Pompey Cyclist
@PompeyCyclist
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Last Seen Profiles
Today a bloke in a beemer wanted to fight me because I was riding primary along a narrow road. He eventually barged through and cut in front of me to block me off, then got out the car. I shouted “I’ve told you I don’t want to have sex with you any more” and he literally ran away
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Cunts in the comments being on the side of the driver who tried to crush a child against a HGV...
And we wonder why the roads are dangerous.
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Today while riding my bike a lovely driver called me a "p*ki c**t"
They must have mistaken me... for someone who wasn't recording a video of them saying this.
Worth reporting to the police?
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BBC News this morning: "Here's 5 ways to save fuel"
None of those 5 ways are drive less, or don't drive.
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Riding today in broad daylight a woman shouted at me saying “you need lights so people can see you”
“Who said that?!” I replied.
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Did I say about the guy who chased me down a country road in reverse, realised he couldn't drive backwards as fast as I can ride fowards, got out to chase me on foot and when he returned to his car it was stuck deep in a farm gateway cause he left the handbrake off?
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Guy in a Range Rover close passed my wife and earlier just to turn into his driveway. Almost a left hook. My wife went up his driveway and stopped by his driver’s door so he couldn’t get out and just stared him down through the window. Looked like he was gonna shit himself.
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Driver nearly hit me.
I told him he nearly hit me.
He responded by demanding we go round the corner to "sort it out"
I told him that I'm not gay so didn't want him to suck me off, but thanks for the offer.
He got out of his van and tried to chase me down the street.
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Almost forgot... a bloke on a quadbike floored it up behind me and slammed his brakes on. He did this twice. The third time he did it he went straight over the handlebars. It was fucking glorious. I stopped to make sure he wasn't dead and to make him aware that he's a bellend.
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Holy shit I submitted 4 reports to Derbyshire police today and 3 have been issued NIPs already.
Am I dead? Is this real?
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According to my neighbour it’s “weird and annoying for a grown man to be doing wheelies up and down the street for half an hour straight”
I was about to go in when she came out to tell me this but I had an extra half hour to spare so carried on.
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Cycled past three cars all stuck in floods this morning. Up to my knees. One of the drivers looked at me as if I am the mad one. Yeah mate. I’ve got wet feet but you’ve just given yourself a £5k bill because you drove your beemer into a lake. Who is the real winner?
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My idiot mate did a speed awareness course last week. Got flashed by a speed camera today doing 35 in a 30.
He said, without a hint of irony "well I didn't see the camera, what can you do?"
What can you do? No idea. That's a real fucking mystery. I don't understand people.
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Just got a bollocking at work for charging my bike lights. Stealing electricity isn’t it? That’s the company’s money. Fuck sake.
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Just spoke to my wife’s friend’s husband. Biggest prick I’ve met in my life. Unbelievably annoying. He “cycles”
Literally the first thing he asked me was how many KOMs I have.
Me: I dunno, 6...
Him: I’VE GOT 11!
Me: ...pages. 6 pages.
He did not speak to me again. Success.
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If I can bang on the door of a taxi with a flat hand, three times, as they pass me, they’re way way way too close aren’t they?
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Top tip: Range Rover drivers hate it when you call their ridiculous vehicles vans.
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Some turd in a pickup just skimmed me with about 12 inches of space at around 50mph.
He stopped for an argument.
He thinks he did nothing wrong. But I was in the middle of the road, wasn’t wearing a helmet and HAVE A BEARD so it’s my fault anyway.
I am fucking sick of this.
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Lol my daughter isn't invited to my sister's wedding.
Yes, her niece.
Who the fuck looks after her? Everyone we know is at a fucking wedding that day. Ridiculous.
'Child free' weddings are bullshit. If my kids aren't allowed then I'm not going either. No one in my family is a second class citizen.
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Rode 8 miles to a job today with a 12ft long two-thingy ladder, all my climbing gear, PPE and three chainsaws, on a bike I bought for £120.
But please, tell me again how you need a car to get to your office job 4 miles away.
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Just drove 16 miles.
3 HGVs going through red lights
4 cars doing the same
1 driver doing 70 down a slip road, then slowing to 35 to join an empty motorway
2 drivers easily doing over 100mph
4 HGVs parked on a roundabout.
But fucking cyclists... scum of the earth.
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NEW WORLD RECORD ALERT!!!
Yesterday I tried the
@MikeyCycling
patented wobble. Little wobble left and right as a car approaches from behind. I exaggerated it a fair bit.
