𝙲𝚘𝚍𝚢, The Texas Country Reporter™️
@AphexCody
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Creator of SHARTtales| Weed Enthusiast| Author of ’Buttholes Dont Get Pregnant’| Rangers| The Internet’s Thinktank™️| |P1| Certified Meat Smoker| #D1DF #367
🎶The Stars At Night🎶
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Pinned Tweet
“Even though the Diamondbacks are losing, they could easily be winning this game. Advantage: Arizona. Sometimes box scores can be confusing, but not here.”
- John Smoltz
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Joe Rogan is not a hero or intellectual, and deserves no one’s admiration or money.
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@itsmegangraves
Making fun of poor people and airline employees is his idea of revolutionary comedy.
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@pitchfork
Not including Scott or Richard is a bad look, but leaving Xtentacle out is probably for the best.
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@AndrewR15DW
@SketchMasterMJH
The movie produced in part by many people with sexual assault and child trafficking allegations?
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@evren__7
because horses are awful creatures and they will 100% get hurt doing almost anything if you let them
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@htowncritic
@alutz9797
Once you deny and defend a team who, you are forever a fan of cheaters. Thats the best part. Cheaters forever. America’s pastime will never forget it.
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“The Astros and Diamondbacks are gorgeous and fuckable.”
“The Rangers are cute, I guess”
- John Smoltz
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🎶
I got a ranch in downtown Dallas
I buy diamonds by the ton
I chase cuties in my Cadillac
And drill oil wells for fun
🎶
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@JonathanTalking
@realDonaldTrump
@charliekirk11
@stclairashley
@seanhannity
@DavidJHarrisJr
@PressSec
Classic costumes. Great choices. No notes. Send them to school like that.
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We can own these things. Its legal now.
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@ExileGrimm
Shit. Like what kind of tweet is this. Because thats 10 billion US dollars vs 1 penis.
The only people saying no to this are the ones who own aerospace companies, and thats only because one is probably busy with a divorce and the other is trying to convince us hes an astronaut.
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@brissle
@EatPuke
@MjjWrites
@coolchick192
I figured Peter Berg and James Cameron were already on scene.
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My cousin rented a theater so we could watch Spaceballs how it was meant to be seen.
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@itsa_talia
@JordanUhl
What about the tattoos people tell you are ancient symbols, but it’s really just Bassnectar’s logo?
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@ImagineEmmaJun
@VP
@POTUS
Mike Penis is such a standup guy.
in that I believe he wants to be a standup comedian that only plays nursing homes and doesn't tell jokes
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The music supervisor who wanted to use
@TheNational
’s Light Years on NBC’s This Is Us sure knows how to set the tone.
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“That ball was essentially a foul….”
- John Smoltz
“….officially ruled a triple.”
- Other guy
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@Bigdaddybtc
@Endl3ss_Ruin
@Treble_Marie15
@Iggys_Hot_Ass
@ChurchofSatan
Is it fair to call it the best selling book in history when for centuries it was one of the only books pressed. I believe the IKEA catalog is a strong contender, and it’s 100% accurate every year.
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@dotmops
@jdan
Got it. “not-poor” is giving 8$ to a free website because the owner alienated the website’s primary advertisers, so he decided to attempt subsidizing that lost revenue with your 8$?
I think you’re confused as to what “poor” is.
Do you feel rich buying 2 bags of doritos a month?
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Gaze upon my kittens, for they are terrorists. Every one.
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My old cat died about 30 minutes ago. There goes the day.
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@RollingStone
@taylorswift13
Good work with the watermark. Im sure this isn’t a stolen meme you’re trying to pass off as an original idea… how about sticking to sophomoric “top 100 vocalist” lists where you put bob dylan at
#1
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@Srirachachau
Idk what other people do all day… but I live in the South and there is simply no way to live cleanly unless I shower every night to get the dirt and sweat off my body. Otherwise my bed is merely a sweat and dirt cocoon.
