Heather Chapman
@Mother_Tongue
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Ex-journo, Jeopardy! loser, Kentucky Colonel, writer of many things. Comms consultant. Rural policy nerd. Neurodivergent af, queer af, tired af. Chaotic good.
Joined June 2008
I don’t think people understand. If you were in Kentucky during lockdown, you were watching Andy Beshear’s daily 5 pm update. People wrote *fan fiction* about him.
When the world stopped this week three years ago, a friend asked me to be co-admin of a little Facebook meme group of folks who looked to Andy Beshear to feel a little safer. It soon grew to 230,000 ppl. Here's a 🧵 of some faves y'all made!. This one was from this day in 2020.
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@Virginia_Brasch Kids, istg. When my son was 4, he called 911 during the Super Bowl halftime show because “the field was on fire.” Luckily the dispatcher just laughed her ass off. Around the same time he also ordered so much XBox stuff one day that he overdrew our account. He’s lucky he’s cute.
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Don’t give up on Kentucky, y’all. There’s plenty of us here fighting for it and we could use some help.
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@clhubes This is why I pity people who think the terrible twos are the pits. Twos are GREAT. 3yo’s will test your religion, sanity and blood pressure.
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So happy that @SchittsCreek swept the comedy #Emmys. It really meant something to my NB pan teen to see a show where love wins, where @danjlevy can rock a skirt and talk about being "into the wine and not the label" and get his happily ever after. 🌈.
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@coevoeco I accidentally trained my cats to remind me to take my meds. I gave them treats when I took my meds because they’re in the same cabinet & it seemed unfair to tease them with Opening the Cabinet of Glory. I never forget my meds now bc they start yowling at me until I remember.
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@XdirtydY @drvolts I’m with you on the car salesmen, but you really want a realtor. Seriously. You have no idea how many ways you can get screwed on literally every step of the process and how much money you’ll lose trying to DIY it. Also, you need someone experienced in navigating bidding wars.
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@clhubes I was a daycare worker for several years back in the day, so I want to specifically reassure you: they almost always stop crying within a minute of you leaving, and their teachers will confort them. It’s the transition that’s hard for them, not being in daycare. They’ll be ok. ❤️.
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@the_tweedy I accidentally trained my cats to be my alarm clock for my meds. I used to give them treats when I took my meds because they were in the same cabinet. Now they yell at me every day at treat time until I reward the little monsters. And take my meds.
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@appodlachia He also created a fake charity to help with the opioid crisis, but the only thing he ever did was hire an addiction specialist with major ties to OxyContin maker Purdue Pharma. Then he shuttered it as soon as he won his seat. This is a good rundown:
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@sewistwrites Mom, this ONE WEIRD TRICK will help you sit criss-cross applesauce while driving.
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@clhubes Isn’t it though??? There’s a known pattern for this, btw: old-fashioned names for kids tend to come from their great-great-grandparents’ generation. I guess that’s how long it takes for those names to seem novel again. My own kid’s middle name was my great-grandmother’s.
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Once again, I request that Twitter have an addendum to a trending celebrity noting that said celebrity is not dead, because I was about to have some real feelings about Billy Crystal here.
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The next time I open my mouth, I might just start screaming and never stop. I won’t do that, but I will protect my baby, and God help anyone who tries to hurt them. This is OUR Kentucky home, and ALL of us have a right to basic human respect. #translivesmatter #yallmeansall.
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@oneunderscore__ Why is LibsofTikTok still allowed to have an account when it’s inciting harassment and spreading false claims?.
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Somebody pinch me: My 16yo autistic kid interviewed for (and got!) their 1st job yesterday & told the manager they needed clear instructions w/ minimal inference. Y’all, the fast food manager has a master’s in behavioral science & worked w/ autistic kids for years (*not* ABA).
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The JIF factory is a truly underrated perk of living in Lexington. It’s peanut-roasting day and downtown smells heavenly.
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@the_tweedy You don’t have to convince yourself to do the Impossible Task; you just have to convince yourself to stand up. Then you could sit back down, but you broke the seal and now you’ll feel stupid if you don’t go ahead.
