Bob Golen
@BobGolen
Followers
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Following
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Media
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Statuses
144,372
Hey, give me a try. Mainly old jokes (spruced up a bit) and sentimental musings. Big believer in kindness. Leaning left, but not very woke (Boomer, ya know).
Clark County, Ohio
Joined October 2012
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Pinned Tweet
When I was young I was poor. But after decades of hard work, I'm no longer young.
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How did health insurance pull the scam of counting eyeballs and mouths as not part of the body and not eligible for normal health care?
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Someone wished me Merry Chrysler, but I didn’t have the heart to tell them I celebrate Toyotathon, so I just said Happy Honda Days
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I've loved Sandi since we were in grade school. We've been married over 53 years. Looks like she may eventually forget who I am. I'll remember who she is. She's the love of my life. Anyways, good night.
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Sloth isn't such a bad sin. It keeps me from committing the other six.
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Science is not truth. Science is a method to look for the truth. When Science changes it's mind, it didn't lie to you. It learned more.
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Fifty years ago we could travel to the moon. Now we can't go to Canada.
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It's my birthday! Here's a picture of me back when I could have been a contender.
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Sometimes I sit back wonder what happened to folks who have asked me for directions.
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Found this picture in the store parking lot. Back reads "Mom and Dad in High School." Got any idea who it belongs to?
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Passed a homeless guy begging on the sidewalk. Had a twenty in my pocket and asked myself "Do I want this twenty to be used for drugs or alcohol?" I thought "Absolutely not." So I gave it to the homeless guy.
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"This vehicle will seat six people without any problems."
"I don't think I know six people without any problems."
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Pray Elon Musk doesn't have a scandal.
Elongate would drag on forever.
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I like being asleep. I don't think I'll mind being dead much at all.
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I’ve only got two, maybe three good Motown puns left in me. Four Tops.
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Male bees die after mating. Their life is basically Honey Nut Cheerio
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Told a couple of jokes at a Zoom meeting. Turns out I'm not even remotely funny.
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It's like being a teenager again. Gas is cheap and I'm grounded.
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It's my birthday! Here's a picture of my mom feeding me when I was a baby.
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Pharaohs were buried with their hands crossed over their chest because of the belief there would be countless water slides in the after life.
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The guy that said laughter is the best medicine obviously wasn't suffering from diarrhea
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My three favorite things are eating my wife and not using punctuation
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Before the internet, I just assumed everybody believed in science
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Nikki Haley was on Meet The Press this morning warning that Hamas terrorists are massing at our southern border to invade America. You see, I can't stand this kind of bullshit. It's not that I'm pro Hamas, it's that I'm pro rationality. Let me assure you, Hamas isn't coming.
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I bet the guy who invented the snooze button never invented anything else.
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Someone told me they don't wear a mask cuz their nose is too big. Give me a break. I wear underwear.
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The devil whispered in my ear "You're not strong enough to withstand the storm."
I whispered back "I love your eggs."
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My Down Syndrome son Mike never asks for much, never gets much. Never wins much. But he did get to raise the Champions Belt.
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If it turns cold one more time I'm gonna put the Christmas tree back up
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Went to an outdoor restaurant in the rain once. Took me two hours to finish my soup.
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After having received my free sample of winter, I would like to cancel my subscription please
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What I've learned on Twitter is that if you don't have anything important to say, say it anyway.
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I don't care if your menu options have changed. I'm pushing zero till I get a real human being.
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They say we can have a gathering of up to eight people without issues. I don't even know eight people without issues.
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Had the slowest, nastiest, most incompetent cashier today. I swear I'm not using self-checkout again.
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Saw an article on "100 things to do before you die." Was surprised Call 911 didn't make the list.
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I've added lunges to my workout routine. It's a big step forward.
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I was born a male. I identify as a male. But according to Kraft Mac & Cheese I'm a family of four.
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Stephen King's plots are hard to follow. Too many Maine characters.
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"Your call is very important to us. Please stay on the line until your call is no longer important to you."
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Couldn't find the pizza cutter so I used a Bryan Adams CD. It cuts like a knife.
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Watched an interesting documentary on drugs. Might watch more documentaries that way.
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Due to the extreme cold, Walmart customers are being asked to wear two pairs of pajamas.
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For the first time in history you can help save humanity by sitting on the couch, watching TV and surfing the internet. For God's sake, don't mess this up.
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Watched a documentary on marijuana. All documentaries should be watched that way.
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I'm currently boycotting any company that sells items I can't afford.
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Remember when you could still refer to your knees as right and left instead of good and bad?
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Eye doctor: "The results aren't good."
Patient: "Can I see them?"
Eye doctor: "Probably not."
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My neighbor said “I don't watch football so I don't know who Taylor Swift is, but he sounds fast.”
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How many times do you have to click "I accept cookies" before they send you the cookies?
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A mystery artist has been creating sculptures using natural stones high among the hills of England’s Lake District. This stone circle frames the view of Borrowdale.
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