the federalist stinks!!!!
@rajandelman
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Comedy. Producer of @2mbstudios . Old words in @reductress . Instructor at @improvboston . See me at @unioncomedy
Boston, Massachusetts
Joined January 2010
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Thinking about how dogs just had the best year of their lives
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"Edging" now refers to when you're on the verge of tears all day but don't cry
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Sidequest guy
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Gonna say it... Picasso did not age well
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Kirby has no ankles because the Goddess Athena saw what became of Achilles and sought to fashion a warrior that, this time, would not plagued by a single flaw
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Why is there slave labor in Harry Potter. Couldn't you just use magic to do stuff. Why did she put that in. Learning about those books was a huge mistake
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"Call Me Maybe" is 10 years old. The popularity of the song has officially outlasted the concept of calling someone on the phone, and hopefulness
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What if the Masked Singer is how Christ returns
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Feels like "head of the Boston Police union is a child molester and they knew" should be a bigger story, I guess it got drowned out by the other stories about police being murderers
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What if the end of the monarchy is just all of them kind of wandering off
Camilla is now taking a break. Which mean out of the four most senior royals, none are working full time.
What is going on?
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AOC isn't your friend. The podcasters you listen to aren't your friends. The people you chat with most days aren't your friends. You are completely alone, hurtling, anonymous, through the vacuum of space
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All in all, I think Debussy would be surprised by how often people in 2022 listen to "Clair de Lune," and also by what his name means now
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Pete Davidson should work as a consultant for the Democratic party on how to appeal to white women
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I can't believe we have to relitigate how being a 1950s housewife was bad. What was the point of that chess show
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Imagine needing three separate ghosts to teach you a lesson
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Every non-WASP character in Harry Potter named like
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Me, drawing little x's and o's on a football field, indicating where I think players should hug and kiss
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A man is "shirtless" while a woman is "topless." One might say this refers to women's larger variety of clothing options. More intriguingly, it implies we have not decided on men's orientation in space. Who knows where the top of a man is
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The tragedy of the slap is people trying to make it about Society when it's a specific thing that happened between incredibly weird people. A GI Jane joke? A Scientologist couple? None of this is applicable or relatable beyond a single point in spacetime
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Instead of n95 and kn95, they should have fun names like "boyfriend mask" and "bootcut"
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"Tiktok star kisses sick emu, creating human variant of avian flu strain that decimates 60% of the population" sounds like the fitting end for America, frankly. Couldn't have written it better
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Pay me for my 2008 internship, bitch
Stephen Colbert calls out Bernie Sanders' sexist supporters
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nasa employee: oh hey u guys are back early
astronaut: space has billionaires
nasa employee: what?
astronaut: *loading a pistol and getting back on the rocket-ship* space has billionaires
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Me, hearing about recency bias: That's my favorite bias
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Donald Duck does not wear pants because they would interfere with production of preen oil, created in a gland in the rump, that makes his feathers resistant to water
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I think my favorite part of this is how Tom and Gisele had different shooting days
This was basically an ad for a pyramid scheme and it just ran on TV with no warnings like they were selling laundry detergent or car insurance.
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Was DeSantis being a Guantanamo torturer something everybody knew but me. Feels like something that should come up in every news alert about him
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Real art-heads know how hard this is
Disproportionately pleased with this sketch of someone putting a jacket on.
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My favorite bone is the long one with the bumps on each end. Why mess with a classic
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Jimmy Carter knows what you do as president must be atoned for as long as you live
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"Compatible with shopping" is one of the harder burns I have heard
Mos Def's response when asked if Drake's music is hip-hop:
"Drake is pop to me. In the sense like, if I was in Target in Houston, and I heard a Drake song... It feels like a lot of his music is compatible with shopping."
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This was always the most cowardly photo ever taken
This the dude telling you there’s some pictures you should take down
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Lol what did the Knives Out lady do to be included in this graphic. Her whole deal was she was a good person
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"You had one job" is not a meme that makes sense to millennials
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Maybe single people watch Netflix. We don't know. Frankly, we don't want to know. It's a market we can do without
"Netflix automatically considers two people to be watching whenever something is streamed" is the funniest fucking thing oh my god streaming is a dead end
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Supreme Court decisions now are always like, "In a 6-3 decision, the Court has ruled you're allowed to kill people in the name of Christ. 'I really don't think you should be able to kill people in the name of Christ,' remarked Sotomayor in her dissent"
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Making Dianne Feinstein try to open a can of beans for 6 hours before I let her file paperwork to run for senate again
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I love Twitter's attempt to moderate content. It's like "are you sure you want to see this," you click a button that says "yes, I'm a craven degenerate," and it reveals a photo of a crab holding a package of Mentos
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A miracle anything good is ever made
"The X-Files" creator Chris Carter was asked “where’s the sex appeal?” by studio executives when he cast Gillian Anderson.
“Even though Gillian’s beautiful, she wasn’t their idea of sexy...they didn’t understand what I was trying to do with the show."
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Weird that Jordan Peterson's whole thing is lobsters, but he never suggests making men less violent by closing their hands with rubber bands
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Everyone who watched the Kevin Spacey video is going to die in seven days
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Me, a politician, watching the bodies pile up outside my window: Bars may now only serve two margaritas to each customer
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The name of The Count's vacuum cleaner would never get past the censors today. Because of Woke
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Impressive how much jazz is blue check kryptonite
Thelonious Monk performing “Blue Monk” with Charlie Rouse on tenor saxophone, Larry Gales on bass and Ben Riley on drums live at the University Aula in Oslo, Noway, 1966.
