zaratustra (parody account) 🍉
@zarawesome
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/ zaratustra @cohost .org / @zaratustra @mastodon .social
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Pinned Tweet
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you can get all these from the QR code on the profile or
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The one thing on this earth not wrapped in plastic and its being clowned on
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blue maps now are orange, orange maps now are blue
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there was exactly one software engineer and one hardware engineer on the planet and they were already at each other's necks
Ada Lovelace, the first programmer, begging her collaborator Charles Babbage, the inventor of the first general computer, not to mess with her math
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i had a fascinating conversation with an italian programmer, he told me that programming felt just like making the pizza
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meetings should have a button you can secretly press and if everyone presses the button the meeting suddenly ends
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most people that make fun of the tide pod challenge haven't eaten a single, delicious tide pod
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> what is impeachment
> impeachment tutorial
> impeachment tutorial video
> impeachment tutorial video asmr
CNN is now reporting that the White House has begun researching impeachment procedures
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you can avoid the rougher points of professional game development by following this simple flowchart
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son: this minecraft game is great dad
dad: it is indeed son
son: who made it?
dad: no one. it came from space
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If I talk enough shit about NFTs that I manage to prevent a single crypto transaction that will offset my entire energy use for the year
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a bunch of gamers just got more than eight times this by running through mario really fast
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Check this out idiots [flops and lands on my neck dying instantly, it is unclear what move I was trying to do]
useful tip! :
u can die of fall damage on completely flat ground if you’d like
#TearsOfTheKingdom
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the right wing ran into a problem with millenials
you see, the primary reason people become right wing is that they fear losing the things they own, probably to some undeserving minority
but millenials don't own anything
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adam smith: government is bad
modern libertarian: hell yeah
adam smith: because it benefits rich people
modern libertarian: *RECORD SCRATCH*
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@lukemckinney
"that's the ugliest drawing of a bird i've ever seen"
[twelve-wired bird of paradise hears it, leaves crying]
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disco elysium has never ceased to be correct
It’s incredible how quickly liberals are willing to trash values they claim to uphold - freedom of speech, human rights, international law, etc - the minute these conflict with the objectives of Western hegemony and capital accumulation in the world economy.
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Devolver-owned studio Artificer reportedly cuts half its staff
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*clutching a 90s desktop tower to my chest, hiding behind an office partition as gunfire rings out* it's okay, ELIZA. we're going to make it out of here
ELIZA: how do you feel about make it out of here?
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broke: lights in videogames run on real electricity
woke: beaches in videogames are made of real sand
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This really scared audiences, who were afraid the airplane was going to hit them
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(yes i know babybel adds an additional plastic wrapping just for the sheer joy of it)
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what’s the dumbest reason someone on the internet got mad at you?
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@CamaradaHidalgo
@homembarata
o cara chorando que não pode viver dentro de um container de caminhão
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a gamer's favorite game: 200 million dollar budget, the pinnacle of an entire generation of developers
a gamedev's favorite game: budget of four monster drinks, graphics do not technically qualify as "graphics"
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the solution: stake cultural space as if it were real estate
you now own acres of terrain in the Invisible Kingdom of Culture
and THAT is under attack by minorities
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@HrishiBha
@WholesomeMeme
cause no one is making tweets about the time their kid put a cheerios in their nose
you only get the good stuff
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you don't have to fall for every novel scam once
you're allowed to have foresight of how things will work
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that way you can bring back all the fascist arguments about how Culture Isn't What It Used To Be, as if tasteful wood paneling was an artifact of western civilization rather than something rich people could afford
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TIL even babybel cheese wax is petroleum-based
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regardless, I'm sure the person who had to *clean* the cat afterwards had a much more interesting job
Re: PET SEMATARY: I just keep thinking about whose job it was on set every day to dirty up the cat. Like, “oh, yeah, I have to go in early tomorrow, I have to rub some Vaseline and coffee grounds on this cat”
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@feefal_
plus you use red sometimes, which is a color i also use sometimes
i'll be waiting for the check in the mail
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@thomas_violence
not only they don't have a spare tire, you need their company's "tire technicians" instead of a dude with a wrench and a shed
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@kthorjensen
so... there's no gravity, there's just a force that pushes objects down depending on how massive they are?
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as someone said about uber, apps only have two ratings - five stars or "i want this person to slowly lose all income"
Etsy just announced they are formalizing their previously shadow promotion system (star seller) and they are finally saying out right they won't promote you if you have less than 95% 5-star ratings so reminder TO NOT FUCK OVER NEW STORES FOR WITH 4-STAR RATINGS FOR NO REASON LOL
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i would like to suggest the theory that he did it because it's fucking awesome
Why did Vincent van Gogh paint this skeleton smoking a cigarette in 1886?
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wow this slightly blew up. clean after your pets and don't buy crypto have a good evening
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yeah sex is good but have you ever revealed you speak the foreign language someone is using to insult you
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jesus fine. here you go, pick your favorite
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1) find something that would be illegal to do with real money
2) do it with crypto instead!
