ashley ray🍦ice cream money out 3/1
@theashleyray
Followers
64,007
Following
3,070
Media
2,141
Statuses
35,720
tv writer/comedian/host of @tvisaypod . ashley @theashleyray .com reps: brillstein
Los Angeles, CA
Joined December 2019
Don't wanna be here?
Send us removal request.
Explore trending content on Musk Viewer
Israel
• 2301428 Tweets
#Eurovision2024
• 1400686 Tweets
España
• 313989 Tweets
Mother's Day
• 189864 Tweets
New Jersey
• 181061 Tweets
Switzerland
• 155542 Tweets
Flamengo
• 124358 Tweets
#母の日
• 116413 Tweets
Nemo
• 113762 Tweets
Corinthians
• 109827 Tweets
Luka
• 99638 Tweets
Suiza
• 63354 Tweets
Croatia
• 49637 Tweets
プリキュア
• 45527 Tweets
#仮面ライダーガッチャード
• 44020 Tweets
Kyrie
• 37370 Tweets
Mavs
• 33606 Tweets
#UFCStLouis
• 31871 Tweets
Barco
• 27574 Tweets
DAIGO
• 22102 Tweets
#ブンブンジャー
• 22043 Tweets
Igor
• 21337 Tweets
ストフェス
• 18313 Tweets
Herrera
• 17121 Tweets
カグヤ様
• 15805 Tweets
Pinned Tweet
real good show coming up
4
3
148
why would you do this with a baby that looks like it just learned to sit up yesterday
2K
13K
237K
bf stopped a student passing a note that said “i like you, do you like me? meet me in the restroom” and i was like, aw you’re denying young love and he was like, no this girl has been giving these to people she hates and then she jumps them in the bathroom and well that’s iconic
232
14K
218K
this is why we let actors speak
Ryan Gosling on playing Ken in ‘BARBIE’: “Up until this point, I only knew Ken from afar. I didn't know Ken from within. I doubted my Ken-ergy. I didn't see it. But Margot [Robbie] and Greta [Gerwig] conjured this out of me.”
468
8K
125K
100
11K
211K
this is drugs
These guys watching boygenius, very wholesome, you love to see it.
271
1K
25K
350
8K
199K
since when is it illegal to listen to a man
Texas mom allegedly shot dead daughter’s abusive boyfriend when he dared her, ‘Just shoot me!’
807
341
5K
211
15K
196K
saw someone say “if you pay fast food workers a livable wage, they’ll stay in those jobs forever” ok, so? if someone loves working at waffle house why shouldn’t they get paid enough to make that their career?
659
17K
183K
sent happy holidays to my brother and his fiancé and she replied to the whole family like “we aren’t together anymore because of his actions, i did nothing but love him” and then the whole family chat was like “oh damn girl, sorry, but just know we all knew it was his fault ❤️”
175
6K
173K
this was my first graphic design job, i think i did great!!
518
5K
165K
she bout to run that shit like the marines
Tina Fey is reportedly in talks to return to Saturday Night Live as the executive producer:
83
184
3K
147
8K
163K
are there a lot of wars where one side can turn off their enemy’s water and electricity and close their borders?
1K
18K
151K
i own this barbie. my mom wouldn’t let me open it cuz she swore it would be worth so much money when a woman became president. i wanted to play with that red dress so bad but never did. anyway, it is worth $3
203
6K
148K
to save you a stream: it’s a coke rant set to music where she quotes tweets with a bridge where she repeats “lyin on your dead mama” over and over and then there’s like, a spoken word part at the end where she sounds like she is off a perc insane
319
10K
141K
i love how she speaks spanish like she’s speaking english
My girl really learned Spanish just to argue with her man and THATS what I’m talking about sis! 😂😂😂
530
9K
102K
207
8K
138K
i dated someone who was like "i dont care if we breakup, hate each other and never speak again, if theres one thing you take from me it should be: never go to a chiropractor, i mean that"
Guys. I really shouldn’t have to keep saying this. But here we are. Please don’t go to chiropractors.
