The worst part about having a parent visit is you know you’re gonna have to get your printer working again.

RT @ThrillaRilla369: I now understand why my dad used to wake up at 4AM and just sit at the kitchen table for an hour.

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RT @KatieDeal99: Got a new sponge today and was really excited because it was so scrubby and god being an adult is depressing.

RT @hedlike_a_hole: The song of the summer is the "Nothing is everything" jingle from the Skyrizi Crohn’s disease pharmaceutical commercial.

RT @TRHLofficial: Remember when the schtick of streaming services was that you didn’t get commercials? What a bait and switch that was.

I see a lot of people out walking or working out in a weighted vest. Is the weight of the world not enough for you?.

RT @VibesBummer: [guy naming weeds].this one looks like a lion, but dandier.

RT @gxmxxchxx: i lied there’s no sex but there is a spider situation i need you to take care of.

RT @onlineinsane:

RT @BonerWizard: It was weird going to college before smartphones. One time while out at a bar none of us could remember the name of Fleetw….

RT @LRNROSE: doing stuff after work and not just on the weekends is how you can feel life is worth living.

RT @doulbedoink: “American Pope” sounds like the name of an Amazon prime original series you ignore.

RT @Kica333: DMV: Did you bring your fourth grade report card?.

RT @ehansalytics: Name a bigger lie. I'll wait.

RT @seconds_0: My wife just walked up to me and gave me an unexpected impassioned, full body kiss, then stared me straight in the eye - a d….

RT @normalmadeline: Officially sick of everything there is to eat for dinner. There are no more dinners left.

One year you stopped having piñatas at your birthday parties which is crazy because as an adult it seems far more necessary to pummel something at least once a year.

RT @LuckyMcGee:

We are living in the dumbest timeline. Someone please go into the back of an old Spencer Gifts and hit reset.

We can put Katy Perry in space, but we can’t make a smoke detector battery that doesn’t chirp at 2am.