Johnny Proctor
@johnnyroc73
Followers
2,891
Following
715
Media
3,265
Statuses
24,795
Author of Ninety, Ninety Six, Noughty & Muirhouse, amongst other novels. Absolutely nothing to do with witches in Salem, America.
Scotland
Joined January 2013
Don't wanna be here?
Send us removal request.
Explore trending content on Musk Viewer
LINGORM ROMAND 1STPOPUP
• 142647 Tweets
Kano
• 60644 Tweets
GULF X AUNTIE ANNES
• 59114 Tweets
ダービー
• 57515 Tweets
아카라카
• 51615 Tweets
#超超超超ゲーマーズday1
• 47980 Tweets
Our Beloved TAYNEW🧸
• 42070 Tweets
#withMUSIC
• 33231 Tweets
コミティア
• 28599 Tweets
攻殻機動隊
• 28084 Tweets
ジャスコ
• 24640 Tweets
マイフリ
• 21715 Tweets
NasaAtin AngPanaloBINI
• 21254 Tweets
WIN FANCON IN HK
• 20186 Tweets
サイエンスSARU
• 19283 Tweets
CONGRATS LISA
• 18440 Tweets
SB19 WITH NINANGPUREGOLD
• 18185 Tweets
士郎正宗
• 17657 Tweets
DY TRACK
• 16504 Tweets
クマフェス
• 15104 Tweets
#ラプ様と愉快な仲間たち
• 14304 Tweets
Pinned Tweet
A periodical - but massive - thank you to everyone who have bought, borrowed and pinched any of my novels over the years and then went on to tell their mates, shared on social media and have left reviews on Amazon / Goodreads.
You are all absolute heroes. Each and every one ❤️
2
1
25
Alan Partridge talking about Richard Keys is absolutely brilliant.
90
338
3K
Read a few articles today on Cryuff’s ‘spite season’ at Feyenoord when he went there to troll Ajax.
Ended up down the rabbit hole that took me to the day they won the league away at Willem II.
Looked absolutely chaotic.
60
281
3K
Early 90’s and with no mobiles, email etc you kept in contact with some of the mates you made at raves, by actual post.
I found this last night from back in 92. Some lads, them.
29
87
2K
Not sure if this is just a Scottish thing or not but, IYKYK.
Best ay gear.
130
70
2K
Can we all please take a few seconds out of our night to stop and appreciate just how majestic this gaff truly is.
29
34
930
A wee Friday night story about Ukrainians, if you’re bored.
Back in 2005 Dundee United reached the Scottish Cup final and I fancied getting myself a top for it, but wasn’t feeling the United shirt with the strange as fuck neck that season so thinking of an alternative I
13
36
470
In Maradona’s autobiography ‘El Diego’ he lists 100 players inside it and - good or bad- has his say on them. This is Peter Shilton’s 👏
16
80
448
Been typing this thread for so long now I’m no longer sure what the moral of the story was but the main takeaway from it is that Ukrainians are sound as fuck in my book.
🇺🇦
20
6
401
Other half got the old ‘go back to your own country’ shite today.
These racist dickheads really can take themselves as far away to fuck as possible.
I’ll literally drive them if they need a lift.
37
5
399
@KianSharifi
Because nothing screams “don’t be afraid” like having armed gunmen standing behind the guy telling you not to be afraid.
6
20
314
This is the Ibiza I’ll always try and hang on to and remember
No one standing taking videos while only taking them to put on social media to show they were there ‘having a good time’ no VIP bottle service, no performative bollocks from deejays.
Just unadulterated partying.
Strings of Life. Bora Bora, Ibiza 2004
Video Credit ▶️
@andydaniell
#borabora
#defected
#defectedrecords
#stringsoflife
#housemusic
#derrickmay
#soulcentral
#rhythimisrhythim
#techno
#boraboraibiza
#boraboraibizaofficial
#ibiza
#ibizapast
#ibizavideos
#happy
29
47
498
24
15
315
@xathrya
@KrangTNelson
And who can forget the time where he was asked to play football and realised that he didn’t know how to so thought he’d get away with just playing rugby.