47 drivers **in a row** overtook with their left wheels on or past the middle of the road line.
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Almost everything you encounter in your car which is annoying is there because drivers can’t be trusted.
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There were people around which I imagine helped.
And yeah. He cut in front and blocked me off for a fight because he had to wait for 30 seconds because I didn’t want him running me over as he overtook.
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If you’re a middle class, straight, white man and you want to find out a little bit what it might be like to be victim to racism, homophobia, or sexism, get a bike and attempt to use it on a road.
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Driver overtook me too close, stopped to turn into a dead end side road a few seconds later. He got out to go into his house and complained that I don't pay tax of have an MOT.
What goes through these people's heads?
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Drive a 7 seater 2.5 tonne Range Rover on your own and no one bats an eyelid
But ride a tandem on your own and people cannot fathom it.
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I just squeezed down the side on my little bike and carried on with my day.
His beeping at me so I would bow to his superiority and save him what would probably be about 30 seconds along that road probably cost him about 10 minutes
But he will have got home and still blamed me
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You should always drive everywhere because of that one time every 7 years when you need to move a sofa.
@Jontafkasi
Just about to move a sofa for my house bound friend.....how do I get that on the back of my tredder then?
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I think after all this has blown over I’m gonna quit my job, take a massive pay cut and get a job I don’t hate with every part of my being.
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Guy who openly hates cyclists was in the carpark after work, looking cluelessly under his bonnet.
He looked at me for some help as I rode past. “I don’t know cars, I’m just a cyclist”
From the sound it was making it wasn’t getting fuel. Easy to diagnose, but fuck him.
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@MorganLKaplan
Probs be better off if they weren’t hit with a car too.
Did you do a tweet instructing drivers to not hit people with their cars or did I miss that one?
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Shouted at on four separate occasions today for being in the middle of my lane, by oncoming drivers who wanted to force past parked cars on their side.
This just tells me my positioning was perfect because you had to wait. You c**ts.
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You could explain it to me a million times and I'd still never understand spending more on your cars than your house.
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Not sure where I’m going with this...
Police: Please finally start doing your jobs
Drivers: Stop being scum
Cyclists: Good luck, I guess.
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Driver crashes in to garage!
Two teenagers in hospital after Mercedes crashes into garage
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Parents in law bought a car on 22,000 miles 8 years ago for £16,500.
They sold it today on 31,000 miles for £5,500 😂😂😂
That’s £11,000 for 9,000 miles.
£1.22 a mile just for the car. Not including tax, MOT, insurance, main dealer service every year etc etc.
Idiots.
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Just got hit with another car. She didn’t stop.
It was a deliberate punishment pass because she decided to eat run down a singletrack road and had to wait behind me for 40 seconds.
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New guy at work: "How far is your drive then?"
Me: "I ride about 13 miles"
"On a motorbike?"
"On a bike bike"
"Shit, 13 miles twice a day every day??!!?"
I didn't tell him that I haven't done the short 13 mile route once this week - didn't want to blow his little mind.
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Today I had an oncoming motorist overtake an oncoming car. He was 6 inches from me at about 50 to 60 mph.
If anyone sees a white Vauxhall Adam with no offside mirror, let the driver know where to find me. I’d like to return his mirror. By inserting it into his arse.
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Is it okay to send food back that arrives on a slate and ask for it on a plate?
I eat off plates because I’m a person. I don’t eat off rocks because I’m not a fucking bear.
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Beeped at and overtaken in a 20 zone while doing 24mph.
He flew past.
I caught him. Obviously.
Asked why he beeped.
“Middle of the road”
Speed limit is 20
“None of your business”
Apparently my road positioning is somehow your business. Cunt.
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This Sergeant was so biased
He asked me how many cyclists I've reported in total
I said none. 3 reasons
1. Cyclists aren't really dangerous
2. There aren't many cyclists
3. You yourself don't deal with drivers with reg plates, you're not gonna do anything about a cyclist
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Why is a close pass on a cyclist not dangerous driving?
It specifically states under the dangerous driving law that dangerous driving could be dangerous overtaking or driving dangerously near cyclists. A close pass is both.
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Yesterday a driver beeped and flashed at me while I was riding down a really narrow lane. I stopped to ask him if he was okay. (Of course it was a he.) He was driving a massive Range Rover and said that it’s courteous for me to move over and that’s why he beeped.
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Why do I have to wait 60 seconds for the lights to change after pressing the beg button? Why isn’t it immediate?
Why is there a sensor that checks I’m still there and if I’m not it stops counting?
