niles
@NILES100
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stand up comedian but a movie star on the side • @daveonfxx S3 writer • watch my comedy specials
Los Angeles, CA
Joined May 2009
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ok but why did the downfall of civilization have to happen during MY 20’s though
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if kaepernick kneeling made you uncomfortable, hate to break it to ya but you wouldn't have liked this mlk guy
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every girl texting her man “if somebody made fun of me at the Oscar’s would you slap them??”
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I know kim happy she don’t have to wear them hunger games clothes no more
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one day in the near future there’s going to be a landmark court case where someone is going to sue their parents for using them for internet content when they were a baby/small child. they’re going to win and then droves are going to fall in line and sue as well. so good luck
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great. a white dude that’s gonna say “let me play devil’s advocate” before he shoots me
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the police defunding us
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our generation won’t just take getting treated like shit at work and these old mfs hate it 😭
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john legend probably sit in the car outside in the driveway for 30 minutes before he come home
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one of my friends was an extra on the godzilla v kong movie and they said the two of them are actually good friends and were cracking jokes in between the fight scenes on set
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I know who not playing MLK
A Martin Luther King Jr biopic is in the works with Chris Rock set to direct.
(Source: Deadline)
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i'm glad they let Black ppl write/direct blockbuster movies now bc a nigga with a mean right hook that hates you and been locked up in prison for 20 years just listening to nipsey hussle and working out is probably one of the scariest villains of all time lmfaooo
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you should go to prison for making explicit AI photos of someone
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back in January I had a meeting up at adam sandler’s office with some of his execs and about 10 minutes into the meeting he popped his head in and i yelled “OH SHIT” bc I had no idea he’d be there and the whole room busted out laughing. then adam came in and gave me a hug, told…
What’s your favorite interaction you’ve had with a celebrity?
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can yall stop being racist so we can do something about capitalism
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as soon as i get on I’m getting at a famous rapper’s girl bc this is the best free comedy special promo of all time wow
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lol I really need to know what amy schumer did for the Black community besides make comedy specials so bad that Mo’Nique won a lawsuit against Netflix that they weren’t paying her enough
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why aren’t alcohol companies pushing for better public transportation in America? yall would make so much more money lol
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who’s a white character on a tv show that you love but know would be a Trump supporter in real life?
Mine’s Coach Taylor from Friday Night Lignts.
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lol Killmonger shot a lady in the face in the first act
Michael B. Jordan says Killmonger wasn't a villain
'He cared about his people just as much as T'Challa ... He just had a different way of going about getting it done'
(via
@BleacherReport
)
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don’t ever let a broke comedian host the Oscar’s because i woulda fell down and made a scene to get a piece of that wild wild west money for the rest of my life
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kanye and drake always gonna hate each other because they want to BE each other. drake wants to be seen as an innovative pioneering artist and kanye wants to be white.
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white dudes get to make 4 hour movies, movies that “you might have to watch twice to get it”, movies with Mel gibson in it and the rest of us don’t make it past the part where we get notes like “why does the main character have to be Black”
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since the jeffersons???? y'all racist bruh
Quinta Brunson just became the second Black actress in Emmys history to win Lead in the Comedy category, 42 years after Isabel Sanford won for The Jefferson. Icon!!!
Here’s her tearful speech:
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Batman about to come beat they ass
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I love white on white crime
i’m not sure i would be able to show my face again if someone did this to me
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non Black ppl:
how do y’all search for niggas in Paris when you want to play it on Spotify? 🤔
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the director of the “genocide is bad” film is getting in trouble for saying “genocide is bad” in his acceptance speech. throw this industry in the trash
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the craziest thing I’ve learned from delivering food in LA is finding out how i tip way more than rich ppl. i feel stupid
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my man fake laughing at tyler perry at movie premiers. he really made it 🥹
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bc the crimes he committed weren't over here
Just wonna point out that My President was not charged with 34 Felonies
We keep good vibes over here 😎
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trump & hilary had “we used to fuck” energy at the debates but we don’t have to talk about it
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the funniest way to watch Anaconda is to pretend Ice Cube is playing Craig from Friday again and he finally got a job but it’s working as a cameraman for a documentary
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he just be saying cool shit for the documentary at this point lmao
"Everyone says [Father Time] is undefeated. ... I'm trying to give him one loss"
Bron knew he was about to drop a bar 😂
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an old white dude said my screenplay sucked and was for the "generation raised on youtube" so that must mean it's really good
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today is officially my 26th birthday. which means my frontal lobe is completely developed. ladies who want me
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This is like when the cultural phenomenon “Get Out” (2017) made $$$ and then we got a bunch of really bad psychological thrillers that deal with social issues
Lily Collins is set to star as Polly Pocket in a film directed by Lena Dunham. The head of Mattel Films confirms the script is in — and it’s “great.”
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it’s become normal to tell ppl that they need “7 streams of income” do y’all get how insane that is???
