Wife has been looking forward to stew in the slow cooker all day. Just realised I unplugged it earlier when I was plugging in Alexa to ask her how old Ronan Keating is.
Day 1 at Center Parcs. Bloke working here said he’s never seen anyone come down the rapids so fast and they’re gonna have a meeting about it and possibly contact GB Bobsleighing about me.
Left my phone unlocked on the table and classic lads have gone and applied for and accepted a data analyst position in Inverness on my LinkdIn. I start Monday. Ffs 🙈🙈🙈😂😂😂
My guess is that Kate Middleton has fallen foul of an addiction to the app “stick cricket.” Something I’ve been through myself and I don’t expect we’ll be seeing her until the next eclipse.
Love it when it starts snowing and an adult immediately says “it won’t settle”. Don’t even allow a second of excitement for anyone get it shut down straight away.
So just found out that potential employers can look you up on social media. Which is just what I wanted to hear at the end of a busy day working well as part of a team.
Remember kids, if you don’t do well in your GCSEs it doesn’t really matter, there are so many different routes you can take in life. Unless you’ve failed Maths and English then you’re proper fucked.
How did Ibis Budget hotels come about? Did management walk round a regular Ibis and were like “come on guys we can do worse than this? Where’s your lack of ambition?”
Quite comfortable changing my baby’s nappy on his own changing table, feels like a home fixture. Whereas doing it in the disabled toilet of a Wagamama very much feels like a tricky away leg in the depths of Eastern Europe.
When Lewis Capaldi, a singer does a funny video everyone says how down to earth and likeable he is. But when I, a comedian release a 12 track album of contemporary love songs everything thinks I’m a “prick”.