Van Gothula
@surrealvehicle
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Following
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a flickering candle in your basement
The Double Deuce
Joined February 2019
WIFE: Stop taking things the wrong way. ME: [swallows suppository]
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The 90’s weren’t perfect but they were way better than all this crap.
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“You’ve made your bed, now lie in it” Me: Don’t threaten me with a good time
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The person who called it wallpaper was just done with naming things.
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worth mentioning that if you buy normal spaghetti you can make your own alphabet and spell out any word you like
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Me: I'm so fucken lonely Store Manager: Sir, only employees are allowed to use the PA system
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I started going bald the day my barber passed away. It was as if my hair died of a broken heart
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forget walking over hot coals, have you ever tried walking over lego?
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It’s a beautiful morning. Lots of people out walking their phones.
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What’s it called when your passive aggressive is so passive that you don’t even realize when you’re acting aggressive? I’m that
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“it’ll be a quick nap” i lie to myself as i fall asleep on the couch for hours
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I judge people by their ability to sing TV show themes from memory.
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I wish I was excited about anything as Annie Lennox sounds like she is about walking on broken glass
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Not to victim blame, but if you can’t differentiate your grandma from a wolf…I…I don’t know, man.
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‘Have A Cigar’ by Pink Floyd is my favourite song about peer pressure
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struggling to convince my dog that the most fun thing we could do over the weekend is sleep in
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[driving] my tires are rotating pretty well why do i need a mechanic.
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