Anna
@DistractedAnna
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The year is 2026.
You don’t own a home. You no longer pay rent.
You simply subscribe to a number of housing-and-appliance-supply-tech-companies on a monthly basis and endlessly change passwords.
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This says something about design and also about the fact that kids are actually part penguin for the first 8-10 years
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One thing I think people who don’t have high school age kids or work in schools really don’t get is how thoroughly we’ve actually achieved this. Like kids are still mean to each other sometimes but it’s an incredibly different environment in a lot of ways
Delegitimation of the high school bully was a major social advance.
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Lots of young men report not having a girlfriend but knowing a girl who would be really really mad if she heard him say that
NEW: STRIKING gender gap in romantic relationships reported by
@pewresearch
.
"Recent years have seen a historic rise in 'unpartnered' Americans" hitting young men esp. hard. Now:
✔️34% of young women (18-29) single
✔️63% of young men (18-29) single
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I don’t love the “lol I hate my spouse” genre of webcomic generally but I’ll say one thing for that lady: she’s committed to hate one person for life unlike the guys I see on here everyday who just sluttishly give hate to every email-job-tiktoker and half the girls on tinder.
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I was about to say I wish snakes could talk (so it could tell me whether this feels great or frustrating af) but the last time that happened things went poorly
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“No no no I would never break up with someone over astrology or numerology, you misunderstood. I’ll say it again: Our relationship ended because he is Leo and I’m 26”
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Inside you are two wolves. They are both university educated and therefore pretty similar
The stem vs humanities rivalry thing is funny because politically they probably have a lot more in common with each other than with non college grads
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@SWTheDrakenSaga
@dealwithitfool
@BklynWiiGoHard
@Nothinbuttreble
Yes if you eat right and exercise you can age in such a way that at 23 you project an image of a landmark that was destroyed when you were in preschool
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It’s absolutely wild that “mandates have tradeoffs that may not be worth the benefits” or “well we don’t know about COVID transmission and maybe oughtnt assume it works that much like flu” has morphed into “it’s insane to assert that masks reduce flu transmission”
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A man will really claim to be a shape rotator one minute and fail to wrap a present the next
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I think it’s NICE that a generation decided that they invented banking instead of just deciding they invented sex like all the other generations
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People have been using this quote to make a point about the OceanGate CEO doing woke hiring but discriminating specifically against people over 40 and protected military veterans feels more like old school employment discrimination. Like he sounds like he has startup brain
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Guy who refers to getting his wife pregnant as “making up a new guy to argue with”
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Remain convinced that having a high verbal IQ sets one up to convince oneself of some dumb shit (if one isn’t careful)
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@stankcoochs
@abbygov
Awww...the lovely, driven, intelligent and talented teenage girl of and the unimpressive post-college-age dude who will hurt her by either showing that he needs an experience gap to feel secure or by simply staying the same as she develops normally and outgrows him.
Familiar.
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18-34 is an extremely dumb way to group ages and I will die on this hill.
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Inside you are two wolves. Their abilities are actually highly correlated
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I like how sometimes the things that drive people insane with envy on here are like “I come from such wealth that my parents give me $100K as a birthday gift and I do acid about it” and sometimes “I’m happily married and my spouse and I both work evenings and like coffee”
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I am legitimately envious of people who know exactly what they are here to do and prove
Peter Bastian (1943-2017) was a genius-type person who has devoted his life to music. Here's him playing a regular drinking straw like a medieval flute, proving that music can be found everywhere
[video: ]
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Before you make a take about how this is a Women Today/dating app thing consider how gd easy it is to picture George Costanza as the date, describing his side of the story to Elaine (who introduced them)
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You didn’t take the upgrade on Lockr so now you have to wait for an ad to play before you get into your place to use the bathroom.
The ad is always for a podcast.
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You don’t know how to get your dishwasher fixed because your Washerly acct is tied to an email your ex roommate made when they were 15 for some reason.
You have since become based and suds pilled.
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If you get the injectable polio vaccine you may actually get polio, it just won’t infect your nervous system and cause paralysis so it will be like any other mild or asymptomatic stomach bug.
So... here's the thing
If you get a measles vaccine, you won't get the measles
If you get a polio vaccine, you won't get polio
This redefinition of what a vaccine does is desperately hurting the pro-vaccine crew in ways that will cause problems for many years to come
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If there are two ways to interpret a joke you should always choose thr one that makes you madder
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@1jcc
@Mita_Mami23
Related: my twins at age 3 covered their baby sister (who was sitting in the exersaucer) in butter. Getting her out of it was like wrestling a greased pig. They thought it was hilarious.
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A consequence of being on twitter and seeing a lot of charts: frequently marveling at how bad shit was just like 40-ish years ago
This data shows that, despite the online sphere's sudden obsession with claiming that every train derailment is Pete Buttigieg's DoT's fault, rail regulations *are working* and trains *are significantly less likely to derail* than in the previous 50 years.
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Sapiosexual is the biggest crock of shit and I will say that until the minute I stop being cute
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I will literally never get tired of re-learning that the French call it Le Wokisme
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Eat the rich but definitely don’t enforce basic vehicle registration laws on them
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You cringe at your poor mom every time she says “lease” instead of “terms and conditions”.
She doesn’t understand why she needs to subscribe to Bugify AND Roofsense bless her heart.
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Dating profile fish picture hit a new level with Anthony
@OKWildlifeDept
I only work with dead gar but I hope I look as good as this one in 66 million years.
Alligator gar from the Hell Creek Formation of South Dakota.
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Refusing to do thought experiments because of the danger of lab leaks
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It’s literally just a party holy shit.
