https://t.co/WPcONSJksS

It's #InternationalMensDay2020 & while twitter can show the worst it also has some of the very best. I feel lucky to know: @ln0217 @ReviewingRemy @02dirtbikemike @stewiecoffee @DaddyWithTwins @Chhapiness @MatticusFinch1 @TheApeBrigade @hermanntrude @BRMolloy

I think I've figured out how to fix what keeps going wrong with the Planet

Nobody believes I’m a witch until I show them the fitted sheet that I folded.

Looks like them Soup boys done found some trouble again!

https://t.co/iSfb5tpsf4

Try ‘voice to text’ so you can spend longer correcting what your phone thinks you said than it woulda taken to just freakin type it in the first place

Warning! AC gobbledygook can spread to hoomans!!! I wanted to say “coin toss” and instead said “toin cock” and it didn’t even feel wrong!

Sometimes I wonder if younger generations think the saxophone was "some kind of sex thing." And you know what, kid? Maybe it was.

Parents need to get better at teaching their kids that swear words aren’t actually bad they’re just only appropriate in certain contexts, this 9yo girl at the grocery store just held up a bag of cauliflower rice and said “WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS” and she deserves a fucking Oscar

This pains me to write. *carpal tunnel

dad: did you hear campbell's are removing two letters from their alphabet soup? son: that's weird. dad: sounds like a PR disaster.

Twitter gives 40+ nerds who used to get wedgies in real high school, a second chance to be ‘high school cool’

@CallMe_Dimps @RiotGrlErin @ByrdMan0914 @CAshmanActor @TheSundayServi @DayBump @BBFTC1 And last but not least, @professorkiosk, who does fun brief tweet calls but also has a GREAT list of Twitter tutorials for those things no one knows how to do until someone shows us! 👇

Been wanting to compile a place for new funny Twitter accounts to go to get exposure. Here is a list of weekly contests, vaguely in order by day: @Under1kContest @ContestThursday @CheapAssContest @The_Fledglings @saturdaycontest @LazyFunday Click below for tweet calls👇

Breakfast after a two drink night in your 30s

[watching The Silence of the Lambs] Me: Hear that? Her: No Me [trying to impress her, leaning in close]: That’s the lambs