Cousin Brad
@BradWCAttorney
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9,044
Following
93
Media
21
Statuses
493
Raising the roof on workers’ compensation claims since 2008. 131 LSAT. Top 85% of my class at John Marshall Law. Bradtheworkerscompattorney @hotmail .com
Joined December 2023
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Pinned Tweet
@3YearLetterman
@JohnHanselman
I wore my letterman jacket to court last week. The judge gave me a standing ovation after my closing argument.
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@3YearLetterman
I have never raised the roof harder than I did the night you fouled out in the first quarter and all five fouls were on devastating moving screens.
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Just took a client to the local batting cage and had him take a couple fastballs off the dome. Another four-figure workers comp settlement incoming!
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@3YearLetterman
@taylorswift13
@ChuckGrassley
@AARPFoundation
@dennisrodman
@Dennis_Kucinich
@veganoutreach
@redlobster
@WSJBankruptcy
@uspto
@Whitesnake
Everyone who listens to this album is entitled to workers comp benefits for their physical and emotional damages. Remember to use your punch cards!
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@davidhogg111
Sorry,
@3YearLetterman
is 100% correct here. And I had to take constitutional law twice while I was at John Marshall Law School (I got hammered and fell asleep during the exam the first time) so I’m basically an expert.
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Got hammered during lunch, passed out on the beanbag chair in my reception area for two hours, and woke up to my Hotmail absolutely blowing up. The grind never stops.
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Not having a job will never stop me from taking your workers comp case.
@3YearLetterman
@BradWCAttorney
I have
@BradWCAttorney
on retainer and I don’t even have a job. He’s that good.
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In case anyone was wondering, shotgunning beers in the parking lot of the Stephens County Courthouse is apparently frowned upon.
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@iplitigate
@PabloEscoburner
Sir, I graduated in the top 85% of my class at John Marshall Law and scored 131 on the LSAT. Please sit this one out.
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@3YearLetterman
I had to cross examine an HR director last week. I didn’t even ask any questions, I just pointed at him and laughed until he started crying. The jury ate it up.
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Tell that to the workers comp client who contacted me on my pager after getting his head stuck in a pool skimmer at Comfort Inn.
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My god I am gonna have to spring for a third pager.
I’ve been handing out these special eclipse glasses for my clients to use at work. Already put a down payment on another office beanbag chair!
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@3YearLetterman
I got Barb a four-figure workers comp recovery from Orchid Bowl after she got her arm stuck in the cigarette vending machine while trying to get a free pack of Pall Malls.
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@robweinman
@3YearLetterman
@kyledcheney
I scored 131 on the LSAT and graduated in the top 85% of my class at John Marshall Law. Coach is absolutely correct.
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@AshleySinclair0
@AuburnMemes
@RonLPitts
@3YearLetterman
@Tiffany_Gomas
@ultrarightbeer
Ma’am, did you or your attorney score 131 on the LSAT? I’ll wait.
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I’ve been handing out these special eclipse glasses for my clients to use at work. Already put a down payment on another office beanbag chair!
I am yet to encounter a mentally stable person who cares about the eclipse
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@3YearLetterman
@AtlantaFalcons
@disposablemedic
Can you swing by the office before you leave and grab a bunch of these to pass out while you’re down there?
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@3YearLetterman
I bet the judge who yelled at me when I pulled out a bottle of Fireball during my last trial feels stupid now.
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@3YearLetterman
@DelTaco
@ChoiceHotels
@CNTraveler
I got a $1200 workers comp recovery out of them back in 2014 after my client got his arm stuck in the vending machine.
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So glad I got that second pager. Business is absolutely booming. Thinking about springing for another beanbag chair for the office soon.
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I got a client a four-figure recovery by successfully arguing that being butthurt was covered by workers comp.
People don’t say butthurt nearly enough anymore. One of the most innovative creations of the American language
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@3YearLetterman
@JackLombardi
Notaries are one of the three branches of government. Their powers cross state lines.
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I’m currently preparing my “swirlies are protected by the first amendment” defense.
Just pre-booked a bail bondsman for the Braves home opener on Friday April 5
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Unfortunately,
@SHRM
delisted me after I got hammered at one of their conferences, gave an unauthorized presentation on the best ways to fake injuries at work, and then aggressively raised the roof as I was being thrown out.
@BradWCAttorney
wanted to let you know, you need to contact SHRM. I tried to get your pager # from the Workers Compensation lawyers listings and you’re not there. What gives?
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@3YearLetterman
@Reachergaming
@VivekGRamaswamy
Between your 104 IQ and my 131 LSAT score, our family reunions are like a Minsta meeting.
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Just had a case of these delivered to the office. Make sure to stop by for a consultation and complimentary fitting!
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@3YearLetterman
My pager is already blowing up with people asking if getting blackout drunk is covered by workers comp. (Of course it is.)
