trash jones
@jzux
Followers
157,030
Following
941
Media
761
Statuses
10,920
full-time music supervisor, part-time idiot
Brooklyn, NY
Joined July 2009
Don't wanna be here?
Send us removal request.
Explore trending content on Musk Viewer
jaemin
• 328832 Tweets
Norawit with L'Oreal Paris
• 166054 Tweets
Will Still
• 118767 Tweets
All To Nene D-Day
• 106526 Tweets
#นุนิวขึ้นใจ_2ndConceptVideo
• 53386 Tweets
プロフェッショナル
• 37106 Tweets
PP is WORTH IT
• 33605 Tweets
バイデン
• 25390 Tweets
SDカード
• 25169 Tweets
YOASOBI
• 23387 Tweets
GW後半戦
• 22680 Tweets
高利貸し
• 20462 Tweets
カメムシ
• 19761 Tweets
金利60
• 17789 Tweets
中条きよし参院議員
• 17433 Tweets
出資法違反の疑い
• 15416 Tweets
Princess Charlotte
• 15018 Tweets
物語シリーズ
• 13566 Tweets
ウマチュン
• 13182 Tweets
外国人嫌い
• 12207 Tweets
#素のまんま
• 11563 Tweets
NEWSポストセブン
• 11308 Tweets
法務局職員
• 10036 Tweets
if you hear me telling the same story twice just let it go. i only have like six memories and they all take turns
868
114K
650K
I GOT INTO HARVARD MEDICAL SCHOOL 🙏🏼🙏🏼🎉🎉🎉😍😍 they’re gonna use me for cadaver practice
689
40K
552K
no offense but i literally could not care less that kim kardashian messed up marilyn monroe’s dress. i will never afford a home
2K
52K
529K
I SAID YES!!! 😍😍❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️💖💖💖💍💍💍💍💍 someone asked me if i was feeling sad!!
548
96K
487K
wtf is a “group chat?” i am an adult, i only have two friends and they don’t know each other
1K
42K
437K
deleting my dating apps because i want to meet someone the old fashioned way (he sells me onions, i sell him jars of spiced peaches)
1K
39K
396K
the two worst feelings in the world are not having a job and having a job
613
64K
389K
feeling sad today. can everyone please send cute pictures of their credit card, front and back?
1K
60K
386K
well well well, if it isn’t the bridge i said i’d cross when i came to it
345
71K
382K
HE PROPOSED!!!!! 😍😍😍😍😍😍🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼💍💍💍💍💍💍💍 to the girl he dated after me!
2K
18K
379K
should i live in new york where people think i’m stupid or LA where people think i’m ugly
2K
27K
374K
the fact that 2021 is already over is proof that time also flies when you are NOT having fun
237
54K
373K
no offense to plates but literally any food is better in a bowl
1K
40K
361K
just found out that if there’s a nuclear missile coming towards us the government is gonna give us a TEN MINUTE warning. at that point just don’t tell me?? why would you ruin the last 10 minutes of my entire life
2K
25K
354K
your late 20s are funny because your friends are either having an identity crisis or a wedding. some are having both
332
37K
330K
me, age 22 (hopeful): anything can happen!
me now (horrified): anything can happen
234
52K
323K
I GOT INTO HARVARD!! 😍🥳🥳🥳 they left a first-floor window unlocked and i’m just walking around in here!
369
20K
295K
adulthood is wild because one day you get a little sleepy and then you stay that way for the rest of your life
461
46K
290K
someone once told me “if you can see a mountain lion, that means it isn’t hunting you.” every day since i have lived in terror
594
20K
284K
only children are so funny. you’re telling me you just hung around the house with two grownups all the time? like a little businessman?
1K
17K
284K
I SAID YES!!!! ❤️❤️❤️😍😍😍😍💍💍💍 my psychiatrist asked if we should up my dose!!!
