Haley OC
@MILFWEEED
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i like doing comedy, acting, writing and educating about/ingesting weed
Joined February 2012
Rolling with Milfweeed by Haley OC - Noodle Doink.I hope y'all enjoy :) <3 I put a lot of love, effort and weed into this.
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Instead of taking pictures of strangers in public without their consent and posting them, this is what everyone should do! This is honestly so much funnier than taking a picture of someone you don’t know.
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I think covid’s biggest lesson is that a lot of people need to get a hobby secondary to going out drinking.
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how do I explain to my gen x parents that the news is something you sit down and watch for 30 minutes and not insidious background noise for the entire day.
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the first person to assault me is graduating from grad school to become a therapist and there's few scarier sentences than that.
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My dad was so ashamed ordering my gluten free pineapple pepperoni pizza he said to the phone operator “it’s for my daughter she’s in from California”.
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If someone is flirting with me I need them to literally say “I’m flirting with you” or else I’m just like wow they’re nice.
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When I have sex with a friend? It’s PLATONIC. I sat on their face AS A FRIEND. We penetrated each other AS PALS.
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the masculine urge to sit on the toilet and disassociate for 45 minutes.
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I want to have a party where everyone brings their favorite Trader Joe’s product and a joint.
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It should be illegal to charge more than $1000 in rent if there’s not in unit laundry.
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People love to stand at a party. Not me baby. I’m sitting. Finding the nearest seat. Bob bless y’all. I love to sit.
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The worst part of hangovers is knowing it’s all your fault and you did it to yourself.
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Fellas when you send unsolicited dick pics you're driving the cost of dick down. In a capitalistic market you're providing too much dick to the consumers and they don't want it. we need dick SCARCITY to create dick DEMAND- . Thread (1/18).
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my coworker (37m) just bragged about making out with a 22 year old over the weekend and I screamed “EW! You’re 80 years old!!!”.
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Raw-dogging the grocery store by going in high as fuck with no list.
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can’t even show your bouncy big naturals to the dubliners inside the NYC portal anymore… because of woke!.
the portal in new york and dublin has been shut down because some girl FLASHED the people on the other side
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Alcohol is as much, if not more, a drug than weed and shrooms.
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several times a day I open my phone to do something and instead watch this from start to finish I’m so glad to exist at the same time as this video it makes my brain worms sooo happy.
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Im not meant to work a 9-5, I’m meant to be pretty and smoke weed.
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when you realize that the studios have already lost 20x the money the WGA is asking for since the strike began you really see it’s just about greed, power and keeping your workers reliant on you. they could pay the WGA TOMORROW and not feel the dent.
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The laugh factory having “no r*ssian vodka served here” on their front door banner right after the “headlining: Chr*s d’*lia” sign is contemporary art.
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so annoying when I feel happy after working out. like okay I get it this is good for me. don’t be condescending about it.
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Apple calendar having an absolute stroke over what to call today
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I DID IT IM OFFICIALLY FUNEMPLOYED! she screamed at me to get out, chased me out the door and told me I can’t leave her like this, told me she’ll give me a terrible reference and then screamed “GOOD LUCK NEUROTIC BITCH” as I closed my car door and yes I voice recorded it all :).
can everyone send me the strength and good energy to quit my job with my abusive boss tomorrow? today she yelled at me for 10 minutes inside, followed me out to my car and continued yelling at me and I think I’d like that to be the last time! 👉🏻👈🏻🫶.
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y'all notice how I said First Person to assault me. this is the reality of most of the women in your life. buy them flowers and thank them.
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your bad mood is because you’re passively absorbing information about wars and shootings my dudes!!!.
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Sending titties to my male friends as a reward for going to therapy.
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This airport drug dog dumb as shit I got weed in my backpack bro.
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My name is Haley and I love the below deck franchise. I will no longer hide my shame.
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Being in love is cool because you get regular sex with someone you trust. Would love to try it some day.
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Told my dad I was bi today and he was very cool, said “date whoever makes you happy and treat you well” can I get a W.
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can everyone send me the strength and good energy to quit my job with my abusive boss tomorrow? today she yelled at me for 10 minutes inside, followed me out to my car and continued yelling at me and I think I’d like that to be the last time! 👉🏻👈🏻🫶.
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he knows it’s the wrong audience too he just loves to skeeve me out.
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I hear a lot of people my age saying they “want a baby” but not hearing a lot of “want to be a parent” and there’s a real big difference they’re missing.
