Mike Drucker
@MikeDrucker
Followers
201,829
Following
4,756
Media
4,877
Statuses
69,128
Emmy-nominated TV writer and comedian. Wrote a book about games and now writing another. Newsletter: Email: mikedruckerisdead @ gmail .com
New York, NY
Joined November 2008
Don't wanna be here?
Send us removal request.
Explore trending content on Musk Viewer
Davido
• 463920 Tweets
Baba
• 114630 Tweets
Valencia
• 78158 Tweets
Abeg
• 74030 Tweets
Peruzzi
• 70346 Tweets
Nancy
• 62348 Tweets
Wetin
• 55724 Tweets
Madonna
• 55339 Tweets
Pant
• 53252 Tweets
Francis
• 51741 Tweets
Lewandowski
• 47598 Tweets
Idolo
• 46389 Tweets
Araujo
• 45231 Tweets
Rock in Rio
• 44959 Tweets
Burna
• 43844 Tweets
Seinfeld
• 39619 Tweets
Jesus is King
• 36966 Tweets
Werey
• 34098 Tweets
Farouk
• 32277 Tweets
Fermín
• 29539 Tweets
Katy Tur
• 24979 Tweets
Grammy
• 24444 Tweets
オリンピック出場
• 21114 Tweets
Ter Stegen
• 19064 Tweets
Popsy
• 14724 Tweets
Wizzy
• 13721 Tweets
ANA CASTELA NO RIR
• 11152 Tweets
PRE SAVE FOI INTENSO
• 11140 Tweets
Pinned Tweet
LOS ANGELES!
Next Saturday and Sunday (May 4th and 5th) some of my favorite comedians will be playing some of the worst games of all time LIVE for the
@NetflixIsAJoke
festival.
Two days of shows. Both shows will have different games and different comedians. GO!
2
9
57
Twitter is fun because you get to be like, “Ducks are good” and someone in your mentions will go, “Um, I’m sorry but my brother is married to a duck scientist and this is a harmful view” and then someone else pops up going, “Your silence about horses is extremely telling”
2K
59K
272K
One small sign that protesters aren’t causing escalation is they aren’t the ones who showed up with tanks
314
44K
229K
Remember when people got mad that Michelle Obama said kids should eat a vegetable?
787
49K
181K
Waking up furious because a puppet told children that racism is bad
1K
29K
174K
In "The Batman," they said Bruce Wayne's parents were murdered in October of 2001. Meaning if you go by release dates, it's possible they were leaving a screening of Zoolander when it happened
546
11K
160K
At JFK. Guy behind the counter asks for a volunteer to give up a seat for $500. Nothing. "$550." The crowd suddenly coalesces to shout "HIGHER!" like it was a game show. "$750" "HIGHER! "800!" "NOT IN NEW YORK! GO HIGHER!" They applauded the elderly woman who took it at $1100.
227
6K
138K
“But how should *I* feel if I’ve already paid off my student loan debt?”
I dunno, maybe feel good that things will be easier for everyone after you? Are you also mad that you spent $3000 on a Gateway computer in 1998 and now everything is cheaper and faster? Grow the fuck up
2K
23K
124K
I can’t believe Elon Musk failed to deliver on a giant promise. Absolutely stunned by this development that has happened literally every time he’s promised something
BREAKING: Elon Musk has officially terminated his $44 billion deal to buy Twitter.
2K
3K
17K
658
12K
118K
“TV is too woke now!” Sir, we grew up with a television show where a racially diverse group of kids summon a man with green hair to fight climate change
1K
17K
121K
Twitter is like,
“Hey, guys. After 15 years of effort I’m finally releasing my life’s work. I’m so proud of it and hope you like it”
✨4 likes, 3 retweets✨
“Good thing manatees are in water cuz they look like they’d have a smelly ass”
✨124,729 likes, 78,987 retweets✨
378
15K
112K
The primary rule of Twitter is that if you ask a sincere question, you will only get joke responses and if you make a joke, you will only get deathly serious responses
406
11K
112K
Depression isn’t a form of sadness. It’s not something that goes away if you just think about how good you have it or how successful you are. You can’t positivity it away. It lies to you about yourself and eats you from the inside and tells you that you alone make things worse.
455
35K
109K
“Keep politics out of music” is a fun way to say, “I want to benefit from your experiences without having to consider the tragedy behind how you got them.”
601
26K
97K
crypto is an mlm for people who think they're too smart to fall for an mlm
647
9K
97K
Neither does the word PlayStation, but I wake up grateful every morning that both have kept me from being a father
The word abortion does not appear in the Constitution.