5
15
297
With scran* like this on offer *no one* is boycotting Alloa next season and you all fucking know it too.
*especially the ‘currie’ pie
34
25
264
@BritainElects
@YouGov
Without question.
The most stupid country on planet earth.
Please kill and steal from us some more, our betters.
14
5
241
@SethAbramson
I’m Scottish so forgive me if I seem a little confused here but for days I’ve seen this whole thing blamed on the opposing party but if he can sign that order today doesn’t that mean that ...
Forget it. I’ll leave you to it. Just don’t let him nuke us because we did this to him
15
37
205
‘They must be some team, Norwich’
Such tremendous shade from McCoist.
2
3
220
Got a DM today from a woman telling me about her husbands mental health issues and how they’d been advised that reading could help him. She found my books, bought them and messaged me to say thank you because of how they’ve helped him.
Worth a million times any royalty 🙏
10
3
205
I’ll tell you what though. The Tories really are the worst cunts.
Not Sergio Ramos.
Not Wayne Lineker.
Not James Cordon.
The Tories.
10
18
191
Imagine being the manager of an unfashionable Scottish fitba side and managing to have the fans of the Italian champions on absolute strings.
I loved him.
2
16
192
3
26
182
@allisonpearson
@s8mb
I know truth doesn’t really mean much to newspapers but I’ve got to admit. I’m intrigued to see how you trying to pretend you never wrote all of that stuff plays out.
0
0
164
Until Lionel Messi single handedly wins his country a World Cup, moves to an unfashionable side like Napoli and wins them their first ever league championship all while consuming more ching than Tony Montana.
*Then* he will be considered as an equal to Maradona.
11
33
163
That fact that pretty much every Andy Weatherall remix was better than the original track says all that needs said on the man’s talents.
RIP Andy
5
15
167
My other half and I just had to verbally ruin some guy who had a problem with us being a mixed race couple.
I’m not sure he’ll be as quick to do it again but ffs it’s sickening that you even need to share the same oxygen as horrible bastards like that.
31
4
163
It’s an absolute travesty that this man isn’t singing the Scotland Euro 2021 song.
4
17
170
@HouseofCommons
Shame on every single one of the 342.
Not that they’ll be capable of *feeling* shame, of course.
1
13
153
@TheNorthCurve
This.
The iconic Boca colours.
The limbs.
The mini celebration of the two players.
Batistuta looking like a zombie who has just turned and has been chained to the fence.
1
13
159
@ChrissyTurner1
Is that not the same two nonces that were outside the hospital waiting on the baby being born?
4
3
137
I was literally just saying this to my dealer at half time on Saturday.
The behaviour of Scottish football fans is getting worse? Discuss. Are readily available drugs partly responsible?
487
3
20
2
8
162
0
3
139
Got a DM from a lad today saying that he had been suffering from a bit of depression, he loves reading but for the past few years couldn’t concentrate on books but is now halfway through Ninety and absolutely buzzing about it and wanted to let me know.
Day made.
7
2
148
Imagine hating a bridge because of which political party built it.
A bridge.
5
20
147
Yesterday I lost the woman that brought me up as a kid. One of the most kind, loving and genuine person you could ever meet in your life.
(The woman I also based Zico’s auntie on in Ninety)
Sleep well, Auntie Anna
Rest in peace x
46
0
149
Win a signed copy of *one* out of my first 4 novels (you choose which one) along with a bookmark and sticker pack.
RT & 🧡 this tweet to enter and I’ll pick someone at the end of the weekend for shipping early next week.
21
143
139
@MollyJongFast
There’s discredited and then there is Facebook actually took it down discredited.
2
6
131
@kuntakinte_e
@gareth1874
You’re never getting a more random video on here. Ever.
The twist at the end was better than The Usual Suspects.