821
4K
40K
438
9K
135K
had a talk with my manager where i told him it’s hard to do my job when i’m left off of emails/meetings and he said “well when you’re left out just let me know” and then i stared at him until he went “but if you were left out, you wouldn’t know….”
187
4K
133K
“why is your penis on a dead girl’s phone” is now an EGOT-level line of dialogue, we did it everyone!!!
57
14K
125K
he said “let me teach y’all how to be funny”
Naaah bro John Cena is on some other shit 😭😭😭
357
9K
106K
67
6K
123K
sitting next to a gorgeous gorgeous girl at the bar and the bartender came up to her and was like “btw your entire tab was taken care of” and some complete stranger had paid it like in the movies and she just gave him a nod and left i have met an icon; a legend
97
4K
121K
yeah she’s not a real engineer, she’s a software engineer who read some fema books and takes advice from people in the comments and anyway she got shut down
Is anyone else paying attention to the girl who is making an underground tunnel system under her house
953
2K
30K
1K
6K
119K
every time ppl post videos of this lady and her dog men get so jealous. WHY
This girl takes such good care of her pit bull his skin is like silk and he’s so adorable 😍
2K
11K
120K
852
7K
117K
i have shocking news for you about who is at sex parties
418
7K
116K
@blink182
@tomdelonge
@travisbarker
@markhoppis
My stepdad Hamish is on this submarine lost at sea. I’m devastated but coming to the San Diego show tonight so you guys can give me hope and cheer me up.🖤🙏
279
711
5K
116
9K
111K
who would’ve thought biden failing to do student loan forgiveness but finding billions to bomb gaza would make his re-election difficult amongst the youth
9
20K
110K
it sounds like most of y’all aren’t charming enough to turn an ice cream date into a “let’s walk around and get dinner date” and frankly that’s a skill issue
209
9K
108K
oh it doesn’t have to sit right with you. hope that helps
Aborting a baby because y’all really don’t like each other and you don’t want to take responsibility for your actions isn’t sitting right with me.
2K
207
1K
124
9K
108K
just got the funniest message from my director cuz my whole team thought the office was closed on 1/2 and reopens on 1/3 lmaoooooooo
304
4K
106K
watched this wild doc about twin brothers and one of them lost his memory in an accident at 18 so the other brother was like “our family is great and normal” then after their parents died decades later he was like “actually they were pedophiles who molested us until we were 14”
246
3K
105K
they said it was a catastrophic implosion and someone asked if the victims’ bodies were being recovered, do you know what those words mean, sir come on
321
4K
98K
thought that “teachers say gen alpha students are the worst ” tiktok was exaggerating but my mom (ran a daycare from 1990-2013, now takes care of my gen alpha nephews) and my bf (teacher for a decade) both were like “yes this is true, i am facing new demons i never imagined”
270
4K
97K
i simply did not give barbie this power over me, i controlled HER life, i had her man cheating on her, had her tied to my ceiling fan like it was a roller coaster ride, what could she do to make me feel bad
222
9K
92K
i agree with this because i go to the movies alone all the time and it’s just because i want to see a movie and i don’t have an insecurity that makes me think being alone is worse than death
Going solo to the cinema isn’t ‘an act of self-love’ no matter what the internet says
281
120
1K
175
10K
92K
i think most americans don’t realize like, the whole middle part of our country is just full of religious cults and every few years one is uncovered and it’s like “oh yeah the kingston clan has run all politics in utah for 90 years” haha we are a cult country!
212
7K
86K
i do not believe in the “oh you’re a chicago 8, then you’re an LA 5” logic, i just know if i am in new york, i never pay for meals, if i am in LA, i never pay for drinks and if i am in appleton wisconsin i could get a man to buy me a house in 4 days
132
4K
85K
i love when he’s like, it’s not your body ❤️ it’s your absolutely horrible shit taste in clothes
A lot of people have a hard time separating body type from style. This outfit would not look good on anyone. He needs a jacket; the sweater would look better if it was textured; blue chinos are hard to wear. This same outfit would look bad on a skinny or athletic person. 🧵
528
5K
102K
63
4K
86K
when my mom came out of the closet at 63 after making me go to conversion therapy in my teens
I don’t think y’all understand how many of our parents are violently suppressed closeted gays and bisexuals 💀💀 if we found out the truth, you’d gag
239
4K
32K
116
4K
84K
ok so the now the norm is if someone is asking for food and help on the train, you strangle them. if someone rings your doorbell, you shoot them? if someone accidentally pulls into your driveway, you shoot them? that’s just what we’re agreeing to as a society?
