Special congratulations to older voters who went Tory, fucking over the younger generations for decades and guaranteeing them a brexit they hate because you liked the man with the funny hair who isn’t afraid to say those racist things you enjoy.
They lied, they called the victims of Grenfell thick, they said some racist stuff, they lied some more, they hid from journalists, they hid in fridges and you still fucking voted for them. Well done, shits.
Charles Dicken’s A Christmas Carol:
- long
- reading
- what the fuck, no muppets?
A Muppet’s Christmas Carol :
- fuckload of muppets
- no cheeses for us meeces
- actually contains Charles Dickens
- twice the number of Marleys for your buck
- Rizzo
Try to be more like a 91-year-old getting arrested for protesting against climate change rather than a middle-aged wanker sitting on Twitter endlessly calling a 16-year-old girl a freak for not wanting the planet to fucking burn
If you’re one of the people who thinks throwing a statue of Edward Colston into the sea is bad, wait until you find out about the 19,000 slaves who died whilst his company transported them to the Caribbean.
When JK Rowling sat in that cafe all those years ago, there’s no way she could have known she’d one day be endorsed by Vladimir Putin. Never give up on your dreams.
Twitter banned a guy for changing his name to Italian Elon Musk and tweeting “I send-a the calzone to space! Ohhhhhh!” surely it’s within their rules to ban Trump for threatening to murder unarmed protesters
Prime Minister Boris Johnson is due to announce tomorrow a £16.5bn increase in defence spending over the next four years in what is being billed as the biggest programme of investment in Britain's armed forces since the end of the Cold War
@LeeAndersonMP_
Hi Katy do you mind posing for a photograph, I want to tweet out your salary and living arrangements in order to shit on people in completely different circumstances that have been forced to use food banks because of our callous and shitty government, cheers
Hi I’m Piers Morgan. You may remember me from years of publicly abusing Meghan Markle then inviting her dad on my show the day after she said she’d been made to feel suicidal by the media. Today I’ll be pissing my pants and running away because of mild criticism.
Congratulations to Brexiters for your astonishing achievement. After just four years and billions of pounds spent (so far) you have negotiated a deal a whole lot shittier than the one we already had.
Hi I'm a boomer. You may remember me from such hits as "aww does the widdle millennial snowflake need a safe space because he's so offended". Today I'll be losing my shit because a shop I don't visit is selling a vegan steak bake I am under no obligation to buy.
@JeremyClarkson
Don’t worry about it mate, we’ve all tripped, fell and accidentally crowbarred in a reference to throwing shit at a naked woman right after saying we hate her more than rose west, easily done
Remember when the Tories endlessly praised a 100-year-old for dragging himself around a garden to raise £32million and then spent £150million buying 50 million unusable masks from an offshore banker with no history of supplying medical equipment
In two days Johnson lost his majority live on TV, fired 23 MPs, became the first PM in history to lose his first three commons votes and now he has to sit there completely powerless until the other parties give him permission to have an election.
UK press:
CORBYN IS A CHICKEN
@pritipatel
@England
Maybe next time don’t say it’s cool for people to boo people attempting to challenge racism or they might get the message that racism is fine
No shaming commuters please. Johnson told people to go back to work, so they risk getting fired if they don’t. No “but he said avoid public transport”: This is what happens when they have no other choice. Any infections that happen because of this is entirely on him.
Commuters can be seen piling onto tube trains a day after Boris Johnson said those who are unable to work from home should now be "actively encouraged" to go to work from Wednesday.
More on easing the
#COVID19
lockdown here:
Boris Johnson has lost 5 of his first 5 commons votes, the first PM in history to do so. He takes the title away from previous record holder Boris Johnson, who lost 4 of his first 4.
I’ve arrived in Cornwall for this year’s
@G7
where I’ll be asking my fellow leaders to rise to the challenge of beating the pandemic and building back better, fairer and greener.
It will be a busy and important Summit, and I can’t wait to get started.
#G7UK
So enamoured by Brexit they're willing to go to Downing Street to watch it happen on a big clock. Not able to list a single fucking benefit it'll have on our lives.
2016:
Don’t call him a fascist, do you have any idea how hysterical you sound?
2020:
The gigantic violent mob is advancing on the capitol building carrying a gigantic wooden cross to try and overturn the election result, as per Trump’s request