Back in June, I help my mom clean out her pool shed. There's a strand of old twinkle lights with plastic flamingos. "Throw them out," she says. "They don't work." But I see that the flamingos came off easily, so I start to pull them off. "I can do something with these."

there’s no funnier caricature of masculinity than the Him from “holiday gifts for him.” he doesn’t drink any liquid but whiskey. he’s got 20 watches on each wrist. if he saw a single texture other than leather he would throw one of his pocket knives at it.

The correct amount of pickles on a burger.

My six year old daughter had a My Little Pony game on her tablet. I used to login every night to do meaningless tasks so she'd have coins to spend the next day. She passed away last year and I still log on every night and I can't tell anyone as it probably sounds so stupid.

Many of the native fish species found in Oklahoma's waters have long lifespans. In fact, in late May 2019, an Oklahoma angler caught a 66lb female smallmouth buffalo fish that was estimated to be 62 years old. That's a whole 37 years past being eligible to date Leonardo DiCaprio.

how star wars characters would react if you asked them to buy you pads- a thread

https://t.co/kGRUI5LrRY

Americans will measure with everything except the metric system

A Brief History of Nobody Wants to Work Anymore 🧵

I feel called out.

I am interested!

.@BorisJohnson .@10DowningStreet Just touching base - we feel the time is right for a press conference. We have some experience with this sort of thing…

Supreme Court votes 6-3 to put the cast iron pan in the dishwasher

Every time I have a programming question and I rly need help, I post it on Reddit and then log into another account and reply to it with an obscenely incorrect answer. Ppl don’t care about helping others but they LOVE correcting others. Works 100% of the time

Someone just described the thesis of Mad Men as "how women can adjust to change and men cannot" and I am floored

i have never once heard anybody say “die hard is not a christmas movie.” but the die hard is a christmas movie people still walk around like they have been hunted to the ends of the earth for their beliefs

I love everything about this.

The House of Faberge made 52 "Imperial" eggs as Easter gifts for Tsars Alexander III and Nicholas II to give to their wives and moms. 46 of these survive. I will rank all 46 Imperial Faberge eggs.

Saving this for the inevitable discussions due to start up in my town's Facebook group in about a week.