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Jared Schwartz Profile
Jared Schwartz

@thekidjared

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1K
Following
17K
Media
1K
Statuses
18K

what’s up y’all tryna chill?

https://t.co/MX5vzu9YLb
Staten Island, NY
Joined March 2011
Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.
@thekidjared
Jared Schwartz
@thekidjared
1 year
We’re not ready for broadcaster LeBron. The lies he’s gonna be spewing will be ungodly 😂
@LegionHoops
Legion Hoops
@LegionHoops
1 year
“You trying to tell me Giannis wouldn't be able to play an NBA game in the 70’s? Giannis would have 250 points in a game in the 70’s.” — LeBron James (via @PatMcAfeeShow, h/t @ohnohedidnt24) https://t.co/isFjolkeJz
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@thekidjared
Jared Schwartz
@thekidjared
3 years
If I don’t know a guy for the job then I got a guy who knows a guy for the job
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@thekidjared
Jared Schwartz
@thekidjared
3 years
On the day I take off, takeoff takes off. Damn. RIP
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@thekidjared
Jared Schwartz
@thekidjared
3 years
Wow can’t believe I promoted on here about the Adult Swim YouTube Smalls series I was in on. All 3 episodes are available to watch. https://t.co/Pt3zJmvX76
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@thekidjared
Jared Schwartz
@thekidjared
4 years
Are you connecting?
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@thekidjared
Jared Schwartz
@thekidjared
4 years
I enjoy walking down a crowded street with my girlfriend and seeing dudes visibly confused
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@JoePompliano
Joe Pompliano
@JoePompliano
4 years
Only an idiot would get between Joey Chestnut and a hot dog on July 4th
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@thekidjared
Jared Schwartz
@thekidjared
4 years
If your freezer isn’t a Jenga and or Tetris game your life is boring
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@thekidjared
Jared Schwartz
@thekidjared
4 years
One of the best to do it
@JamarMalachi
Jamar Malachi Neighbors
@JamarMalachi
4 years
Here’s a picture of me doing stand up comedy.
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@thekidjared
Jared Schwartz
@thekidjared
4 years
I want Kanye’s author era already
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@lilsasquatch66
Lil Sasquatch
@lilsasquatch66
4 years
Im going to be in Brooklyn and DC for some shows in June. Come hangout. It will be a good time. https://t.co/86RRR6tmvn
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@thekidjared
Jared Schwartz
@thekidjared
4 years
I added finishing chapsticks to my resume
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@lilsasquatch66
Lil Sasquatch
@lilsasquatch66
4 years
Pretty crazy draft night. Didn’t see this coming, thank you.
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@TheStandNYC
The Stand NYC
@TheStandNYC
4 years
Tonight 7:00PM HUMP DAY TREAT @katbelinfante @hansdickie @emilwakim Christiana Jackson @thekidjared @DSGermain 🎟️🎟️🎟️ https://t.co/iBlTZtCPlR
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thestandnyc.com
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@TheStandNYC
The Stand NYC
@TheStandNYC
4 years
Tonight 7:00PM MOMMA'S BOY @thekidjared @IANfidance @kfreehams @directordaddyy @A_ronson @kylemara_ @FranqiFrench 🎟️🎟️🎟️ https://t.co/zFED8HMhpo
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thestandnyc.com
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@thatsfunny
thatsfunny
@thatsfunny
4 years
heyNY @TheStandNYC 7pm tonight @thekidjared @KFreehams @ianimal69 8pm @ComedianCP @michaelkosta @LaughingVlad @ComicMikeV @aaronbergcomedy & more
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@DanManCarney
Dan Carney
@DanManCarney
4 years
Elon Musk put a chip in my brain
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@TheStandNYC
The Stand NYC
@TheStandNYC
4 years
Tonight 7:00PM MOMMA'S BOY COMEDY @thekidjared @JennyGorelick @abbygov @IamEmmaWillmann @mookiethompson @ConstantlyGus 🎟️🎟️🎟️ https://t.co/sEjG9UQu32
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thestandnyc.com
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@thatsfunny
thatsfunny
@thatsfunny
4 years
heyNY @TheStandNYC 7pm tonight @mookiethompson @IamEmmaWillmann @thekidjared 8pm @ciphasounds @michaelkosta @PaulVirzi 10pm @Derek1Gaines #AriShaffir @franciscellis & more
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@thekidjared
Jared Schwartz
@thekidjared
4 years
Just realized 9/11 is legal to drink this year. Toast to that
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