S'Ewa'd Head
@EwaSR
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Following
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Statuses
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'Ever'. ADHD. Cordelia Naismith Vorkosigan Forever! Taller than Red Sonja. (She/Her) @ewacat on bluesky ( @ewacat .bsky.social)
London/Carcosa
Joined April 2008
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Pinned Tweet
If you're looking for the clown, he's two storm drains over
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the nicest, mildest woman in the office is on a teams call and has just chuckled and said "you know, i could go off. i could go off. you wouldn't like it, but i could go off" and i've never been more scared in my life. i want her to go off
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this might be one of the greatest paragraphs ever written
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i tell you: i have been laughing at this in a way that has caused me pain
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bananas are slightly radioactive. i feel like this gets overlooked a lot. some banana trees can walk (only around 40cm, sure, but it's still WALKING). they're walking radioactive fruit. we're far too relaxed about this.
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temp said i was going to scare off our callers with my phone voice and the line manager cut across him with "just for your own preservation, it's going to harm your career if you keep talking to women like this" and there's been a SHARP INTAKE OF BREATH AND A SUDDEN SILENCE
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Lady Hale looks like the kind of sweet old lady who'd make you tea and offer you a biscuit and then sits down to tell you about all her assassination missions she did for the resistance during the war in occupied France
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if anyone wants an update, she's currently gossiping with someone opposite me and they're having the darkest giggle i've ever heard from a pair of mums in an office
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HOLY SHIT THEY'VE ACTIVATED SCHOFIELD
Even the most moderate telly this morning is bemused on the new guidance.
#BorisHasFailedBritain
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"are you going to do something about it"
"NO ABSOLUTELY NOT"
*gales of laughter*
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Just witnessed a woman get off the bus and absentmindedly hand the banana she was holding to a man waiting to get on and they both looked so confused
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How many babies does it take to change a man
Having babies change us. Near-death experiences change us.
@BorisJohnson
has the full set. So will he become a very different PM from the one the UK voted for in December?
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Through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered, I have fought my way here to the castle beyond the Goblin City
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This is the single greatest paragraph I've read for ages
How did one of the world’s wealthiest economies end up with housing so unfit for extreme weather? I wrote about how Edwardian moralising, cheap coal and Thatcher's bonfire of housings standards has left British homes unprepared to weather climate change.
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the only ADHD advice that anyone needs is: don't sit down, never sit down, sitting down is what gets you
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I was going to call the Elon Musk/Grimes nonsense Elon Gate but then I thought that's a bit of a stretch
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found out from my mum that my grandmother would never have champagne because one time she had champagne for new year's and then Poland got invaded
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Holy shit I didn't know this about the RMS Carpathia, the ship that responded to the Titanic's distress call
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me when i'm eating breakfast and then suddenly remember the state of the outside world
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i do miss when the internet was a house altar like the ones roman households had for the Lares Familiares
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is there a compilation of the best video game bugs? i feel like i need it
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You come here unannounced on the day my daughter is to be married
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@katierpacker
it's not a meal to savour. it's a box-ticking exercise. it's food for energy and not enjoyment. a pale and bloodless experience.
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@sminkypinky76
i love these people, they perform the vital function of reminding people to have boundaries
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a) i love it when someone is in the wrong this clearly and b) i ADORE it when they're given the dressing down they deserve
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CAN TV SHOWS GET THE SOUND BALANCE WORKED OUT SO I DON'T KEEP HAVING TO TURN THE VOLUME RIGHT UP FOR DIALOGUE ONLY TO THEN HAVE EVERY OTHER NOISE FROM CUTLERY TO GUNS TO APPLAUSE BLOODY DEAFEN ME I don't ask for much
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You know what if you're going to have a row in the middle of our street at 1.30am on a Friday you better damn well enunciate clearly like you're performing Shakespeare so we can all eavesdrop or else not bother
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Purest act of optimism I've ever seen: a young labrador in the park trotted up to a huge sod of a crow, dropped his tennis ball in front of it, and hunkered down wagging his tail, waiting for the bird to play with him
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Do take a moment to enjoy this photo of Dan Stevens in a really nice jumper, it'll do you good
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@tom_usher_
@mustafayadigg
someone was saying yesterday about how they worked with someone who thought if they copied something and moved the mouse to another machine it'd copy that thing over and this, this is that same energy
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nothing lives rent-free in MY mind. every thought takes a severe toll
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@MHus66
@GeorginaAddison
@laaurengallag
@lacefrontbebe
@Islam768
@Ryanair
Not enough of us get involved. Doesn't matter how many of us would, it's just not enough.