A new tech startup wants to gamify the U.S. court system by allowing everyday Americans to bet on lawsuits using tradable crypto tokens. It calls the process an "initial litigation offering."
I spoke to one of the founders about the concept.
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brobo the house robot: i've had much fun with you family, but now it's time to go
mother: but why
brobo: the startup ran out of money so they're just shutting down the server, and my specs aren't open
young boy: will we ever see you again brobo
brobo: hahahaha! no
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90s videogame mascot turned into 2020s mobile game creature
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who the fuck raises a kid to not call people racist
Dem senator stops short of calling Trump a racist: "I was raised not to call people a racist"
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excuse me we're little creeps that make games that teach you how to GAMBLE
Joe Biden calls Silicon Valley game developers “little creeps” who make games that “teach you how to kill”
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when building a fantasy/scifi world, these are the questions you need to answer first:
* who built the huge gates to distant worlds
* why aren't they around anymore
* why can't the gates be replicated or understood
* the obscure rules that govern gate behaviour
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a sample of how the innovation curve in game tech has flattened:
doom came out 18 months after wolfenstein 3d
doom eternal came out 18 months after doom eternal's trailer
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original poster removed this from tumblr - why so many articles about millenials killing commerce
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gamers: i can face any challenge. i am fucking invincible. i have defeated beasts and bested gods
also gamers: it is extremely unfair that I have to open a different program to launch this game
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so apparently google groups helpfully removed half of their usenet archives at random because they may contain "malicious software"
but NOT TO WORRY, whoever was the admin of said usenet group back in 1983 can post a request with google to get their archive reinstated
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how you'll die in a roguelite
Binding of Isaac: you reached Sheol with only two hearts of health
Enter the Gungeon: you cleared the entire first level and only found the Wind-Up Gun
Nuclear Throne: You got the grenade launcher
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unfollow notch you know it's the right thing to do
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this is making numbers (of clowns that think they can clownsplain cryptocurrencies into solvency)
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"how long would you take to make a game"
completely unexperienced dev: god, probably a decade
unexperienced dev: three months
experienced dev: definitely a decade
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every clown that was saying "NFTs will change the world" 12 months ago has smoothly rotated into "AI art will change the world" without a single change in facial expression
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the brazilian hogwarts is called "Castelobruxo". This does mean "wizard castle", but in the sense that the castle itself is a wizard
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i made this while waiting for unity to reimport assets
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@newglobesun1
@JimMFelton
you see, the reason his hat has its own car is because his hat has its own HOUSE
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tiny brain: the moon landing was real
huge brain: the moon landing was faked
inflated satan brain:
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waking up and checking twitter is like some sort of Memento bullshit where you work out what the joke is backwards from the punchline
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@darcywsmith
i used to photoshop Nigel Thornberry's face onto placeholder assets to make sure they'd be removed
they got removed by people asking me to quit that before someone with money sees it
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zero-tolerance policy
"your ceo has been abusing employees"
one-tolerance policy
We are listening and taking action. Our ambition is to make Activision Blizzard the most welcoming and inclusive workplace in our industry – with a strict zero-tolerance policy for harassment and discrimination of any kind.
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when someone is worried they're getting old because they turned 20
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@Papapishu
god knows what they're trying to dig up from the old net. don't hug me i'm scared porn, possibly.
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@vogon
apparently once advertisers heard about the purchase they immediately stopped sending money
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oh no no no you will absolutely go into a lot of detail on how you're charging money for this shit
@CactusVRStudios
We leverage our own proprietary data model, so you can appreciate that we won’t go into a lot of detail, but we believe it gives an accurate determination of the number of times the runtime is distributed for a given project.
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* game companies don't want game ideas from non-employees
* game companies don't want game ideas from employees
* game companies want game ideas from other companies that have already made ten million dollars from them
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we could have had this man as prime minister
Jeremy Corbyn played a version of 'Doom' that lets you 'kill Thatcher'
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every ten years the entire fate of the computing industry lies on having to explain a tech concept to a very dense lawmaker
Alito raises the concern that finding for Google would effectively abolish software copyright. Which is... not a great sign for his understanding of the facts!
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2018: we want to be treated like norway
2020: it sucks that we're being treated like norway
STOP LYING!
Dominic Raab:"All the UK is asking is to be treated like any other country. No other country would accept being bound by EU rules".
Except: Norway/Iceland/Liechtenstein(EEA), Switzerland(EFTA), Turkey(C-Union)...
You know, the other non-EU European countries..
#Ridge
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no you read the job ad wrong. we're making products for the meatverse
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@TheTechEng
@lj_sam_
@gothgirl_prelaw
for all the "hurr it's the same comic over and over" it's very obvious how his early work was by a romantic twenty-something nerd and his current work is by a romantic 35-year-old nerd
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@latkedelrey
also they dug up a study from like 1950 to decide that covid's maximum range was 6ft
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scientists call the area with high risk of bear attack the "goldilocks zone"
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The sky above the port was the colour of a graphics card, tuned to a missing texture.
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