Barry Petchesky
@barry
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Deputy editor, Defector | barry @defector .com
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Joined January 2010
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Crumple zones are a good thing. The first crash between two Cybertrucks is gonna turn both drivers to paste.
Cybertruck got T-boned by a Nissan Sentra, but you can hardly tell.
It’s a tank. Not even the glass shattered
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Can someone actually explain what’s going on with these? There’s no product to buy, no link to click. Are the bots just going rogue and doing ad spends?
Love to get an ad for, as far as I can tell, the concept of a hamburger.
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Wait this should be an NHL all-star weekend event
I hosted "Oops! All Goalies" this week. 5 on 5 hockey. Goalies only. This is the opening face off and goal by me.
No skaters allowed. Full goalie gear required. Must be a goalie. We had 30 show up!
No goalies allowed in the crease.
#hockey
#goalie
#seakraken
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Gun to head I’d say this is the single best Simpsons line
Hello. My name is Mr. Burns. I believe you have a letter for me.
Okay, Mr. Burns, what's your first name?
I don't know…
#Simpsons
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I think any coverage of this from here out has to start with the fact that Ohtani’s team has already changed its story
The latest on the firing of Shohei Ohtani’s interpreter amid questions about the transfer of $4.5 million from Ohtani’s bank account to a bookmaking operation under federal investigation, from ESPN’s Tisha Thompson:
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I thought Rielly deserved five games but after two days of seeing Leafs fans’ tweets about it I hope he gets 50.
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Good luck to the lunar lander but if I were building something to make a direct trip without any issues I would not name it Odysseus
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It Happened To Me: I Bought A Trader Joe’s Thing And It Turned Out To Be For Dogs
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We need to consider going back to the era when if you liked something you didn’t want it to be popular
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I don’t know how to explain this but 5 is the funniest number of points a football team can have. Like, somehow funnier than just 2, or even 4.
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Only learned now, after several decades, that the lyrics Krusty sings to "Send In The Clowns" are not the actual lyrics.
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I can’t really stand the whole Sports Screamers genre but I know a pro when I see one.
I hate this man with my whole heart but this is exactly why I cannot stand Aaron Rodgers
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Wait these are Gremlins rules
$TSLA Cybertruck owners ..
1) do NOT wash your car in sunlight and
2) do NOT tell Tesla SCs that you drove it through a car wash (like this guy) even if you turned on Car Wash Mode. They will void your warranty. 💀
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I go away for a few days and *someone* decides that the “no cats on the counter” rule no longer applies.
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There should be a muffle feature on here. For people you like but who just tweet A LOT. It’d show you a randomly selected 30 percent (or whatever) of their tweets.
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They should let you bet on this
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Asunder is probably one of the worst ways you can be torn.
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Can't wait to watch Oppenheimer the way god intended*
*Three years from now†
†On an airplane‡
‡Without sound, on the screen of some guy two rows in front of me§
§Just the kerplosion scene
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I remember my teacher putting on the *radio* in the classroom for the OJ verdict, which makes me sound 100 years old.
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Nothing at Dunkin Donuts is good enough to have regional pride for
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There's a series of outcomes where this all results in Pete Rose getting into the HOF.
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The funny thing about editors is that unless you work with them you have no idea who’s any good, and Tom’s among the best of the best. Incredibly, he’s an amazing writer too. This is harrowing.
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If you have a work day where you do eight actual hours of work you should get the rest of the week off
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It’s wild how bright it still is from just a little sliver of sun. The sun goes way harder than it needs to
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Caffeine's dirty little secret? It's good for you and makes you cool and strong
How much caffeine is too much? You won’t find a simple answer anywhere,
@yeahyeahyasmin
writes.
Read more:
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More confused than ever how this happened!
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All the bad press for the Panera death lemonade just makes me want to try one, possibly two
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This has been stuck in my head all weekend. The best parodies have an obvious affection for their subject; this is right there with the best Weird Al style parodies.
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That was a great bit, when a bunch of people pretended to get really into F1 for a couple years. You really had me going!
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Shout out to the Defector reader tonight who came up to me and
@theisen95
and told her she’s the only hockey writer he enjoys. I got owned thoroughly.
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Pathetic
we’ve seen eclipses on earth, so here’s an eclipse from mars.
this is mars’s moon phobos eclipsing the sun.
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It should be illegal to do an April Fools’ gag of something actually good. It’s just cruel.
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Update on this, FIFA has replaced one of its controversial New York New Jersey Fun Facts with an even wronger one:
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Do it, you cowards. Build Long Manhattan.
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Threads looks like actual Hell.
The app buzzes every few seconds and it’s making me look at this shit. Not good so far
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Get her ass Sluggo
Nancy By Ernie Bushmiller
January 22,1974
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I can hear this in Mel Brooks’s voice
obviously there's a lot of other disgusting stuff in there but is rudy sure he's not jewish
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2013 blogging is back, baby
humiliating personal essay week is on fire
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Why would they arrest someone for masturbating in a porno theater. What else are you supposed to be doing in there.
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Fun fact: we all have the power to strip corporate names. Unless the sponsor is paying *you*, you don’t have to use it!
FIFA has the power both to force NFL owners to install pristine grass fields in their stadiums -- and to strip the corporate names from them.
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She said all lungs matter
Zero shade for the New Yorkers dealing with this - it's awful - but it's wild to see the way East Coast media is suddenly doing wall-to-wall coverage of something that's been reality on the West Coast for a decade.
