Ben Collins
@oneunderscore__
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Following
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chief brunchlord @theonion
New York, NY
Joined January 2010
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Pinned Tweet
I'm not sure everyone is ready for how unbelievably stupid the next two years are going to be.
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Before the next election, you might want to find a better way to poll anyone under the age of 30 since they would rather pick up a pinless grenade than a call from an unknown number.
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Seen a lot of Law & Order, haven't seen a twist as good as "Alex Jones' lawyers accidentally sent Sandy Hook parents' lawyers the entire contents of his phone and his long-hidden financials, but they waited 12 days to let him lie" in my life. Just an absolutely wild day.
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Wow. Sandy Hook parents' lawyer is revealing that Alex Jones' lawyers sent him the contents of Jones' phone BY MISTAKE.
"12 days ago, your attorneys messed up and sent me a digital copy of every text" Jones has sent for years.
"You know what perjury is?" the lawyer asks.
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Like I always say with content moderation, every social media site owner who is “pro free speech” meets their line eventually.
For 4chan, it was anime child porn. For Facebook and YouTube, it was white nationalist terror. For Elon, it was people making fun of him.
Going forward, any Twitter handles engaging in impersonation without clearly specifying “parody” will be permanently suspended
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Everybody paying attention now?
TRUMP: "We are going to win four more years. And then after that we'll go for another four years, because they spied on my campaign. We should get a redo of four years."
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Alex Jones' lawyers were just now arguing for a mistrial because they accidentally sent the Sandy Hook family lawyers the entire contents of Jones' phone.
Judge denies the motion.
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Verdict: Alex Jones owes $45.2 million more to Sandy Hook in punitive damages. That's on top of $4.1 million in compensatory.
That's $49.3 million to two Sandy Hook families. Two more trials after this.
Unanimous verdict (what's required for punitive damages).
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Journalists who cover Elon Musk have been suspended on Twitter tonight:
@Donie
O'Sullivan from CNN, Aaron Rupar and the Washington Post's
@drewharwell
.
Rupar tells me he has "no idea" why it happened.
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The alarmists were right, about pretty much everything.
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Okay everybody it's Zero Hour for this website, post your favorite tweets and give them a little kiss goodbye.
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I've been covering bad parts of the internet for long time now.
For years, there was one site extremist researchers warned me not to cover because publicizing it would be dangerous.
But it's time people know KiwiFarms—and how they're chasing political enemies around the world.
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It's been five hours and I can't stop thinking about the president wishing Ghislaine Maxwell well. I feel like that's the only thing anybody should be talking about right now. Am I nuts?
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Humiliating.
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I am begging you, from the bottom of my heart, to tell me what you think is closed.
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Best guess: Twitter tried to do something stupid with their API, they messed it up in a way that will take days, so Elon is doing this new “you can only read 600 posts a day” thing as a cover, and he’ll say “after hearing your feedback, we’ve reversed the policy” when it’s fixed.
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Sandy Hook lawyer's final statement: "[Alex Jones] is worth almost $270 million that we know of. Please take an amount that punishes him, and an amount that ensures he never does this again."
Jury now about to head back into deliberations.
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This InfoWars interview with Kanye West is getting so thoroughly antisemitic that even Alex Jones is pushing back, after West has spent the last few minutes accusing Jews of being pedophiles. "I think most Jews are great people," Jones says. "But I agree there's a Jewish mafia."
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I am blocked by a man named CatTurd2 on the internet, making it considerably harder for me to figure out the business strategy of the richest man in the world.
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I like how we're supposed to believe these are both written by the same guy, back to back.
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Hard to find a purer distillation of evil than QAnon people who have spent all day attacking Chrissy Teigen after losing her baby.
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Quick thread:
I want you all to meet Vladimir Bondarenko.
He’s a blogger from Kiev who really hates the Ukrainian government.
He also doesn’t exist, according to Facebook.
He’s an invention of a Russian troll farm targeting Ukraine. His face was made by AI.
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This is true. Here's Conan spinning his wedding ring during the 2007 writers' strike just to fill airtime. It was like this for months.
NBC was lucky that Conan is the GOAT, but it's impossible to explain to Gen Z how bad the content will get if there's another one.
I mainly remember Conan honoring the strike and doing shit like seeing how long he could spin his wedding ring on his desk, the man was a real one for that
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Am I losing my mind? Is this not a gigantic deal? He's either casually admitting to using federal agents to interfere in a state election or lying about it for some equally inexplicable reason, right? Am I reading this wrong or is this a five-alarmer for the DOJ?
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I love the 6'8", 70-year-old founder of AriZona Iced Tea who refuses to be a "bread guy" or "gas guy" and is keeping the price of a can at 99 cents, despite making a bit less.
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Breaking: Absolutely astronomical figures in this InfoWars lawsuit out of Connecticut.