2
0
130
@MichaelBibi1
If you go out to an illegal rave during a pandemic when your region has one of the worst R ratings in the UK you’re not much better.
5
4
134
@LSwitlyk
And here’s a beautiful wild goat I saw up in the Isle of Skye earlier this year. Mental how we both managed to go our separate ways without me killing it though.
2
10
128
(Absolutely shit at this stuff as I was meant to post a week ago)
With Ibiza season almost ready and my second novel ‘Ninety Six’ set on the white isle I’m giving away a free copy and one of the repackaged version of ‘Ninety.’
Like and retweet to enter etc
Drawn May 1st
3
105
121
A lot of us started supporting Dundee United as kids with Jim McLean as manager and the outlandish ride that he took us all on for a team of our size.
Tonight’s news is a really hard one to take. We lost a legend in every sense of the word.
RIP Jim McLean 🧡
2
5
127
Full Scottish Premier League card tonight in what’s been the most competitive opening 1/4 of a season in memory. So, naturally, Sky Sports will be showing Liverpool reserves live.
What even is the point of Neil Doncaster?
4
10
123
Remember that time the Inter ultras stole a scooter off an Atlanta fan, smuggled it into the San Siro and then threw it off the top tier?!
Mad bastards.
7
18
108
Quite possibly biased here like but on the drive home from Dundee I’ve managed to convince myself that I witnessed the greatest cross in the history of football today.
8
3
121
I’m extremely happy to announce my upcoming novel ‘Muirhouse.’
437 pages
166k words
11 radges
Official release December in all the usual places but please DM me directly to support the independents and pre order your copy to get it by launch day.
13
22
113
@itvnews
That self made business magnate, Prince Andrew?
I’ll be honest. Brexit was scaring the living shit out of me but now that such a voice of reason has now spoken I’m sleeping well tonight.
0
6
105
That Hearts boy who scored from his own half today getting ready to go out tonight.
2
16
111
He kicked Scott Brown in the head.
Took a bite out of a Dundee player in the derby.
Was accused of trying to strangle a linesman.
Celebrated scoring at Ibrox. Before he’d actually scored.
An absolute shitehouse of a player. Fucking loved the man ❤️
Nadir Ciftci | Streets Won’t Forget🇹🇷🍊
Retweets appreciated!🙌🏻
17
169
557
6
6
107
@RonFilipkowski
Because nothing screams ‘not entertaining the haters’ by taking the time to tell the haters that you’re not entertaining them.
Pretty inception-esque.
0
4
106
@GaryLineker
Meh. When my kid’s struggling for her insulin for her diabetes I’m just going to inject her with some of that good old war time British spirit. That’ll fix her out.
And so on.
12
1
105
Moments in Champions League history.
Paul Bosvelt scores Feyenoord’s second against Marseille at De Kuip and grabs the pitch side mic, leaving you with expectations of some heat of the moment expletive filled tirade or an earth shattering scream.
Instead …
6
20
105
I used to be more chilled about walking over the bridge of doom when visiting Hibs than I am about going food shopping these days.
*I definitely was never chilled walking over the bridge of doom.
10
7
98
2
1
88
German Italia 90 design 🤝 Dundee United.
Two of my favourite things.
Thanks to
@supernovaleice
6
1
99
I’ve got a lot of love for the code of conduct at Pikes Hotel Ibiza 😍
6
12
89
So a young lad gets thrown in jail for kicking a football and a trainee dentist avoids jail for being a nonce?!
Scotland is messed up, like.
5
9
88
Unrivalled.
I know the main part is that a goal was scored, and missed, but the defender picking the ball up and handing it to his keeper - and it not be a penalty - truly fries my brain.
What’s the worst refereeing decision ever given against your club? 😳😩
416
8
370
9
12
92
Somehow, that 4.75lb kid who - back in 2004 - was way too impatient to hang around and, instead, decided to enter the world 6 weeks early … is Eighteen!
