gianmarco
@GianmarcoSoresi
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“you miss 100% of the shots you take” -my high school basketball coach
New York, NY
Joined May 2012
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Bridgerton
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つばさの党
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La Modelo
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Marcelo
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iMessage
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優三さん
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ひーくん
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SIEMPRE QUE LO BESO
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#MAZZEL
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代表ら逮捕
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#911onABC
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#あさイチ
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I’m worried Kim and Kanye’s fighting is gonna pull North West in two different directions
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I remember worrying that covid might last three whole weeks
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My friend got a tattoo on his arm that says “comparison is the thief of joy” and I’m really debating getting the same tattoo on my arm but a little bit bigger
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The CDC says fully vaccinated people can finally post about the indoor gatherings they’ve already been having
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Wait til you hear about the age difference of the women they sleep with
jared leto (51) and nick offerman (52) are only a year apart. how is this possible
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I asked my mom how her first date went with a guy she met on eharmony and she said “let’s just say we were physically compatible” and I said “let’s just say fine next time”
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I’m too depressed for LA. Being depressed in NYC makes sense, it’s filthy, the trains don’t work, there’s rats everywhere, but when I’m on the beach in Santa Monica I’m like omg the rats are in me
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America has a chance to make the funniest thing happen
A 35-year-old man in Texas has legally changed his name to ‘Literally Anybody Else’ and announces he will attempt to run for President, against Trump and Biden.
The man says his decision came because he was unsatisfied with this year’s candidates.
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Kellyanne Conway too??? This is like the Republican Red Wedding
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Remember when Vanessa Hudgens got in trouble for saying, "It’s a virus, I get it, like, I respect it, but at the same time I’m like, even if everybody gets it, like yeah, people are going to die, which is terrible but like, inevitable?” and then that became U.S. policy?
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OH YOU THINK ITS HACKY WHEN COMEDIANS ASK AUDIENCE MEMBERS WHAT THEY DO FOR WORK???? WELL WHEN AN AUDIENCE MEMBER HAD A SEIZURE TONIGHT GUESS WHO THE FUCK HAD ESTABLISHED THERE WERE THREE ICU NURSES IN THE FRONT ROW
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What the fuck is going on
Bradley Cooper is ‘totally’ fine with being naked around the house — he used to shower with his dad
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Pete Davidson has achieved every comedians’ dream, to get more famous each and every day without ever writing new material
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I just feel like the whole message of The Boys is undermined by the fact it’s produced by Amazon
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*Montreal*
CASHIER: bonjour
ME: oh! bonjour
CASHIER: qu'est-ce que je peux t'offrir?
ME: well it looks like the jig is up
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I guess if Bin Laden had been like “you have five seconds to evacuate the towers” we would have been fine with it
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This is the video they play at bowling alleys when you gutter ball
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He could have just not looked up
Tom Cruise missed Oscars to avoid seeing ex Nicole Kidman in person: report
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Imagine people who died on the titanic finding out we compared that to this
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Every explanation of what NFTs are is like “it’s not a scam if we all believe it”
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My girlfriend said Valentine’s Day is really important to her so I can’t wait to see what she has planned for us
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If you can’t separate criticism of Israel from antisemitism then you’re the one contributing to antisemitism
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I think every American needs to sit down together and take a class on what you can and can’t sue people for
The father of Megan Kanka, whose case inspired Megan’s Law, tells TMZ that he finds Megan Thee Stallion’s use of it in her song ‘HISS’ “disrespectful and offensive” and that he’s considering looking into his legal options.
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When my parents got divorced everyone told me “at least you get two Christmases!” but my mom’s Jewish and my dad’s a man so I just got twice the kung pao chicken
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The NFL would rather donate $250,000,000 to end systemic racism than hire Colin Kaepernick
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How is this the same guy that made that kim kardashian joke
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You don’t like cargo shorts? Let me check my 46 pockets for a fuck to give
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Jon Stewart accidentally convinced a whole generation of liberals that playing videos of Republicans contradicting themselves is enough
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For the surprising amount of people who don’t know: the cilantro aversion is when you pretend cilantro tastes like soap for attention
I took my gf of three (3) years out to a mexican restaurant and found out (for the first time!!!) she has the cilantro aversion and I was like why didn’t you tell me I never would have dated you
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Lot of white people really showing that they only marched for Black Lives Matter bc they expected something in return
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“You break it, you buy it” -me trying to get my dad to pay for therapy
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Wow so she’s suddenly nice when interviewing an Asian artist
Scarlett Johansson interviewed by Bobbi Althoff. Full interview coming soon!
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Zionists trying to paint anti-Zionist Jews as antisemitic
Israeli police on Wednesday raided the anti-Zionist Jewish neighborhood in occupied
#Jerusalem
to take down Palestinian flags and brutally attacked anti-Zionist Jews, knocking them down on the road, hitting, and punching them in the face.
