mike birnigglia
@cantguardmyke
Followers
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Following
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Media
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Statuses
5,979
giddy up jingle horse pick up your feet
Sweetwater, TX
Joined December 2023
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Pinned Tweet
Clarence Thomas issued a strong rebuke of the Brown v. Board of Education ruling, suggesting the court overreached its authority in the landmark decision
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Marrying a police officer
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@JayJurden
Remember when he pointed at Jason Collins and was like “idc if you gay or whatever” at the VMA’s lmaoo
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I’m sorry but trying to say Shane Gillis of all people doesn’t work with black and brown comedians is laughably stupid lmao
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That little nigga does look like Dave Free tho
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I have more. Please follow me if you cannot stand Clarence Thomas.
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@WrestlingHumble
Does Hogan have it in his contract that he has to be darker than the rock in every photo?
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JD Vance mamma sold him for some perc 30’s and he turned around and blamed Mexicans for it.
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A lot of you aren’t funny because you’re republicans and republicans are incapable of being funny. Sure theres Norm McDonald but that’s what, one guy in 60 years of stand up? There’s something about hating Mexicans that prevents one from killing on stage.
Im not wrong about this
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not flat, not round, but a secret third thing (antisemitic)
Candace Owens: "I'm not a flat earther. I'm not a round earther. Actually, what I am is I am somebody who has left the cult of science... Science is a pagan faith."
I swear, the MAGA movement is a magnet for the dumbest segments of American society. 💩
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@alvinsights
I’m just gonna keep posting the wild shit I see until someone believes me. This place is cheeks lmaooo
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@bobbysegs
@ASFleischman
Dr. King got permits for those protests and even worked with the police to find days that weren’t incredibly disruptive. Also, the purpose of those protests were to get the shit kicked out of them on live tv for sympathy.
Very much apples and oranges.
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@grnpointer
Watching the actually interview and it’s worse. He was not prepared for this at all.
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@ItsTheJetsSon
@DragonflyJonez
Man that shit was fire. We gotta stop the cap just because Drake is lame. Kendrick beat his wife, made a wack diss track full of lies after to cover it up, then dropped a dance track to cover up the wack one and the woman beating. Facts are facts.
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@DragonflyJonez
There’s nothing Drake can do to win. It was over once you called him Christopher Columbus.
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@theneedledrop
Hi Fantano, I don’t really like you but not because of your music takes which I mostly agree with… I just personally don’t like the way you look. It’s almost like someone shaved down logic and made him look more angry. Very unsettling to look upon. I don’t like it.
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@TheEnemiesPE3
Just went to Monday night raw live in person. The entire crowd cheered and screamed when they showed his face in an ADVERTISEMENT. Cody is over
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The owners of the venue banned this nigga immediately. Didn’t even wait for outrage, just as soon as he got off they Jazzy Jeff’d him outta there. Tremendous.
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@FDsignifier
Brother I love your videos but we don’t need another Drake video form you right now. I finally got my friends to watch your shit and they love it. Make one about Israel and Palestine because they won’t listen to me but inshallah they’ll listen to you.
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@theashleyray
It’s an offshoot of the euphoria discourse which is an offshoot of the Hamilton discourse. We should’ve bullied the fake English majors when this whole thing started a few years ago to avoid this.
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@WrestlingHumble
Miz from Cleveland so I’m letting this slide… and I’m happy to see more than one token black especially because AEW is painfully Caucasian…. But where is BALEY GOD DAMMIT!!!!????
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the last time I was in a green room with Sammy he said D’Elia was being unfairly cancelled and when I said “bro he’s a pedofile and assaulted women” he said “oh I didn’t know all of that” then offered me a camel crush
Sam Tripoli having a super normal response to Rogan’s dogshit new special
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@Sir__Tyler
That’s because you’re stupid. There’s nothing wrong with talking about race and being able to discuss it more openly would lead to a better society.
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“There’s black people, and there DEI… and DEI has 👏🏿got 👏🏿to 👏🏿go!”
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@gldivittorio
I’d agree with this take but genocide isn’t on the ballot/ a slew of other things are on the ballot. Dems are at least open to having a tougher stance on Israel while republicans are not. Undermining Dems with electoral doomerism just isn’t an effective strategy.
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@WrestlingHumble
The most dramatic man alive. Him and Cody are gonna spend 15 minutes of their match flopping around and it’s gonna be awesome
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Girthmaster strikes again
I only went cause the hot sign was on…. Krispy Kreme what da FCK is this??! 😡😡
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I want you thrown into the most solitary of solitary confinements for writing this tweet
Me, currently throwing ass and makin it wink and smoking krills to this new Kendrick and pretending I didn’t tweet this:
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Transphobia has gotten so out of hand that people have forgotten about studs. Studs use to be everywhere; they worked at footlocker and wore those Real 3D glasses from movie theaters out in public and nobody really gave a shit until recently
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Why is Jon Stewart doing cum town bits? Nick Mullen’s influence can no longer be denied.