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Sending hugs, kisses, weed and strength to everyone for whom the holidays are a tough time. The end of the tunnel is near. No one knows who and how you are except you.
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I’m gonna have sex this weekend. No plans or dates I’m just manifesting.
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1 week since quitting my toxic job im remembering the good parts of life
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I’m begging women with tattoos to be slightly less hot before I pass out thank you.
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I had a phase in college where I only wore costco flannels and timberland boots when I went out and those 12 months was the most sex i've had in my life.
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when one of my parents' friends are like "haley smells like weed" they're just like "she's in from california" it's how they explain everything they don't agree with me about.
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I almost horny tweeted but I jerked off first and now I’m one of God’s children again yall be well tho!.
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1. I didn’t ask and we don’t talk about hookups. 2. You’re all silly for debating this I’m sharing a funny retort I had to my coworkers inappropriate overshare .3. Bragging about hooking up with someone wayyounger than you is gross obv you see it as a trophy.4. Have a good day:).
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When I hit my weed pen, I’m high. But when I smoke a joint, IM HIGH, you know?.
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men love to tell women "be careful" like y'all are the reason we have to be careful.
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men will watch tony soprano go to therapy for 6 seasons instead of going to therapy themselves.
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for all of those asking what I did: personal assistant aka there is no HR. however several people here have advised me to file with the CA labor board and I’ll likely do that. I know for a fact she abused all the assistants before me and I know she’ll continue.
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Just traded a joint for a rapid test don’t tell me weed won’t be a fantastic bartering tool in the end of the world.
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“Weed is a performance enhancing drug” . The performances it enhances: masturbating, sex and eating.
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my first and (likely only) non controversial viral. Just retweets and likes. everyone agrees. Shall we all hold hands?.
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Sorry but I’m running through this like Red Rover.
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ashamed to say shit like this works on me… happy Mother’s Day to me and my milkers to you and yours ♥️
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If having to put a mask back on is the most upsetting thing happening in your life right now, you should probably be grateful??.
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Smoking weed with your parents is like breaking the fourth wall in reality.
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Growing up the child of an alcoholic is so weird because every kid I knew talked about how cool and fun my dad was and I was like I’m scared to ride in the car with him :’).
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@Piece_N_Love pineapple for sure! we're actually both celiac as it runs on his side of the family. but I think the combo of gluten free and pineapple just sounded a little too lavish for him.
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I, both, think everyone wants to fuck me but no one is flirting with me.
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I forget y’all think bob bless is a typo. I don’t like using god bless because I’m a recovering catholic and I know for a fact bob exists so thank bob.
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In 2020 before covid I got tiddyfucked by a 30 year old spacex engineer who later ghosted me so 2021 is already going better.
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Fuck I did not think this would bring attention. Thank you so much for all the love and compassion. Please remember to share that with every woman, man, non-binary person because you never know what people are going through or have gone through. Spread kindness please.
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If you come into my DMs with sexual shit, as a married man, I promise I will fuck your wife.
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the reason she yelled at me for 20 full minutes about my character? because I said if I had to keep my work phone on me during my (1st of the year) vacation that it would be working remote and I’d like to save those vacation days and she ripped into me! classic lazy millennial!.
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Reminds me of when she yelled at me that my job “isn’t union and you’re not entitled to a lunch break” ahhh to be a personal assistant! I hope never to do it again. I rock at it but most rich people are evil btw!.
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Fuck FRIENDS. GENIAL Genitals. CORDIAL Coitus. There's nothing sexual about it!.
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Yeah I consider myself a bit of a utilitarian and yeah I can hit it like that!
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updating my hinge bio like "yes i've got fat fucking tiddies, because I guess that matters here 🙄".
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oh noooooo. my friend is moving back from Europe to the US, shes currently mid flight and I can’t tell her the chocolate she took is shrooms not weed.
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I have an almost 2 year old baby brother named Charlie and my only goal is to teach him to respond “good morning angels” when someone says “good morning Charlie”.
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I shit you not I was about to jerk off when a spider crawled across my vibrator and now I’m shaking crying and throwing up dry as a bone.
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I’m a simple human. I want to be sucked and fucked but I also want to be loved and held. That’s it.
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I’m not judging!!! I understand for some men this is the closest thing they have to a therapist and I respect that!!!!.
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I have two types of guy friends: the ones who look at me as a sister and the ones that look at me as a step-sister on brazzers.
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