Alex Jones owes $229 million to just the first three plaintiffs, all family members of Sandy Hook victims.
There are nine more plaintiffs to go.
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Unbelievable.
Alex Jones' lawyer just closed his argument in the Sandy Hook defamation case with German pastor Martin Niemöller's "First they came for the socialists... Then they came for the Jews..." prose poem.
Again, this was Alex Jones' lawyer.
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So weird how the people who think an anonymous government insider on 8chan is revealing Donald Trump is saving the world from a baby eating cabal are also the people who refuse to believe The Atlantic's anonymous sources telling a story that involves zero magic or time travel.
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Folks, Elon Musk has invented Verification.
Rolling out soon, Twitter will enable organizations to identify which other Twitter accounts are actually associated with them
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His gravest miscalculation was he believed the people with opinions were bots and the bots who loved only Elon and crypto were people.
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Run back Facebook did today.
They bought a story in a publication, pretended it wasn’t sponsored, their COO posted it, then when they got caught, they denied knowing anything about it.
And what was that ad/story about?
Their commitment to stopping disinformation.
Incredible.
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Silicon Valley billionaires: Take one liberal arts class. One. Any single one. I am begging you.
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Nancy Pelosi got a haircut and it was the only news on Facebook for two full days.
White House chief of staff Mark Meadows hosted a wedding with 70 guests for his daughter in Atlanta this May, despite a statewide order and city of Atlanta guidelines that banned gatherings of more than 10 people.
Per
@1PatriciaMurphy
@bluestein
:
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Breaking: A Connecticut court rules Alex Jones owes Sandy Hook victims over $1 billion.
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Scoop, story incoming:
Facebook groups tied to American offshoots of Canada’s “Trucker Convoy” are being run by fake accounts tied to content mills from Vietnam, Bangladesh, Romania and several other countries, the company confirmed to NBC News on Friday.
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I’m at the pro-Trump protest put on by the NY Young Republicans Club. Not a joke, there are more reporters here than Trump supporters.
This was supposed to be the big one.
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Not even gonna subject the civilian internet to what's happening on the incel forums today. Probably the most horrific I've ever seen them.
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Sandy Hook parents' lawyer is now asking Jones about the times he has emailed about Sandy Hook over the last several years, despite testifying under oath he couldn't find any emails about Sandy Hook. There are apparently a lot of them. One is on a screen right now.
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Can't stress how wild the ivermectin Facebook groups have become. So many people insisting to each other to never go to an ER, in part because they might not get ivermectin, but sometimes because they fear nurses are killing them on purpose "for the insurance money."
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This wound up being a lie.
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When you discover Rage Against the Machine songs have words in them.
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I challenge Michael Jordan to a debate on how to score despite a double team. If he does not accept my challenge, I am right about all basketball things, and Michael Jordan is wrong. This is legally binding, because I said it on a podcast.
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My least favorite part of the Constitution is the one that allows the president's son-in-law to cancel elections, so I'm glad we're asking him about it.
Jared Kushner on whether the 2020 election will be held as scheduled: “I’m not sure I can commit one way or the other, but right now that’s the plan.”
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When your extremist forum gets so obsessed with owning the libs they become them.
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@mmschocolate
I am moving to a shack in the forest and am no longer participating in society.
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Hi. Grew up in Salem.
The Salem Witch Trials isn't a play.
It's The Crucible.
The people burning the witches in it were the bad guys.
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Sandy Hook parents' lawyer on a hot mic during a recess: "You know what nobody's thought about yet? What happens when that phone goes to law enforcement."
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I think it's time we start covering Trumpism for what it is now.
It's no longer a political movement. It's a violent fairytale of revenge on political enemies.
Feds could've found a body in those Mar a Lago boxes and followers wouldn't care. It's about retribution, not facts.
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A thing I think about a lot is how Facebook has never suffered a single consequence at any point in any way whatsoever.
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It appears President Trump tried to set up one of the nicest old ladies in Georgia as a patsy for an election crime she did not commit.
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Talking to a couple of Twitter employees just now who learned they don't work there anymore when their email stopped working. I have never talked to people more excited to get laid off in my entire life.
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BREAKING: Facebook bans QAnon across its platforms
Facebook "will remove Facebook Pages, Groups and Instagram accounts for representing QAnon" like any other militarized social movement, militia or terror group.
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The people getting prescriptions for ivermectin instead of the vaccine because of Big Pharma better not find out who's making that ivermectin.
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All of this great vaccine news is making me so excited for the summer when everyone reveals the unique way they are now socially broken. Will I sporadically talk like Dracula around friends because I’ve been doing that to the cat for some unknown reason? You bet.
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Elon's cousin James Musk held an emergency, "high urgency" meeting at Twitter after the Super Bowl because Elon's tweets performed worse than Joe Biden's.