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Now that Kentucky literally out-gayed Oregon and re-elected Beshear, can we get some decent DNC funding?.
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@clhubes Got sick of nagging my 16yo, so I snapped and made them pay me a buck every time I saw laundry on their floor. Which several people told me was mean/extreme. Whatever. Two months and $20 later and they don’t leave their laundry on the floor anymore, so who’s laughing now, KAREN?.
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Hear me out: what if we just skip the horse racing and just proceed with day drinking, fancy hats and barbecue?.
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@Ruesca13 @Vjinxvalentine @HMUA416 @sheologian Dude, I don’t care if he’s raising money for his dog’s surgery. He doesn’t get to put his hands on you. Tell the owner anyway. For one thing, it establishes a paper trail if this guy gets grosser, and for another, the owner might surprise you.
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@oneunderscore__ I’m still laughing about the time Elmo got all flattered because a captain in Star Trek: Discovery name-dropped him as a historic genius, but it turned out that captain was a villain from the evil mirror universe.
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@CatonALeash1 @LEX18News Teachers can't even get kids to do their homework and put their cell phones away. They're not trying to change kids' genders.
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@Brianna_Helen @CathyHeyworth @Rosecitysandy Just to make sure I have this straight, @kystatepolice let a guy leave the scene when he had visible weapons and drove you 65 miles across state lines? And he could still be driving people around?.
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@sewistwrites Man, whatever works. I found myself telling a toddler with a straight face that Luke Skywalker pooped in the potty.
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@clhubes Do they do the clean up song at school? Because that produces a similar effect an enterprising parent can exploit, ijs.
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@JM_Sievert I’m sorry to say, but yes. My kids were that age gap and it was like Navy SEAL Hell Week, but for like 3 months. If it’s any consolation, this part where you have a toddler and a newborn is about as bad as it gets, sleepwise, so it’s all uphill from here. Hang in there. ❤️.
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@mybellalogica @modernistwitch There’s a huge bump in people starting successful businesses as soon as their Medicare kicks in. It’s almost like not having to worry about keeping insurance coverage encourages entrepreneurship, hmmmmmm.
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@KenJennings Forget how long the pandemic goes on. Just watch it anyway. It's a show where terrible people become stronger and better and kinder and love wins.
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@sewistwrites In this house we put respect on the name of Camilla Fortescue-Cholmondeley-Browne Noakes.
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Recipes with garlic should never list specific amounts. They should just say “Go where your heart leads.”.
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As a former Habitat development pro, trust and believe I have some feelings about Rosalynn Carter’s passing. I will just say this, though: if more Christians acted like Jimmy and Rosalynn Carter, there would be a lot more Christians in America.
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@CoreyRForrester "Plus, she got a mimosa, which — I don't know if y'all heard, but God is completely gone from the Cracker Barrel." *snort*.
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My god, you all. Go see The Minutes if you have half a chance. Noah Reid was outstanding and Tracy Letts is a mad genius. The ending left the whole theatre in shock. @minutesbway @olreid.
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Ok so. Andy Beshear saying “He ain’t from here” about JD Vance just changed the whole calculus for me. The Dems might not win Kentucky, but Beshear id the only one who can neutralize Vance’s fake-o “aw, shucks” shtick. Plus he’s pretty great in general #TeamAndy.
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Do yourself a favor & sign up for @BeMyEyes. Blind people video call you & you help them w/ random stuff. Just spent 10 min. helping a guy read cans while he told me the secret to the best chili ever. Last week helped a giggly teen match an outfit & talked fashion. It’s so fun!.
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@clhubes Good god, it's possible to do something nice for one's husband and not be invalidating women's rights.
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@blktinabelcher Ha, love that. When I told my husband I had figured out I was bi, I said “You know what that means? You’ve got TWICE as much competition and you’re still the cutest.”.