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@3YearLetterman
@jtimberlake
@britneyspears
@KFetterline
@JohnFetterman
@yellowtailwine
@CourtAnne1225
@AARPFoundation
@RaceTrac
@ashleesimpson
@Whitesnake
During my last trial, I hid a boombox in the gallery and had Uncle Gary play my “Warm it Up” cassingle every day as I entered the courtroom. The entire jury was raising the roof.
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@3YearLetterman
@Reachergaming
@VivekGRamaswamy
I don’t know a single Harvard lawyer with a thriving workers comp practice.
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@KB9576569213752
@ProfGoat
@3YearLetterman
@mattgaetz
I’d love to know which law school gave you a degree, because Coach is 100% correct here. And I graduated in the top 85% of my class at THE John Marshall Law School so please don’t question me.
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Got
@BailforShane
yet another not guilty verdict on a drunk and disorderly charge today. My closing argument was just me raising the roof for five minutes straight.
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@3YearLetterman
@mikevolpe
@KassyDillon
@beyondreasdoubt
In Uncle Gary’s defense, I advised him that telling the judge to fuck off was protected by the first amendment because I was a little hammered and thought it would be funny. (It was.)
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@3YearLetterman
@LawyerCat_
@JennaEllisEsq
One time I got hammered and forgot to respond to a complaint that was filed against my client, and instead of asking for an extension (which, in my defense, I didn’t know you were allowed to do), I just switched to the other side and filed for a default judgment against him.
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@3YearLetterman
@elonmusk
You literally become a citizen AND entitled to workers comp as soon as you cross the border.
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@3YearLetterman
This morning I promised the judge that I wouldn’t raise the roof during my opening argument. I can’t wait to use the April Fool’s Day defense during my contempt hearing.
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@BurtMaclin_FBI
I got hammered last night and passed out on one of the beanbag chairs in my office. Gonna be a little late.
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@3YearLetterman
@HaraldinChina
Right? I graduated in the top 85% of my class at John Marshall Law and I can barely read.
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@3YearLetterman
@Thefrugalgay11
Squatters rights means you own a property and can do and say anything you want on it, as long as you remain sitting. But those rights can be superseded if another squatter sits on you.
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@NickAdamsinUSA
Hit me up on MySpace if you need an attorney.
@3YearLetterman
can vouch for me.
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@beyondreasdoubt
@KatiePhang
Are we sure Katie went to law school? You can say whatever you want during your opening and the other side can’t do anything about it. Usually I just raise the roof for a few minutes until the judge starts to look annoyed and then I give the jury the finger guns and take a seat.
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@3YearLetterman
I include a mandatory 15% tip when I send out my invoices. Show me a Big Law firm that does that.
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@3YearLetterman
I still can’t believe her mom was complaining about the two of us using pine tar.
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Changing the workers comp game, one punch card at a time.
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How I conclude every trial.
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Oh yeah I don’t have a computer,
@CourtAnne1225
designed those punch cards for me in exchange for me getting her charges dropped after she stabbed one of her Hooters customers in the thigh with a fork for not leaving her a tip.
@BradWCAttorney
I’m have to say I’m impressed and surprised by the quality of the graphic design. I thought you didn’t have a computer so the feds couldn’t track you?
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@3YearLetterman
Glad to hear Weasel took my advice. Just another win for my thriving tax avoidance practice.
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@Cynethryth5
@GBI_GA
As a successful workers comp attorney, I can tell you that the only person who could face criminal charges here is the girl’s mother. Clear case of self defense on
@3YearLetterman
’s part.
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@BurtMaclin_FBI
@3YearLetterman
@robweinman
@kyledcheney
Probably would have scored even higher if I didn’t do 13 fireball shots the night before.
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@3YearLetterman
Courtroom is gonna go nuts when I strut in with “Warm It Up” blaring from my refurbished iPod shuffle.
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@3YearLetterman
@TheMBGPodcast
@mikegolicjr
@NicoleAuerbach
@HollyAnderson
@edsbs
@JasonKirk_fyi
@VernFunquist
@JakeCrain_
@SickosCommittee
I got so much business after that episode that I was able to get my phone reconnected.
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I do not hablo much espanol but I do have a special business card for my Spanish speaking clients.
@3YearLetterman
So right Coach. Only other lawyer I trust and he is a step down from
@BradWCAttorney
. One question, does Brad, Se hablo espanol?
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@3YearLetterman
I got a workers comp client a four-figure recovery after he got a traffic cone stuck on his head while trying to unblock a side street after a Falcons game.
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@3YearLetterman
I pulled a C- in con law AND I handled your immigration to and from Albuquerque. She has no idea what she’s talking about.
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I’m happy to share the password with anyone who wants it (for a small fee). If I need to do legal research I just use Ask Jeeves or
@3YearLetterman
’s World Book Encyclopedias.
@BradWCAttorney
I can vouch for the Hon.
@BradWCAttorney
as well. When I've needed help on legal research, I've reached out to him and he's always come through. He lets me use the login of a law student he knows that gave him his password. He passes the savings on to you.
