Motivational Pictures With Reality Deep Meaning
@doulbedoink
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You Can’t Kill ME @mostcontropod
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Pinned Tweet
Film critic reviewing the NFL: Jalen Carter is a berserk nightmare, a behemoth-aspirant fever dream on crack, Kirby Smarts definitive pass rush acid trip
Draft analyst watching a movie: (replaying the same Goodfellas clip 4x, once in slow-mo) Look at what he does here… BAM! Wow
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A Heartbreaking Tragedy: Your Friend Who Is Deathly Insecure About Being Annoying Is Actually Annoying
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The look todd howard is giving Elon is the exact look an autistic guy gives a slightly more annoying autistic guy when he starts talking. The second you notice someone one degree more autistic than you your killswitch flips on
The FALLOUT party at SXSW was fun. Then this guy showed up.
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Gandalf while frodo was beaten and starving in Mordor
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(Forgetting im in gay court and not Yoda Court) Not me committing the murder in question!
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How’d she die?
21-year-old Nicole Carol Miller, boarding Flight 93 on September 11, 2001. She would be dead just a few hours later.
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Dude if you lead me into temptation instead of delivering me from evil i fucking swear
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YOOOOOO the enemy of my enemy?! Whats up dude how the fuck have you been??
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Sometimes girlfriends have to be moved around like Sims. They’ll tell you “i cant work and my stomach hurts” and you ask “Did you eat lunch” and they go “no” and you respond “Go eat lunch.” Because otherwise it doesnt get done.
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GF got me some pre-workout soap scrub that made me feel super awake at 6 am and I crushed my workout right after. They are doing skyrim enchantments in the backrooms at Lush.
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Dear
@elonmusk
I think a good invention idea would be a car with a magnet on the front that pulls the car forward. Illustration attached. Could save lots of money on gas.
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This woman’s pursuit of the tiktok algorithm is deeply and truly wretched
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When you can’t remember who hangs out with Wario
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Was there a dumber quarantine brain phase than the 2 weeks people got into sea shanties
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My dad says “Big 3rd down” on every 3rd down whenever we watch football together and he is right every single time.
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(most selfish person you've ever met) my therapist says I need to focus on putting myself first
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I feel like with the Boys, Invincible, etc there has been too much stuff about superheroes being dark and evil. Someone should make some superhero movies where the heroes are lighthearted, fun, and make some sarcastic jokes during fights.
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If i was a mace and then i saw a flanged mace come out id kms
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“Omg did you see what Vaush said to contra on twitch? Like he was streaming the whole ti-“
You bolt awake in the mountains of Carthage. You are not online. It is 217 BC. You are the general Hannibal, and you have changed your mind. The future cannot come to pass. Rome must burn.
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See this right here is how you know wil e coyote is a fraud. Coyote dickriders will tell you its all acme, he was never in the right system, but he’s got roadrunner squared up 1 and 1 and he chokes. Coyote fans will attack me for this but its true
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Hey man can you apologize for this? Based on the horrifically stilted version of events I told my therapist, he says its your fault.
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Chinese basketball coach (beaming with pride): Get ready to learn English, buddy
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Hey! Actual historian here. I've been sleeping with your wife for weeks- a 🧵
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Brooklyn Nine-Nine (already pretty out of gas) completely buckling under the weight of the 2020 protests was really funny
what, for you, is the piece of media that is most emblematic of 'the before times'? for me it is master of none
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Dylan mulvaney’s agent calls her up every few weeks and says “hey do you want to sign up to be a brand ambassador for this company and get eight million death threats from a coordinated harassment campaign from America’s most barrel-shaped uncles” and she keeps saying yes
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It’s really happening
BREAKING: Graham Moon, 23 of Grindon Lane, a student at the University of Sunderland, has been convicted of possessing indecent images in the form of Bart Simpson being sexually abused by his mother Marge. He has been sentenced to a community order, and will not be placed on the…
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(has never seen a picture of Doja Cat before) oh thats why they call her that
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YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING
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(Responding to a friend who just said something insanely stupid) thats fair
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Sucker Punch is an important movie for me bc it was the first time in my life I realized that movies where people fight robot samurai with machine guns could be boring as shit
Thank you Zack Snyder for being the blueprint for James Gunn.
