Hamir Kalyani Stan Account, Yearner of Domesticity
@vivekt17
Followers
1,837
Following
2,434
Media
2,090
Statuses
48,686
meditative, ecstatic, psychedelic-friendly, carnatic music container. seeker of mother. student of the cauldron of warming. discovering how to live ab initio.
One of the funniest in the last couple years.
Anti semitism aside, this is probably one of the clearest examples of how much humor is *not* about cleverness.
Tension and release ONLY.
“I’m not gonna say what race .. it was this race.”
First phrase builds tension thru
me: <i am listless and confused and can't picture the path forward in life>
friend (confused/distressed): "can we talk? i have this thing i am going through."
me: <filled with an immediate eagerness, purpose, competence, confidence and energy>
17
126
1K
Hamir Kalyani Stan Account, Yearner of Domesticity
💯
I ran this deep sounding program of “i want to be present in the moment, not take pictures” in my teens and early 20s.
Now I barely have pics from that era.
That was dumb. Take pictures. Yeah be present. But pls consider your future self might be grateful for the memories!
Massive co-sign
I think taking photos while out in the world often gets a bad rap ("you're not being present!") but there is absolutely a way to take photos that's predicated on deep presence and paying close attention to your surroundings
Also a great way to cultivate taste
9
26
359
22
87
930
Hamir Kalyani Stan Account, Yearner of Domesticity
it's telling that this unbelievably smitten brother's favorite thing about her is "she just *gets* me way better than anyone else i've ever met"
hear that? "gets me." being understood is a type of love that is really unrivaled in its magnetism. it feels the most irreplaceable.
@EricRWeinstein
I understand substantive critiques of social justice language exist but this isn't one of them.
The term marriage equality may have a similar graph of usage. Citing that to oppose it would be a dumb argument.
The newness of a term does not by itself disqualify its truth claims.
13
6
769
Hamir Kalyani Stan Account, Yearner of Domesticity
@mattyglesias
Exactly. Also ever notice how the establishment praises all the positive effects of exercise but sweeps the negatives under the rug?
After my workout, my arm was sore. My legs trembled and cramped and I couldn’t get out of bed for days. Their solution? Do it again!
Yeah right
18
34
788
Hamir Kalyani Stan Account, Yearner of Domesticity
Okay now listen to this. This is so so succinct - a fully contained joke within itself. Perfection.
Just 15 words. But the last two words transform the ENTIRE first thirteen - the absolute essence of what “punchline” means. Learn from this.
Happily married young Indian/Indian American men almost never fit the mold of western men’s dating advice.
On average, they’re NOT:
- chadlike
- meatheads
- particularly polarizing.
- type A
- always assertive or “masculine”
Most are just good boys who followed the plan.
26
34
558
Hamir Kalyani Stan Account, Yearner of Domesticity
@drmistercody
@scrowder
It's a comedy of errors. Steven illustrates how gender is about presentation and tries to alter his personality, but fails and realizes that his presentation doesn't ultimately affect his inner douchebag which stays the same no matter what. It's very clever and ironic.
0
2
493
Hamir Kalyani Stan Account, Yearner of Domesticity
@ThomasFriedman_
@EricRWeinstein
Which is a bad argument that *he* connected to language.
That people of color is a new idea because he couldn't find "PoC" in ngrams is a fairly ridiculous and surprising argument.
6
5
396
Hamir Kalyani Stan Account, Yearner of Domesticity
@ThomasFriedman_
@EricRWeinstein
2 points being attributed to his tweet here
A- that these fields are brand new
B- that ppl aren't considering they could be wrong
B is fair but he didnt claim it or cite graphs for it.
Graphs were for A - claiming the history of some new term as the history of the idea itself.
4
4
389
Hamir Kalyani Stan Account, Yearner of Domesticity
@ColetteReneee
*Hugs too. Veiled excuse for assault
Like cuddling is super problematic. Positional differences like Big Spoon and Little Spoon reproduce dangerous power dynamics, same as age differences
If you truly respected someone, you'd never touch them. Just say you like fascism and go.