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@PeriwinkleGrape @fedupteacher1 That’s insane! My husband is a nurse who gets in 10,000 steps before NOON. He’s literally had to buy special orthotic shoes and do PT for his feet. God, let nurses sit down for a minute!.
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I would give real money to go one week in March without a debilitating barometric pressure headache. Last night was, uh, not great. Y’all ok after the storm?.
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@soledadobrien @drgitlin Politico Playbook just had an interesting take on that (not that I think that justifies the lack of above-the-fold coverage).
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@RMillennielle @Lily_Warrior @Lauren_Southern Oh wow, a blog by a conservative that relies on anecdata and cherrypicked quotes from academics. I’m convinced!.
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@Brianna_Helen @CathyHeyworth @Rosecitysandy @kystatepolice Hey @JamieLucke @SeanMoodyNews @JSChisenhall @ChrisLeachHL @lbblackford @cadoyle_18 Y’all hearing this? This lady says her Lyft driver tried to kidnap her, took her across state lines, had visible weapons, and the state troopers let him leave the scene apparently without charges.
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@clhubes No no, listen: your Promised Land is coming. When you have one kid, you’re the whole dog and pony show. But when they get a little older, they’ll play with each other and let you drink coffee in peace for a bit and it’s glorious. Until one hits the other, BUT STILL.
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@SenatorTester @JohnFetterman I knew, in the abstract, that Fetterman is 6’8” but I honestly didn’t think about what that meant until I saw him casually cradling two bottles of water in one hand, nbd.
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If the FBI ever wanted to trap @502eire, this is how they would do it.
Jason Isbell and R.E.M.'s Michael Stipe are holding a free concert in Pittsburgh for the Kamala Harris campaign. Going after Pittsburgh's key GenX/elder millennial dude vote
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This is what happens in Kentucky: cowards sic the law on teachers just because they were tired of being disrespected, underfunded, overlegislated, and personally attacked.
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@clhubes Oh, that’s fantastic, seriously. Especially for the toddler, since she’ll know her big brother is there. They often make sure a big sibling can comfort the younger one when they’re new and upset.
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Make Andy Beshear vice president immediately if not sooner. The way he's trolling JD Vance is giving me liiiiife.
Andy Beshear: I’ve been a person that when I’ve sometimes gone over the line, I’ve wanted to make sure that I set the record straight. So, I do owe an apology to… Diet Mountain Dew . Ale8One is definitely the soft drink of Kentucky but I don’t believe the government should be
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@NicolaMDavidson @ask_aubry Yep. If he's going to be hostile, selfish, unreasonable, unreliable dead weight, boot him.
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@ask_aubry Honestly same. I wrote a parenting column/blog and I always considered their dignity and privacy first. No pics of them and pseudonyms for names. And I was careful not to write anything that would embarrass them when they got older because they’re PEOPLE, not my ATM via sponcon.
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In these dark days, @AITA_reddit has emerged as one of the only things that can consistently take my mind off the impeachment, my personal problems, and the eventual heat death of the universe. Thank you, @AITA_reddit. Thank you.
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@sewistwrites Only if she gets to present him with a monthly invoice for subsidizing his career at the expense of her own.
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Y’all think extremist regimes can’t take power where you live? You think we’re just too modern for all that? This was what women wore in Iran before the Iranian Revolution.
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@Tweettwoo0 @lasertitspewpew @BurtonPixels @scott_squires So show him he doesn’t get to make those jokes without consequence. Nuke them from orbit in online reviews at the very least.
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@gunner76ing @ask_aubry No one wants to kick this poor family when they’re down, but no, no one is to blame for this except Republicans. They vote in the people who introduce these bills and pass them over the sobs of parents who beg them not to, so don’t you dare blame this on anyone else.
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@clhubes Eh, people with pica eat literal dirt, and I read about a woman who was addicted to huffing mimeograph ink (for that choice 80s ditto smell I guess). So cat food is well within the WTF event horizon.
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Pleased with how this waterfall dresser turned out so well after just a few days’ effort with mahogany veneer, Kwikwood, and half the Minwax catalog. I hadn’t worked with veneer before but it wasn’t too hard. Also, the bakelite drawer pulls give me so much joy.