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I will remember the time a woman told me as I was washing my hands that I "passed very well" for the rest of my life. She said it like it was an honour to bestow upon me, a gift of recognition. I'm cis. It isn't and never was her honour to bestow.
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coleen rooney used instagram as the stage for the poirot trope of gathering the suspects together to tell them how she solved the murder. iconic.
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incredible stock image, just utterly brilliant
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This made hönk with laughter like a deranged goose
And that is all the "debate" ever should have been.
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@MrBlifil
@Tweetgood_Mac
towards water apparently but i choose to believe they all try to migrate to stand closer together so they can talk shit about humans
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"i'm going to ask Ewa to record our voice message"
"i can do it!"
"Ewa's got a good voice for this though"
"no, but you see, i'm actually CHARMING"
i was laughing but i don't think our line manager is in the mood lol
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You horrible little man
From today, the majority of foreign university students cannot bring family members to the UK.
In 2024, we’re already delivering for the British people.
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@BrandyLJensen
@flglmn
Deep chaos and dirtbaggery happened here and she's just talking around it, I almost admire it
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my form teacher when i was 10yo told us bananas were proof that god existed because they come in their own biodegradable packaging, are angled so that they're easy to eat, and are extremely good for us. she failed to mention they're walking radioactive BERRIES.
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i am having proper ugly cry hysterics at the sound this dog makes
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colleague saying when she first moved to the UK and learning english, she was ordering "jack the potato" instead of "jacket potato"
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someone in the work chat saying "Another Polish person! Poles get everywhere!" and i replied with "yes we support a lot of structures" and no one?? found it??? funny??????
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┏━━┓┏━━┓┏━━┓┏━━┓
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we will be okay
and make sure others are too
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If anyone's wondering how to pronounce 'twitter', the glinner is silent
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Oh god no this has enraged me. I'm 6ft 2 and weight 4 to 5 stone more than a lot of people. Fucking describing ME here. Fucking laughable attempt at making a point and JKR should be ashamed for giving this fool social oxygen.
.
@jk_rowling
repeatedly claims that she is not transphobic & “does not hate Trans people” then RTs hateful misinformation intended to scare monger and incite violence. YOU ARE TRANSPHOBIC JK and a huge disappointment to my entire generation.
#TransRightsAreHumanRights
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@joelgolby
they're a walking radioactive berry from a herb. and the most famous bananas we're used to are clones. and the banana that gave us banana flavour is extinct. it's a horror story fruit, joel.
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my mum, from the hallway: *inaudible*
me: U WAT
mum: STOP SHOUTING I WAS JUST SAYING *inaudible*
me: U WAT
mum: DON'T MAKE ME SHOUT
me: YOU ARE SHOUTING
mum: NO I AM NOT SHOUTING
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sure but i've been 6ft since i was 12
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Listen: my best friend at school was the girl he called up Andrew Sachs about. This is so overdue. It's extremely fucking *time*.
EXCLUSIVE: Russell Brand denies accusations of rape, sexual assault and controlling and emotionally abusive behaviour.
Five women share their stories with
@C4Dispatches
in a joint investigation with
@thetimes
.
Watch Russell Brand: In Plain Sight tonight at 9pm on
@Channel4
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had to highlight the relevant bits because i said "this is horrific" and a colleague said "but he should have privacy" so i had to break this down for them and, you know what, no. no
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everyone leaning 100% into the reason why Billie Eilish wears oversized jumpers etc in the first place, i see
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Please for the love of god check the replies to a tweet before answering it, you're very likely to be repeating what loads of other people have said already and it's very boring how many people don't seem to realise this
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oh no, the penis
SpaceX successfully landed its giant Starship, but it exploded a few minutes later
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"because they won't date me" it's a very short article
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SCREAMING, THROWING THE PHONE AWAY FROM ME, SALTING THIS EARTH
Just for some context, these two are the same ages as Leonardo DiCaprio & his new girlfriend
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tfw you're in a very bad mood but still need pets because you're baby
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