Yesterday, I celebrated 12 years sober while successfully defending my PhD. To think that at 15yo, I was relearning how to speak following a TBI and at 22yo I was dying from OUD. No matter how things seem, it’s always possible to start over and rebuild. I am humbled and grateful.
Today I celebrate 10 years
#sober
. From IV heroin to pursuing a PhD. It all began with trauma: 6 months post-TBI, my best friend was murdered. 8 yrs, 4 totaled 🚗 , and 2 ODs later, I asked for help. Stigma keeps many quiet, but we’re dying out here. I share my story 2❌stigma.
Holiday PSA: if someone declines a drink, DO NOT push the subject!
Years ago, newly sober at a holiday party, multiple people offered me drinks. “Oh come on! Just one!” I denied, denied, and then eventually caved in. Within months I was in the hospital. Normalize not drinking!
Today, my brain is relentless. “You’re too old to be getting a PhD. You should be/have __ by now”. But like, how many of the people that I’m comparing myself to had a TBI? Raised by low $$ single mom? Firstgen? Overcame OUD? Right. The 🔑 is to find gratitude/alter my perception.
In 2011, I was sitting in this man’s office after a relapse that bled into work. He told me he believed in me and let me keep my job. I have been sober since. This week I presented data at a neuroscience conference hosted in the hotel where he is currently the GM. Full circle 🤯
Numerous ACEs led to the adoption of many maladaptive emotional management strategies. Additionally, fatherhood was never modeled to me. So, I’ve long been afraid that I wouldn’t be able to connect with my child and would perpetuate the cycle. I was wrong. Meet my love, Fiona ❤️
My original sponsor passed away a couple days ago. Appears to have been either suicide or OD. That’s 3 friends of 10+ years that died young this month alone. It’s really bad out there right now.. Thank you to those that devote their lives to this work in clinic and research. 🙏
I can’t begin to tell you the happiness conjured hearing people say, “she’s the happiest baby I’ve ever met.” As a parent, I think a primary goal is to give your kid a secure attachment style. As a high ACE scoring adult, that’s synonymous with ‘breaking the cycle’.
My friend Andrew passed away on Christmas from an accidental overdose. He was kind, compassionate, and held a MS in business analytics. His memory reminds me to double down and continue helping others in need. To those in the field, remember Andrew when work is challenging. 🙏💔
Thrilled to share the 2nd paper from my PhD in out today in
@NatureComms
entitled: Increased reactivity of the paraventricular nucleus of the hypothalamus and decreased threat responding in male rats following psilocin administration
#psychedelics
(1/x) 🧵
Think 12 steps is religious support group? Listen up. I’m living proof that the 12 steps work. Didn’t need to believe in god, just took introspective, contrary actions with consistency. Let me summarize my experience through the steps to illustrate their practicality (a thread).
🍄 New publication🍄
Chapter 1 of my dissertation:
Sex-specific effects of
#psychedelic
drug exposure on central amygdala reactivity and behavioral responding.
Open access full text:
Thread recap of paper below.🧵
23 miles, 3991 vertical feet, 4019 calories, and nearly 6 hours of trail running later, I sit in a river (nature’s ice plunge) and reflect on my life.
Having been an IV drug addict, it’s so clear at this moment in time how radically different my life is today… 🙏
My childhood friend Brandon passed away early this morning from an accidental overdose. I share this as a reminder to those in the field that although you may not see it in your day to day, what you’re doing is important. It only takes one relapse. I’m sick of burying my friends.
I’ve told my story at rehabs and jails, but never in front of a group of scientists and researchers at the oldest and largest organization in the US devoted to SUD research with 200 attendees.
#CPDD21
was such a gift. Thank you
@Herman_lab_UNC
for supporting me on this... [1/2]
Poster session
@winter_brain
was awesome! I literally didn’t stop talking for 2 hours (an hour after the session had ended). Best engagement I’ve had presenting a poster.
#psychedelics
#WCBR2022
The last 24hours have been super emotional for me. So many people have said so many nice things, and if you know me you know it’s hard to accept a compliment 😂… Cherry on top yesterday was finding out paper
#2
went out for review that morning 🤯… I’m shook and so grateful 🙏❤️
Some of y’all forgot what it’s like to be an undergrad and it shows... being 1st gen from disadvantaged background I have had to work since I was 15. As an NIH BP-endure scholar, I got paid part time which allowed for more time on the bench and less time parking cars.