20K
6K
36K
270
9K
96K
If Lance Armstrong actually believed people are pretending to be trans to cheat at sports, he would have tried it already
576
13K
95K
I feel like we’re close to cracking the mystery of whether the man who grew up wealthy from Apartheid might be racist
397
10K
94K
Remember when we used to be mad that social media was mostly photos of people’s meals, and now when we see photos of people’s meals on social media we’re like, “Oh my god. Thank you so much for this brief respite from the unending nightmare.”
274
16K
91K
If Elon Musk buys Twitter, I’m never signing in again until five minutes later when I’m bored and open the app without thinking
131
5K
91K
Someone on this site is gonna unironically post “great, now Indiana Jones is fighting Nazis. Everything is woke now”
#IndianaJones
and the Great Circle is an all-new adventure game that features a mix of combat, stealth, puzzles, gunplay, and of course...Indy's whip! Use it for traversal, as a distraction, or taking out enemies.
You aren't just playing as Indiana Jones, you ARE Indiana Jones.
1K
4K
32K
353
7K
93K
Got my brother a full-sized inflatable T-Rex costume and he asked, “What am I going to do with this?” And it’s like, dress as a fucking T-Rex and stomp around. The lack of fucking vision in this family.
215
14K
89K
“Every time there’s a shooting” is definitely a phrase to start your defense of guns
Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) during gun violence hearing:
“Every time there’s a shooting, we play this ridiculous theater … Democrats propose taking away guns from law-abiding citizens … it makes it worse.”
3K
593
2K
572
13K
88K
TWITTER USERS: It would be nice if you stopped people making death threats.
TWITTER: OK, but what if those death threats could be LONGER?
132
22K
85K
ME THROUGHOUT THE WEEK: “Can’t fucking wait for therapy. Can’t wait to tell my therapist how bad I feel. Everything is fucking awful I just hate being alive fuck”
THERAPIST AT SESSION: “How have you been?”
ME AT SESSION: “Pretty good, you know. Doing my best. You?”
160
8K
85K
Kamala is going to have to prosecute herself for murdering Biden
605
10K
75K
With the sound off, this looks like the tower of opponents Tucker must face in Mortal Kombat
688
10K
75K
if their work is that important, pay them like their work is that important
A 10-day UPS strike would cost the economy more than $7 billion and be the costliest work stoppage in at least a century, according to a new study by Anderson Economic Group, which researches labor disruptions.
1K
1K
7K
93
12K
77K
@benshapiro
Ben, usually I'd joke, but I'm going to come at this honestly. There's a big difference between zip ties being carried by paramilitary forces invading the capitol and zip ties being carried by your wife so she can tie you to a chair and make you watch her have sex with other men.
2K
10K
74K
Love to change my business logo to something that can’t be trademarked which means anyone can legally use it for whatever they want
Elon "Graphic Design Is My Passion" Musk's logo for "X" is literally just Unicode Character “𝕏” (U+1D54F).
405
2K
10K
157
8K
73K
The funniest thing isn’t us casually dunking on Kid Rock, it’s the fact that right now a SEAL Team Six of teenage Taylor Swift fans are in his mentions and will never stop until he is destroyed
796
7K
70K
Last year Nazis killed a woman with a car and then people spent the next 365 days writing editorials asking if we’re too mean to them
172
17K
69K
Pretty weird that Republicans bring up 1984 every fucking second and then make laws requiring communities to report on each other if they notice anything the state doesn’t approve
195
11K
70K
When my uncle said “got your nose,” I later learned he in fact did not have my nose at all. Thread (1/531)
112
3K
69K
“How will you feel if Bill Clinton gets implicated by Jeffrey Epstein?”
I dunno - feeling pretty fucking good with my “any pedophile is bad” policy
433
9K
68K
someone just print the punisher logo on a face mask so fucking idiots wear them
349
8K
68K
Crowds also booed Herbert Hoover at the World Series in 1931 because of the Great Depression. Baseball fans booing fuck up presidents is as American as it gets.
"We are Americans and we do not do that. We do not want the world hearing us chant 'Lock him up' to this president or to any president." --
@JoeNBC
54K
2K
8K
678
10K
67K
fair but all three are huge franchises for kids
None of the 3 highest-grossing movies of the year are sequels 🍿
First time this has happened since 2001
260
3K
30K
261
3K
65K
Comedians will tweet shit like, “The role of the comedian is to bring light into the darkness of all the terrors, tragedies, and fears we all share” and then you see them on stage and they’re like, “Married ass smells different than single ass!”
