My goals in life are to become a published author, finish my master's degree, and burn down the giant Swedish Yule Goat.

imagine overhearing your 12-year-old threaten to fuck their opponent’s mom over Xbox live and they are speaking to Bashar al-Assad

unfortunately my dog's first thought upon seeing the wolf was NEW FRIEND YAY

I once came face-to-face with a wolf while walking a 150lb Newfoundland dog and my first thought upon seeing the wolf was "Jesus Christ that thing is fucking huge"

I think a Victorian orphan would survive drinking a McDonalds Sprite, but I think the sentence "in the future, Donald Trump opens a Qatari military base in Idaho" would have roughly a 38% mortality rate in the year 2002

baby shoes: crocs

it's crazy how fast movies become dated. for instance, the 2021 movie "Don't Look Up" no longer makes sense, because if an American scientist discovered a planet-killing comet heading towards us today, their main response would be "oh thank fuck for that"

boiling the oceans so a robot can check and see that you like Green Day and then recommend you a Green Day album that does not exist

this is what my brain pictures when you tell me that you’re generating AI content

if you're under 50 that's your Retirement Door

Robin Williams' daughter Zelda tells fans: “Please, just stop sending me AI videos of Dad.” “If you’ve got any decency, just stop doing this to him and to me, to everyone even, full stop. It’s dumb, it’s a waste of time and energy, and believe me, it’s NOT what he’d want. To

peaches come from a can they were put there by a man in a factory downtown

No one should be forced to flee, nor exploited or mistreated because of their situation as foreigners or people in need! Human dignity must always come first!

writing a 2025 version of "We Didn't Start the Fire" that is just four minutes of indistinguishable frustrated yelling that ends with an evacuation alert for an actual wildfire

genuinely hard to believe that the lyrics “and I scream at the top of my lungs, what’s going on?” were written in 1993. What’s going on is that you can buy a house for $4 and a button, get on that.

if you are speaking to a Canadian who does not know this, you have either wandered into a kindergarten or you are speaking with someone who has been in a coma since Canada first began implementing nation-wide publicly funded healthcare in 1961

the thing about that “first they came for” poem is that we’re already at least 2-3 lines deep and it’s not a very long poem

every day I wake up and read a headline that sounds like something a concussed writer for The Simpsons would come up with while trying to make an intentionally stupid joke about George Orwell

when they said there'd be bread and circuses, they should have specified that the bread would cost 200% more than it did four years ago and the circuses are only available on your least favourite streaming network for $19.99/month

It is time to stop underfunding primary care. It is time to stop letting talented foreign-trained physicians sit in limbo for years waiting to credential in Canada. It is time for premiers to stop sitting on unspent healthcare dollars so they can ram through privatization.

Fuck off.