0
11
298
Hamir Kalyani Stan Account, Yearner of Domesticity
I’m seeing some Kanye discourse (I.e. on the man himself). I don’t care that much. I’m a big fan but he’s deeply unwell, motherless and an absolute idiot about most things
I’m literally talking *only* about/from my own soapbox here: the ineffable mystery of how laughter works 🙏🏽
1
6
252
Hamir Kalyani Stan Account, Yearner of Domesticity
@MenshevikM
They want so desperately to be needed and they're yearning for it by idolizing the words of a Machiavellian kingpin and murderer who is manipulating a dying man
in order to enrich himself. By playing on Walt's insecurity at performing said traditional gender roles.
Sad :/
2
1
226
Hamir Kalyani Stan Account, Yearner of Domesticity
incredible advice.
the first step really made my jaw drop. folks often talk about “can’t love others till you love yourself” etc. but this is the best statement of this category of sentiments.
>> do whatever needs to be done to get to the point where you respect yourself
my dating advice:
- do whatever needs to be done to get to the point where you respect yourself
- experiment enough to figure out what you want, and no more
- hold onto that self-respect and wanting, get to deeply know many people, and get out of your own way when it happens
23
109
2K
3
12
242
Hamir Kalyani Stan Account, Yearner of Domesticity
This is an incredibly bad faith reading of Brie's argument and of the episode in general. Is there anyone who listened to this who truly believes this was her argument?
She said you were lumping in the merits of forcing the vote with a reading of Dore's persona. And you agreed.
To recap, i was yelled at for 3 hours for thinking that the leader of FTV, Jimmy Dore, saying AOC is the reason we dont have M4a was unhelpful and in that very moment he was praising an armed right wing militiaman who wants to destroy government (which uh does M4A)
#podfraud
2K
806
10K
8
16
207
Hamir Kalyani Stan Account, Yearner of Domesticity
Got educated, got a job, got a hobby and got married.
Simple.
So much heavy lifting is just done by the desi cultural defaults - education, minimal discipline, financial security etc.
The manosphere would barely make sense to most of those dudes.
3
2
171
Hamir Kalyani Stan Account, Yearner of Domesticity
@AskYatharth
oh yeah absolutely. it's about controlling parental dynamics all the way down with an astonishing amount of empathy and self awareness.
"you were just like me when someone one was disappointed in you"
thru all of his pain he's able to empathize with his parents too <3
1
5
135
Hamir Kalyani Stan Account, Yearner of Domesticity
question for the TL: how to you create when you have no audience?
say, write tweets or articles if not many are reading or responding to them. or making videos if no one is watching. or doing drawings/paintings that no one seemingly cares about?
51
6
135
Hamir Kalyani Stan Account, Yearner of Domesticity
bad question from the boss.
but my first reaction is that if you have talked to someone weekly for 6 whole months and this throws you off, you have poor social skills. this is SO easy.
in my next tweet i will tell you what to say.
(hint: be pro social & don't perform).
You're at a "goodbye to a coworker who's leaving" event at a workplace you like. You talked to the coworker ~weekly for the past 6mo & have no strong opinion about them.
Boss says, "Now everyone go around and say something they appreciated about [coworker]." Your reaction:
4
2
38
1
1
130
Hamir Kalyani Stan Account, Yearner of Domesticity
@yhdistyminen
“Globalists/neoliberal developer shills have contempt for authentic, historic neighborhoods. I love my local culture and community.”
The historic neighborhood:
The local culture and community:
4
1
123
Hamir Kalyani Stan Account, Yearner of Domesticity
Kindness makes a person feel good in a way no other quality really approaches.
Talent won’t do it. Status won’t. Money doesn’t. Having emotional vocabulary doesn’t. Therapy speak won’t. Even a history of prior interactions.
Kindness + calm has an unmatched emotional signature.
4
10
120
Hamir Kalyani Stan Account, Yearner of Domesticity
@Baileymoon15
Such a waste of IRL. This meeting could have been an unread DM.
Also smh, any man worth his salt knows you have to work up to it. Start with “so .. how big is your head.” And that starts things off on a smooth and totally normal footing.
