Karmandalorian
@Karmandalorian
Followers
1,066
Following
919
Media
15,603
Statuses
54,277
This is the way. Follow for dad jokes, old jokes, and old dad jokes.
Joined March 2020
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الهلال
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Pinned Tweet
@RonFilipkowski
Bobby Jindall: “we’ve got to stop being the stupid party.”
MTG: “Hold my meth.”
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51
@Sundae_Gurl2
Q: How can you tell if someone went to Harvard?
A: Don’t worry. They’ll tell you.
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130
10K
@piersmorgan
@elonmusk
Piers Morgan calling others “smug, irritating, self-righteous”???? That’s richer than the royal family!
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47
2K
@tamagotchimilf
I kept bringing girls back to meet my mom. My mom hated them and kept throwing them out of the house.
Finally a friend told me to "bring home a girl just like your mom."
My dad hated her... threw her out of the house.
(sorry, old joke)
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2K
@mesallyann
It won’t be so hard to role play in 20 years. Just kidding!
I’ve been happily married for 20 years. Married for 25 but 20 of them were happy. Just kidding!!!
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11
1K
@GiriWaltz
@GeorgeTakei
Name three people who damaged their own brand the most in the past month
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1K
@BuiceElaine
@WalshFreedom
WE don’t have war. Ukraine would not have a country if trump was in charge.
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29
1K
@LucasKunceMO
@TheRickWilson
At least Josh Hawley is an expert in cybersecurity. I heard he has a lot of experience with Ransomewhere.
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1K
@nojumper
Filming in a public bathroom is a lot more worrisome than gender neutral bathrooms.
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766
@AdamKinzinger
“I’m a conservative Republican.”
He didn’t say trumper. He didn’t say MAGA.
This is your party. It’s not new either. Newt is an example. Can’t lay the blame just at trump. He gamed the system and adopted your party’s approach.
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690
@RealDLHughley
“Throughout the entire interview I felt a panic attack growing...
Finally, I was left speechless at one question—the basic definition of the word woke.”
It was the first question.
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641
@zachsilberberg
Every place makes you older. You’re now one second older than before you read this tweet.
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456
@Imposter_Edits
And to supply the military with recruits. That’s why they’re against student loan relief. Competes with the GI Bill as a way to pay for college.
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@jorymicah
The World Trade Center was attacked by Muslim extremists in 1993 not just in 2001. Not exactly a shocker that he’d get terrorism insurance.
As long as there are Muslim extremists, getting terrorist insurance is a good idea.
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@danpfeiffer
The fact that
@johnrobertsFox
tweeted such malarkey raises concerns about how professional he and
@FoxNews
are.
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300
@donwinslow
I’d cut him some slack. When the president (or elect) of any party, yours or the opposing party, wants to meet with you, you should do so. if you can use that to steer him in a positive way or get a job keeping him in check, you try. Better Secy Romney than Sec’y Stephen Miller!
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5
291
@AmyA1A
@JeremyRedfernFL
@GovRonDeSantis
Whoa. I'm Jewish and have two kids in college. But Palestinian kids walking the street were SHOT in Vermont. That's not just bullying/threats. One is paralyzed. They coulda died.
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2
275
@ItsWorsethanYo1
@DWUhlfelderLaw
My mother in law was asked by nurses. She said “that idiot”. It was accepted.
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272
@davenewworld_2
“Look at me! Look at my flag! Give me attention!”
“Why are you paying attention to me?”
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256
@joshtpm
Also, Mrs. Lincoln really enjoyed Act I of the play but the media doesn’t report that.
0
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256
@RonFilipkowski
I hear Putin is coming out with his own twitter. Komrade Tucker can go there.
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@KristySwansonXO
Fact Check: It's November 2021. Vaccines have been out for about a year. If you're not vaxxed by now, you're anti-vax. And your timeline shows your position quite well. BTW, even FoxNews is pro-vax.
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233
@thebradfordfile
In a hundred years fauci will be remembered for a lifetime of service and Rogan for his love of the N-word.
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11
224
@CheriJacobus
@AndreaY69881798
@CryptoD95366611
He was a criminal long before January 6. And the mom left out that they saw him the day before. And the dad brought his 16 year old to January 6 and had him participate.
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246
@Eka_FOOF_A
@ewhore444
@lovedoveclarke
He tried to get Model E but Ford wouldn’t allow it as they have the trademark. Hence the 3.