270
14K
80K
there’s a flight to maui taking off from my flight to denver and let me tell you the rescue workers waiting to board are giving real side eye to this family talking about their vacation
146
3K
81K
like no offense but to be a taylor swift fan it seems like you have to be completely unaware of any music that came before to see her as a genius
603
6K
81K
the man who should’ve had it all
forget jimmy fallon... we all know who the best american talk show host is
415
1K
20K
182
4K
74K
wild that some of my favorite recent shows don’t have more than 40-50 episodes if they’re lucky
88
5K
73K
the first black barbie was made in 1967 as "colored francie" but was discontinued a year later because ppl didn't think she was realistic enough, christie, the first black friend of barbie was introduced in 1968, the first black barbie was 1980 then theres the shani and asha coll
All these black girls wanna be Barbie’s when they know damn well wasn’t no black Barbie dolls growing up , y’all just hop on trends and blindly run w it
2K
91
546
198
6K
72K
halloween is really that time when i get why people have kids
28
3K
72K
that's wild cuz im also happier when her titties are out
Janelle Monáe Opens Up About The Recent Headlines Surrounding Her Body: ‘I’m Much Happier When My Ti***es Are Out’
74
343
3K
70
7K
70K
uber driver said “you an ashley, i put on some ashley music” and it’s paramore
107
2K
71K
i don’t care if you’re a friend, relative, coworker or date, if i say i’ll meet you somewhere, fall asleep and you have to pay $70, i will absolutely apologize and offer to cover that
slept through my Michelin res last night and have no regrets bc I avoided a man who behaves like this
4K
148
2K
274
4K
71K
if she was good at this she would’ve been able to match offset’s energy, instead you see he’s just roasting her and she feels a way about it but doesn’t know what to do
439
5K
70K
the woman at paramount who is casually eating snacks while picketing and doesn’t notice her sign keeps almost slapping dan levy in the face because she’s so into her snack is my hero
48
2K
70K
even his boss was like "why did you send her that? she wasnt behind on anything" and anyway now that guy isn't my boss anymore <3
209
649
71K
modern family was a very good show and i’m tired of ppl acting shocked it was so good when clips go around now, for some reason it got aligned with shows like how i met your mother but they were doing something more interesting over there at abc like they’ve been doing!!
200
5K
69K
the children don’t remember how bad TV got during the 2007 writers strike
1K
7K
68K
this white girl i work with just tried to tell me the phrase “spill the tea” came from the boston tea party
358
3K
68K
cool how “missing princess was maybe secretly murdered” is the wild conspiracy theory the world provides right now and “boeing killed a man” is just a thing that happened
Boeing whistleblower John Barnett was planning to drive home to Louisiana after his deposition on Friday 3/8 before Boeing lawyers asked him to stay one more day to finish his testimony.
His body was found on the morning of 3/9.
496
14K
49K
34
11K
68K
sometimes you’ll save $10k for a car and wake up to your mom saying she needs $9k to keep her house and it’s like wow look at god he loves a joke
486
4K
67K
first dates should be bare minimum, it is literally to figure out if you vibe with the person. if it's someone you already know/have hungout with, sure, expect more, but if we're just meeting off an app, i just wanna grab a drink, grab a coffee or ice cream and see about you
An ice cream date as a first date in your 30s is fucking crazy but I forgot people are ok with bare minimum effort
2K
951
6K
184
5K
67K
i’ve enjoyed some matt damon performances but this made me a fan for life
74
4K
66K
those are completely different eyebrows
Melissa McCarthy’s makeup artist for
#TheLittleMermaid
responds to “offensive” comments saying that a queer makeup artist should have been hired to bring Ursula to life:
“Why can't I do as good a job as a queer makeup artist? That's ridiculous.“
🔗:
1K
571
19K
103
2K
64K
bf’s friend’s autistic son asked if i like anime and i said yeah i like Attack on Titan and he looked at my bf and said “attack on titan? ew. why are you even with her?” roasted my ass
89
2K
64K
“they made a trailer without the music for people who hate musicals” well if there’s one thing people who hate musicals love, it’s being tricked into seeing a musical
67
3K
64K
explaining to my future children that abortion is illegal but at least we have all of this ironic RBG-hip hop merch white women made to keep us warm
79
6K
63K
democrats are doing everything they can to stop young ppl from coming out to vote for them
The House just voted to ban TikTok in the United States. 352-65.
