Emily Kager
@EmilyKager
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Following
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small town girl working in big tech. working on android platform UI @uber 🌞🌱🐶🏃🏼♀️🚴🏼♀️🏔⛷️🥾🥒
San Francisco, CA
Joined February 2014
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Startups in SF be like "we care about diversity, but we just hire the best people"
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imagine doctors being like "side project checkkkkk 🥼😷👩⚕️"
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My friend who is on dating apps in SF sent me this and I couldn't write better satire of SF tech weirdos if I tried
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Hiring rockstar developer!
Must
- work as hard as CEO for 0 equity
- have side projects + green squares
- use dark mode
- 10+ years exp (but don't be old)
- willing to work for less $
- put passion into every LOC and feel like it isn’t a “job”
- product vision, but don't disagree
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Real friends
1. Text you back
2. Make time for you
3. Delete all the UTM parameters and referrals before sending you a garbage URL
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the hardest part of software engineering is finding someone who
1. knows why we did that
2. still works at the company
3. is not on PTO / sabbatical
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If anyone needed to hear it: I don't care about .dev domains or mechanical keyboards, I don't read Hacker News, I don't have a customized terminal, I don't spend all weekend coding, I sometimes use the Git GUI in my IDE, and I am valid in tech and so are you.
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tech bros in code reviews foam at the mouth about naming variables concisely and accurately but in any discussion about exclusionary language pull out the "they're just WORDS who CARES"
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Who called it "Best Budget Keyboards" and not "QWERTY under 30"
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Recently a woman I know was interviewing at a company in SF and she asked if they were doing anything proactive to improve diversity of the eng teams and they told her that was an aggressive question and it made them worried she was too "alpha" and "independent" for the job 🙃
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Why does the industry optimize for finding a new job every ~18 months to stay competitively paid rather than promoting growth within a company? Is there an efficiency I'm missing? Constant attrition, recruiting, interviewing, negotiating, onboarding, etc seems inefficient at best
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I don't comment my code because that would require understanding it in the first place
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You don’t need a degree to be a software engineer!!!! You just need a sprinkle of self loathing and desire to be wrong almost all the time
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Ladies, if he:
- Always ask you about your day
- Wants you to open up about your problems but gives no solutions
- Gets really mad and needy when you don't reply
He's not your man, he's the Standup Bot
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hey boy are you a complicated pull request because you LGTM
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Just saw an entirely naked man in San Francisco and even he was wearing a mask over his nose and mouth. If he can do it you can do it 🌈👏😷
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I didn’t get my dream job.
But I didn’t let it go.
I went back to their office on a Sunday at 2am and burned it to the ground.
I was arrested for arson.
The CEO was so impressed I cared that much he bailed me out AND hired me.
Light your own fire. 🔥
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Decided to go with a pretty scary costume for Halloween this year
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There are two types of people on
@SlackHQ
1. People who type long, cohesive, edited messages for you to consume at one time and reply at your leisure.
2. People who
msg u
👋🏻
like this
and ask a question (edited)
add more info 🤔
then thank you 🤗 (edited)
bump
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"i'm quitting. i have an offer for double my current salary and at the level i'm performing at here but you won't promote me to"
"no!! stay!! your hard work is invaluable to us (but we just won't reward YOU for it)!! pls? 😢"
?!?!?!?!
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nothing is crueler than making engineering new hires share fun facts about themselves.
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Asking the tech bro a question because you didn't realize they're in do-not-disturb mode
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afaict most big tech companies are suffering significant attrition right now and the market is wild. it seems like now more than ever it would make sense to adjust existing employee salaries to new hire/market rate to keep your knowledgable and tenured employees happy and around.
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@skirani
Is this a joke? No one wants to work with someone who can't communicate, thinks they know everything, can't mentor or interview, and doesn't attend meetings or work predictable hours. Also I can't think of anything less relevant to your skill than a laptop screen background?
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I can't believe we're still discussing this but wanting to make good money is a completely valid reason to start coding. Second only to hating computers and seeking vengeance.
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Just found out about software testing. Not for me, thank you though 🤍
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Forget gatekeeping WFH setups. I wouldn't trust code written by anyone. It's a miracle any software works at all.
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This is the ideal tech interview. You make not like it, but this is what peak recruiting looks like.
Collab with
@farazamiruddin
❤️
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Every girl who bullied me for being nerdy and small through middle and high school now has an Instagram bio like "be happy and lift eachother up, good vibes and love only 💞" 🙃
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ya'll be like "i can change him!"
him: immutable List<RedFlag>
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Wouldn't be my last week at Mozilla without 4chan threads dissecting every commit I made in the last 4 years to try to "prove" I never actually contributed anything to Firefox. Wish Bay Area rent was as cheap as rent in these fellas' heads! 🥰
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10 times out of 10 I would rather work with an engineer who has never touched code before but is a nice person to work with than with a top-class engineer who is also an asshole.
The asshole will always create more problems than tickets they close.
