somehow I seem to be back on
@SkySports
this afternoon! How has this happened?? Talking about the Stonewall
#RainbowLaces
campaign .
@markmcadamtv
has brought me to
@CAFCofficial
!!!
#football
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Can’t tell you how over the moon I am to be on the cover of this month’s Attitude. I’ve always looked up to this magazine as a beacon of positivity in our troubled world. Thanks for the lovely interview about my book and hosting this year’s Attitude Awards online on 1st December!
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Now don’t be cross but I’m on Would I Lie To You at 9 and then QI at 9.30. I didn’t plan it ok?? WILTY got moved from November ‘cos of the election or something. Anyway they were fun to do hope you enjoy.
@WILTY_TV
@qikipedia
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What a lovely show
#GraysonsArtClub
is. Here’s my contribution if you saw it. Up to this point my main art experience had been Sister Wendy.
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Just dropping in for Joe Lycett’s Big Pride Party! Hope you’ll join us from 9pm on
@Channel4
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It’s true! And I can’t wait. Hope to see you all tomorrow morning when I co-present this....
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What a lovely day at
@WestHam
yesterday! Thanks
@PrideOfIrons
lgbt+ supporters group for the gifts! Does it suit me?! Great to see inclusitivity in football. Thanks
@karren_brady
for the warm welcome and
@markmcadamtv
for taking me there.
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You guys I don’t know what’s come over me recently it’s a good job
@AlanCarr
was there to calm me down. Anyway hope you enjoy the show!
It’s all kicking off between
@tomallencomedy
and
@jimmycarr
. They’re joined by Sean Lock,
@AlanCarr
,
@sarapascoe
,
@josierones
,
@RachelRileyRR
and
@susie_dent
for BRAND NEW
#CatsCountdown
on Friday at 9pm on
@channel4
.
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We’re baaaaaaaaaaaaaack!
Yes, chef! Bake Off: The Professionals is back.
Join
@TomAllenComedy
,
@LiamCBakes
,
@Cherish_Finden
and
@BenoitBlin_MCA
on Tuesday 26th May at 8pm on
@Channel4
.
#GBBO
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Congrats on our first week everyone!! Here’s some Locked In advice for people in a relationship during this time!
#marriagecounselling
#selfisolation
#socialdistancing
#stayhome
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PART 2 of Locked in with Tom Allen - Style Edition!! Who’s your dream style icon?! Now’s your time to become them! Proud of you!
#SelfIsolation
#SocialDistanacing
#SocialDistance
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It’s today’s Locked In With Tom Allen : Home Spa! After a tough few days Linda really needed a treat so today we’re all about home Pampering!
#socialdistancing
#SelfIsolation
#StayHome
#HomeSpa
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Oh it was a lovely time....
Never a dull moment when
@TomAllenComedy
is on the show! Here are some of his funniest moments during his cook yesterday 😂
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feel the same - welcome to just enjoy the football whoever they are? Sorry if I’m so ‘unbearably different’ for some - I wasn’t putting on an act though, I was just being myself. I suppose that’s the importance of the campaign - some feel angry
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Oh we did have such a fun time!!
Thanks again to
@SkySports
and everyone at
@CAFCofficial
(and
@markmcadamtv
!) all so nice and thanks for all the generous comments on here for
#RainbowLaces
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if I’m honest: as far as I know there isn’t a right or wrong way to respond to goals at a game, I was just being myself, not knowing much about football but still enjoying it. I guess I wasn’t doing a conventional report but my response is still valid and everyone should surely
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Feeling overwhelmed by heteronormative family life at this point? May I suggest watching Paris is Burning if you haven’t already? Currently on
@NetflixUK
Then go downstairs, tell your family you’re a child of the House of Labeija & tell your mum you’re now the mother of the house
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Oh how kind!
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Last episode of
#ExtraSlice
tonight! Hope you enjoy it. It’s been such a fun time I feel very lucky to have been involved and so lucky to work with the truly brilliant Jo Brand. Thanks to all the studio bakers and their ‘wonderful’ bakes too ☺️☺️!!
#GBBO2018
#Channel4
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Today on Locked In I’m getting down with my bad self and showing you round my scented candles! Don’t get me started on those Skanky Candles in jars...
#selfisolating
#SocialDisdancing
#StayHome
#candles
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For those of you wondering if I can act (and god bless
@michaelsheen
)
🎬
@michaelsheen
&
@tomallencomedy
's version of Four Weddings has all the romance of the original and arguably even more rain. ❤️☔️
#TSAM
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Starting shortly on
@Channel4
is my stand up special at The London Palladium. Hope you enjoy it! Just remember that you must watch this in full evening wear. Thanks.
#TomAllenAbsoutely
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Guess who’s on Saturday Kitchen tomorrow at 10? Clue: it’s me. Do you like open brick work? You’re going to love it! Will you send me to food heaven or food hell????
#saturdaykitchen
@BBCOne
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It’s tonight!! 10pm on Channel 4. Hope you enjoy my stand up special. Filmed at the London Palladium in front of my mum and dad (...and also an actual audience)
Party bags, pink wafers and the world’s worst song.