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[cumming on someone’s face] Say ‘when’
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Guy incel: Women only sleep with the top 0.1% of elite men. If you arent musclemaxxing, jestermaxxing, ballsmaxxing and therapymaxxing its over for you
Girl incel: The prettiest woman I know is dating a hog-smelling freak man, instead of ME, 𝓣𝓗𝓔 𝓖𝓞𝓓𝓓𝓔𝓢𝓢 𝓞𝓕 𝓛𝓞𝓥𝓔
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Your unemployed friends be like dude I had such a stressful day at apartment today
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Very bold thing for a professional BOWLER to say. No I didnt dude, no one did.
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Alright fucking relax dude
Patrick Mahomes says that offensive offsides call not only impacted the game but Travis Kelce’s HOF career
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War crimes are hard to witness under any circumstances but even worse when the country perpetrating them has an official twitter account that keeps posting “Not ya’ll supporting everyone trying to gaslight me into thinking I bombed a hospital!”
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YouTube gamer 2012: Guy called “The Legend of Zachary” looking like he smelled freshman year vodka w/ pic of Superman 64, titled “WORST GAME EVER?!”
YT gamer 2022: Guy called “Beyond the Joysticks” making 1:34:45 video called “The Lurking Fascism of Animal Crossing: New Horizon”
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A man’s ideal woman has impossible proportions and is 100% interested in every niche hobby they have and a girl’s ideal man is incredibly smart and built exactly like a bug type Pokémon
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He’s gonna get rid of group chats in like 2 weeks
Grimes is reportedly suing Elon Musk over the parental rights of their three children.
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There was a big scandal about 9th graders trading nudes while underage and a girl went tearful into questioning with a story about how she was pressured into sending stuff she didnt want to and then as soon as she got out she posted on her finsta “just finessed the police”
What was “the incident” at your high school?
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ESVI being inevitably bad is gonna break my fucking heart man
The Elder Scrolls VI is in a playable state.
"We are in development on the next chapter - The Elder Scrolls VI. Even now, returning to Tamriel, and playing early builds has us filled with the same joy, excitement, and promise of adventure."
(via
@BethesdaStudios
)
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Tell me about a time you got owned so hard online that you cried
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Please do not attribute this to anti-semitism! 1/4 of Polish citizens have not discovered fire yet, he was just very scared
JUST IN: Hanukkah candles at Poland's parliament extinguished by far-right MP Grzegorz Braun
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After the cancellation of Spike TV’s Deadliest Warrior, these gel torsos lost their natural predators and became an invasive species
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Man when i was 9 i was watching shane dawson do what i didnt yet know was blackface, its could be worse
This is what your 8 year old cousin watches 6 hours a day on their tablet. I am so excited to see how psychotic current children will be
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Got so drunk last night I texted “You are needed at the lair” to a girl and “Free tn?” to my skulking lackey Skrulb 🤦♂️ its so over
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White people when they hear there will be realistic portrayals of panic attacks in animated movies at the function
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The little one bit someone too hard and now they’re sending her away like Joe Biden’s dog
Boygenius announces they’re going away “for the foreseeable future.”
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NFL playoff seeding: Win-loss record, then head to head matchup, then divisional record, then strength of schedule. Clear and concise.
CFB playoff seeding: Ṭ̷̆H̸̡̾͋E̸̖͉̊̒ ̷͕͊͘S̶̰̄̋H̸̨̒A̷̬͙̎̌Ḏ̷̣̈́͊Ò̶͇̮W̴̱̉ ̶͍͂ͅC̸̢̕O̴̳̚U̵͕͖̇N̷͙̐̆C̷͓͗̾Ị̶̦̋L̴̞̓ DECIDES
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Sister got mad at me bc we got in an argument about something (switzerland i think) and she said “i did a whole project on this” and I drunkenly responded “undergrad moment”
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[so horny i should be crucified] clean your mirror lol
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Hey Swifties! New to football? Super happy to have you! But 😬 there’s been a issue with inclusivity in our community as of late. Did you see the team Kelce played against Sunday? Well their coach has been SUPER problematic. Your 1st task will be to buy 6 tons of C4 explosive and
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I don’t get why people get made fun of for converting to catholicism as an adult. Thats statistically the safest time to do it.
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Doing a reverse version of Baby Its Cold Outside where the girls clearly trying to flirt/tease but its equally clear the guy is trying to get her to leave so he can play video games
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Anyone else’s boydick go nuts for she/her pussy?