462
35K
277K
does anyone else feel like their short-term memory has gotten scary worse? someone will ask me what I did that weekend and i will genuinely have to check my calendar to remember
1K
39K
277K
hey sorry i acted weird the other day i was trying so hard to act normal that it backfired
191
43K
247K
my mom taught me to say “not my circus, not my monkeys” when some crazy shit someone was doing wasn’t my business. but when my friends are doing crazy shit it’s tough. bc I’m like that’s not my circus… but that’s MY monkey
230
30K
247K
me when i have a bad day: i think i deserve a little treat
me when i have a good day: i think i deserve a little treat
280
42K
242K
my joker origin story is that junior year of high school i had no prom date so i had to take group photos with my friend’s dad
870
8K
238K
you want me to go to a dinner party. the thing that killed jesus
164
27K
234K
“therapy doesn’t work for me” ok well I hate to break it to you but the mental illness isn’t working for you either
429
29K
236K
truly sad the way adulthood kills all your hobbies. i’m lucky if i read 5 books a year. too tired to play guitar. too tired to cook beautiful meals.
we warn people not to make work their identity, but how can you not when work systematically strips away every other part of you?
520
38K
231K
men will literally put a 150-year curse on their family instead of carrying madame zeroni up the mountain
327
31K
228K
banning juuls before assault rifles is so funny. america is really like “kids are allowed to die quickly but NOT slowly”
238
29K
225K
surely THIS is the salad that will undo months of fast food and alcohol
155
17K
225K
me: i wish i could go live in the woods
my phone: your screen time was up 34% this week for a daily average of 7 hours
241
17K
219K
one time when i worked as a host at a fancy restaurant in LA, joaquin phoenix’s people called to try to book him a last minute table for that night and i said “more like walk-in phoenix” and they literally hung up on me
388
10K
216K
we really told the government we needed covid tests for free and all they heard was “four free”
232
20K
213K
i’m a woman working in music, so men love to challenge me with a little “who are you listening to right now?” my new favorite game is making up a band, saying their new album got an 8.4 on pitchfork, and watching the guy be like “honestly i wasn’t that impressed with that one”
1K
14K
210K
when i worked at a food truck in college, a girl bought a $13 acai bowl, clicked No Tip on the ipad, and giggled “sorry, broke college student budget.” anyway, i hope she’s dead now
1K
10K
207K
me at 16: i am going to be so successful when i grow up
me now: maybe someday i will have enough energy to start a hobby
102
34K
208K
imagine your roommate eats the plums you were saving for breakfast and then writes a bitchy little poem talking about how good they were. and then it becomes one of the most famous poems of all time
650
12K
204K
no more fun facts. i want to hear a scary, unsettling fact about you
4K
24K
203K
friendship is beautiful because the closer you are, the less you do when you’re together. there is nothing more sacred than the “let’s watch 3 bad movies in a row” friend
686
18K
200K
happy international women’s day to anyone i’ve met in a bar bathroom. you are all my sisters now
111
36K
202K
hey my girlfriend saw you from across the bar and we hate your vibe. she’s gonna beat the shit out of you
285
15K
196K
if i saw a minion in real life i would put it in the microwave
630
19K
193K
definitely check on your friend who “decided to rewatch bojack horseman”
1K
24K
193K
so excited to finally announce that i GOT INTO DEBT!!!! i’m in debt now
299
15K
192K
i do the reverse pomodoro method where i spend 25 minutes on my phone and then do 5 minutes of work
201
32K
193K
it was the best of times (getting my paycheck) it was the worst of times (doing my job)
113
25K
192K
i think maybe one part of breakups people underestimate is how people in love develop their own sort of language and a rich shared world of characters and motifs. & then when the relationship ends there’s a special loneliness in realizing you’ll never speak that language again
570
20K
188K
doing brain laundry (separating my thoughts into lights and darks)
141
23K
188K