Why is crossing the road not prioritised over driving down the road?
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After OVERTAKING ME and nearly killing me, a man just said to me, without a hint of irony, “the road is not a racetrack.”
He overtook unnecessarily, failed to signal twice, failed to look before turning twice
I “went quite fast for a bike”
Absolute. Fucking. Knobhead.
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Me to council: can you sweep the cycle path please? The surface is completely leaf now. It’s very dangerous.
Council: we inspect it twice a year and we wait until all the leaves have fallen before we sweep it in autumn.
And people wonder why everyone drives everywhere.
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Buy a Tesla. They’re so safe and technologically advanced.
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If you overtake me and cut in and stop because there’s a parked car on our side of the road, I WILL pass you again and I WILL ride in front of you a lot slower than the slowest cyclist you’ve ever been behind. Fuck you.
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@SthLondonPress
“These photographs and scientists say the earth is round, but is it? What do you think?”
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I reported being hit with a car and you told me to go away.
Male who failed to stop and report hitting a New Forest Pony on Roger Penny Way has recieved a six month driving ban, £1000 fine and £410 in costs from Southampton Magistrates Court. Failing to report an incident and reckless driving is never acceptable
#21510
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Someone literally skidded to a stop for a fight just now because I mouthed "slow down" at them because they were doing about 50 round a 30mph bend. I fucking *love* drivers.
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Why am I the weird one because I ride a bike, while the “normal” people are paying £450 a month to lease their cars?
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It’s fine, everyone. The HGV wasn’t *BEING DRIVEN* directly at me, so it’s fine.
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Learner driver overtook me perfectly, then taxi driver overtook me like an absolute wanker. He then offered to fight me when I protested.
Imagine driving being your livelihood and being worse at it than someone who doesn’t even have a driving licence.
What a bleak existence.
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It's 2022 FFS. The world is burning, people are dying from all the shit your car puts out.
They talk about driving at 45-50mph to save something like 9% fuel.
How about if you're going 3 miles down the road, save 100% of the fuel by leaving your car at home?
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Anyone else noticed lane discipline on motorways has got even worse in the last couple of years?
Lane 1 may as well not exist on a 4 lane motorway.
I saw hundreds of people today just driving along on their own in lane 3 out of 4
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Oncoming driver. Cars parked on his side. He waited for car ahead of me to pass. Pulled out and drove at me. I stayed put and he stopped because he couldn’t get through.
I told him I’d move if he apologised. He had a tantrum for five whole minutes before apologising.
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Someone on the radio said that 20mph speed limits are bad cos "you have to keep checking your speed"
1) you have to do this in every speed limit
2) I swear about 75% of cars on the roads have cruise control nowadays
.......
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“If you don’t start driving responsibly, we will have to ban it.” said no one, ever.
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If you manage to seize 32 children’s toys in a day, this means you’re specifically going out and looking for them. You’ve achieved effectively nothing.
Imagine how much good you could do if you went out and specifically looked for certain kinds of bad drivers.
AS-STT have seized 32 e-sooters in a day of action
@MPSSouthwark
&
@LambethMPS
🛴This is a motor vehicle
🛴You need insurance and a driving licence
🛴Illegal to ride on Road/Public place
🛴For Use On Private Land
👮♀️Penalties include Points, Fine & Seizure
#Ophornet
#SaferRoads
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Ohhhhhh this explains why the incident was dealt with properly.
The rider is a rozzer.
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Gwnuine question to"keen cyclists": When you put your bike helmet on, what are you expecting it to protect you from?
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Did anyone listen to
@SuptAndyCox
on
@theJeremyVine
’s bit on the radio today?
It seems a lot of police forces could learn a hell of a lot from the way he’s doing things in London.
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Today a driver was given an 18 month ban for killing an oncoming cyclist on a straight road, whilst overtaking.
Shut the fuck up with your bullshit.
Petition for cyclists to pay road tax and insurance or get tae fuck altogether.
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It’s so weird. He was, presumably, barely 17 and already has this idiotic opinion, despite having no driving experience where this opinion has formed
And that’s because the opinion doesn’t come from being a driver and seeing cyclists being bad
It comes from elsewhere. It’s false.
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Hants police, who twice told me not to report to police unless I’m injured, and even then consider whether I’m injured enough, would like your opinion on how to make the roads safer.
🚲Calling all cyclists 🚲
We want your thoughts on road safety to help our Roads Policing Unit work with you and other road users to cut accidents on our highways.