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Pronatalist - capitalist crowdfunding site where you help people struggling to afford a family in exchange for a constant stream of adorable baby pictures and dopamine
I’ma call it Kidstarter
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As the holder of a GED I think I should be called General from now on.
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Liking tweets in your horny exchanges just to remind you that we can see you
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You ever know a truly rare and beautiful chick and she ends up with literally just some guy
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Increasingly unconvinced that none of my relatives who “outgrew” their ADHD actually did anything of the sort.
Mostly they seem to have just married someone who’s into managing them.
This is actually a revelation to me
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Specific autism-related color blindness that causes one to see red tribes as gray
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I will vote for whoever will outlaw those fucking gas pump TV ad players holy shit
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@stankcoochs
@abbygov
Lol I just googled him, OF COURSE HE’S A ‘PHOTOGRAPHER’!
Sometimes celebrities really are just like us normals, bless their hearts
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If you are considering home ownership pls be aware of how much fucking googling of random-shit-going-wrong is involved in the damn thing
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@SirajAHashmi
Frasier: “I know that this riot is the voice of the unheard, fellow Seattleites, and I’m here to tell you that...I’m listening!”
Niles to crowd: “this man LIVES with a cop!”
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I have figured it out.
Being into lanky dudes indicates a desire to slip, gracefully and gently, into the dark and inviting world Below
A woman must fight this desire if she wants her great grandchildren to be born with eyes
I used to do caving when I was a mere slip of a lad and I remember one entry pretty much like this except the entrance was also covered in brambles when we arrived. ‘We are going where now?’
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“Men never get compliments or affectionate touch except from their partner and that sucks” is a pretty commonly agreed upon thing around here but somehow
“It’s a burden to be the only person that your partner can expect affectionate touch and compliments from” made ppl insane
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Meta this meta that when was the last time you meta friend for a nice walk?
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When you die the FBI agent assigned to monitor your dumbass edgy social media should be buried with you like they used to do with a Pharaoh’s court or whatever
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Stop saying stochastic.
If I walk in this door and one of my kids is saying “stochastic” I’m gonna be real mad.
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One of those exceptions is supposed to be your father! Like you only have a limited number of parents and for a sadly limited time for a reason!!!!
Nobody will help you but yourself. Never rely on anyone. Most people just want to see you fail. Life is full of disappointments.
That's what makes life beautiful when you finally find the tiny exceptions.
Learn this when I am still around, my love.
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Based is now cringe
Based is the opposite of Woke. "Anti-Woke" won't cut it. It's time to get based.
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I have a theory that ADHD evolved for absolutely no good reason and persists because there’s absolutely no good reason why it wouldn’t.
I call this theory Evolution Is Not A Trip To Build-A-Bear And Sometimes Dumb Shit Just Gets In There.
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Good looking dudes stop posting weird shit challenge 2022 I believe in you ✨✨✨
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This man is prepared for ever “how do you open” tweet now
Waiting for our flight and this guy pulls a life size lego groundhog out of his carry on
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Man’s sentenced to 110 years because his brakes malfunctioned
The man convicted after a crash on Interstate 70 that left four people dead was sentenced to 110 years in prison Monday afternoon.
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The people who call themselves empaths have done immeasurable harm to the basic value of empathy
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Nothing against her and her success but no this is not a view of the future of work in any significant way what on earth
This is Kat Norton, better known as Miss Excel. She has over a million followers on TikTok and Instagram, where she markets her Excel courses.
She has 0 employees and makes up to $100,000 a day. When we think of the future of work, it might look something like Miss Excel 👇
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Literally no one knows why we built this fence so I tore it down
@sampullara
And we will finally stop adding what device a tweet was written on (waste of screen space & compute) below every tweet. Literally no one even knows why we did that …
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@generalslug
Huge swaths of the population still hadn’t recovered their sense of smell, having grown up with parents who smoked indoors in the 80s and 90s
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What the hell
You can just tell this is a very late 80s/early 90s physiognomy, do women still look like this?
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Just talked to my mom and decided I will get married again one day if only because I don’t want to be 70 years old using the word “boyfriend”
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I’ll just say it wtf no one is attractive while they’re crying what on earth is going on
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My hottest take is that you should not be watching people beat each other up for entertainment regardless of gender
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You should be suspicious when someone gives you permission to be cruel.
I think Devon is going on because of a politically active family’s teenage kid running away but the main thing that gave me cause to think about this lately was COVID.
When someone suffers terrible harm as a direct consequence of their twisted ideological beliefs or the policies they supported, it is not time to take the high road.
Do not be the bigger person. Do not be classy. Do not be principled. Do not have mercy on their grief.
Do not
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All of the male-identifying people I have spoken to about this say something along these lines
I know I'm supposed to "stay in my lane" but I really feel that if I were given a chance at the wheel there would be a decent chance I could move the ship.
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Giving your kid a name that can’t be traced to their birth year or socioeconomic status is like giving them an illegibility cloak
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No it’s not.
Ffs it’s a sickness to goad yourself into being unnecessarily fearful and it’s cruel to do it to others.
If you are in the United States and you are using a period tracking app, today is good day to delete it before you create a trove of data that will be used to prosecute you if you ever choose to have an abortion.
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I am begging people to stop looking at others’ intimate relationships through the filthy broken lens of culture war points-scoring
The Gates marriage may have broken by the Great Awokening. He wants to do sexist man stuff like cure disease and end poverty, she wants to do enlightened women things like adopt the latest media causes without need for nerdy numbers about what works.
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Every time you mfs talk about status I picture you cradling and stroking an invisible cat, murmuring about its lineage, the quality of its teeth and fur
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Gay guy who says “no het tho” immediately after complimenting a female friend
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