#2cents
Saturday: 102 mile/6.5 hour bike ride on gravel and pavement followed by imaging the brains of rats that were tripping on psychedelics while eating an entire BBQ chicken pizza WITH pineapples. TF is wrong with me lol. 🤷🏻♂️
11/7/11, I had two solutions to life: fight or flight. I was beaten down and hopeless. A 12stp prgm gave me tools to rebuild. This year I had my daughter, amongst other great things. I also buried 3 close friends to OD. Reach out to someone in need today and ❤️ them. ❌stigma.
Had we not included a female group in my first psilocin cohort, we would have missed out on a significant effect. Generalizable results require samples with accurate representation of the population.
Male only subjects ≠ accurate representation!!
Got the call last night. Chris was a kind soul with fierce loyalty. After a relapse he got into trouble and unfortunately the CJ system is not designed to rehabilitate. 3 months out he relapsed and leaves behind two beautiful young children. We need to change our approach❌stigma
#WCBR2022
was awesome! The science was amazing! I had a great turnout for my poster, made new friends, connected with Twitter folks, discussed a collab., snowboarded x4, had a lab ice skating sesh, and saw family. Thank you
@MelissaHerman4
for the opportunity & continued support!
After getting
#sober
, I was drawn to endurance athletic endeavors. This weekend I did a 100k bike race with my dad. The event didn’t keep track of times but, according to Strava, I had the fastest time out of 295 people recording that day! A new life one day/pedal at a time! 🙏☝️
12 step meetings are the only place I can think of where blue collar workers, doctors, and people experiencing homelessness come together and communicate in an honest, vulnerable, and loving way to lift each other up. Labels stripped, just raw humanity. It’s a beautiful thing.
#Recovery
(for me) has not been about actively avoiding drugs/drinking. Rather, by focusing on healing past emotional insults, reinforcing adaptive responses to the environment, and striving for daily growth, the byproduct is a sense of neutrality towards drugs and alcohol.
Another great
@winter_brain
comes to a close. You’re looking at the newest elected member (and only postdoc 😳) on the Systems Board of Directors. I’m honored. The science at WCBR is incredible and networking is unparalleled. Join us next year at Lake Tahoe!
#WinterBrain2024
Few people escape childhood and adolescence without getting a little f***ed up. Acquired negative belief systems based on misperceptions or experienced trauma. Here’s to those that are doing “the work”, going in deep, and growing mentally and emotionally one day at a time. 🙏
There was a time in my life that I had no discipline and my “goals” were nothing more than drug infused conversational pipe dreams. I was unable to escape the cycle of SUD. This month, I set a goal to trail run 100 miles. As of today, I ran 117.5 miles and climbed 21,186 feet. ✅
112.3 miles on 1.1.23. It’s wild how much change is possible in a single lifetime. Thinking on past New Years, waking up hung over/dope sick, and how different life looks today. Biggest thing I did was ask for help. If you’re struggling, reach out and allow others to help you. 🙏
Thank you so much
@Herman_lab_UNC
and in particular
@MelissaHerman4
. Working with you and being in your lab has been such a gift and never once did I take that for granted. This is just the beginning but I can’t adequately express my gratitude for you so here’s an emoji 🙏
Things I love:
1. Science
2. Psychedelics
3. Snowboarding
Never before have these passions converged onto the same event. Very pumped for the opportunity to present my data at WCBR 22’!
@Herman_lab_UNC
Cohort 3 is underway. Male CeA psychedelic fiber photometry! Female data is already exciting. Will there be sex differences in the effects of psilocin in CeA reactivity to an aversive stimulus both acute and long-term? You’ll have to come see my poster
@winter_brain
to find out!
Do I know anyone on here who was awarded the NSF GRFP in life sciences, particularly neuroscience focus? Insight from statements from any life sciences would be super helpful. Thanks in advance🙏🙏
At 9 months sober, I began the journey of taking a newly sober man through the 12 steps as his sponsor. My first time. Today he celebrates 9 years. It’s hard to put into words the feelings this conjures up. I am humbled and grateful there is a solution to be shared. What a gift.