The bill now heads to the Senate, where its fate is uncertain. But President Biden says he will sign it into law if it hits his desk.
155
166
699
692
10K
64K
got a flat tire yesterday. told my boss i had to take my car in. they ended up doing a full inspection, had to replace the tire and a broken valve gauge and do a break fluid flush. i get to work at 1 and tell my boss all that.
174
1K
63K
doing a show at the venue where i did a joke and someone yelled “you stole that from twitter” then 2 minutes later yelled “oh it was your twitter” happy to be back
26
2K
63K
i only feel bad for the 19yo stuck on that sub, i can’t imagine that was a top 5 activity on his summer vacation list, it is fully a dad hobby
67
2K
61K
temporary writers isn’t what we call them in my house
ABC's 'General Hospital' is hiring a batch of temporary writers to write new episodes of the popular soap opera.
855
186
406
74
4K
61K
ppl telling me no one who works retail or fast food loves those jobs and i need you to know the people with email jobs, spending their day in excel spreadsheets to figure out how many ppl a goddamn mcdonald’s ad will reach also don’t love their job, they love the pay and benefits
348
5K
61K
i want you to know that you should sign up for every class action settlement you ever get an email about because why did i just get one that was over $1k when i thought it would be like $1
228
3K
58K
i actually think the backlash drew got is what made the amptp realize they needed to make a deal asap cuz they saw they couldn’t get away with some shows crossing the line like last time
drew barrymore ruined her good name just for them to reach an agreement days later
90
3K
70K
56
4K
58K
“cAN wE sTill bE FrIendsss?” oh fuck yeah man, i need more friends who are bad at communicating, call me names and only have a sexual interest in me
45
6K
57K
“you need to ask your mom why she’s living in a house she can’t afford” oh ok great advice twitter thank you, hey mom why are you living in the house my grandparents built and left you when they died?
109
2K
57K
so will got with kate middleton cuz everyone at his college said she was hot and he was like “eh, ok” and she got with him cuz her mom plotted on it, like the crown really ruined any idea of a love story between them
327
2K
55K
i’ll laugh at a meme but i draw the line at giving this transphobe money
George Santos is now offering customized videos on Cameo at a price of $200 per video.
322
570
18K
24
4K
55K
he was truly given perfect insight into how every lil girl plays with ken and barbie
18
3K
53K
if i was making a trailer of the broadway version of a show i would simply include the music so ppl know it is not just a remake
Get in loser, we’re going to the movies. 💖 Watch the new trailer for
#MeanGirls
– only in theatres January 12.
#OnWednesdaysWeWearPink
1K
7K
28K
103
2K
53K
you’re telling me they girl who said break up with your girlfriend i’m bored has boys breaking up with their girlfriends cuz she’s bored
90
4K
52K
ryan gosling realized what people need from him and decided he was just gonna be really good at that
50
2K
53K
this is insane to me and i don’t understand ppl who are like “this was a mature response, was he supposed to hide in his room?” like no, be in your house. i would’ve been like “wasn’t expecting a ghost from christmas past to visit” and gone about my business
Best feeling today.
My roommate brought over her group of friends to watch a movie. I came home and one of them was a guy who ghosted me twice (my dumb self). I asked him to leave and the dude was just shocked. Literally held the door open while watching him get his stuff.