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having to sit back and watch the same 9/11 propaganda tactics be used and be successful is making me go insane
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never flying overnight ever again. waking up with morning wood around 40 strangers ain’t it
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MY COUSIN BECAME MAYOR OF HIS HOMETOWN LAST NIGHT AT 23 LMFAOOO WE UP
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@jasminericegirl
lol i hate them so much. “mama lets research” is the most condescending shit
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no one:
50 year old comedian to sold out arena: they won’t let me say ANYTHING ANYMORE
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alright nigga damn!!! I’ll watch the fuckin movie just please stop!!!
Bradley Cooper says he is comfortable walking around naked at home because his dad was “always nude”:
“My dad was always nude, and always took showers with him.”
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nvm y’all don’t need to come see me perform bc this the funniest shit to ever exist
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some of you losers danced in the streets when joe biden got elected lol and don’t lie it’s still up on instagram a few rows up from your black square
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why the hell was michael jackson singing like he had been divorced twice at the age of 6
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jesse armstrong and bill hader started in sketch comedy so now i'm wondering what will tim robinson's fucked up and serious award winning show be in 10 years
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tired of yall making fun of white ppl for enjoying Taylor Swift when you should be taking advantage of the fact she can distract 50,000 of them in your city for 3 hours. rob them!!!
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bro get some good pics so she not looking dumb when her friend asks her what you look like
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taylor swift dating a racist dude is kind of dope. I love when artists try to relate more to their fan base
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🍅🍅🍅 I did this in 2019
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somebody sent his grandma the video
Kelly Oubre Jr. after his outburst in last night's game:
"I try to represent God in the best way I possibly can, and that wasn’t it."
(via
@PHLY_Sixers
)
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dave chappelle yelling "i'm team terf" on stage is still top 3 lamest shit ever said in a comedy special and chris d'elia exists
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all the “he’s 40 and wants peace” shit is stupid. every verse of his for the last few years has been “I’m the best and I’m killin these other rappers” and another nigga who thinks he’s better dissed him lol I’m tired of this fake deep shit yall be doing with this man
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babies used for internet content gonna get reparations before Black ppl will lmfaoooo
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the next joe budden podcast episode might make him a billionaire
J. Cole addresses beef with Kendrick Lamar and speaks on the making of "7 Minute Drill" at Dreamville Fest:
"I felt conflicted 'cause I'm like, bruh I know I don't really feel a way. But the world wanna see blood... so I say all of that to say, in my spirit of trying to get this…
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jonathan majors got this on his dash
Dr. Betty Shabazz, Ms. Coretta Scott King and Ms. Myrlie Evers.
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so did ppl just collectively stop giving a fuck about this chris d’elia shit or am I like missing something?? or is it just that same old “desperate comedians will cozy up next to anyone if they think they can get an opportunity out of it” thing?
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period sex wild y’all just be chillin and then boom ya room smell like the ER now
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@omarisoftwick
he gone get shot at the motel and then pop back up “HOLD UP WAIT A MINUTE YALL THOUGHT I WAS FINISHED”
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lol nah I’m assuming everything about a mf in a blue lives matter shirt
You guys this is wild. An innocent celebration for my moms milestone 60th birthday has turned into an absurd political statement, which was not the intention. Please stop making assumptions. Much love to everyone ♥️ and Happy Birthday Mom!
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as of today I am officially a professional writer (I have not been hired or paid to write anything I’m just deciding I am today)
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when i was a kid this older man told me eating salad was gay. he's dead.
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i feel like alot of rich stand up comedians forget how to take an L. it's literally how you got funny, you make fun of your L's. PC culture isn't ruining your comedy. You're just out of touch
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glad someone as famous as him said it bc it’s tv writers out here applying for food stamps and having to leave LA but you got famous directors/actors trying to do everything possible to toe the line which doesn’t help negotiations at all
Bob Odenkirk responds to certain stars wanting SAG waivers to allow them to promote their films.
“Don’t. It’s a strike. Strike. You lose. We lose. Everybody loses. That’s tough shit.”
(Source: )
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hey this is your sign to not quit whatever you’re passionate about. a lot of these mfs ahead of you suck, they parents just rich
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I haven’t sold a script yet bc I’m terrible in pitches bc telling execs “real niggas gone fuck with it i promise” apparently isn’t professional
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I don’t give 2 fucks if I’m only the Black person you come in contact with. That’s your problem. I’m not living my life to “represent Black ppl” or in a way that makes white ppl comfortable. If something one Black person does changes your perception of a whole race, you’re racist
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wait hold on 😭 imagine being so bad at your job that someone else can use your work as a court evidence to sue the company y’all both do work for that they should be getting paid a lot more. couldn’t be me
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if kendrick real then he need to diss both of them light skin niggas “there ain’t no fuckin big 3” but he’s not
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idk who olivia rodrigo is but she got y’all posting high school L’s
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