Then Twitter had engineers rush to change Twitter's algorithm to ensure Elon received "previously unheard-of promotion."
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Best parallel I can think of is if we tried to invade Canada because we thought Vancouver was basically ours, the entire US military got tied up in the forest, then Blackwater turned on us and started heading towards DC overnight, except Blackwater was financed by Rachael Ray.
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Ted Cruz just fell for Twitter's oldest hoax: the shark on the highway.
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Jimmy Buffett was 29 when he recorded Margaritaville. Dude was born retired.
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A fascinating thing about NYC is that everyone trusts 3-1-1 and (for good reason) nobody my age calls 9-1-1. A nice old lady will help you get a pothole fixed without killing a guy. This could be a whole political platform for a smart person.
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By now, you've seen some of these "tailgate parties," where Trump supporters hang around ballot drop boxes standing watch for "mules," some in tactical gear.
My colleague
@vaughnhillyard
and I spent the week finding out the origin of this plan.
We found it. It was Truth Social.
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Elon Musk paid $44 billion to discover what we already knew: content moderation is messy and involves whole teams of people with a range of viewpoints trying to appease different political factions.
He then gave “leaks” to a Substack Man to present it as a blockbuster.
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What’s going on with Elon Musk, and why is he doing this to Twitter?
I spent the last few months digging into it.
I found a pretty big clue.
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Even Jones is stunned by the fact Sandy Hook parents seem to have his emails. Jones just called it their lawyers' "Perry Mason moment." It's shocking.
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These texts and emails are FINALLY revealing financials behind Infowars.
Some days in 2018, InfoWars was making $800,000 a day.
"Well after your deplatforming, your numbers keep getting better," Sandy Hook parents' lawyer says.
If they keep that up, that's ~$300 mill. a year.
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This was already in testing at the company awaiting a rollout. He's taking credit here for a bunch of work that some employees did before he laid them off.
Twitter will soon add ability to attach long-form text to tweets, ending absurdity of notepad screenshots
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Oh my god. When Linda Yaccarino said that Visa was a “returning advertiser” she meant the company spent $10 on Twitter ads in the last 12 weeks.
Not ten million. Not ten thousand.
Ten dollars.
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For some reason, QAnon people are refusing to take their dream scenario coming true — a sitting congressman being investigated for child trafficking — at face value. They love Gaetz’s inscrutable double agent story because it sounds like 5D chess.
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A quick thread:
A lot of people have asked me this week: Where did this ivermectin obsession come from? Who could possibly benefit from it?
Most importantly, why did my antivaxx aunt start eating horse goo from the tractor store?
It’s complicated, but here are some answers.
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It is crazy how the antivaxx just don’t give up. They promised mass extinction events, widespread infertility, mutant babies. None of it happened and they’re still duping some of the richest, most gullible men on earth.
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Stop doing this. You could be the ghost of Freddie Mercury and I would still try to pop open the emergency exits.
Singer Lewis Capaldi gives surprise performance on British Airways flight
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Anybody else getting waves of dread that don't really go away, but just get temporarily patted down by slightly noisier stimuli (a loud thing on the TV, a particularly funny tweet, a phone call)?
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K-Pop stans from TikTok are flooding the
#MillionMAGAMarch
hashtag with pictures of pancakes. It's basically unusable right now.
@SheaDepmore
appears to have kicked it off.
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If you know someone who was suspended tonight for impersonating someone OTHER than Elon Musk, my DMs are open.
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New from me +
@brandyzadrozny
+
@tom_winter
:
A company called “Surefire Intelligence” has ties to this Mueller smear.
Jacob Wohl denied having ties to Surefire.
Surefire’s official phone number redirects to a voicemail box registered to Jacob's mom.
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Judge instructing the jury on the entire contents of Alex Jones' phone, which was accidentally handed over from Jones' lawyers to the Sandy Hook parents' lawyers:
"What we do know is that it was not properly turned over when it should have been."
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Imagine throwing it all away to do PR work for the richest person in the world. Humiliating shit.
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I talked this morning about an inflection point in this country right now, specifically for reporters:
What are you more afraid of? Being on Breitbart for saying that trans people deserve to be alive?
Or are you more afraid of waking up to the news of more dead people?
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The "missing" Hunter Biden witness the GOP was promising for a while there was just charged by the DOJ with being a Chinese spy.
U.S. Attorney announces charges against co-director of think tank for acting as an unregistered foreign agent, trafficking in arms, violating U.S. sanctions against Iran, and making false statements to federal agents
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Oh no, they have found the lettuce's tweets from 2011.
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Ivermectin provides full protection against the NFC Championship Game.
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Panera in 2005: Drop by one of our cozy new locations in America's thriving malls and enjoy some broccoli cheddar soup after your Christmas shopping at Sears™!
Panera in 2023: We have Suicide Juice that is guaranteed to kill you before the next big horror.
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