So pumped to be speaking on a panel today for
@NIDAnews
with
@kirstenelins
where we will be sharing our stories and discussing the implication of
#livedexperience
of
#addiction
in addiction research. Colleagues are welcome to zoom in. DM for link.
Big day on the bike this last weekend. Rode from Asheville to the top of Mt. Mitchell. 70 miles and ~9k feet of climbing. Surreal sometimes thinking how different life is today. Grateful to be sober and the healthiest I’ve ever been.
Happy New Years! A recipe for well being: when times are tough, allow people to be there for you. Talk it out. When times are good, try to think of how you can be of service to others. One day at a time. Repeat. My door is always open to anyone that needs help. 🙏
Woke up to an acceptance email from
@NatureComms
for the 2nd chapter of my dissertation! How does the
#psychedelic
psilocin alter PVN reactivity and threat responding behavior? Is baseline threat responding strategy predictive of drug sensitivity? 🙏 co-authors! Stay tuned..
Just spent 1hr on phone w one of my oldest friends—lived together during the darkest days, did 3 yrs in a GA max security pen., and spent yrs violating parole. He’s been doing great the last year with ketamine asst. therapy, methadone, and getting back into Jiu Jitzu. 🙏❤️
I’m just humbled that prominent scientists with incredible reputations are willing to put their names behind me and write nice things about me.. having come from where I come from. It’s unbelievable, and grateful doesn’t even come close. Thank you.
Love this. Running/cycling provided an outlet in early recovery that blossomed into key components of a new way of living for me. I believe endurance exercise retrained my brain to bypass immediate gratification and find value in the discomfort associated with delayed rewards. 🙌
Thrilled to share the final version of a new theoretical model for substance use disorder recovery, which we call the dynamic behavioral ecological model. A model we hope could also be useful for studying recovery from other mental health disorders.
Thank you to the
@UNC_PHCO
and all involved. Truly an exceptional program that was extremely supportive and has a great strategy for culminating great scientists. Highly recommend!
How about you stop doing the summary episodes and stick to interviewing ACTUAL experts in that field? Stop trying to play up to some know-it-all neuroscience guru persona. You’re an expert in a small niche of neuroscience, just like every other neuroscientist.
I strive to get things right on the podcast, and if I don’t, I do hope people will point it out. I re-record audio to correct it and post corrections in the show note captions on all platforms and pinned comments on YouTube. Below is the correction now posted for the fertility
So grateful to get real with a group of aspiring clinicians about my experiences addicted to heroin, the insights I’ve gained in recovery, and how it all ties together into a career in research. Thank you so much
@sarah_domoff
for the opportunity! ❌
#stigma
❤️
Thank you to my committee chair
@zenbrainest
for always writing letters on my behalf when asked, teaching me some molecular biology, and sharing your inspiration and wisdom throughout my time
@UNC_PHCO
.
I am so grateful to get to share my story/experiences in living with and moving through SUD with a group of clinicians and researches today at 1pm CST! Thank you so much
@CareUic
for this opportunity!
Excited about this one! A conversation in the cafeteria at NIDA resulted in a group of us, from across the country, sharing how our lived experience with SUD is an asset to our research and the implications for inclusion initiatives moving forward.
Thinking of friends lost to opiate/opioid OD, stopped counting at 11. Found Alex in his bed, alarm clock blaring. Matt died the night he got out of rehab. Somehow, I was found lifeless on a couch, just in time. Why me and not them? Idk, but I stay helping newcomers in their honor
Growing up in the OxyContin era has been a life sentence of heart break. After nearly dying from OUD and then getting into recovery, I’ve spent the last 12 years losing friends every 2-3 months. It literally doesn’t stop. To all those in the SUD related fields, thank you. 🙏
The conflict that arises when you are able to crank out 27 miles in shorts and short sleeves at the end of December, yet you’re fully aware of the implications. At least my lifestyle choices are part of the solution?
Every Monday I meet with a group of sober men and we discuss our progress in emotional/mental growth and get accountable about our week. I truly believe this sort of rhetoric is imperative and has implications that extend far beyond the group. The highlight of my week for sure.
