Adriana Porter Felt
@__apf__
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I like writing silly Tweets, but that doesn't pay so I also make @googlechrome . mamá, eng director. volunteer @2ndharvest . 🇺🇸🇨🇷 she/her
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Joined March 2012
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Last Seen Profiles
Pinned Tweet
Wondering how to address a group of people? Woke enough to avoid "you guys", but "y'all" sounds weird coming from your face? is here to help you out! 🎉
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overheard a teenaged girl ask her dad to explain what started World War II. he tried to play it cool but I could see it in his eyes, this was the moment he'd been waiting for for fifteen years
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new neighbor moved in, a lady in her 80s. met her two sweet dogs this morning, named.... Houston and Houston. one is pronounced like Houston, TX and the other is pronounced like Houston St. I asked her why and she said, deadpan, "to stir shit up". I live for it
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I know I'd been warned, but I think Airbnb is over for me -- a host is angry with us because we didn't *vacuum*. mind you, we paid a $185 cleaning fee, stripped the beds, and took the trash to the local trash center
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after ordering a sandwich to go, the guy asked me if I wanted some "walking bacon." this was three strips of bacon separate from the sandwich, for me to eat while I walked away with the wrapped sandwich in my other hand. this is genius. all stores need walking bacon
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When we bought our house they tried to sell us their piano for $10k, $5k, free, then tried to give us money to take it, then we had to get our realtor to insist they take it
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my husband has been taking sailing lessons and instead of putting it on our calendar like a normal person he prefers to stand up abruptly, stare out the window, and proclaim "I must go to the sea!"
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honored to help my son with his first business foray today. we turned a barrel of lemons, honey, three hours of work, and $80 of change into $47 (net -$33)
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PG&E broke our meter more than a year ago when they did some maintenance. our last year's bill was $4. I keep telling them it's broken. Should I give up and just accept that I'm going to have free electricity? Or are they going to slap me with an enormous bill in 5 years?
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everyone is talking about Michelle Obama but turns out my fashion icon is Janet Yellen
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a defining life moment was when I told the man I lived with that I needed to finish cleaning the toilets before we could go do something and he said "wait, why? the toilets are always clean, they don't get dirty" and I
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my favorite chrome bug, from 2009: Head in place of close button
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@AirbnbHelp
An Airbnb supervisor reached out and was very nice. There isn't anything specific that Airbnb did wrong; my issue is with the overall model of cleaning fees and unpredictable hosts. Hotels don't reach out to you two weeks later to complain about crumbs
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few nights ago I hopped in an Uber. the driver offered me a candy and I went "ooh candy" and ate it. a minute later he asked me if I was carrying pepper spray. I spent the rest of the ride home meditating on how completely right my mom was about not taking candy from strangers
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it's just a few feet of garden, but: our front windows have privacy from the street; hummingbirds live in one of the trees; it's noticeably cooler than our neighbor's lawn in summer; bees
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the fun thing about low probability events is that they happen
@flames_of_chaos
@sascha_p
The author posted this video in the comments. It's a truck full of traffic lights.
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2019: Please click to subscribe! 👇
1999: This show is made possible by viewers like you
1979: And now, a message from our sponsors
...
1360: story about a werewolf is interrupted to ask you to pray for the nobleman who paid for the translation
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A solid 10% of being an engineering manager is asking two people if they've talked to each other yet
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@postervegas
Yes, and in my case waited until after the review was written to reach out with complaints and extra charges
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for those of you confused about how it's the same house, here's a photo of my mom sitting in the driveway, so you can see the windows and doorway better
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@ryanfalor
a fine? for what? I've called them a dozen times to ask them to send someone to repair it
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Email triage strategy
- Not important: mute
- Important: answer immediately
- VERY IMPORTANT: wait until I can answer in detail, oh no it's been a month and I still haven't answered, oh god it's been another month, maybe I can change my name and move to Alaska
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@noahkreutter
in the absence of strict auditing protocols over the cash, the five year old used the cash to buy brownies and bead bracelets from neighbor kids :)
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This is not because I hate pianos, this is because I already have my own piano 😂
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Australia has declared war on software engineering
PSA: As of today, Australia has 5 time zones once again. Apologies in advance to our overseas friends trying to make sense of this temporal anarchy.