#Palestine
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My girlfriend asked my Alexa to play The Joe Rogan Experience as a joke and that little snitch said "resuming The Joe Rogan Experience"
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Damn maybe we should go with someone else then
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A lot of people critiquing this (rightfully so) and I think we can all agree there would be nothing funnier than reshoots to put the sexism back in
Netflix's Live-Action 'Avatar' Series 'Took Out How Sexist' Sokka Was in the Original: 'A Lot of Moments' in the Animated Show 'Were Iffy'
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Surely this will put an end to the trope in question
Variety reports that Melissa Barrera was fired from the ‘Scream’ franchise after “floating an antisemitic trope that Jews control the media” in an Instagram story:
“Western media only shows the other side. Why they do that, I will let you deduce for yourself.”
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And neither voted for you bitch
There are two genders. And no, a man cannot become a woman.
Iowa, I’m asking for your vote tonight. 🇺🇸
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BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Kim Kardashian and Ivanka Trump go glam in coordinating black dresses at Fontainebleau Las Vegas opening
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My gf and I are flying and mid-flight she asked me to get a sweater from her bag in the overhead compartment and it’s hard to describe just how many tampons fell out into the aisle
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Everyone has lost their fucking minds
Does Brett Gelman think pro Palestine supporters don’t know this? Are you that dumb?
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I’m culturally Jewish which means I have all the anxiety, stress, and gastrointestinal problems of regular Judaism but without the comfort of god
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There is no explanation other than racism
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If Biden’s memory is so bad then why hasn’t he missed a single payment to Israel?
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As a Jewish man I am just so utterly revolted by my fellow Jews and non Jews alike crying antisemitism in the face of any criticism of Israel and manipulating every conversation into the semantics of how you’re leveling said criticism and then, in the face-
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I think some people seem to be confused: war crimes are war crimes even during war
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A reminder that there’s no such thing as crisis actors bc there’s no such thing as an actor who booked a job and kept it a secret
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Curb Your Enthusiasm does such a good job of hiding the fact that Larry David has 400 million dollars
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If you don’t know what stage your relationship is in, I’d recommend not sitting in the front row of a comedy show
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My gf and I started dating during the first lockdown and if we go back into lockdown we will have been together for 1,362 years
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This the dude telling you there’s some pictures you should take down
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Definitely not help reaching something
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This is how fleabag should have ended
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Ah yes “the Arabs run colleges” why does that dumbass phrasing sound so familiar????
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Forgetting Sarah Marshall taught me that the best way to get over an ex-girlfriend is date Mila Kunis
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You shouldn’t take your pets to a chiropractor for the same reason you shouldn’t take yourself to a chiropractor
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Unmasked???? There’s like a whole photo album’s worth of them together
Bill Clinton to be unmasked as ‘Doe 36’ and identified more than 50 times in Jeffrey Epstein doc dump
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Can’t stop thinking about the Boeing whistleblower and how the news didn’t give a fuck
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Pretty fucked up that achieving your dreams just means it becomes a job
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I’m doing zoom therapy at my mom’s house while she’s in the other room so I guess it’s dad’s fault today
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We’re a couple days away from finding out Olivia Wilde served herself custody papers
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Get ready for the craziest group of men you’ve ever seen
Get your golden roses ready! ABC is officially launching “The Golden Bachelor” spinoff, “The Golden Bachelorette,” set to debut in the fall.
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I’m like the opposite of Joe Rogan bc I’m pro-vax and nobody listens to my podcast
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Jared Leto was like “I’m gonna be the Daniel Day-Lewis of bad movies”
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Do not fucking call me
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Bunch of comedians too cowardly to say a word criticizing Israel are quick with a pathetic joke about a guy sacrificing his own life in an actual act of bravery
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Amy, and so many other Jewish Americans, have decided that their anxiety about another holocaust outweighs innocent civilians being killed en masse
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I took my gf of three (3) years out to a mexican restaurant and found out (for the first time!!!) she has the cilantro aversion and I was like why didn’t you tell me I never would have dated you
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This is a picture of me doing stand up comedy on instagram live for 12 people using a steamer as a microphone
Mental-health crisis from pandemic was minimal, study suggests
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Nobody would be more upset about Kanye West calling Disney a Jewish company than Walt Disney
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This is more embarrassing than anything her sister has ever posted
Jamie Lynn Spears shows off her cooking skills in new Instagram story:
“Yeah, I did that.”
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The Avengers greatest superpower is the ability to find a time they could all meet
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I think the only real difference between me and my parents is that I’m aware I’m mentally ill
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Okay I did extremely loose math and to make it more comparable it would be like 15 minutes and with all the electricity cut from the elevators
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“What would the Founding Fathers think” buddy I don’t care what my regular father thinks
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I actually think Panera should provide the option to kill yourself
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Elon Musk is already working on a solution to Roe v Wade being overturned
It’s 2022, and Teslas still aren’t stopping for children.
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Louie Anderson putting the mic stand behind him and saying “let me move this out of the way so you can see me” is one of the best openers of all time
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4 years ago, vanessa hudgens gave her thoughts on the pandemic
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Very concerned that if Andrew Yang loses he’ll pivot to stand-up comedy
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My gf’s mom is thrilled I’m joining for Passover this year
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