5
0
121
Hamir Kalyani Stan Account, Yearner of Domesticity
come on gahh he’s the funniest politician of all time.
a great demo of my thesis at the banter workshop.
laughter is NOT about being clever. it’s about tension and release.
he reads the room and upends expectations benevolently with the dumbest quip and you cant help but laugh
@julie_bush
@edzitron
>> i kinda feel bad for her but what on earth did she expect, equal standing?
Umm yes? It’s parenting. Are you saying ppl should know better than to have kids with rich partners?
3
0
112
Hamir Kalyani Stan Account, Yearner of Domesticity
Being a young person into any form of Indian music is basically constantly rediscovering how something you initially thought was cringe is actually fucking cool and often incredibly beautiful.
10
7
117
Hamir Kalyani Stan Account, Yearner of Domesticity
"i don't know you for as long as the others on the team, but appreciated working with you the last few months."
that's it. there's no more to this.
even if the boss's question is coercive and icky and stupid, this should not throw you off at all. don't perform, participate.
2
0
111
Hamir Kalyani Stan Account, Yearner of Domesticity
Here’s another example of how laughter works. Unlike Kanye imo, this man is a conscious master of this craft. Watch him play the tension and release game with the DUMBEST MATERIAL OF ALL TIME
Hamir Kalyani Stan Account, Yearner of Domesticity
come on gahh he’s the funniest politician of all time.
a great demo of my thesis at the banter workshop.
laughter is NOT about being clever. it’s about tension and release.
he reads the room and upends expectations benevolently with the dumbest quip and you cant help but laugh
2
6
119
1
2
107
Hamir Kalyani Stan Account, Yearner of Domesticity
For anyone interested, here’s the Alka Yagnik story I referenced about how she refused Roja and regretted it.
This means there is an alternate universe out there with the Hindi Roja songs sung by her and .. <checks notes> ummm yeah .. Kumar Sanu!
Having sex with no root chakra awareness/numbness explains *all kinds* of bedroom issues better than nearly any commonly derided outside phenomenon (pornography, overpermissiveness, “moral decay,” sensory saturation, plastics, soy, sugar, coffee, alcohol)
5
2
98
Hamir Kalyani Stan Account, Yearner of Domesticity
@sullydish
It's the era of "small government *virtue signaling*" that is over
No one but for a tiny hobbyist contingent ever cared about just the size. They cared about the role. Size was an often hypocritical and disingenuous stand-in for roles.
2
4
88
Hamir Kalyani Stan Account, Yearner of Domesticity
@lastpositivist
“Mom, I can’t participate in these chores anymore. Today we learned about the white ally —> white abolitionist spectrum. Will you abolish my chores or are you willing to be complicit?”
0
0
90
Hamir Kalyani Stan Account, Yearner of Domesticity
@DaveClips
"Whoever came in THIRD in the election beat whoever came in SECOND or FIRST because 3 is a higher number."
- Dave Rubin's logic in this clip because just like this example it's exactly the opposite of reality LOL
1
0
79
Hamir Kalyani Stan Account, Yearner of Domesticity
as a general matter, MOST icky social asks or questions can be parried MUCH more easily than you think.
the key is to be honest and to honestly express whatever pro social sentiment already exists within you.
1
1
84
Hamir Kalyani Stan Account, Yearner of Domesticity
@MikeDrucker
@ENBrown
He’s right. What makes Starbucks truly valuable is my name delightfully misspelled in a hurried scrawl.
You can mint NFTs from them and make 10x the cost on the sale.
1
0
80
Hamir Kalyani Stan Account, Yearner of Domesticity
if you want proof that you don't need to be getting your men's dating advice from evolutionary psychology or the redpill, simply take one look at the indian and indian american community. which, all its cultural problems w sexism aside, boasts massive rates of family formation.
2
1
80
Hamir Kalyani Stan Account, Yearner of Domesticity
Going back to this clip, I was just realizing a word everyone should know and that *everyone* can access, probably one of the most foundational concepts of comedy is MISDIRECTION.
Kanye isn’t doing it intentionally. But see how it works even otherwise.
Hamir Kalyani Stan Account, Yearner of Domesticity
Okay now listen to this. This is so so succinct - a fully contained joke within itself. Perfection.
Just 15 words. But the last two words transform the ENTIRE first thirteen - the absolute essence of what “punchline” means. Learn from this.
