i opened twitter and my mom thought it was a dating app and she went "oh not him"

if there is a god why would He give you diarrhea from eating two pounds of cherries (His bounty) in one sitting

gf says because we got chinese yesterday we can’t get it again today. i don’t think that makes sense . they do it in china all the time

the last living client of frank lloyd wright, roland reisley, is 101 and has lived in his flw house for 73 years. this quote from him about it made me cry

A man holding a donkey in his lap, circa 1910s. 🫏

I’m like if a horny guy was a girl

https://t.co/FolAJy3Lcq

pickles are great...until you're in one

https://t.co/ZxholldjHP

i let him hit because he’s good at the crossword

STOLEN VALOR

I’m jumping the gun this summer. I’m biting off more than I can chew. I’m barking up the wrong tree. I’m writing checks my ass can’t cash. I’m with whatever and I mean that. Rest in fucking peace outdoor boys

https://t.co/b4os144YW9

the silent ‘p’ in raspberry feels very coquettish and leggy. like saying yoo-hoo boys

https://t.co/3clFFaHrla

“use AI or you’ll get left behind” oh no that’s ok you guys go on ahead i’ll be back here with my reading comprehension and critical thinking skills

how it actually feels to accept the hatred and anger in your heart

No pope rn so premarital is A-OK