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One time, someone sincerely asked me why we need more than a handful of engineers for Chrome. "After all," they said, "it's just a box around websites!" It's easy for smart people to underestimate how much effort goes into something that looks simple.
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@David_desJ
She sent me an invoice for an additional cleaning charge, although I learned from someone else's comment that I'm not obligated to pay.
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@limitlessjest
we celebrate our kids half birthdays with half cupcakes because I want excuses to eat cupcakes
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TIL you can file a complaint with the California public utilities regulator with an online form ✅
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more than a decade working in tech, now a director of engineering at Google, and my mom still refers to me at my desk as "playing on the computer" 😘
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hello, i am computer person. i am good at one thing. i assume this means i am good at all things. i am a doctor now? read my blog post
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@yungbernasty
bars are a great place to read. no one's gonna bring me a drink with a lime wedge in the library
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@HRWright
I will forever cherish the old lady who took a train full of commuters *and the conductor* to task when I, at 7 months pregnant, had to sit on the floor bc no one would move from their seats (even the ones marked with a picture of a pregnant lady!). I was horrified but grateful
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seriously though he initially thought I was a student and then lost interest in conversation when I explained I am actually a suburban mom heading home from working late at my office job. I feel anxious for any college girls he picks up but I can't report him for bad vibes
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Oh no, I almost missed Safer Internet Day. Here's some safety advice:
1. Use a password manager
2. Use a password manager
3. Use a password manager
4. Wear brightly colored, reflective clothing when you run at night
5. Use a password manager
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@_ThatBasicChick
@Maladroithe
I think you watched a different video, no one has a gun or is talking about guns here...
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well this got out of hand, I didn't expect my vent to turn into a Whole Thing 😬 guess a lot of people are frustrated!
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I really miss coffee shops so I asked my husband to change our Wi-Fi password and not tell me what it is unless I give him $7
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the raccoons have developed a new strategy: emotional manipulation
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My son's homemade boat sank upon launch in the bathtub. I expected him to be sad, but instead he was overjoyed: "MY BOAT TURNS INTO A SUBMARINE!!!" That is the kind of energy I need in my life
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I want to watch a Star Wars film that's just a logistics officer trying to wrangle 40k people onto a giant ship. Storm troopers getting lost in the hallways. Officers complaining about the lack of enough vegan options. Like Office Space but actually in space
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Uber support got in touch and the right people seem to be reviewing the driver so glad they're on it
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2012-2022: my husband says that under no circumstances will we get a cat
2023: he has built a seven level cat tower for his home office so the cats can write code next to him. he has a decoy laptop for them to sit on
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Ummmmmm I accidentally emailed this comic to several contractors instead of our building plans
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six years in to being a browser engineer on Chrome and I still get random people explaining the internet to me 😂
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@bramonboy
ah yes, silly of me to have my five year old sell lemons, i should have made him a stock trading account
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@anothercohen
I sleep 9:30/10 to 5 by my natural sleep rhythm. I don't set alarms. I use my mornings to eat toast and read instead of exercising because I am not an aspirational
#hustle
person
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I became a software engineer for a steady salary to support my family. Thanks to this career, I don't need to worry about my mother or go into debt to afford childcare. I also happen to like what I do, but if it didn't pay I'd do something else.
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a bee keeps ringing my doorbell. what do you think she wants from me
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I don't want to teach my kid to code. I want him to splash in muddy puddles and smear paint on the walls and read novels under the covers way too late at night. I grew up too soon and wish I'd had more time to be a kid. Why do schools teach vocational skills so young these days?
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The Starbucks cookie dialog is followed by an actual cookie dialog and......wow this is effective
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coffee not strong enough? skydiving too boring? have you tried: losing your passport hours before an international flight
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I'm gonna slip her one of those nextdoor postcards to see what happens next
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I was 27 years old when I realized for the first time that most Americans do not expect a real answer to “how’s it going?” in an elevator. I grew up among people who would tell you in extreme detail exactly how it’s going
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pizza is so fucking hard to make. it should cost $1,000 a slice. the dough is so sticky. goddamnit. how do you get it thin? it's all stuck to me. i am full of pizza rage. i'm going to charge my husband $10,000 for this pizza
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yesterday my husband tried to explain genes to our son. today he went to school and said, "my dad says there's a 50% chance he's my father" 💀
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Reasons why my 2.5yo son has woken me up this week, according to him:
- He suddenly realized he doesn't know how to whistle
- What if a boat forgets how to swim?