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@107Reader
@atrupar
Because he tells the IRS his businesses are worth less than he tells the banks. Two sets of books. Either bank fraud or tax fraud. Likely both.
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229
@joanwalsh
EVERYBODY knows the name of the guy who died and was vaccinated. That proves the point as to how rare it is. Now name the 700,000 unvaxxed who died.
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@RyanRozbiani
$10.
Per American. Per year.
That’s what Israel gets.
And it stays in the USA for defense contractors.
It’s only more this year because Hamas started a war.
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@RMarcMunoz
@JohnLegere
@elonmusk
@Twitter
100%? Hah.
Hard to say who’s done more damage to their brand this month:
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@ZoeSchiffer
Congress needs to pass a law letting H1B visa holders stay if their employer lays off 50% of the company in a year for example. Do that and watch twitter empty out.
4
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208
@PaulCogan
@MayoIsSpicyy
Fox should not be broadcast on any military bases. Except Russian.
4
29
193
@jsolomonReports
@realDonaldTrump
"Trump team wins hearings"
I guess, in the same way I "win seatings" when I make a reservation.
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10
178
@DineshDSouza
In other words… why haven’t people who, not that long ago (i.e. in my lifetime) weren’t welcome in public schools (let alone colleges), contributed more? It’s a mystery.
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10
178
@AmyA1A
@JeremyRedfernFL
@GovRonDeSantis
Last I checked, Ron was running for President of the United States.
Did you honestly think "But that (thankfully) is not a thing that is happening right now." is limited to one state? If so, you shoulda typed that.
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@ASlavitt
@morgfair
To the “Let ‘er rip” crowd… approx 35 million ie ten percent of Americans had COVID. That gave us 750,000 deaths. If 100% had COVID we would have over 7 million dead from covid. More because some of those would be doctors, etc. think of what we did because 3,000 died on 9/11
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@bresreports
George Santos can loan them the money. Just like he loaned his campaign $700k despite making $55k/year
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@dailydirtnap
Multifactor authentication locking users out.
He fired other depts you don't see, like accessibility & governance which is why he's in trouble w/ GDPR/Europe. Could face fines larger than Twitter makes. Just because it looks like it works doesn't mean this hasn't been run badly.
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@SeanOhhhh
The problem is
@mcuban
is arguing WITH VIVEK WHO IS AN UNETHICAL BUSINESSMAN! He bought a failed Alzheimer drug, had his pharma money cook the books, pumped it on Jim Cramer and dumped the stock making millions. It’s his only claim to fame. He’s like trump without charisma.
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@IronStache
When I first saw her it reminded me of the girl in the red jacket in Schindler’s List. The only use of color. Later you saw her body. It’s like humans need to focus on one life because millions are just a number.
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@anyaparampil
I saw their posters at least before pro hamas activists tore them down. I also saw the video of a Thai worker being decapitated by Hamas. They fought over who would get to to it.
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@StevijoPayne
But he knew their names.
That’s because people like you continue to say their names. thanks
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141
@Kaylan_TX
Pence calls his wife Mother. Rudy calls his mistress Daughter. Trump cheats on his wife with a porn star. Matt schlapp grabs the crotch of a male staffer. Doesn’t any man in the gop sleep with their wife?
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@MattWallace888
The first day he literally wore the flag as a cape. Blatantly against the code of conduct. The school was right. Nothing wrong with wearing the colors but the kid was wrong on the first day.
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131
@HoosierMamaTags
@charley_ck14
@HashtagRoundup
Rudy booked the White House for the next four years!
#CheerUpDonaldTrump
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135
@bitsweetTess
@AvivaKlompas
You want to create a safe space for women and non-binary individuals?
It’s called Israel.
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@Cobratate
You confessed. On tape. To how you sex trafficked women. It’s open and shut. You are never goin to be free. Own it.
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@jayblackisfunny
@TheRickWilson
Brad does a lot of work with unwed teenage moms. Just helping them get their start.
(Stolen from
@SteveMartinToGo
)
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@StrictlyChristo
@yashar
I mean you shouldn’t even call a female flight attendant a stewardess any more. Let alone a pilot!
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@tedcruz
Now… Imagine how women feel about some other medical decisions being made about their bodies? In Texas for example.
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@theliamnissan
So THAT’S why
@SpeakerJohnson
doesn’t have a bank account. He’s been putting everything on his credit card…
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