5
22
792
2
0
76
Hamir Kalyani Stan Account, Yearner of Domesticity
@sashachapin
great finding! so much seems counter to so much. i had a date who told me she started every day off with cupcakes and that it kept her "centered" (!) till lunch.
incidentally, recent story about how icecream seems to reduce diabetes risk (replicably).
2
7
73
Hamir Kalyani Stan Account, Yearner of Domesticity
next to no youngun in a desi marriage is like "i need to protect my wife from a tiger" strong and "i need jason bourne's situational awareness to scan for threats" competent lol.
most threats are emotional, financial and social. being basically competent solves these.
1
1
77
Hamir Kalyani Stan Account, Yearner of Domesticity
In my banter workshop at
@vibecamp_
I did an exercise where someone would ask someone the time, and they would have to lie.
It shows you how dumb and stupid and non cerebral laughter really is. And this is what misdirection is based on.
This is why children laugh at peek-a-boo
3
2
74
Hamir Kalyani Stan Account, Yearner of Domesticity
@Sturgeons_Law
The phenomenon she described of being picked on for those specific things does exist. But triggering is really a bit much. And it sounds even more disingenuous coming from her.
0
1
69
Hamir Kalyani Stan Account, Yearner of Domesticity
As mangta hai kya's trajectory tragically comes to an end here, let's hear from the choreographer (then all of 19) on what a strange song it was for him.
It challenged him enough to make his mom ask him to quit choreography it turns out! And inspired a great work at the end.
To Ajab si voters, I would say
"Na Sangeet ka mizaaz, na hi Gulzar ka lihaaj... sasuri..
Itne fandom ka bukhaar hai, to Jawan dekh le,
2000s ke bracket mein naa aag jhonk re
3
4
32
20
18
72
Hamir Kalyani Stan Account, Yearner of Domesticity
to me, this thread is probably the most underrated visa idea.
the intersection of "comment your code" with "tweets are sticky notes you put on your outer and inner worlds" produces an opportunity for individual sensemaking that both publicly accessibly and a pretty light lift.
my entire corpus of almost 250k tweets is a testament to how strongly i believe this. lil notes take the foreign, intimidating, complex, overwhelming, etc and turn them into the warm, friendly, familiar, manageable
1
2
61
3
3
70
Hamir Kalyani Stan Account, Yearner of Domesticity
@bourgeoisalien
@ggreenwald
@EmmaVigeland
Wait but isn't this the opposite of hypocrisy?
If the ones that hit it big are the ones going after Jimmy and yet most of their videos are still about other things despite doing poorly, then they are by definition *not doing things for clicks*
3
0
65
Hamir Kalyani Stan Account, Yearner of Domesticity
if you are stuck up about saying the word "appreciated" then say "it's funny how i've talked to you at least once a week for 6 months - i have a stronger relationship with you than with the gym).
whatever, make some quip that keeps it honest and also honestly pro social.
1
0
66
Hamir Kalyani Stan Account, Yearner of Domesticity
@still_oppressed
LOL at "gen X" solidly entering the marginalized category.
Also surprised at the calling out critics for critiquing people "having an idea" (i.e. doing their jobs).
0
0
62
Hamir Kalyani Stan Account, Yearner of Domesticity
what the boss probably doesn't realize is that performative gratitude feels cringe to the person doing it but ALSO THE PERSON RECEIVING IT.
the person leaving the team will hate the ritual performance. and will appreciate its opposite - genuine and self initiated appreciations.
1
0
65
Hamir Kalyani Stan Account, Yearner of Domesticity
i own this barbie. my mom wouldn’t let me open it cuz she swore it would be worth so much money when a woman became president. i wanted to play with that red dress so bad but never did. anyway, it is worth $3
202
6K
147K
0
8
63
Hamir Kalyani Stan Account, Yearner of Domesticity
i can't find the tweets from
@visakanv
and others, but there's a meme going around about how ppl find it hard to say, write a blog, but will write a whole essay in response if someone sincerely asks them a question.
i just realized why that might be: "guaranteed audience"
2
0
62
Hamir Kalyani Stan Account, Yearner of Domesticity
just watch his timing and tell me there’s nothing there. ppl in the audience are losing it. and it’s a throwaway - he doesn’t take an applause or a laugh breaks.
sometimes he’ll smirk when he’s delivering a line he expects a reaction from. this one isn’t even that. effortless.