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Worked through some complicated Flaco thoughts:
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Years ago some baseball fans tried to frame one of their team's hated executives and sent fake racist audio to Deadspin, and I had to fully report it out in order to disprove it. AI is gonna make this stuff so much easier to fake. Not good!
BREAKING: Police have charged Pikesville High School's athletic director with using AI to fake a racist recording of the school's principal that went viral
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Personally I think it's for babies and weaklings but a lot of you asked for Dark Mode and now Defector has it.
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I guess the lesson is never go to TJ’s when you’re hungry or you’ll ignore some obvious signs
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There should be an Immaculate Grid for idiots, that doesn't include the bad teams
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train
This is the greatest ad for public transit of all time.
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The finest car ever made for people who want to eject their own spines in a 15 mph crash
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Not even their funniest lie detector bit. What a show.
This is a simple lie detector. I’ll ask you a few “yes” or “no” questions and you just answer truthfully.
Do you understand?
- Yes.
#TheSimpsons
#TheSpringfieldFiles
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This guy looks like a good pilot. I’m sure he’ll be fine.
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This man had Jim Spanfeller hair; that sub was doomed
Titan sub CEO dismissed safety warnings as "baseless cries of 'you are going to kill someone'," in emails seen by BBC
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You stay away from him
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I didn't really notice it at the time because I was a kid and tornado go brrrrrr but Twister had an insane cast.
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I'll stop talking about east coast earthquakes the day L.A. stops putting "it's going to rain" on the front page
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[only has a Switch so I get a lot of games a decade late] Hey the Batman Arkham games rock, did everyone know this
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Jezebel forever
Media news: G/O Media is shutting down Jezebel after failing to find a buyer. Memo just went out from Jim Spanfeller:
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I tried Jersey Mike's for the first time and it's easily the worst of the sandwich chains? Like, damn Subway is miles better.
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Zoom should install its updates when you close the app, not open it
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Using AI for editorial has been nothing but a nightmare
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I wish I could make money betting on “people will never want to wear shit on their faces”
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Dudes rock
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So like what was the best-case scenario here? What value is AI anything supposed to add even when it doesn’t go horribly wrong?
In botched AI effort news: The Guardian sent an angry email to Microsoft after an automated poll appeared on an MSN/Guardian article about a woman who was found dead. The poll asked: What do you think is the reason behind the woman’s death? Choices: murder, accident, suicide.
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I genuinely had no idea the water tower was real and not just a thing from Animaniacs
Ryan Gosling: “When I was 16 and moved to Los Angeles and was auditioning at Warner Bros., they wouldn’t have let me climb the water tower. Ten years ago, when I shot ‘La La Land’ here, they wouldn’t have let me climb the tower. For whatever reason, right now, at this stage in my…
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Working on a theory that everything in NYC is 40 minutes away from everything else.
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Really gross out there today.
"What did you expect, it's summer"
Yeah and that's why summer sucks!!
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B by a long shot. The whole point of baseball is to give you something to watch every night for six months. Give me a team that's always still in it in late August!
What would you rather go through in a 25 year span of being a MLB fan
Option A
20 losing seasons
5 playoff appearances
3 WC exits
1 LDS exit
1 World Series win
Option B
0 losing seasons
22 playoff appearances
3 WC exits
6 LDS exits
8 LCS exits
5 World series loses
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Insane joke density
"I guess we could get more involved in Bart's activities, but then I'd be afraid of smothering him."
"Yeah, and then we'd get the chair..."
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A yeti is not local fauna!! Yetis are very specifically Himalayan bigfoots!
An application was filed with the US Patent and Trademark Office on Thursday for a trademark on the team name "Utah Yetis"
It came from the same group that filed applications for the Utah Blizzard, Utah Fury, Utah Hockey Club, Utah HC and Utah Venom.
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As a ground floor apartment resident, let me tell you that if you see a cat in the window when you're walking by you should say nice things about it because their owner will hear you and it'll make their day.
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Getting older is just a series of bits becoming your actual personality.
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This is dorky but it’s cool to be reminded that the planet is huge and active and implacable
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New guest author
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I’ve also seen 10,000 birds. It’s just that roughly 9,950 of them were pigeons.
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I'm something of an energy drink pervert, so when I say to you that this is the grossest one I've ever tasted, it means something:
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Had one of these in LA a few years back. Been trying for years to find anything like it here in New York, but they just don’t do bagels right out here. Probably something in the water.
Only in Los Angeles can you get a bacon egg and cheese bagel, greatest city in the world baby!
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At least dissecting Bad Religion lyrics taught me vocabulary
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This is also what did in Napoleon and Operation Barbarossa.
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Gaslighting HAL into opening the pod bay doors
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Science tip: You can look directly at the eclipse for a few seconds and it’ll probably be fine I think
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In case you were wondering why the Erie Canal is where it is
The Topography of New York.
See more awesome maps here:
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And they’re all bad. I know someone reading this might read the core series and want more but I’m telling you they’re just bad. And I like a lot of trash sci-fi! But they’re so bad.
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Hubris as a source for both comedy and tragedy has been a “cultural moment” for several thousand years.
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Happy birthday to the tiny dog who lives upstairs, which I know because I've heard his owner say "Happy Birthday, big boy" multiple times today.
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