161
5K
63K
I can’t imagine anything more embarrassing than being an adult in a suit melting down because a child said science is real but here we are
81
9K
61K
188
4K
59K
Dune: “People use space drugs to travel through space and gain super powers”
Me: “Alright”
Dune: “Space drugs are only on a dirt planet with giant worms and also the new space messiah”
Me: “Pretty reasonable”
Dune: “There’s a character named Duncan Idaho”
Me: “okay hold on
280
6K
58K
Phew! Good thing boomers made it almost impossible to ever own a house or this would be a real problem!
Millennial dads have pathetic DIY skills compared to baby boomers
3K
593
3K
229
9K
57K
Teach your kids about capitalism by making them clean the bathroom
Then, pay them 10 dollars
Then, take 11 of those dollars for rent, 20 more for an unforeseen medical expense, 10 more for student loan payments, and then blame them for not working hard enough
262
10K
56K
This man’s entire life consists of being upset that having billions of dollars doesn’t make him funny
331
4K
55K
For the love of God, I'm begging people who endlessly talk about 1984 to actually read 1984
510
4K
55K
Game of Thrones playing out like a Dungeons & Dragons game where the DM is moving so you gotta wrap the whole thing up in an hour
170
9K
55K
@AnthonyBass52
@united
Just because you’re rich doesn’t mean everyone is your servant. I hope this helps.
147
767
54K
Guys, stop with the conspiracies. All that happened was an extremely rich man who had proof that dozens of extremely powerful people were pedophiles committed suicide by himself while being on suicide watch with no footage whatsoever
299
12K
52K
Ah, yes. The 1930s - the best economic time for all Americans.
"Small businesses will have the lowest taxes since 1931" ... Ivanka Trump discusses impact of tax reform
1K
577
3K
316
14K
52K
Love twitter’s “last days of an MMO before the server shuts down” energy
166
7K
53K
Never want to hear a fucking word about "antifa" ever again
175
5K
53K
Love that other countries are celebrating Trump losing like we defeated the mothership in Independence Day
267
10K
52K
America, where you can take away people’s rights by taking a guess at the intentions of dead people who would’ve been scared of a lightbulb
63
6K
52K
BOOMERS: “Millennials don’t work hard enough”
ALSO BOOMERS: “Why aren’t millennials taking three hour lunches and then coming back to work hammered?”
186
7K
50K
Jacob Wohl trying to scam Robert Mueller is like the scene in the first 10 minutes of every Terminator film where a guy punches the robot and breaks his hand
340
8K
48K
Can’t stop thinking about the man who was offended by vegetable soup at an event he wasn’t even invited to
432
4K
50K
Hell yeah! The roaring ‘20s are back and without knowing any history at all, I’m gonna confidently say that nothing could go wrong
213
8K
50K
Elon Musk fans are people who never realized that being into nerdy shit doesn’t automatically make you smart.
206
5K
50K
“child of a wealthy person”
67
5K
49K
CNN: "Elizabeth Warren, do you hate Bernie Sanders?"
ELIZABETH WARREN: "No, in fact, we agree on many-"
CNN: "Okay, shut up. Um, Bernie, do you hate Hickenlooper?"
BERNIE: "Not really, but we disagree on the policy of-"
CNN: "Don't care - ok um, who else uh: Beto, do you hate
290
6K
49K
Did romaine lettuce write this
164
5K
49K
Anyway, remember like a week ago when some rich dork posted a meme that the right had stayed the same but the left had now moved too far away? Great times, great times
363
4K
48K
People confused about Pete Davidson are like, “I don’t understand how this funny successful movie star that charmingly doesn’t care what people think pulls in so many women”
264
2K
48K
The Met Gala feels like Comic Con for people who could get you fired for making eye contact
72
5K
47K
“How would you feel if you paid off your student loan debt and then everyone else’s was forgiven?”
I dunno, man. Fucking fine? I was lucky enough to pay off my loans after 12 years - doesn’t mean I want other people to go through that shitty process, you fucking ghouls.
621
4K
47K
This shit is more embarrassing than when me and my high school friends dressed up as knights and wizards in the woods because at least we knew it was pretend
696
5K
46K
December 31st 2020 has big “just one more day until retirement” in a crime movie energy
135
5K
47K
Your wife wrote an entire article titled “We Need To Start Befriending Neo Nazis”
Jonathan Glazer made a movie about a man who builds his own professional success on his ability to ignore the suffering of the Jews around him.