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There isn’t gonna be a fucking draft lmao christ
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I would love to poke a needle in you and see you fly around the room like a popped balloon
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Im sorry to hear that Hitlerlolirape
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One of the worst parts of this is that the Lions 100% will not be back lmao
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Quentin tarantino probably didnt need to write himself saying the n word 20 times
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Tears of the Kingdom looks so fucking stupid lol, play a game for adults
👤 𝗥𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿𝘀 𝗮𝗱𝗱𝗲𝗱 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗲𝘅𝘁
This user has been placed in no new video games timeout after his wife’s boyfriend caught him peeping through the keyhole during Mark and Carol alone time
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Sleeper: Nah bro its not addictive, I can control it im fine
Sleeper 1 day without sleep (eyes bloodshot and jittering): Hey man you gotta mattress I can bum off real quick
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Its a pretty cool cultural development that being a “SPORTSBALL ON TODAY?” person is now universally seen as the most annoying thing you can do
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This is what the IDF propaganda arm says Arabic ten year olds can do
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Travis Kelce is seeing all these republicans call him a psyop and chuckling to himself, “I couldnt even pass that class in high school, they’re dumb as hell.”
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21st century metal song: the government is evil and wants to kill you
90’s metal: The government being evil makes me so mad that I’m gonna kick your ass
80’s metal: what if we rocked so hard we exploded
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Elden ring boss name
Kate Middleton dubbed 'chaos-bringer of humiliation and mockery' as 'shining star' fades
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Massively impressed by Ready Player One becoming the basic cultural reference point for VR while also being one of the most ass books ever written
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Maybe this is revisionist but I don’t remember there being this many stories about random people assaulting and killing each other for no reason like 6 months ago
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Me and my best friend when we go to the robot abuse factory
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LOL a ROBERT KENNEDY AD? Seriously? Who on earth still cares about this guy?
Aaron rodgers, watching from a bath of melted emeralds: Now thats a man who makes some sense
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I dont think God hated people in the old testament as much he hates the Detroit Lions
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Why
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So fucking sick of this guy
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Hasan Minhaj lie: When I was only a teenager a local cop would drive by our mosque. One day he sees me walking alone, pulls me into his car. I ask where we’re going. He says, “Shut up kid.”
Lebron James lie: Nintendo called me up before they invented Pikachu to ask me to help
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thats crazy man. can i ask why you put a 3 minute QTE sex scene in god of war 3 that was kinda fucking weird
I don't give a fuck about amazing production value+visuals. A great game is a great game. Just starting and so far, so good.
But given how much everyone goes ape shit over visuals, it's staggering how this game can look like this and not get at least a little dinged by reviews.
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Short guys can’t get laid because every 100 years the collective sexuality of all the century’s short men is put into one person. 800 years ago it was Genghis khan. Last century it was Prince. Anyones guess who the manlet pussy avatar could be for the 2000’s.
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I think I’ve laughed out loud at this interaction like 3 times today
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There was a period from like 9-14 years old where i firmly believed that heath ledger died because playing the Joker that well broke his mind
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People on twitter: The Hello Kitty-ification of Taylor Swift really shows how there is no cultural icon people wont colonize
People in real life: happy thanksgiving man have a great weekend
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Your mom is so old that she saw the meteor that wiped out the dinosaurs.
👨👨👦 𝗥𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿𝘀 𝗮𝗱𝗱𝗲𝗱 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗲𝘅𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗽𝗲𝗼𝗽𝗹𝗲 𝗺𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄
She actually predates the dinosaurs and was crawling around with bacteria. Also your gay
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One of these is 5k gold in Whiterun and one is 5K in Windhelm but please continue to lecture on how the cost of living is too high lmao. Blue checks could afford the right if they learned to ice fish.
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Gf died in Stardew Valley. Didnt even know you could do that in those games
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Deeply meaningful experience in every man’s life
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Andrew Tate employing the Team Rocket strategy of losing a fight to a teenager bad enough to get arrested
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You know whatever Blizzard ad guy came up with this going apeshit in the locker room rn, thumping his chest screaming “IM HIM” at the top of his lungs
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Were you really excited for the Miss Netherlands pageant otherwise
Here were the 10 finalists for Miss Netherlands 2023.
The guy on the far left of the picture won. 🤮
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Anyway NFL starting 22 made entirely of Pokemon
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Watching this game as a Bears fan is like a caveman seeing an iphone
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Jordan Peterson is so funny man. Finding out about top surgery for the first time and thinking “less boobs=the holocaust” is something a 12 year old would do
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Propaganda for a sweatshop company aside i fucking wheezed when one of these woman’s job title was listed as “confidence activist”
They only invited people with zero critical thinking, eating this propaganda up!
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