1
0
62
Hamir Kalyani Stan Account, Yearner of Domesticity
in my years watching YouTube w attention deficit, I can’t think of a single creator whose work I consumed as easily or enjoyably.
The blend of serious irreverence and being in character is the best executed one since the Colbert Report. Biggest cosign to the brilliant
@dhtoomey
.
in the category of energetics, I have not found one quality as attractive as simply *eros*, eroticism, aliveness, prana, vitality. the juiciness of life flowing thru.
celebrities become hot less from their facial features and more from the subtle energetic shifts they have to manage in their faces and bodies as a consequence of being high status. very difficult to fake this, because when you fake it you then attract attention to manage
18
14
381
6
5
58
Hamir Kalyani Stan Account, Yearner of Domesticity
how do piano players just .. do that?
"so yeah, one of my hands plays one part and the other plays a totally different one. what was that? oh yeah yeah .. at the same time. say what? oh am i normal or superhuman? haha what no, i'm just a regular person"
the brain is amazing.
10
1
56
Hamir Kalyani Stan Account, Yearner of Domesticity
The easiest reason why I wasn't working out was because I was frozen. Nothing "wrong" with me.
It's just that if you are fundamentally in a "crouching till things get less scary" stance towards life, it's to your disadvantage to lift heavy/run and get temporarily upregulated.
1
0
55
Hamir Kalyani Stan Account, Yearner of Domesticity
@EricRWeinstein
@ThomasFriedman_
At the very least, it's been discussed and debated and legislated and policed for centuries. Prof W, do you really think it's fair to (in the case of this term at least) say that millennials by & large who use "poc" are just playing with "woke stuff that was made up 20 mins ago?"
1
0
50
Hamir Kalyani Stan Account, Yearner of Domesticity
A fundamental element of my worldview expressed so simply by
@JackKornfield
on
@tferriss
podcast.
“The line between good and evil runs through the heart of every human being.”
I.e. not between “us” and “them”
Everything we decry is also within us. So is everything we idolize.
4
9
54
Hamir Kalyani Stan Account, Yearner of Domesticity
@MasterTimBlais
Imo there are 2 somewhat different notions of confidence that get lumped in together. One is “demonstrated performance” and security that one can demonstrate having done big things. The other is grounded open chillness (being rooted in your own energy/presence). Joie de vivre.
1
5
54
Hamir Kalyani Stan Account, Yearner of Domesticity
Met a dad of four kids today. This guy was probably the happiest person I’ve seen in a year. Extremely not performative or outwardly so. Just seemed like a part of him was just completely chill all the time and he was also super warm and loving and easygoing.
5
1
54
Hamir Kalyani Stan Account, Yearner of Domesticity
a MUCH better approach for the boss: make it an invitation (ideally ahead of time, but even if it's spontaneous, make sure there's no pressure - you can even say "no pressure to say anything")
THEN GO FIRST. boss should say what they appreciate. that's all.
1
0
53
Hamir Kalyani Stan Account, Yearner of Domesticity
@eurydicelives
Usually answer with intelligence, compassion and courage.
But an important one is having a strong and independent relationship to eros/eroticism in their lives.
I.e in the Esther Perel sense of the word. I.e. curiosity, growth, transgression, vitality. ALIVENESS.
2
5
52
Hamir Kalyani Stan Account, Yearner of Domesticity
redpillers and manosphere guys are obsessed with lifting or "becoming harder to kill" or playing power games which is fine on its own, but deeply silly if it is done in order to attract a mate.
you don't need to be the terminator to find a nice girlfriend and settle down lol.
3
1
54
Hamir Kalyani Stan Account, Yearner of Domesticity
addendum: the boss' question is bad. why?
because it foists on the group a possible social performance that they have to do work to opt-out of. i.e. an obligation.
what would be better? an INVITATION.
1
0
52
Hamir Kalyani Stan Account, Yearner of Domesticity
@Sturgeons_Law
Over the course of debate, Morris says “as Steven said” and “Steven is right” a bunch of times. He does not generally seem to be trying to distance himself from destiny as you’re suggesting. Norm’s insults being funny doesn’t change that.