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I hope Janelle and Tessa never announce they're dating and just keep making more elaborate music videos until they accidentally shoot Jodorosky's Dune
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Just found out Bram Stoker was short for Abraham Stoker. The Topher Grace of his day
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"Maybe just the bad guys have slaves" Absolutely not. It's like the opposite of that
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Always wear your opera gloves when you attend the opera. Also wear your opera goggles. Know the location of the opera safety shower station. Now you are ready to handle that dangerous and corrosive material, the opera
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Penn Badgley on why he requested no sex scenes for "YOU" Season 4:
"I just thought we hadn't had any awful 'sex on film' discourse in awhile. I love reading the worst, most tedious takes people have. So does my wife. Reading them together enhances our marriage."
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Oh No: The Muppets Gave The New Muppet Your Name, Your Name Is A Name For Muppets Now
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Neil deGrasse Tyson is so funny. The culture was like, "can we please have a science communicator who is charming and avuncular" and the store was like "what about this horrible dweeb with sexual misconduct allegations." That's a second thing
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Guy who treats establishing shots like people on here treat sex scenes. Rolls his eyes any time we see a building's exterior. "The characters are inside. Why do we need to see what the house looks like from the street." Loudly groans whenever someone pulls up somewhere in a car
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"Annihlation (2018)," I mumble as I see a tree on my hike. "Shape of Water (2017)," I whisper as I notice a fish in the pond
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Jack Black in...Galopo
Jack Black was regularly hanging around on set for Francis Ford Coppola’s ‘MEGALOPOLIS’
He won’t star in the film, he just wanted to watch Coppola work.
(Source: Deadline)
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Nobody has ever partied as hard as skeletons in a cemetery in a 1930s cartoon. Using their heads as bongos. Doing cartwheels.. Letting one skelly use a broom to sweep them up into a big bone pile. The Euphoria kids could never
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I think one striking thing about
#fyrefestival
is models on Instagram luring partygoers to their doom like modern-day sirens
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I think the worst thing a guy can have on his bookshelf is the novel coronavirus
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When I RT a good tweet by one of my friends with a low follower count
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The Swedish Chef is the best Muppet. Shockingly pure in conception. Just one tall hippie's antipathy towards northern Europe. How can they fit so much disrespect in such a small felt man
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Heard they caught the animal that put the three gashes in every can of Monster Energy Drink. They're gonna euthanize it on Christmas. I thought that was a really sad detail
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Me: I wonder if...
The internet: Yes, of course
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A Twilight Zone about a guy who returns to the office after two years of working from home, only to find that in the office it's still February 2020. He tries to tell his coworkers about covid but everyone dismisses him. The episode ends with him being too scared to go home again
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I miss the curly landline phone cord. They should make phone charger cords curly to compensate. Just bringing a certain level of flavor back to the cluttered kitchen counter. Wrapping the cord around my finger like a teen about to be killed in 1974
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People who complain about sex scenes in films are sore winners. When was the last time anybody saw a sex scene in a mainstream film? I think they're just remembering a film from 1995 and getting mad
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Every Elon guy is like, "Wokes are the real elites. Blue collar workers never make fun of their boss or quit their job. Crawling on the ceiling is the easiest way to move from one room to the next. Moulting and leaving a 6-foot husk in the break room is a key part of management"
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Steven Spielberg's dad said filmmaking was a hobby, so 50 years later he made a 2.5 hour film about him getting cucked. Nothing but respect
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Besides Jonah Miller, Russell Brand, and P. Diddy, this film also manages to feature TJ Miller, Ricky Schroder, and Billy Bush. A truly demonic set
Almost indisputably the worst aged film in the history of cinema at this point (that isn't called Birth of a Nation).
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Upset that my friend waited until today to tell me the story of seeing Elton John and Billy Joel in concert, how the piano didn't work, and Billy Joel took off his sportsjacket to get under the piano to fix it, like a car
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Watching Schitt's Creek... I simply don't understand how Catherine O'Hara talks that way. I feel like I'm watching the comedic performance equivalence of a Simone Biles routine
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All transphobic comedians are channeling their jealousy about the fact they'll never be half as funny as Eddie Izzard relating a historical anecdote in a cocktail dress
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There's a whole category of person who thinks 3k Americans dying every day from the plague is like, being rude to them
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JK Rowling fans are like, "JK Rowling was the first woman who could read"
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Joe Rogan is mad about filters because they made him too beautiful
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A romantic comedy where a man and woman meet cute in a bookstore, but they don't know that she's the one who wrote the article about the top romcoms of all time that didn't include any old movies, and he's the internet poster that excoriated her
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Finally watching Tenet the way it was meant to be seen
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Creating a mashup I think the kids will like
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All this guy's videos are like this. It's the perfect account
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I like the idea that Jolene is a Dread Pirate Roberts situation, where various beautiful women take up the mantle
So is the Jolene that Beyonce is singing about the same Jolene Dolly Parton was singing about? She must be ancient and still chasing after married men. Fair play
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Machines can never produce true art because they can never be horny, the first step in making any piece of art
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I refuse to wear a mask into the store. "Ma'am, we can't let you in here," one of the associates explains. I storm off in a huff. The year is 2005, and I am once again too ugly to buy cream cheese
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Got fired from the Roseanne writing staff because every script I submitted has a ten minute scene of her getting shot with a pellet gun
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Excited for Chris Hardwick to finally get the amount of attention it seems he's wanted
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An anime is defined not by whether it's Japanese animation, but whether it's 65% enjoyable and 35% embarrassing. A live-action French film can be anime. A first date that's going fine until he starts crying about his ex is anime
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