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Music festival, 2004. Got an AAA pass and got fucked from behind in a trailer by the bass guitarist from a mid-ranking indie band. Found out weeks later that he wasn't even in the band. Still one of the best fucks I've ever had though. Thanks, mystery chancer. 10/10.

My wife makes me and the kids be vegetarian. When she is away at one of her 'Pilates' retreats. I make sure some of Tesco finest are in the fridge. If she is allowed to cheat with a meaty sausage then so are we.

Have always wanted to piss into a Dyson airblade. Took my chance last night at my friend's 40th birthday drinks. Fair to say I won't be doing it again anytime soon.

I was having my Friday night skinful at home when I let out a silent fart & shit myself sat next to my wife. I managed to get upstairs, empty my bowels into the bath, wash myself, clean the bath, get changed & put the shitty clothes on to wash without her realising what I'd done.

I work in "adult entertainment" it's actually really boring. I'm in an admin team and part of my job is managing a spreadsheet of hotels/airbnb's that we've used and which staff/performers have been kicked out of them when caught filming scenes.

If I'm meeting my wife at a public space. I'll walk up to her, look confused and say as loudly as I can 'is it Sarah? You don't look like your profile picture.'.

If my wife smells ciggy smoke in our house she smiles & says "hi Grandad" as she thinks it's him visiting from the afterlife, as he was a chain smoker. She doesn't know it's me sneaking out for a cig in the garden. Although I quit years ago I occasionally have one if I'm.

I prefer the microwave for making tea. I put the tea in a mug of cold water and microwave everything until boiling. I have a kettle on the kitchen counter to allay suspicion but the kettle has not worked since 2011.

I had some money issues years ago and asked my bank for a month off from fees but they said no. Once I paid off the account i kept the account open. I transfer 1p in and out once a month and insist on monthly paper statements. It has cost them more in postage than the fees were.

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It isn't the most effective or efficient way of destroying weeds, but burning them lets me fulfil the deep-seated need I've had to operate a flame-thrower ever since I watched The A-team in the 80s.

I've recently got in touch with my feminine side. I felt an urge to be tidy up the garage, and realised that I was, in fact, nest building. My subconscious feminine side was telling me that it was time for another motorbike. Nature is wonderful.

Sitting in my local Greggs with a sarnie and coffee, there's always entertainment to be had in counting the number of thieves who openly nick their lunch and stroll out. The staff don't give a fuck.

I work in Comms and my strength has always been writing, which I love. Everyone in the team uses AI for it now, which I resisted so I'm getting a rep for not wanting to move with the times. I've been gently told to start using it, so I did today. I'm only 37 and it saps my soul.

My husband regularly lets our dog drink the dregs of tea and coffee from his mug. I don't wash his mug out before making a new brew.

One of the guys in my team is a big conspiracy theorist and has mooted the idea that we are all living in a computer simulation. Whenever we have a Teams call I take my watch on and off several times, off camera, hoping to convince him that he is seeing a glitch in the matrix.

Ran out of moisturiser. Used a bit of butter instead and people remarked that I smelled nice. I don't want to publicly admit to using Kerrygold on my face because I think people will get snobby. But I'm going to keep using it at night because I love the stuff.

I have a small skin blemish below my eye that's always bothered me. Been saving up for years to get plastic surgery. Looked in the mirror the other day and realised that my face has become so old and haggard that it barely notices anymore. Spent the money on a holiday instead.

A few years ago my nan passed away and my aunty made lavendar bags with 'nan' emblazoned on them and put a teaspoon of her ashes inside. 2 relationships and a couple of house moves later and I can't find the bag. I've effectively lost my dead nan. Sorry nan.

20 years ago, I arrived at Glastonbury on a Wednesday, but didn't go for a dump until the Sunday afternoon. I used one of the long drops and got splash back because it was so weighty. Still haunts me.