1
0
50
Hamir Kalyani Stan Account, Yearner of Domesticity
literally shaking in rage because my elderly neighbor said they love "naan-bread" and offered me the wateriest "chai-tea" i've ever had.
dunno how much more of white supremacy i can take. need $2000 more for therapy. cashapp me please. really helps with my somatic release.
9
1
48
Hamir Kalyani Stan Account, Yearner of Domesticity
@eerrriiicaa
i see texts like this and it really boggles my mind that this level of self unawareness is possible, but it's so deeply sad.
what background noise/entitlement/preoccupation needs to be going on in someone's head for them to miss such basic awareness of the situation?
1
2
51
Hamir Kalyani Stan Account, Yearner of Domesticity
Affirming someone’s pronouns with no fuss and just earnestly and genuinely respecting their chosen gender identity seems like such a nice thing to do for someone.
Feels sad/barely believable that anyone would lose such an easy opportunity to be kind.
2
5
51
Hamir Kalyani Stan Account, Yearner of Domesticity
does anyone experience low social anxiety in person but high social anxiety online?
i feel like nearly every single thing i hear my introvert/nd/socially anxious (all different things i know) friends talk about, i almost never experience IRL and often experience online.
16
0
51
Hamir Kalyani Stan Account, Yearner of Domesticity
@AdamSerwer
@inthesedeserts
You see the same sentence over and over. Typical non obama voter says obama "made race relations worse"
It's one of the issues with the inaccurate "race relations" framing
Problem wasnt that the races couldn't get along
It's that system denies/strips black americans of resources.
0
1
44
Hamir Kalyani Stan Account, Yearner of Domesticity
Absolutely loved this interview of Michael Lewis on
@tferriss
podcast. If you haven't heard the story of how Michael started writing for the Economist, that alone is worth the effort here. Riveting from the word go.
1
11
50
Hamir Kalyani Stan Account, Yearner of Domesticity
@StuartJRitchie
“If it were up to me, we wouldn’t vaccinate anyone” is the primary thrust of his Covid commentary and at least this interview gets him to state that clearly without all the caveating.
That stayed largely unchallenged and the alternatives were barely challenged either.
14
7
48
Hamir Kalyani Stan Account, Yearner of Domesticity
James Brown: "I feel good!"
Effective Altruist: "How good exactly?"
JB: "I feel good!"
EA: "Okay, how much?"
JB: "..I knew that I would, now!"
EA: "Wait, a 100% confidence interval?"
JB: "So good, so good"
EA (exasperated w clipboard, pencil): "Is it close to
4 shrimp offsets?"
1
5
47
Hamir Kalyani Stan Account, Yearner of Domesticity
If your unconscious is primarily trying to minimize abandonment, considering the cost of fawning forever, it actually makes energetic sense to not form any close relationships.
3
2
48
Hamir Kalyani Stan Account, Yearner of Domesticity
it's ironic to watch so many podcasts lament the rates of young people getting together and stuff and meanwhile desis keep coupling up. not just due to arranged marriage norms. it's just getting the basics done for security and proxies for shared values.
Hamir Kalyani Stan Account, Yearner of Domesticity
and you'll get married even as a shy, balding, big bellied skinny-fat "slob" with little muscle and no high minded ideals of changing the world or becoming "excellent" or "spitting game" or "getting confident" or whatever.
plenty of women want a kind guy with the basics covered
1
0
10
2
2
48
Hamir Kalyani Stan Account, Yearner of Domesticity
@DaveClips
The amount of galaxy brain per second 😳🔥.
1. Peterson Sidekick and Chachi apparently win against Obama and Kamala (in CA)
2. A woman in a gorilla costume threw an egg. Therefore we KNOW voter fraud gonna happen.
High level idea. My brain is scrambled. Will be in recovery mode
0
0
45
Hamir Kalyani Stan Account, Yearner of Domesticity
twitter fam, what are your best resources on how you think about grief?
specifically interested in grieving ungrieved things that perhaps may stay in the system.
all is okay, no major loss. just realizing there may be a bigger role grief plays in freezing