everyone i know in their late 20s is having an existential crisis because we skipped our mid 20s in the pandemic. relationships fast-tracked, careers faltered, we lost those core identity-building years and now we feel like 23-year-old brains in bodies approaching 30
2K
26K
188K
i cannot stop spending money. I am the primary breadloser of my household
171
38K
185K
not to add to the therapy discourse but my toxic parent made us go to family therapy and then made us stop going when the therapist immediately flagged she was being abusive
461
8K
184K
if your boss ever thanks you for going “above and beyond,” you probably just exploited yourself
362
17K
182K
“is this a joke to you” unfortunately everything is a little bit of a joke to me
149
54K
187K
are you ever telling a story and halfway through you’re like jesus will i ever shut up
305
25K
181K
my 90-year-old grandma was complaining about technology so i said “adapt or die, grandma” and she responded “i’m working on the dying”
137
10K
177K
friends will be like “this made me think of you” and then send you the most fucked up thing you’ve ever seen in your life
716
17K
176K
does anyone else feel like they can’t focus but also can’t relax
381
25K
174K
they should do spotify wrapped twice a year. summer me and winter me are listening to completely different music. in fact we are completely different people
140
18K
174K
benadryl: oh you’ll go to sleep alright
me: awesome! and then i’ll wake up?
benadryl: in a sense
238
14K
171K
i need to know what happened at the bath and body works in appleton, wisconsin
470
6K
170K
why would i finish a thought when i could start a new more exciting one
176
28K
169K
workers in europe: i will be taking the summer off because i need a little suntan
workers in america: i will be using one of my 3 paid vacation days to undergo open heart surgery
362
19K
169K
ok my only actual Oppenheimer take is that it’s so unbelievably funny to be watching an intense period piece and have to be like “is that… josh peck?”
383
9K
169K
the best part of Elf is when that guy who works in the mailroom says he’s 26
349
9K
166K
unfortunately i often find out without even getting to fuck around
185
33K
165K
girls, don’t let them scare you about getting older. i’m 10x cooler now than i was at age 23 and i literally promise you are only getting cooler
349
20K
162K
thinking about my ex who always said please and thank you when he asked chatGPT a question and when I asked him why he said “when it becomes sentient and powerful it will remember who was polite”
1K
11K
164K
imagine you go out in public for the first time in 2 years and immediately the press is like “extra extra this guy looks like shit!” i’d go straight back inside
Jack Nicholson, 85, looks disheveled on LA balcony as he's seen for first time in TWO YEARS
5K
455
5K
279
8K
160K
“do one thing every day that scares you” yeah why do you think i’m going to work
196
21K
160K
“no one remembers the weird thing you said at that party” actually the weird thing you said has become a sacred inside joke that bonded several people at that party together forever
203
12K
159K
throwing a PowerPoint party but everyone is doing a presentation on what their job actually is and what they actually do for it every day
144
10K
157K
“the owner doesn’t wanna say because she doesn’t want any more of him to be created”
466
7K
155K
me: is there a doctor on this plane???
passenger: i’m a doctor what’s wrong
me: can i borrow $100 i know you can spare it
62
12K
152K
guys freaking out about how “you can’t approach women in public anymore,” here is one tip. whatever you’re going to say, precede it with “i’m so sorry if this is weird but ____.” displaying even baseline self awareness makes us feel 75% safer
741
9K
151K
every restaurant should have a little bed you can lie down in if you eat too much
362
11K
147K
hey sorry i acted weird the other day i am a complex female character
72
29K
142K
no more dating apps. one time in college i met a boy because we both went out onto the porch for some fresh air during a party and he started reading me headlines from a newspaper he found on the ground. more stuff like this
234
6K
140K
my friend doing dry January was like “the worst part is waking up every day with a splitting headache” girl that’s called withdrawal
141
5K
139K
hey sorry i was so weird yesterday today i’ll be weird but in a different way
64
31K
136K