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tech gets shit for how quickly people become "senior engineers" but banking literally gives people the title "vice president" in the same time frame
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I want to come clean about a rumor going around - I am not the creator of the Java programming language
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Was hanging out with a French stranger in my hostel and I told her I worked for Mozilla as an engineer and she gasped and was like "FIREFOX?? IM GONNA TELL ALL MY FRIENDS I MET A FIREFOX DEVELOPER"
PSA for all y'all: This is the only energy I'm accepting from now on in 2020
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My sister (freshman in college) texted me for Big-O proof help for her Algorithms class saying she's scared CS isn't for her because she doesn't love this class. RT if you don't think about Big-O proofs at your CS job. 🤓💻
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Please stop commenting that doctors work hard. My whole family is doctors-I'm aware. This is not about doctors it's about tech. I just had a white shirt. Imagine it says garbageman, accountant, construction worker I don't care whatever will get you to not comment "well actually"
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cardinal rule of working in big tech: do not update macOS until instructed to
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I am hugely Facebook critical but don't think it's appropriate to post about how everyone who works there is evil/should leave/etc.
Just because you personally wouldn't take a job there everyone has their own reasons.
Direct your anger at the leaders and company level.
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i like my men like i like my programming languages
- takes care of dates
- pretty to look at
- has abs included
- takes out the garbage for me
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On a run I passed a guy tying his shoes who said "I passed you, women will never be faster than men."
I kept going but said "Who's stopped now?"
He raced to catch up to me screaming "Maybe you'd be faster if you didn't run your fucking mouth"
Happy to report I smoked his ass 🏃🏼♀️
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It's only "cancel culture" if it comes from the Ego-Masculin-Fragile region of France otherwise it's just sparkling consequences.
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I'm very passionate about the debate on whether HTML is a programming language. Specifically my position is fuck the guys who come into these discussions just to gatekeep "real programming" and die on this hill. Instablocked.
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|￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣|
| Just hiring white |
| women isn't |
| enough |
|＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿|
(\__/) ||
(•ㅅ•) ||
/ づ
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Oh you're a programmer? Name 3 prominent women in tech who aren't Siri, Alexa, or "your future daughter someday, hopefully"
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i was complaining to my therapist about needing an answer for functions that have access to local scope variables and she told me it sounds like i need closure
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Tech interviewing is tough but setting up your new laptop correctly at the new job is the real test.
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The funniest moment in my years at Mozilla was a few years ago when a naive marketing intern was giving a presentation to the entire mobile team about user review trends. He read a 1 star review out loud that was, and I quote, "I be beating my meat and I can't clear my history".
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idk what the true meaning of life is but I have a hunch it's not spending all your time behind a computer writing as much code as you can that will be deprecated and scrapped as obsolete in a matter of years
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My most relevant career experience that prepared me for working in open source software is when I used to babysit unreasonable and aggressive groups of small children
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Today is my last day at Mozilla which is such a weird feeling. I have learned and grown so much there and already miss my people. My last Twitter message as a Mozillian is: use and test with Firefox, be nice to OSS maintainers, and drink more water 🦊❤️
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working at a big company is cool bc you get to keep that awesome onboarding feeling of "i have no idea what is going on" forever 💫
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Benefits to living in California:
- quick access to beautiful nature
- lots of tech jobs
- always can make people laugh by going to my hometown and talking about my $3500 rent for a 1BR
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🤯 RT this if you’re an engineer working on OS, compilers, APIs, algorithms without an engineering degree! 💅
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Wrote up something small about going viral, my experiences, and my thoughts and hopes for the future
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A rare serious video on a topic I think is really important right now 👨🎓
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pair programming is like a night out with friends because everybody talks about how much they want to do it but nobody wants to drive
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I've talked to many peers that felt too attached and emotionally connected to their first job. It can be exciting and motivating to feel that "family" vibe, but it's a dangerous slope for burnout and getting burned by the company when your personal identity hinges on your job.
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*starts wearing all black*
I'm no longer a software engineer I am now a software artist and my art aka my code is not full of mistakes it's full of happy little accidents and if you don't "get it" that's okay it's just probably too deep for you to understand
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next time a tech bro makes inappropriate comments about a woman's body i'm going to call them a feature creep because they know that that's bad
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tech interviewing is so broken!!!!! if it were testing what you ACTUALLY do day to day there would be at LEAST one round of backchannel meming
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👋 Super excited to announce NAMASTE! It's like email, if email aligned your chakras!
- It's not a typo! Your inbox is now "Ombox", the mind, body, and spirit of your internet experience.
- No more "mark unread" just mark to "meditate on"
- Reach "nirvana" with always inbox 0™️
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being 27 means partying with the mid-twenties folks and everyone is playing beer pong so i feel 72 but then when i hang with the early 30s folks everyone is discussing prenatal care so i feel 7
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Did I cry all day today at work? Yep.
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Have you met rich tech guys?? Dating them would be harder than working.
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Did you know? From May through August it is illegal to schedule meetings past 3PM on a Friday ✨ Don't break the law 🛑
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This year I survived lockdown, lyme disease, wildfires, US elections, and not 1 but 2 harassment attacks BUT I shipped a product, spoke at my first event, ran over 1300 miles (+ a marathon), got promoted, and most importantly made myself (and hopefully you) lol
Fuck 2020 tho
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After some suspense I’m excited to tell everyone what my next work adventure is!! In a few weeks I’ll be joining the Mobile Platform team at
@Uber
to work on Android stuff™️! 🤖
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Me: "This is my detailed recent personal experience"
People on the internet: "No, wrong"
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No 💗 Like dis tweet if I inspire you with my tech shitposting 💫
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if you or a peer was subjected to a spontaneous 10x engineer refactor you may be entitled to financial compensation
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I can always tell when it’s morning in Europe because I suddenly get an influx of comments yelling about how I’m not allowed to call myself a software engineer. They wake up angry.
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