Shane Roth
@apexnerd
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Following
4,610
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37,745
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All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us - JRR Tolkien
Henderson, NV
Joined March 2010
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Pinned Tweet
@hasherhater
@goldengateblond
Actually, not being a Nazi is better than being a Nazi... and I can't believe I just had to type that shit.
42
180
840
Dearest Agatha,
May this letter find you well.
The Red Hats entered the field of battle astride their mobility scooters.
We tipped them over forthwith.
"I have fallen and cannot make America great again," cried out a liver spotted Red Hat.
#secondcivilwarletters
113
1K
6K
@kashthefuturist
The Fish (to his peers): You will NOT believe what just happened to me...
Other Fish: Sky Tube?
Fish: I swam through a sky tu- whut?
Other Fish: We know. It's weird.
8
162
3K
@AngryBlackLady
Phil Collins' career is evidence that if you get the drums right, then everything else falls into place.
4
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1K
@BlackKnight10k
The only reason to deliver a haystack is if you are trying to hide a needle.
19
62
908
@newrepublic
@JohnLaprise
Apparently, this app allows me to admire the free speech of billionaires.
12
23
863
@janemarielynch
I can't rule out the possibility that White House medical staff are giving
@realDonaldTrump
baby aspirin and just telling him it's hydroxycloroquine.
How would he know?
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658
@TheProblem
@AppleTVPlus
There are more documented encounters with sasquatch than there are documented cases of voter fraud.
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652
Beloved,
Words cannot fully express how I miss you.
Our scarlet-capped adversary is in disarray.
The have all promoted themselves to the rank of General, issuing orders and following none.
A most peculiar strategem, indeed.
#secondcivilwarletters
0
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518
*sees Patrick Stewart trending*
"oh, fuck..."
*sees why he is trending*
"OH FUCK YEAH!"
8
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510
@OhNoSheTwitnt
Also Sansa: I'm Queen in the North. Anyone got a problem with that?
(Beat)
I didn't fucking think so.
5
16
476
@RealCandaceO
...says the person who--
*checks notes*
-- politicized Mollie Tibbits' funeral.
0
37
442
A lot of people on Twitter simply don't want to admit that the Democrats don't control the Senate.
And they get peevish when you stand on the facts.
50 Senators is not a majority, and that's not an opinion.
22
87
427
@OliviaTroye
If it is Alex Jones' phone that brings down The One-Term Golfer, I might die laughing.
3
18
429
@BettyBowers
@mayemusk
Lemony Narrator: You are poorer than her, and she sincerely believes that this makes you her employee.
4
10
389
@WisVoter
I shall remain seated and buckled up until the plane comes to a complete stop.
#Election2020
8
28
383
@m_tip2003
@goldengateblond
"And, lo, they did verily elect the pederast.
And the Lord sayeth unto them, 'Art thou huffing paint?'
And the Lord did render His palm unto His face.
3
95
339
@ConnieSchultz
I am about ready to crawl through broken glass for
@JohnFetterman
right now.
13
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324
The Democrats passed the Brady bill into law without a single Republican vote during the Clinton Administration.
After that, Republicans took control of the House in 1995.
The Brady Law was allowed to expire when Republicans controlled the White House and Congress.
11
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278
He didn't lie to me about donating his salary to charity.
I never believed him.
He lied to you.
4
27
274
@JasonSCampbell
Yes. Being independently wealthy has historically proven to be the most effective prevention against corruption.
0
4
268
@peterdaou
@OhNoSheTwitnt
Lemony Narrator: To toxic people, there is no difference between being criticized and being silenced.
2
11
251
@MichelleHux
I can't remember the last time I was pleasantly surprised by a person wearing an image of a confederate flag.
3
5
253
@caslernoel
@TuckerCarlson
Nepotism hires never get better at their jobs.
Because they never have to.
2
19
238
@Tazerface16
All I'm saying is that if Joe believed the world was about 6,000 years old, the media would have pointed it out by now.
1
12
240
@ShaneGoldmacher
The GOP ads this cycle have three themes.
1) High gas prices
2) "I won't defund the police"
and
3) Endorsed by Trump.
All three themes are imploding. And they don't have anything else.
6
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@frankrichny
Chicken-Fork-Gate shall be remembered as the darkest chapter in US political history since Tan-Suit-Ghazi...
1
7
215
@amyscottgaley
Lemony Narrator: One way to achieve moral clarity on the matter of abortion is to simply pretend that miscarriages don't exist.
0
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224
@MichaelJStern1
@mayemusk
Lemony Narrator: You are poorer than her, which she sincerely believes makes you her employee.
1
6
221
@PoliticusSarah
Lemony Narrator: Everything is the fault of the Democrats. The Republicans are incapable of failure. They are only capable of being failed.
3
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@DineshDSouza
@PIlam25
@KevinMKruse
Why don't you show us how easy it is to teach middle school?
Oh, wait. Convicted felons can't be middle school teachers.
Pardon me.
3
8
208
@RexHuppke
The first rule of
#TreasonSummit
is nobody talks about
#TreasonSummit
the second rule of
#TreasonSummit
is NOBODY TALKS ABOUT
#TreasonSummit
!!!
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@michaelharriot
When I was a kid, there were no shooting drills at school. I do miss that.
10
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212
@JamesFallows
Lemony Narrator: The last time the media held Republicans accountable for their actions was Watergate.
1
20
212
@adam_brew
There are more documented encounters with sasquatch than there are documented cases of voter fraud.
5
11
189
@Nate_Cohn
I shall remain seated and buckled up until the plane comes to a complete stop.
#Election2020
1
9
195
@gartmartin9
@katierogers
@PressSec
Wow, access journalists are more offended by not being invited to a wedding than they are at being called "enemies of the people".
2
15
184
@notcapnamerica
I would just assume everything I say in front of a doorbell cam is admissible in court.
1
5
186
@AmoneyResists
@CNN
Lemony Narrator: The last time the media held Republicans accountable for their actions was Watergate.
0
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184
@caslernoel
@Lee_in_Iowa
@AndrewYang
The
@GOP
and
@NRA
have the media pretty much clicker-trained at this point.
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@SenatorSinema
If I need to know which kicky scarf goes best with a mass shooting, you will be the first person I reach out to.
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@naderalihashemi
@TallyAnnaE
@sarahleah1
@aalodah
@LinaAlhathloul
@mehdirhasan
@Shanfaraa
Anyone who believes that Operation Bone Saw was an isolated incident is kidding themselves.
2
15
169
@StephenKing
I was unaware that there was a majority of Democrats serving on the Supreme Court.
2
10
157
@RealScottRitter
Lemony Narrator: This take was particularly unpopular with people who had eyes, and object permanence.
2
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157
Mike Lindell is what would happen if Elon Musk was trapped in Jumanji for 20 years.
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Ted Cruz, to his staff: This doesn't make me look like Fidel Castro's love child, does it?
His staff: Of course not.
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@kosherhotdogz
"Greetings fellow humans! Just hanging out and totally not being a Lizard Person!"
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