@tomallencomedy
is here to ruin your childhood.
#TomAllenAbsoutely
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Missing my football commentary this week? Here’s a full roundup of my fascinating insight from last Saturday for
#RainbowLaces
with my friends
@SkySports
and of course
@markmcadamtv
at the game at
@CAFCofficial
!
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Mary had just complemented my mustard tie so I necked this drink. Almost immediately. Mary Berry Saves Christmas! Tonight! 6.30!!
@BBCOne
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A new episode of Locked In With Tom Allen and it looks like I’m in the slammer! Hope you enjoy!
#selfisolation
#selfcare
#socialdistancing
#stayhome
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Finally, I am a cake:
@tomallencomedy
Meant to send you this on Saturday after Extra Slice! You tasted great!
#TomAllen
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It’s a new week of the smackdown and a new Locked In With Tom Allen! You’re washing your hands but are you CREAMING your hands?? Here’s a run down of the top products out there.
#TheLockdown
#StayAtHome
#socialdistancing
#selfisolation
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If anyone needs me I’m just filming MTV Cribs. From my mum and dad’s house. (Welcome to my crib and this is where the magic happens).
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As we know Eastenders has had to stop filming but fear not as I am ready to carry on the storylines from home having seen my first episode this evening!
#SocialDisdancing
#SelfIsolation
#StayHome
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...Oh we have fun right?! (This really hurt a lot).
This is the moment that made me realise I can’t spell.
@robbeckettcomic
@tomallencomedy
#8OutOf10Cats
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Just to say thanks for the lovely messages about my stand up special ‘Absolutely’ on Channel 4. It’s been really overwhelming! I’m very proud of it and I’m so glad you like it too. If you haven’t seen it yet it’s still available here
#tomallenabsolutely
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V proud of this pilot I made. But what is it? Well it’s a makeover for a local restaurant, a game show for local hotspots & a musical finale with local choir & colliery band! Martin Kemp pops in! Not stand up - something different, like me. Tom Allen Goes to Town, Weds, 9pm, ch4
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Enough with your banana bread and quizzes! I show you how to take a mini break by just locking yourself in your upstairs bathroom!
#socialdistancing
#stayhome
#quarantine
#minibreak
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Thanks for the lovely comments on tonight’s
@TippingPointITV
- I was very proud to support my local hospice at St Chirstopher’s
@StChrisHospice
- and if you have a local hospice it’s great to support them if you can!
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‘To Melbourne’ = serving a shot of sparkling water with your croissant. Also I’ve heard waiters here call sparkling water ‘frizzante’ which I thought was impossibly glamorous. ‘Still or Frizzante?’ Can you imagine?
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This really happened.
This morning I nearly killed
@tomallencomedy
by steering a coffin with wheels down a big hill. I had a lovely time. Tom bruised his coccyx.
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Excited for you to watch
@Channel4
at 9! Met wonderful people & went to brilliant places. Hope it makes you smile in these strange times! Here’s me with Tunji & his family who looked after me in Wakefield & run a beautiful local cafe / delivery service:
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Oh tell me about it duckie!
@BBCTheOneShow
@tomallencomedy
Why do some TV personalities have to sound CAMP. Not a natural accent. Most lesbians and gays act and speak naturally, but this minority think it necessary to be camp. Why?
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Hey Twitter, I might be wrong but I don’t think you’re helping...
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I REGRET THAT OWING TO TODAY’S SAD NEWS
MY SHOW TONIGHT IN ANDOVER WILL BE POSTPONED
THE LIGHTS’ TEAM WILL BE IN TOUCH IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS
@TheLights
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Time for another episode of Locked in with Tom Allen (already?! 😭😭) and this episode it’s all about Style!! (Listen out for the heavy breathing of the camera operator!) PART 2 follows!!!
#SocialDistancing
#socialisolation
#SocialDistance
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It’s a special Saturday night special for all of you guys - it’s a roundup of all the top tips for getting through the smackdown you sent through accompanied by my disparaging remarks. Enjoy!
#selfisolation
#socialdistancing
#stayhome
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My friend
@EleanorThom
has written a book and I’m SO proud of her. It’s about endemetriosis which effects 1 in 10 women. ‘Women’s Problems Are Everyone’s Problems’. A joyous book and a lifeline for anyone you know with the condition.
#endometriosis
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Black lives matter. Now is the time to read and hear what needs to be heard, see what needs to be seen, if we haven’t already. Here is one place to start:
#BlackLivesMatter
We must stand up and speak up.
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Oh the people you meet on Hallowe’en! ☺️☺️
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Today’s Locked In With Tom Allen is all about ART! Sort of. And that painting on my wall you all wanted to hear about. Sort of. Also my glory box. And a mention for Judge Rinder.
#selfisolating
#SocialDisdancing
#StayAtHome
#art
@RobbieRinder
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And just to reassure you after yesterday Linda is doing MUCH better and looking forward to a hefty workout! Don’t forget to let me know what else you’d like to see covered in Locked In with Tom Allen!
#SocialDistance
#SelfIsolation
#StatAtHome
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