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He is awoken! (Surgery wasn’t until around 3:30), Doc said his hip was “very eroded” which presume means “his shit was fucked and he walked bad”. (I told that same doc/surgeon that… 6-8 months ago, but my input doesn’t count).
Thank you all! Y’all’s good people.
Welp, my dad is headed into hip replacement surgery, so sure, my nerves are doing great and everything is fine inside my head.
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These Pittsburg hot links were about as ‘East Texas Caviar’ as you can get. I injected wagyu tallow halfway through smoking. 2 hours @ 250°.
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@scottEmovienerd
Oh boy.
Dr. Xavier Superimposed Face Genitals
Or maybe,
Tim Allen Eyes Shaggy Dog
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@Merciless_AES
@CityOfDallas
@astros
Are you familiar with how in-state...even in-Division, rivalries work? Idk maybe you’re just a casual Rangers fan.
Oh yeah, you’re*
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These guys will always fail to realize ATHF is more culturally significant to them than their shitass racist great pappy.
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I’m going to brag on my brother here for a minute. Would ya just look at these?! Just look at it!!
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LOOK AT THIS BEAUTY! Thank you so much!
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My cousin and I are off to New Mexico for an RV adventure in the morning. I am so psyched.
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Reverse smoked & seared & sous vide cowboy ribeye.
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The road goes on forever and the party never ends.
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@CataCorticada
@GPhil17
@leah_bh
@JacobAtTheMovie
@ElizabethBanks
Lets pump the brakes on “amazing reviews”.
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@CorneliusAMCApe
@elijahwood
@AMCTheatres
Ah yes, Mr “
@AMC
Planet of the Apes”
Your tweete are funny in a really bad way. You should try tumblr or vine
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@PeanusArbuckle
@GFuelEnergy
@MelonieMac
@Alex_zedra
Shut the fuck up nerd. Go get some followers and have a terrible christmas.
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Its crazy that James Cameron built a submarine JUST so he could direct ‘Ernest Goes To The Mariana Trench’.
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If I die after eating this, I want you people to know:
It’s been real, it’s been fun, but it ain’t been real fun.
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@brianmctaggart
@fiftyburgers
@flatland_sports
You’ve been covering Houston for 20 years, long time. if they arent your team by now, you’re doing a great job shilling for a team you dont care about.
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The garden is starting to look like a garden!
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No one is trying to give your children drugs for free.
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Send me some positive vibes or memes if you can. Its a real bad day for my mentals.
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Dont forget to put out your bowl of chili and a sleeve of Saltines for Bochy tonight.
#WorldSeries
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I don't have a degree, but I am literate and have internet access, and those two are roughly equal.
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@JacksonTweetin
He’s actively “buying stock” in BALT, HOU, & AZ, now… but not so much the other team.
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Norm MacDonald would like everyone to know, for the record, that he killed two fewer people than O.J. Simpson, but the same number of people as Frank Stallone.
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Bob Barker was always there for me when I didn’t want to go to school and get bullied. Bob was there. My school district wasn’t. My parents weren’t there. Bob was.
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Prepping some ribs for later this week.
Letsbegreatletsbegreatletsbegreat
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Please don’t put your friends & family through weird tests that they can’t possibly know they’re being graded on. It’s bad for your mental health and your interpersonal relationships.
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One of my favorite details about this post season
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A woman in Walmart is using a monocle. I cant get a picture without being seen, because of the monocle.
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As the holidays arrive, my self-esteem has never been higher to know 50-500 people see my tweets, and keep on scrolling.
I mean it’s a bummer when best friends dont tell you happy birthday, but this is sillier than goofy shit
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Winter weather PSA:
Please don’t “cross your fingers” for a hard freeze or big weather, cold weather is real shitty for everyone who owns farm animals.
Prepping for a freeze is never as fun as it sounds when you live in a rural area, don’t be that guy.
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