Emma Willmann
@IamEmmaWillmann
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New York, USA
Joined April 2019
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"Every time I've introduced my dad to a girlfriend, he's been like 'Nice!'": @IamEmmaWillmann. 👍 #FallonTonight
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Whole Foods on a Sunday is basically Lesbian Happy Hour.
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The same week I got audited, I punched myself in the face during a boxing class and broke one of my front top teeth. I told everyone I got audited then the next time they would see me in person, it looked like the IRS broke my face.
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I love my family. I talk about them all the time! Especially on Tuesdays from two to three, because that's when I'm in therapy
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Most estimates I see, say it’s only 4 billion dollars per year to have one police officer at every single elementary and high school during open hours. If that’s true, it’s a huge shame we continue to spend 10s of billions on wars, bailouts, stimulus, etc every year. It’s
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People with ADHD are great at multitasking... as long as the tasks are completely unrelated, unnecessary, and done at 3 a.m
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It's hard to decipher advice on having kids. I've heard: “It's the most rewarding thing.” “My life isn't about me anymore.” “You never know love until you have a child.” “My kids are agents of terror.” All from the same person.
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Uncensored. Unbeatable. Unavailable anywhere else. Don’t miss this Saturday’s livestream from the iconic Comedy Cellar only on https://t.co/WsOy91hu1X! Use your favorite comedian’s promo code below to receive 20% off PPV or the first month of your subscription. Matt Richards
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I think therapy is amazing and I think it’s symbolic of a lot of things going wrong that it is so inaccessible. Why is it that only the rich and really lucky get to cry to a professional
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#ADHD It's like my brain's on a constant shuffle mode, but instead of music, it's just a playlist of random thoughts and unfinished tasks.
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Imagine spending your plane ride recording a tiktok of a stranger you think is cheating when you could be drinking 2 vodka sodas and watching Michael Clayton
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It's difficult to get advice on whether or not to have kids. I've heard: 'It's the most rewarding thing. My life isn't about me anymore. You never know love until you have a child. My kids are agents of terror.' All from the same person.
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Remember when email address handles were just your A/S/L? Just a layup for identity fraud??
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Every time I realized I needed a therapist, I was in no condition to find a therapist.
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I’m such a people pleaser, if the police ever questioned me, I would confess to anything. “Can you tell us where you were last night?” “I KILLED KENNEDY! It was me!"
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Uncut, uncensored, unbeatable. Watch our livestream of a full 2 hour standup show from the iconic @ComedyCellarUSA this Saturday, only on https://t.co/WsOy91hu1X! Featuring: @JamesLmattern
@harrisoncomedy
@MEATBRICKMOLLY
#ethansimmonspatterson
@IamEmmaWillmann
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I feel awful saying this, but I bite it sometimes and then I feel like a monster! the key with the bite is to warm it a little in your hands first. Yes, I am disgusting!!!!!
Why does string cheese taste disgusting when you bite it but delicious when you string it?
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@michaelkosta @IamEmmaWillmann @JordanRock843 @AshleyAustinMo1 @lizmiele @RobbySlowik @joederosacomedy @ENeum @noredavis @mrseanpatton 🔥 @KrystynaHutch, @ENeum, @AshleyAustinMo1, @EagleWitt at 10:15p at EAST VILLAGE Get tix⤵️ https://t.co/l9KesAgrwi
newyorkcomedyclub.com
Wondering what to do in the East Village? Our New York stand up comedy showcase is one of the most fun things to do on a weeknight! From a casual date night to a spontaneous friends night out, you...
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Taking care of your mental health is hard when you’re getting older. You’re like do I not know what day it is because I have ADHD or is dementia finally taking hold?
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