Initially, the chatter of the mind moves from periphery to center stage. However, with each stride, the stillness of nature slowly takes ahold. Enmeshed in the power of now, my problems dissipate. Joy exists in each moment, I need only get out of the way to experience it.
From someone who has been there, mental illness is not something to attempt to tackle on your own. When the ‘thinker’ is the source of the problem, it can not also be the source of the solution. Reaching out for help was the single greatest thing I have ever done. [1/2]
This Thursday myself and the below listed (+ those twitter-less) will be discussing the relevance of lived experience in our own research and in the field as a whole at this
#CPDD21
forum. Tune in if you can!
Thanks to my committee members
@BesheerLab
@GregScherrer25
and Charles bradberry. A group of absolute legends and people whom I have learned a lot from and will remain in contact with forever. You’re stuck with me.
As a kid, my Dad wasn’t around as much until intervention from the court when I was 10yo. During that time, my grandfather was a retired geologist and park ranger at RMNP. He was a source of love and mentorship when I needed it the most. Shout out to all the atypical fathers. 🙏
@isin_tuna
Yeah and he’d be a great speaker at a conference focused on visual cortex… but has he contributed to the field of psychedelics? Has he spent any time researching the topic? No.. then why the hell is he a keynote speaker at the largest to date conference on the subject?
This month I ran 130.8 miles with 11,470’ of climbing while completing 20 bilateral GCaMP injection and fiber cannula implant surgeries with 100% survival. Training for a 40 mile trail race in September and staying productive during my PhD! Work life balance! 🙏
@Herman_lab_UNC
Yesterday eve, I was walking back to car at dusk and noticed a copperhead move into striking position right next to my foot. In a split second I somehow levitated into the air just as the snake struck where my foot was..😳 most intense cortisol dump of my life! Good ol’ amygdala.
First cohort of fiber surgeries in mice (coming from rats) and of my postdoc is a success! This is only 2-weeks post surgery. The mouse is equipped with a DA sensor in the NAc.. Can you guess when the mouse found the cookie dough? 🤔🤘
@sthom003
In 12 step groups, “success” was always modeled to me as entire abstinence. This is a study from 02/2021 wherein MDMA treatment significantly reduced drinking in participants. It poses an interesting question, does success have to be entire abstinence? 1/2
GcAMP gods came through! Literally the entire cohort has strong GcAMP signal that responds to an aversive stimuli. Safe to say our aim for the CeA, got us to the amygdala region at least. 2021!!
@Herman_lab_UNC
@Addgene
@doric_lenses
My
@npp_journal
co-first author from my time at
@NIDAnews
is out!! Good work team!! So thankful for the mentorship of Dr. Charles Bradberry and Dr. Hank Jedema!!!
Another one.. 4 close friends this year to OD. Will got his degree in engineering after getting sober. He worked for AF before returning to CO for grad school. He was found dead yesterday. There’s something about OUD that holds onto people and kills after lying dormant for yrs.💔
Excited to have this conversation blending my passions for recovery/sobriety and
#psychedelic
science. I’ll share my journey into research, discuss the concept of psychedelics as potential therapeutics from the standpoint of a person in long term recovery from SUD, and more 🍄 🙏
Discover Dr. Devin Effinger’s innovative research and its surprising connection to Bill W.’s hope.
New Episode, Late July with my guest
@devin_effinger
Are you
@winter_brain
? Are you interested in the acute/long term in-vivo effects of
#psychedelics
on CeA Ca2+ dynamics/behavior/threat coping strategies? +Bonus pilot data looking at psilocin effects on a CeA projecting region? Come to my poster (SA16) tomorrow @ 3:30p!
#WCBR2023
Thank you to my previous mentors from
@NIDAnews
Charles Bradberry and Hank Jedema. I came to grad school with a toolkit that allowed me to generate data rapidly and (mixed with a little luck) publish quickly. You took a shot on me and I’ll never forget it CB.
At 22, Brandon got a non-violent felony drug possession charge. A few weeks ago, he decided to pursue a career in real estate and was denied his license due to his record from 10 years prior. I believe this was the last straw of discouragement that led to a fatal relapse. 1/2
2 years ago today I ran my first ever official race… a 40 mile, 8000’ accent/descent ultramarathon from Crested Butte to Aspen, CO.. I definitely do not recommend such a feat for an intro to running races, but what an experience it was.
