Paul Haine
@paul_haine
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Following
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also @paul_haine @mastodon .social and
London, UK
Joined October 2009
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Pinned Tweet
Lately it feels like a parent caught us reading some news & now won’t let us out of a locked room until we’ve smoked a whole packet of news.
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This Pikachu dancer's costume started to deflate and it looked like the dancer was urgently bundled off by government security agents.
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Fascinated at how crossing a Corgi with any other dog breed results in what is basically a Corgi in disguise as the other breed.
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Bisexual women on the rise. Bisexual women getting closer. Bisexual women have you surrounded. Bisexual women are inside the barricades. Bis
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Missed my train because I had to stop for ten minutes to talk to this dog
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In retrospect I think it’s time to question Billy Joel’s claim that his generation didn’t start the fire
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One of my favourite types of video is "Americans underestimating British condiments"
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If you're ever having a bad day, just watch this video of a man trying to deep-fry gnocchi
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Urgently need a full televised documentary series from this TikTok pub reviewer
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Hannibal Lecter telling bad jokes is entirely what I’m in the mood for right now
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I’ve a lot of respect for Mark Hamill’s 30 year attachment to this jumper.
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British people when we see how much mustard she added to the sandwich
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The age of little treats is over. The time of the big treat has come
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One of my favourite things about Twitter is when the inventor of Godwin’s Law turns up in conversations with a gentle “you know nothing of my work” slap-down
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@hansmollman
I used to have this issue with Chris Pine, who used to look like someone who would definitely have bullied me at school, but thankfully he's aged into a sort of 1980s werewolf persona and I'm on board with him now
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Why does only football get to be called ‘the beautiful game’ when you get drama like this in bowls
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This is the best Slave Leia cosplay I’ve ever seen, or ever will see.
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I have no context for this photo of Lucy Liu throwing a javelin in a dress and high heels but perhaps no context is needed.
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Whenever I read about Theresa May vs the EU, and their respective levels of competence and clout, I think of this Fry & Laurie sketch
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If you’re ever despairing over those “30 under 30” lists, just remember that Frodo didn’t embark on his journey to cast The One Ring into the fires of Mount Doom until he was 50
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They look like someone who owned a Corgi downloaded the “Extra Dog Breeds” DLC but found it was just cheap palette swaps.
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The cast of The Good Place were filmed by Kristen Bell as they found out how the first season was going to end
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If the General Election was a song, what song would it be?
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Every photo of Wes Anderson looks like he’s going to be a serial killer in 3-4 episodes of HANNIBAL before Mads Mikkelsen offs him for making disparaging remarks about the wine pairing
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Endlessly fascinated by this clip of Boris Karloff fake horse-riding during the filming of BLACK SABBATH
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Once the pandemic is over I’m going to put on a blue Apple Genius shirt and lanyard and run up to Naomi Wolf in a restaurant screaming WHAT YEAR IS IT? at her
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Gut feeling is we’ll be re-using 1935’s
In 2019, you can re-use calendars from these years:
2013, 2002, 1991, 1985, 1974, 1963, 1957, 1946, 1935, and 1929.
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@jailedamanda
Called it 'Endgame", killed off two of the main stars, retired a third and then ended the movie with the whole cast literally signing off
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Me considering the moral implications of ordering a takeaway during a snowstorm
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That feeling when you dress up just to impress Patrick Stewart but then he doesn't even notice you
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scientist: oh hey u guys are back early
excavator: earth’s haunted
scientist: what?
excavator: *loading a pistol and getting back in the digger* earth’s haunted
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Me trying to leave this world after discovering there’s a whole generation that thinks Joss Whedon invented “comic banter” in screenwriting
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Swear to god if the UK goes into quarantine and English people start sticking their heads out of their windows to sing Tubthumping with their neighbours I’m going to lose my mind
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Sitting in a cinema with my phone using the “this seat is reserved for ten minutes” feature of online booking to block out all the seats around me
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My parents are visiting so we’re watching a film in the wrong aspect ratio so they’ll feel at home
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I’m so angry these mock ‘90s Lucasarts games by Andrew Scaife don’t exist
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@merrilymaralie
If anybody gets too close to me I gruffly say "Move along, stranger". Not because of coronavirus though, I've always done that
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Delighted by this episode of Star Trek TNG where the away team is trapped in an alien hotel but it just looks like they don’t know how to use revolving doors
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That’s a pretty low bar though
Biden responds to speculation that he's facing a cognitive decline: "I can hardly wait to compare my cognitive capability to the cognitive capability of the man I am running against"
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This cat looks like it’s refusing to let a space-virus-infected cat back into the airlock, because of safety protocols.
My friend's neigbour's cat.
He's always watching.
Always waiting.
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The only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a *checks notes* Glaswegian
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@maybeitspierre
If you're still sat in them past your allotted time they just snap shut on you
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@EPM106
I don't know nothing about no widerlore Mr Frodo but I'll wager nothing good'll come of it
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@BeingAndyChen
@hels
Actually you can ask for Vitamin D in most restaurants and they’ll bring it out in a big block they grate over your meal
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If the day to day horror of existence is getting you down, try watching this dog getting washed. Take as long as you need before moving on.
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Guardian headline writer just absolutely not in the mood for this today
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@isabelzawtun
Clearly the solution here is that everyone else dresses in Spider-Man-themed outfits as well
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Remembering that video of that guy getting that owl out of that window
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Probably my favourite extra in the whole of SPARTACUS, really just giving his all
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I enjoyed the Suicide Squad trailer but I’m also old enough to remember the last time we all enjoyed a Suicide Squad trailer and how that turned out, so.
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@IanDunt
Can’t decide if “He grabbed her arse in a government department” is more of a Pulp song lyric or an Arctic Monkeys song lyric
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My favourite way to discover new Netflix shows is to hear about them for the first time from a passionate fanbase annoyed that Netflix has cancelled the show
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The only reason Brexit will happen is because the UK will be too embarrassed to ever admit failing at it.
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That feeling when you end up in Dog Twitter but you’re really more used to being in Cat Twitter
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