Thanks to everyone who has already responded - the survey closes soon so take part here:
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My dad on 20mph speed limits in Wales: "It's all about control"
Yes, controlling people so they behave safely.
My dad is the smartest person I know. It's a real shame to see him turn into an old bigoted cunt. There are countless examples.
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Someone from work just gave me no more than 12 inches of space at about 40mph+, I shouted “oiiii” and then they told me later in the carpark, whilst walking in “you’ve got issues”
Yes, they arrived at the same time...
This is not normal. Why do we allow things like this?
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@RBWM
That is amazing.
Cyclists can’t have a stop at the CYCLING CAFE while on a group ride.
Seriously. Have you heard yourselves?
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Want to scare the shit out of yourself?
Get a rear facing camera, go for a ride, come back and watch the footage. Fucking chaos happening behind you that you were unaware of. Idiots everywhere.
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Yesterday three recruiters called me and they all ended up asking why I don’t wanna drive to work. I gave three different answers.
-It doesn’t make sense to go out to earn money but spend money getting there
-The environment
-Free exercise time
Any more for today’s recruiters?
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Someone at work called me a “naughty boy” because they saw me without my helmet on while I was riding.
I’m fucking sick of this. People say this shit all the time. I explain and they still disagree with my facts.
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Just had confirmation of my first ever report resulting in points and a fine.
It’s only been 10 years since my first report.
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In the shop. I’m the only one wearing a face covering. 50,000 new cases today. Good work everyone.
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@GlosPolSpecOps
I honestly thought this was a parody account. You're spending taxpayers' money on this. You're absolutely mad.
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2 mins later I arrive in a village and she’s royally making a mess of parallel parking. I stop to let her know that she was abusing me because I prevented her from breaking the law and told her she could save more time by practicing parking instead of bullying people 2/x
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Yesterday I stopped for an orange light and the driver behind me beeped at me and got out of his car to scream through my window that I'm a wanker. Because I didn't break the law.
His daughter in the passenger seat didn't even flinch at his actions. He must do this all the time.
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Five people were killed by motorists yesterday
5 the day before
5 the day before that
There will be 5 killed today
And five killed tomorrow
When shall we start to look at the real issues?
Two people have died this year following incidents involving mobility scooters. Should regulations on driving them be tougher?
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I watched him jump out while the car moved backwards. Let him continue chasing me until it was too late, then told him. Of course I went back to laugh at him. Cunt
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@Mad_1nventor
@HowSofas
Fare dodgers aren't stealing from railway workers. Railway companies are.
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Rides like a top-drawer cunt, then plays the victim when he's called out for it.
People like this are bullying scum.
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@SheldonAlmighty
Way less obnoxious than a driver in a car on their own taking up 10sqm of space on busy roads during rush hour.
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“What do you think, “keen cyclist”, of riding in the city through heavy traffic etc etc?”
No one cares what I think. Ask the mum riding to school with her two kids. Ask the nurse riding to hospital who adds on 10 mins each way to avoid “that horrible road”
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Reported two drivers parked on the pavement outside a nursery. It's becoming my pet hate.
Staffs police: "We closed those incidents because we only deal with parking which causes a danger to motorists"
Nice to see where your priorities lie.
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Dress up your horsey in shiny clothes, because some motorists can't see a FUCKING GREAT HORSE IN THE ROAD.
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Why do people speak as if cyclists are sneaky for not paying "road tax"?
You could too.
1. Get bike
2. Ride bike
Done.
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Today a man in a pickup truck with a lift kit and wide body beeped at me for taking up too much of the road while I overtook a horse. I love drivers.
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It's actually this.
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I might go on Le Tour de Petrol Station later just for a laugh. On my bike obviously. I’m not a prick.
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If your goal is "urban maneuverability" and you buy this massive blue minibus, you're a thick cunt.
Watch the
@BYDCompany
U8 SUV effortlessly parallel park into the tightest spots with its quad motors! 🚗💨 While it's a game-changer for urban maneuverability, the strain on the powertrain and rear wheels is something to keep in mind for long-term durability.
#BYD
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A woman at work has raised a formal complaint about me because she saw my dick.... whilst walking through the men’s changing rooms, because it’s quicker than going around.
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Is a lifetime driving ban a thing?
Has it ever happened? Cause stuff happens on the roads on a daily basis that I'd say merits a lifetime driving ban.
We need to stop treating driving as if it's a right.
If you NEED to drive, don't do it like a cunt.
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The driver is taking up way more than their half of the road, yet it's somehow the cyclist's issue to rectify.
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