824
451
19K
196
1K
52K
one thing i loved about working retail and fast food is that when i was done for the day, i was done. i didn’t have to notify my team when i was starting my drive home and when i’d be back online to answer client emails at 11pm or 4am
185
2K
52K
family group chat going crazy over this vid of my cousin saving a kid from walking into the street
303
3K
51K
i love how there are so many ppl in the replies going “i loved being a barista/i loved working retail and i would’ve done it forever if it paid well” and then there are people who simply cannot fathom that
552
3K
51K
hello, it has been 8 months since shaun king launched a "private clothing line" that sold $165 hoodies, there hasn't been an update since October, the entire instagram has been deleted and the last existing comments were people saying they still hadnt gotten their orders
779
6K
49K
may his thrift shop hauls always be good
10
3K
49K
she said “we’ve been dating for 5 years” and my mom took her aside and said, “5 years? he’s never mentioned your name, he was engaged to this girl last year, are you sure about this?” and she said we just didn’t know him as well as her
Lmao see dis type shit women ignore which is crazy nigga if I proposed to a chick and ANYBODY close to her pulled me to da side on some real “you sure about this” shit ima actually take dat serious
13
321
8K
78
2K
49K
doctor asked how much weed i smoke a day and when i told him, he pushed his laptop screen down, looked me right in the eyes and said “have you ever considered cutting down?”
159
1K
46K
lmao i gotta think your ex-fiancé’s entire family taking your side is a nice christmas gift all things considered
6
355
46K
immaculate "ronnie i think youre just here for the zip line" vibes
somebody said Jamie Lee Curtis was having the time of her life
71
2K
30K
42
2K
46K
ok going through my old hard drive, remembered the time i ran a tumblr called "blackpplofstarshollow" where i would write intricate stories for the black background actors in gilmore girls
94
1K
46K
they had a meeting to yell at my team today for management’s mistakes and then after we had a collective “so who is updating their linkedin” meeting
74
1K
46K
why do they have the most confused person read the best picture award
107
1K
46K
“how does your brother not know what snl is” idk he’s a 22yo black guy who works as a model and hasn’t spent a saturday night at home in his life, attractive ppl live different lives than us
46
1K
45K
oh cool our coworker who was living in paris for 6 weeks is back and in office with all of us, no concerns there
85
1K
45K
“barbie can’t represent everyone” then why is this literally my aunt coming home from work, disappointed her kids didn’t take the chicken out of the freezer in 1996
37
3K
44K
two kinds of friendships with women who are in unstable places and from my wild recent past
114
2K
43K
white ppl do love these kinds of respectability politics “sure the guy was a manipulative weasel who may have emotionally abused you, but the way you went about calling him out is the bigger issue”
It’s gross to post your ex’s private texts unless you have a really solid reason to do so—& this holds true even if your ex was a thin-skinned, manipulative weasel. That used to be a given, but it clearly isn’t anymore
2K
285
7K
138
4K
42K
joy ride, girls trip, 80 for brady, hustlers, little women, widows, bombshell, bodies bodies bodies, promising young woman, women talking, the woman king, little mermaid, bridesmaids, oceans eight, lady ghostbusters,
312
3K
42K
now Jennifer, what were you trying to do to Jamie Foxx only a few weeks ago
Jennifer Aniston is "so over cancel culture."
"I just don’t understand what it means.… Is there no redemption? I don’t know. I don’t put everybody in the Harvey Weinstein basket."
235
106
579
47
4K
41K
there was really only one man who even wanted this job and they squandered him
The Daily Show is reportedly going host-less for now. When it returns from a hiatus, it'll instead apparently be relying on a team of correspondents rather than celebrity guest hosts or a permanent replacement for Trevor Noah.
125
63
487
248
2K
42K
i mean i’m pretty sure he knew his mom wasn’t going to be at his coronation because the way it works is
It must be a little bit sad for King Charles too, the biggest day of his life, but a reminder that his parents aren’t there. I think we sometimes forget that they’re human too.
639
181
7K
23
2K
42K
dozens of us were working behind the scenes to make this happen
It appears that Instagram has taken down Shaun King’s account.
He had 5.6 million followers.
625
386
5K
287
3K
40K
“twitter is paying creators” and dril and jaboukie didn’t get a check, that’s how you know it’s a scam
38
4K
39K