dean
@DeanRed123
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i love how ronnie hates his job like a normal person
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@SheriffAlert
Small boulder the size of a large boulder is completely blocking east-bound lane Highway 145 mm78 at Silverpick Rd. Please use caution and watch for emergency vehicles in the area.
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buying a train ticket in the uk:
so i get a seat right?
maybe not
but it will be on time?
probably not
but we’ll get to the destination?
can’t guarantee that
but there is a train?
you’d think, but who knows
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parents - are your kids getting into conspiracy theories? familiarise yourself with their acronyms now and be aware of what to look out for.
pmsl - photoshopped middleton suspected lost
kms - kate middleton sighting
rofl - royals on full lockdown
imo- is middleton ok
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i hope piers forgets to cancel his alarm and it wakes him up at 4am
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no one:
landlords: how long do you have to wait after someone’s child has died before you ask them for money?
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Americans: “you eat beans on toast what’s wrong with you?”
Also Americans:
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sure sex is good but have you tried voting the tories out?
no, no you haven’t.
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seeing how much mustard she spread on the bread
One of my favourite types of video is "Americans underestimating British condiments"
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even once the virus is gone, there is a powerful argument for keeping the pubs shut just to watch Tim Martin cry about it
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POV you’re matt hancocks wife and he’s sorry for having an affair
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Johnson: “and that son is how you take credit for other people’s work. i have nothing left to teach you”
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watched an episode of stacey soloman sort your life out last night, got inspired, emptied cupboards to sort through, have trashed the house, there is stuff everywhere, this is awful
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i have built a craft to explore the inside of active volcanos. tickets are £250,000.00 each.
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the puppies are the UK government cabinet and the cat is coronavirus
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“I once mourned for 30 days over the death of a 99 year old man that I’d never met or had any type of interaction with”
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@ashhhhhhole
@MNateShyamalan
meeting someone who hasn’t increased their drinking during quarantine
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if we sit down someone asks us to do something
Dads will watch an entire movie stood in the doorway like this
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welcome to twitter, please don’t be alarmed by the adverts containing full frontal nudity, a racist will be assigned to argue with you shortly, the report function is printed on a cracker, andrew doyle has blocked you
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old enough to remember when tv with adverts was free
Prime Video will launch ads on January 29.
A new ad-free option will cost an additional $2.99 per month.
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January 1st 2020 is now closer to the Battle of Hastings than today.
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the next general election would be difficult to lose but labour are giving it their best shot
Labour refusing to promise repeal of Tory anti-strike laws
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just opened the bag i took out with me yesterday and at some point i must have picked up someone else’s by mistake, has anyone picked up my bag? easy to identify, it had 16 pairs of assorted knickers in it. please rt to increase chances of finding.
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facebook memory of when we accidentally ordered an adult pizza for our almost 1yr old and she ate most of it
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Grantham just had a new public urinal installed
Grantham: Margaret Thatcher statue lowered into place
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bill gates has activated matt’s 5G and is sending him on his first mission
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@JimMFelton
@MrWinMarshall
@MrAndyNgo
Congratulations
@Hitler
Finally had the time to read your important book
You’re a brave man
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New Zealand: 3 new cases: time for a lockdown
UK: only new 10000 cases a day: time to open the schools
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prediction - they both have covid
UK PM Boris Johnson and Chancellor Rishi Sunak will now self-isolate after Health Secretary Sajid Javid tested positive for Covid, after criticism for joining pilot daily testing scheme
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this tracks because i remember learning roman history at school and it turned me into to a roman
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@uncle_honka
@dreamboatslim
possibly an interest only mortgage, so hopefully by the end of it house prices crash leaving her in negative equity and having to declare bankruptcy
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the Queen won’t see your funny yet mean dunk on Philip’s death, but your friends who are also the monarchy might
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the only result i give a shit about now is the bin vs the twat , the rest is just noise
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@Shadowninja9000
you got that backwards mate, it’s the productivity of the actual workers which made the money for him
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'Liz Truss has about 12 hours to turn the ship around'
Chief Political Correspondent Nick Eardley had the latest on
#BBCBreakfast
about the future of the Prime Minister
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if “home” was actually better than “latest tweets” then
@twitter
wouldn’t need to keep tricking people to use it
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@andraswf
@JimMFelton
it can’t be photoshopped because in 2015 photoshop was crude and expensive and only used by Pixar
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Pound falls again as agency downgrades outlook for UK's credit rating to 'negative'
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i’ll die on the hill that the rollerblader was the one in the wrong and that the cops reacted completely proportionally
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@piersmorgan
you get up and start walking out saying “i’m done with this” at 1.38 into the clip, he says diabolical at 1.48. coward.
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in the future they’re gonna teach people about center parks on marketing courses
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@misterbumface
yes. it’s also entirely possible that grieving parents don’t have sufficient funds/income to suddenly cover additional housing they don’t need or want or ever asked for.
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Sure sex is good but have you ever lived a life of such wealth and privilege that you could admit to a crime consequence free while simultaneously supporting the laws which punish poor people for the same crime?
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not going to be watching the final until Monday so please no spoilers
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@_dankiela_
Why did he boil it for 15 mins??? He knows once it’s boiling that it’s boiling right???? Like did he think if he boiled it for longer it would be extra boiling and more likely to work???
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we’re about 3 episodes of question time away from watching a boomer say they’ve seen a cat identity as an asylum seeker and get given a house
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@JimMFelton
Producer: “can we show the whole queue for the news?”
reporter: “will at least need a helicopter, how longs the slot?”
Producer: “1 min”
Reporter: “will need a satellite”
Producer: “take the helicopter and just show as much as you can”
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maths like “if the tories get 42% of the vote, what percentage of seats should they have in parliament?” or maths like “if i get a 2% pay rise but inflation is 10%, how much more of this shit does it take before a general strike?”
'Anti-maths mindset' needs to change so UK's economy can grow, Rishi Sunak says
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