Annam&Ms ☻
@AnnamLaughs
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Annam Choudhry | Comedian | Writer | Producer | VO Actor | 🔉 (UH-num) (chow-dree) | She/her/ma’am
Brooklyn ✈️ Louisvile, KY
Joined June 2019
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LET. CUSTOMER. SERVICE. WORKERS. SMACK. ONE. PERSON. EVERY. YEAR. 👏🏽
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this made me cry my eyes out? wtf. am i about to have my period?
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Just a heads up, if you’re getting the vaccine. My post-vax symptoms include fever, tingling, my arms are heavy, there’s vomit on my sweater already, mom’s spaghetti
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I’m bisexual in that I have both imposter syndrome and delusions of grandeur
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In Living Color was created directly in response to SNL (for being too white), and Jim Carrey got love from that show that SNL never showed him. He was never on SNL before Ace Ventura/The Mask
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grabbing a bagel on your way back from the obgyn, call that a pap shmear
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Being fully vaccinated does NOT mean Seth Rogen will come up behind you in the form of a ghost to sensually help you make vases as Unchained Melody plays in the bg
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all I can see are the points being racked up right now
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matched w a guy who claims to like cheese but cant name the cheese he likes? stop wasting my time dude
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Biden to Kamala when he proposed:
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am i racist if i cant tell wether i’m watching superbad or pineapple express?
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I don't need sex, I need veggies to last more than three days in my fridge
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guys crushing melons w their thighs is the most pick-me thing a hot himbo can do but lord help me im falling for it every time
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biblically accurate toothbrush
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My grandmother in the 40’s carrying her books and supplies to and from school every day.
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The squirrels are out trying to fuck again. It is spring. 🌸
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why do we always skip from pumpkin spice latte straight to peppermint mocha? why don’t we ever get the sweet potato pie Frappuccino? or the cranberry sauce macchiato? or stuffing seasoned latte?
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loved Gordon Ramsey in Hell’s Kitchen, i wish restaurants were real 😩
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@generic89348555
@nickscbrina
no he just kept the spirit of Justin Timberlake alive into the 2010’s
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Account balance: $1400
Me at bed bath & beyond: Bring me the beyond
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All this talk about horse dewormer got me remembering the times you made my worm feel like a horse whenever we would kiss. Just want you to know that if I could, I-ver-mectins right with you. Anyway, tell your parents I said hi.
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its not that you wanna get r*il*d in a s*ndr*ss, its that you need to get your baha blasted
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Maybe the end of the world was actually supposed to be 2021 all along, and 2012 was just ancient Mayan dyslexia
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"your pronouns are what's in your pants" okay then my pronouns are heavy/overnight/pad
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In honor of buzzfeed shutting down, quote with a tweet they stole from you and put on their website
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@mendtimes
@MaraWilson
to be honest, i was describing my symptoms to someone and as soon as i mentioned my arm felt heavy, i just couldnt stop myself. its a knee jerk reaction.
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generational welch is when you inherit a giant vineyard of concord grapes
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this puppy was just $25 back in the day. and could do the same thing
A garage collapsed in lower Manhattan, and the FDNY sent its $75,000 robot dog in.
Watch to the end and see what spending 75k on a robot dog gets you.
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While I understand that, as you get older, you begin to lose bone mass, I had no idea Biden would have this much of his spine missing
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no one:
me being escorted out of an all-you-can-eat sushi place:
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👌🏽💯🔑
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Coming out of my cage and no one’s wearing a mask and now my stomach is sick and I’m going back in my cage
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@showmetheyamz
men love telling women what they dont find attractive and its like..what makes you think we care?
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my favorite position is when the L shaped tetris piece is rotated 180° and fits perfectly, clearing a huge stack of rows
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If you eat edibles with your coffee your brain takes a screenshot
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Chris Pratt can have the role, please just cast me in the gritty reboot
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Ash Wednesday 2021: the day the universe gave up Rush Limbaugh for lent
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cats are like humans in that they want you to see their butt
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watching a compilation on yt and the sketches hold up so well today and are actually entertaining
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if i was the bachelorette, i would ignore all of the guys there
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idc how many girls post him on their ig, he’s still MY boyfriend, at the end of the day he comes home to ME!
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you should get paid for the hours you spend sleeping to be rested before work
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@myeshachou
i just checked the comments and she wont take anyone’s advice just keeps doubling down on the fact that she did this for redheads and blondes too??? tf
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As a woman in STEM™️ I simply don’t believe in catfishes. I only believe in Catdog.
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i can no longer meal plan. i will buy exactly one (1) cucumber and eat it raw. and do this each day. until i die.
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Read the first letter of each emoji:
📓🐘🎻🐘🐰
🍇🍊📓📓🍎
🍇🍦🎻🐘
🟡🍊🌂
🌂🐷
📓🐘🎻🐘🐰
🍇🍊📓📓🍎
🦁🐘🐅
🟡🍊🌂
🍩🍊🐳📓
🐘🎻🐘🐰
🍇🍊📓📓🍎
🐰🌂📓
🍎🐰🍊🌂📓🍩
🍎📓🍩
🍩🐘🐍🐘🐰🐅
🟡🍊🌂
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@PallaviGunalan
someone else singing those same lyrics over an edm mix for the gay clubs would have sounded Soooo soso so much better
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sometimes you need to ask yourself, is this male comedian funny or is he just using his mic as a dick?
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Huge shout out to Hasan Minhaj and his team for being so fucking awesome! Got an opportunity to open for him tonight and hang after, just an absolutely gem!
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sometime i question why Allah made me such a dork. like i 1000% know i am the least coolest paki girl ever. but i wont stop? doing this stuff?
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when i say that i rubbed one out, i mean the protective layer of my eye bc i have really bad allergies
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Plain and simple:
If you need:
- 55 burgers
- 55 fries
- 55 tacos
- 55 pies
- 55 cokes
- 100 tater tots
- 100 pizzas
- 100 tenders
- 100 meatballs
- 100 coffees
- 55 wings
- 55 shakes
- 55 pancakes
- 55 pastas
- 55 peppers
- 155 taters
I am the partner for you!
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@mariposaheadass
@Aspiringshill
@IsabelSteckel
heidi, i think you dropped this, queen
{\__/}
( • . •)
/ >👑
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