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@BurtMaclin_FBI
No worries, Uncle Gary impersonates law enforcement all the time and I always get him off. The last time he did it he got caught after arresting himself for being drunk in public.
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@3YearLetterman
@LawyerCat_
@JennaEllisEsq
Sorry for the delay Coach, apparently the beanbag store next door to my office changed their WiFi password so I haven’t been able to get online. I’ve done this before so I assume it’s pretty common…
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@GBeyer773
@3YearLetterman
@ProjectLincoln
I pulled a C- in constitutional law at John Marshall (while only going to class three times). Coach is absolutely correct here.
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@3YearLetterman
@Atticus59914029
Remember when Uncle Gary tore his ACL breaking up a double play in church league softball? I got him 12 months of workers comp benefits.
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@elbuckner
@3YearLetterman
Emily, you’re a valued client of mine but this is slander. All the men in our family have elite hair and standardized test scores.
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Office update: Just installed the refurbished dot matrix printer I picked up from Facebook marketplace and laid out Uncle Gary’s 1996-1997 Penthouse magazines in my coat closet / reception area.
#MakingItRain
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@3YearLetterman
Perfect explanation. Also, to appeal / overturn a judgment, a lawyer simply had to declare “I appeal” before the judge leaves the courtroom.
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@3YearLetterman
@flgrown82
The only time I ever voted was when we stuffed the ballot box to help you win “best hair” in high school.
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@3YearLetterman
@GovKathyHochul
Those kids’ frostbite injuries were covered by workers comp. Win-win.
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@3YearLetterman
@KamalaHarris
@DonaldJTrumpJr
America needs a thriving workers comp lawyer as Attorney General.
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@DryOldFox1
@3YearLetterman
@EricTrump
Coach is 100% correct here. And I graduated in the top 85% of my class at John Marshall Law so please don’t challenge me.
@3YearLetterman
@Breaking911
You should never post a bond. It’s an admission of guilt and a down payment on the damages you’re going to have to pay.
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Show me a Wall Street lawyer making it rain with a Hotmail account.
I do not hablo much espanol but I do have a special business card for my Spanish speaking clients.
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@3YearLetterman
@BadLegalTakes
This is nonsense. By the time I passed the Bar (on just my fourth attempt, by the way) I had already raised the roof in every courtroom in the Stephens County courthouse.
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@3YearLetterman
@BadLegalTakes
I literally said this to a client yesterday while fitting him for a neck brace he insisted he didn’t need. Clearly Femmgee knows ball.
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I put that cast on my client myself.
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I could have gotten Deion a four-figure workers comp recovery for each missing toe. Big time missed opportunity for Prime.
Deion: “I got time today.”
Me: “Stand ten toes down on it then.”
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The Supreme Court needs an experienced workers comp lawyer now more than ever.
@BurtMaclin_FBI
@BradWCAttorney
@3YearLetterman
Wait if Cousin Brad is the Attorney General, who will be on the Supreme Court?
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@3YearLetterman
@xWing_Dan
@BoardGeniuses
I got Uncle Gary off with a slap on the wrist when he was arrested for driving a mobility scooter naked on the shoulder of Route 123 with a BAC of .24. I’ll gladly barter my legal expertise for tickets to see the Dawgs.
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@gregojohns
@3YearLetterman
@BetteMidler
Nice try. Next you’re going to try telling me my 131 on the LSAT isn’t elite.
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@beyondreasdoubt
@3YearLetterman
Can you pick me up on the way? I have bail money but I’m hammered and just did a bunch of whippets.
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@3YearLetterman
@ElijahSchaffer
Oh yeah, that happens a lot with my work-related chlamydia clients. Apparently some of them think my direct examination questions are too “detailed” and “intrusive.”
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@Burt_Carter
@PabloEscoburner
@iplitigate
Top 85% is elite, especially at a school like John Marshall.
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@No_RINOs
@3YearLetterman
@RonDeSantis
Tell that to the judge who tried to stop me from raising the roof during cross examination.
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@nofearshirt
@BurtMaclin_FBI
I keep a bunch of slugs in the ashtray of my El Camino so he got to hit for free.
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@3YearLetterman
Thanks to you, my youth football law practice is bigger than any Wall Street firm’s.
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@elbuckner
@AshleySinclair0
@AuburnMemes
@RonLPitts
@3YearLetterman
@Tiffany_Gomas
@ultrarightbeer
The post-trial keg stands in the court parking lot were epic.
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@3YearLetterman
@HoggyLeeJ
@BoardGeniuses
@NickAdamsinUSA
@JoelOsteen
Currently spitballing ideas for my new billboard. Thanks for the inspiration, Coach!
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@3YearLetterman
I’m too busy raising the roof and racking up four-digit workers comp recoveries. Things are going so well that I just put down a deposit to rent half a billboard behind the Dollar General.
#allIdoiswin
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@3YearLetterman
“Girls never talk to you”? Someone needs to tell Ashley that women from all over Toccoa drive by the courthouse at all hours of the day just hoping to catch a glimpse of me raising the roof.
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