As an adult who was medicated for ADHD from 9-18yo, I still have a hard time focusing when reading, therefore comprehension can suffer. A hack I’ve found is that listening to classical music (no lyrics) ‘distracts’ or stills the ADD mind allowing me to read and comprehend.
Scattered amidst the sea of thoughts and incessant chatter of the mind, there exists glimpses into a moment of time that yearns for nothing. A reprieve from existing in thoughts of past missteps or of future concerns…Too often we plan, we think, we wonder, but we don’t exist..
Today I had the opportunity to share my story to
@AnaclaraBob
and her class of medical students: from TBI, to SUD, to scientific research. Here’s a couple highlights of engaging questions asked/discussion had afterward: [1/8] **only my opinions, not a medical professional**
The holidays are challenging for those new in sobriety. Usually family relationships are still strained, loved ones are still resentful, and these people end up alone and in their head. Reach out to someone you know in recovery and send them love. It just might save a life.
I share this to combat stigma. This is the face of addiction. It effects smart, kind, and wholesome people with loads of potential that are far too often misunderstood. Condolences to his family.
I can’t help but be deeply bothered by this Sessa case. A tragic ending resulting from a severe lapse in judgement from a medical professional. A lot of people are staying quiet, which is part of the reason this woman is dead..🧵 [1/7]
I love the satisfaction of rigging up systems for science. Adding a webcam and designing an automated ‘down periscope’ air puff system provided a HUGE upgrade to my fiber photometry situation. Cohort 2: CeA psychedelic photometry experiments are underway!
@Herman_lab_UNC
@JamieReilly_cog
Absolutely. The thing I didn’t mention is the dark times that plagued me for years. Mood swings. Confusion. Eventually drugs and it got way worse before it got better. I’d say follow up and community for sure. It’s healing having a community who know exactly what it’s like.
#WCBR2023
was full of great science, new/old friends, networking, and snowboarding. Very grateful to the
@winter_brain
committees/boards/staff and
@Herman_lab_UNC
for the opportunity to present my work in poster/panel. Not shown is me wiping out on my 2nd run of the race 😭 😂
Sometimes, when you’re going through some shit, you go to a meeting and get a solution you weren’t expecting: “when I’m in my head, I look at the sink and if there are dishes, I clean them”
I see your dishes and raise you an entire apartment deep clean.
#RecoveryPosse
Reconnecting with my Colorado roots. There’s no better way to hit the reset button than to take a plunge in 40 degree water at 10,000’. The after effects are glorious.
Re: Painkiller on
@netflix
.. I was prescribed OC at 15 and 17yo when my dose was titrated for 4 months.. I was never the same after that. OC killed several of my friends and nearly ruined my life.
@USSupremeCourt
: no $$ will bring justice..send C. Wright and R. Sackler to prison!
Representing
@UNC_PHCO
out here in Rock Island chutes today! Who do I know that’s
@winter_brain
right now?! Would love to meet you tweeps in real life.
Our fixation on control distracts from the present moment as we grasp and cling, meanwhile the continuous stream of life slips through our fingers, unnoticed. I realize right now that it is the sensation of water around the hand, not the capturing of the water, that is the point.
PhD rejections:
Harvard
Yale
Stanford
UCSD
UCSF
UC Berkeley
CU Boulder (my home state smh)
Boston U
Emory
Offers:
OHSU
UNC-CH
Tough choice, but landed in an incredibly supportive program
@UNC_PHCO
with an equally supportive lab
@Herman_lab_UNC
PhD rejections:
Harvard
Yale
Columbia
Michigan
NYU
UPenn
On the fence?
CUNY (was offered interview after I accepted at UC Davis)
McGill (was told I could go if I could find funding, which I couldn't at the time)
PhD acceptances:
UC Davis (thanks, Petr!)
@winter_brain
? Come see me tonight 7:30-9:30p at the special poster session to hear about the effects of administration of the
#psychedelic
psilocin on hypothalamic reactivity and threat responding.
#winterbrain2024