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@FeralCopes
This is a racist city but it bounces between benevolent and overt. It’s not very diverse and many of the white people are trying their best but fail. And there’s just so many open mic’rs who are racist and edgelords. You don’t really have to interact with them tho
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YOU LIED ABOUT YOUR CREDITS
YOU LIED ABOUT KILLING
YOU LIED ABOUT YOUR THE FESTIVALS YOU’VE BEEN ON
YOU LIED ABOUT HOW WELL YOU DID ON KILL TONY
YOU LIED ABOUT HAVING 10 MINUTES YOU ONLY HAVE 6
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Nobody was clutching their pearls when Killer Mike and run the jewels were doing that god awful rapping back in 2016. Meg threw the tiniest amount of ass and now everyone has turned into pre-allegations “Pull ya pants up!” Bill Colby.
Just admit you hate women.
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@RobertONeill31
I would say creating a wrestling company to satisfy a radio show whose entire purpose is to never be satisfied nuked the company.
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It’s very funny the presidents son is a crackhead. We can’t make fun of it anymore because it upsets white women or whatever but it is objectively funny that the president’s son smoked oodles of crack.
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Just watched the clip… it would’ve been comedic malpractice to not comment on that man’s shirt.
Hey guys, there was a little bit of drama on one of my San Diego shows this past Friday. I made a video response over on TikTok (same handle) that lays out my side of things but happy to answer any questions you may have. Thanks
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Shouts out to this guy doing race science in my mentions
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I don’t think it’s healthy for comics to constantly record, edit, and push out every single thought they have in a rat race for clout and internet followers. I understand this is the nature of the beast but there’s something so empty and soul sucking seeing my peers do this.
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@alvinsights
@KenHeLive
@charles270
He was a very very questionable decision maker from what I remember as a child. He’d turn into romo in a tight spot VERY often.
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@DragonflyJonez
I SEE YOU WHITE BOY is the best line that’s been dropped this year. Put it on merch. Put it on koozies.
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You gotta go back to Houston every now and then because the audiences here are very black and if you can’t make black people laugh you are not funny. Sorry, I don’t make the rules I just know them.
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I was simply trying to enjoy the new ChalieXCX album at a red light when this bisexual woman with a cishet boyfriend jumped into my car, unplugged my radio, and told me “this isn’t for you” then left
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I’m rewatching Tenet right now god damn this movie fucking rips. We need more movies like this. Completely nonsensical and Robert Pattinson.
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I’m so close in stand up… I’m like a year away from being where I need to be. I can literally feel it and I honestly couldn’t be more proud of myself. Every day gets me closer.
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This is so unfunny it makes my balls hurt.
How are they so bad at being funny?
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@WrestlingHumble
It’s cyclical… the streets have been yearning for a new fat guy wrestler. KO is always hurt and Bronson doesn’t have the sauce…. Save us Fatu
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@robintran04
This is the craziest reverse uno card type situation. Doubling down on the transphobia
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This is very funny and you are incredibly stupid.
3/ Here's Robin talking about how she finds it arousing when women trust here enough to be friends with her and she jacks off to an alphabetized hard drive of them. Great stuff!
Thanks for the political tips, I'll take it from the gal SLAYING at trans public messaging. 🏳️⚧️
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@feraljokes
When you use words like “chud” it makes me want to tell you to go outside and get some coochie
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@alvinsights
To be fair, the club owner banned this guy immediately lmao. She was like “have you all lost your minds?”
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There is a serious, legitimate argument that Brian Simpson is the undisputed best comedian out right now. There’s just so much personality, originality, and downright hilariousness to his comedy that’s missing in a lot of recent specials.
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Grabbing every online leftist by the nape of their neck and shoving their face into this video like a dog who just pissed on the carpet
Tim Walz on the ticket will make the intra-left debate over voting for Dems much easier to win. Brie's reaction at the end here is priceless.
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@lethalrejection
That means you’ve earned every single follower you’ve gotten. Blue collar work ethic right there. No hole, just tweets. Stellar.
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Hi, piece of shit lawyer here.
Just to clarify, the very first rule we made as a country makes it pretty clear: you can gather together, complain about whatever you want, and the government can't toss you in jail for it.
Cops escalating violence breaks that rule.
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Tonight was truly crazy… I was really on the same show with Bill Burr. I’m still thinking about it. This shit means something to me man…
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These are the kind of hack losers that exist in DROVES in Austin. Running around thinking they’re brave for saying the n-word while having zero black friends. It’s hack, unimaginative, boring, unfunny, and corny behavior.
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Katt Williams: “Hollywood is filled with these lies, Joe. I mean the show is called Kill Tony and he’s never killed.”
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This nigga Biden said “ho ho ho”…
he think it’s Christmas time. We are in hell.
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@WaywardWinifred
Turns out she did and the pro Trump section of the party radicalized by TikTok chose to heckle anyway.
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@katewillett
I’m sure you’re saying this in good faith but a good chunk of the “online leftists” I see and engage with are just contrarians who dont think Trump Pt. 2 will be that bad. Online grifters who can hide behind their whiteness when the fascism is brought home in full force.
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If you're a comedian considering making a sketch about Diddy beating a woman, stop and reflect. Look in the mirror and ask yourself: how desperate are you to go viral? Is getting a bunch of views worth making a joke about a woman being kicked in the head? Then [unalive] yourself
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I wish I could ramble on stage for 30 minutes and people call me a genius 😔
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