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Here at Rupp Arena to see Tyler Childers and got to briefly enjoy the VIP life thanks to a kindly employee who just wanted to randomly bless my mom and me. She made our night!
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@sewistwrites Idk if this is classic enough but it should be: Tom Wingo from The Prince of Tides.
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@_bad_corn @AngryBlackLady @txvoodoo @esauseesau Honestly if you can corral four huskies — which are not beginner dogs — you can do anything.
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If Beshear’s on the ticket y’all know I’ll be shining that beacon through Election Day. For context: Beshear urged us to display a green light at our houses during lockdown, just to remind us all that we’re all here for each other, to mourn the lost, to thank essential workers.
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Last night my 12yo daughter did a fist pump because I let her watch another episode of The West Wing before bed, and honestly I’m pretty sure that was the high water mark for me as a parent.
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@ask_aubry Funny how women get consequences but the men who left them high and dry are free to keep playing the field without criticism.
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Sick burn from my 12yo: "When Trump talks it's like watching Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader. And the answer is definitely no." #debates.
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@clhubes @mandalynns23 Yeah, they had to do a background check on me before they'd let me care for kids. Which is more than happens for parents so maybe Miss Ma'am could stop coming after preschool teachers and daycare workers.
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JD Vance hiring Sally Satel is a slap in the face to Ohio towns struggling w/ opioids. She’s a Purdue Pharma simp who said Oxy abusers were already addicts. Meanwhile Purdue paid drs to prescribe more Oxy & secretly funded free diagnostic software for drs that recc’d lots of Oxy.
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And this is where I started crying: when my 13yo, a queer kiddo with a uterus, texted me. My baby is SAFE.
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“No, instead we’ve got a washed-up pop star who will probably get his 6th booster shot on stage from a pregnant man with pink underarm hair.” 😂.
This man is running for congress in Georgia. I’ve hated him for a while, but now that he’s going after Taylor Swift maybe they’ll finally take him down
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@PickledKenny @chattaknitter @jrdnew888 @jtrebach My god, I hope you filed a complaint about that horrible doctor. What a thing to say to someone!.
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Nurses are all miserable right now but at least my husband’s hospital didn’t give him a baked potato for his bonus and charge him taxes on it like a frigging Dickens villain.
My work is doing a potato bar as our Christmas bonus. I'm literally getting a hospital potato as a bonus. They also said it has a $15 value so it will be taxed on our next check. Does anyone need an assistant so I can just quit right now?.
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Just found out the judge has finalized my NB 15yo’s name change, just in time for Pride. I wish I could describe the peace that came over them when I told them, because that’s all this was ever about. Not indoctrination, not teen rebellion. Just peace. Just joy. Just acceptance.
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@appodlachia My son is turning 20 soon and you know what I don't do is creepily brag about his bedroom habits on Twitter.
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Disgusting: Mint juleps. Amazing: Ale-8 and bourbon (aka a Double Wide).
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@djsnyder22 @AngryBlackLady You really did just try to mansplain bigotry to a Black woman. She knows it’s not cosplay. We all know. Get in the habit of understanding that a retweeted hot take doesn’t have to reflect a person’s entire understanding of an issue. Twitter only gives us so many characters.
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@TheDamnSkippy @LauraAnnSTL There is literally no action she could have taken that would “contribute” to an unhinged jerk following her and screaming at her for half an hour. None. So maybe you should reflect on why you felt the need to say such a thing.
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@freemanbilly81 @AITA_reddit You don’t trick people into violating deeply held moral beliefs. Ever. He got what was coming to him. That trust can’t come back.
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@twcarey @goldengateblond Trust and believe, a lot of us are already yelling and have BEEN yelling for 30+ years.
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@JamesSACorey We watched the first episode of both shows last week and my husband, a cis white guy, even said “Whew, this is pretty uncomfortable to watch sometimes.” Then followed it up with “Which means I probably need to watch it.”.
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