- He is hungry and would like to eat me
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I CANNOT believe my husband put our cast iron skillet in the dishwasher, everyone knows you're supposed to leave it in the sink for six weeks while intending to look up how to do something with salt
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@rebekahentralgo
if you simply put away $100k a month and don't look at it, in less than a year you'll be a millionaire!
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The more I learn about the internet, the more I'm amazed anything works. Everything is held together with shoestrings and glue and popsicle sticks
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every time I try to write the following sentence, it sounds more absurd:
today I discovered my dog is the only one at dog daycare who doesn't have his own instagram account
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Day 1: grab a cheap bird feeder and bird seed at store. "It'll be fun for the kid!"
...
Day 60: a spreadsheet tracking bird preferences so I can A/B test my custom bird seed blends, randomly assigned daily to five bird feeders
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This pamphlet says a two year old should be able to "plan and complete projects," "manage their time," and "accept responsibility for open-ended tasks." Where are these two year olds, and can I hire them onto my team? We have lots of peanut butter at the office
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lol a waiter saw my HTTPS sticker and asked me condescendingly if I knew what it meant
the upside is I'm really happy people know what HTTPS is well enough to explain it to me :)
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I miss finding my coworkers' abandoned sticky notes in conference rooms. This one remains my all-time favorite from Chrome HQ
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you've asked for more accurate Day In A Life content. I hear you, I see you. here you go
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You can DOS a whole building of Google engineers by bringing a puppy to the lobby
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my Uber driver is a data scientist who is driving around Mountain View picking up tech people and asking about their teams 😂
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accidentally emailed my kid's kindergarten enrollment form to UC Berkeley admissions instead of Berkeley Unified School District. we'll see what happens. maybe he'll get in
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my husband ordered oatmeal from Amazon and it came loose. just, like, in a cardboard shipping box. this can't possibly be right but I admire it
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I thought I was a genius: I made some screwdriver toys for my son (screws, bolts, etc.). A good life skill, and they kept him very occupied
Until today, when I tried to go somewhere and MY BIKE PEDALS WERE MISSING
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I am chained to the top of a mountain and every day, an eagle comes and eats my liver. Feeling really good! Not letting it dominate my life.
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Tell me what your job is and I'll write a really pretentious Twitter bio for you
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when I wanted something as a kid, my dad made me write what problem i was trying to solve, why my idea solved it, and possible drawbacks. two decades later i realized my engineer dad was making me write design docs
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@technacity
the marketing team did very well with their DR campaign (shouting LEMONADE up and down the block). unfortunately we incurred significant unforseen expenses when a brownie booth opened up nearby
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Tried to teach the dog the command "drop it" by offering him a treat if he dropped it. Now he searches for important things, brings them to me, and holds them hostage in his mouth until I give him a ransom
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The Canadian Internet Registry Authority (responsible for .ca) put together a set of very Canadian stock images
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my son made me a "spreadsheet" on the back of a restaurant menu so that I could have an activity too
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money is an uncomfortable topic, but: glassdoor underestimates tech salaries, particularly senior tech salaries. not sure how this happens, but I recommend against using it as a data source to make decisions.
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It's amazing to watch children grow. Time flies so fast. In fact, in less time than it takes to cook eggs for breakfast, they can grow and mature into a whole new person who no longer likes eggs
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I thought that 10x developer meant you had to eat nine other developers. Oh God, why didn't someone tell me sooner
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@ryanfalor
But what could they possibly fine me for, they have been sending me bills and I pay them... It's just that the bills are for only a few cents each
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my kid is throwing a tantrum because he does not get to vote. I tried to explain why a three year old cannot vote. he says he would vote for ground beef. I am now making a fake ballot where you can vote for beef
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@MILFWEEED
this tweet is like one of those HR training exercises where you have to circle all the things that went wrong
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