The man is immune to irony.
547
774
4K
78
6K
47K
right now Twitter has the fun energy of a bar where everyone knows a fight is about to breakout but nobody knows who they’ll have to swing a chair at
300
6K
46K
Four Seasons Total Landscaping is one of those things I’ll just randomly think of and laugh at for the rest of my life
283
4K
46K
I genuinely thought this was a funny fake bit until the very last shot and now I can’t stop laughing
76
4K
46K
Blizzard got caught destroying HR documents, so I’m glad they’ve changed their ways by renaming a cowboy
Overwatch is officially changing the name of McCree, in light of the Activision Blizzard lawsuit.
647
510
6K
120
9K
44K
Furiously scrapping the “Back the Blue” sticker from my car window after learning laws might sometimes apply to me too
64
3K
44K
Whenever you criticize a person who just died, you always get the response, "How would you feel if someone was happy *you* died?" Which, I dunno. I'd be dead. But also, if thousands upon thousands upon thousands of people are happy I died, it possibly means I did fucked up shit.
227
4K
44K
Saw two emotional support dogs try to fight each other at the airport and I think we’re all ready for 2018.
135
8K
43K
It's easy to be cynical, but there's nothing more inspiring than someone being born with only hundreds of millions of dollars and working their way up to billions of dollars.
276
6K
43K
I like that the three working theories for why Twitter broke are:
1.) Twitter is DDoSing itself because Elon is an idiot.
2.) Twitter is losing servers after the company ignored bills because Elon is an idiot.
3.) Twitter hopes to force people to pay because Elon is an idiot.
378
8K
44K
NINTENDO: Nintendo Labo is for kids and those that like kid stuff!
ADULT GAMER: Okay, but what if I don't want it?
NINTENDO: Totally fine. It's for kids.
ADULT GAMER: Yes, but cardboard? Really? Not in my game room!
NINTENDO: It's for kids.
ADULT GAMER: But how is it for me?
301
14K
43K
87
7K
44K
This just cured my depression
179
7K
43K
DOCTOR: “I’m sorry. You have cancer.”
DORK: “No I don’t. Debate me!”
DOCTOR: “I understand if you want a second opinion. In fact, I encourage it.”
DORK: “Sounds like you won’t debate the issue because you know you’re wrong.”
DOCTOR: “I’d love to be wrong.”
DORK: “Then debate me!”
2K
4K
42K
Me: “Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me, I ain’t the sharpest tool in the shed”
Friend: “What was that?”
Me: “That was Smash Mouth”
Friend: “Who?”
Me: “The band Smash Mouth”
Friend: “That band doesn’t exist”
Me: 🤭💡
Narrator: “Universal Pictures presents”
173
4K
41K
Wait. But then that would make this... A MURDER
Dinosaurs may have been poisoned before asteroid hit, study reveals
533
437
2K
385
6K
41K
In cyber gaming terms, the entire police force decided to be AFK for an hour
DPS chief Steven McGraw: “We haven’t gotten into the why [motive]. We know the individual was also into cyber gaming in that regard, and group gaming.”
2K
301
2K
190
5K
40K
ELON PLAN A: “If you pay $8, people are forced to see your racist replies first.”
ELON PLAN B: “Since normal humans keep blocking people who pay $8, you may now hide your check when posting racist replies.”
ELON PLAN C: “Nobody can be blocked unless they say where my plane is”
147
6K
40K
Bernie Sanders: "Healthcare is a human right"
Elizabeth Warren: "We must end the imprisonment of children at the border"
John Delaney: "You guys - it's cheaper if we *bring* food to Disney World rather than *buy* food at Disney World"
110
4K
39K
Republicans will get mad if you blame a shooting on guns but then be like “A Singaporean freighter lost power and hit a bridge in Baltimore… This is what happens when Mexico exists”
Maria Bartiromo tries to link the Francis Scott Key bridge collapse in Baltimore to "the wide open border"
2K
1K
6K
88
7K
40K
Bernie: We need to dismantle a broken system
Warren: We need to fix a broken system
Biden: WHOEVER WINS THE SKI RACE DOWN DANGER MOUNTAIN GETS TO BE PRESIDENT
Joe Biden: I’ll challenge Trump to do push-ups on stage if he makes fun of my age or mental state
3K
1K
7K
184
5K
38K
Conservatives love to pretend they’re bastions of edgy masculinity and then meltdown if someone is mean to them while they’re having a parfait
390
3K
37K