I want to be the trophy husband for a WNBA player

Going to the bar and showing one random stranger a photoshopped picture of me in bed with Sonic The Hedgehog and leaving

He really is going to make rent cheaper for us 🙏

Girl I met for five minutes while I was on vacation two years ago just unfollowed me on Instagram

6 months ago I used an ESPN betting promo code to put money on Terry Rozier getting arrested this season

I thought I would never see this boy again

I was also reading the same book as Dua Lipa the day she met Callum Turner but when I tried to talk to her she pepper sprayed me

(Listening to Drake rap about a woman treating him poorly) that’s not right

Only until I’m in the NFL

Filing for unemployment here >>>

All white person remake of everything everywhere all at once. Nothing changes and Jamie Lee Curtis still in it but she has a peg leg

I refuse to believe I’m the only person at this bar who just shit their pants

(Making eye contact with a complete stranger) fuck

the magic of great cinema is feeling more enthralled at seeing three cars go up and down some hills than watching entire cities being destroyed in any other big movie

My friend .com necklace overdosed on fentanyl

Been there

This is amazing ❤️

Finally

U.S. History Professor tricked by AI video

Guy who just moved to Bushwick, Brooklyn from the Midwest

What about a cafe that only serves Diet Coke