There’s not a day goes by where I’m not reminded by her over how proud she makes me
Happy birthday, Leia xxx
11
0
92
Muirhouse is a story of the fortunes of Joe 'Strings' Carson.
Midfield general for the infamous amateur football team 'Muirhouse Violet' on a Sunday and petty criminal every other day of the week.
Out December ...
2
11
88
@NoelGallagher
Can’t afford Spotify, mate.
It’s not easy living in a third world country at times.
0
2
83
Was an absolute pleasure to sort out our goal scorer extraordinaire
@Shankland_25
with copies of the books today. Enjoy, mucker 🧡🖤
4
4
88
@IAPonomarenko
It’s because of social media and these videos shared with the world that I’ve not been able to play Call of Duty over recent months.
This literally looks like a team death match from COD, only it’s not on any X Box or PlayStation.
4
1
86
Happy Birthday to my wife, manager, best friend, muse and general partner in crime(s) ❤️
9
0
87
The cheapest available ticket for Bayern - PSG tonight was €19
Livi charging £20 for PPV for United’s match tonight 😂
1
3
89
I’ve just seen Ice T and Boycie talking to each other on here before its even got to 9am.
The day’s peaked.
4
15
77
@PickardJE
Record amount of foodbanks in Britain while they’re spending tax payers money on embarrassing gimmicks which ironically would help feed people that don’t have anything. Brilliant.
1
11
83
There’s been things this past twelve months that I’ve discovered I can live without.
And then there’s the things that you think of every single day and miss more than ever.
5
5
83
If there’s a video that sums up a city where, on the same night, one of its teams qualified for Europe while the other was relegated, it’s probably this.
4
11
85
@Spzl__K
We all knew the lad was going to have to grow up at some point.
Still displaying the same energy though.
10
10
84
I miss seeing someone doing this walking up the East Stand stairs with their pie and bovril in their hand.
And the wee cheer it brings from anyone who clocks it.
4
7
84
When the police start battering fuck out of people for holding a vigil. If there’s any justice in the world this boy will get panelled first.
0
2
81
A very good morning to everyone on this app except those who would let someone drown if they had the wrong colour or were born in the wrong country.
5
4
84
@2010LeeHurst
You don’t really need to tell anyone that you’re not being funny. That’s generally assumed.
0
1
78
To this day those AS Roma players won’t realise how lucky they were that Walter Smith and Jim McLean were the bigger men that afternoon.
They’d have destroyed the whole of the Stadio Olimpico with their sharp tongue and patter alone.
3
5
82
@guardian
I’m not some Tarantino fanboy but ffs Uma Thurman on her own murders almost the population of Papa New Guinea over the two Kill Bills. Bit of a weird take / article.
2
0
72
@GoodLawProject
I can’t decide if the press will give him the exact same treatment as they would to someone in Scotland or if it’ll be time for another round of Harry and Meghan stories instead.
5
8
78
Decided to rewatch The Business last night. Didn’t even make it to the twenty minute mark before this happened.
8
0
82
If you’re a Partick Thistle fan. This man has possibly just popped into your head.
4
3
80
Imagine being 69 years old with a bit of money in your pocket and being arsed with starting wars with other countries instead of sitting in the boozer and bookies all day?
4
6
76
Edinburgh, a city with a street decked out like the Wild West. Not for any tourist reason, just because fuck it why not.
Absolute class.
10
4
78
Yes, BBC.
That’s exactly what every Scottish person looks like.
11
2
77
@JiveAssTrump
@realDonaldTrump
Questions someone’s IQ while mistaking “too” with “to”
Classic 👍
8
5
67
I just wanted to tweet a heartfelt thank you to
@nhsfife
for taking care of my daughter this weekend and for the fast working and decisiveness they showed in caring for her.
It really is unimaginable for us to not have an NHS
Thank you ❤️
12
1
72
‘Nah, it’s cool. I’ll definitely be able to handle a full one, mate.’
45 minutes later.
4
5
72