Nooruddean
@BeardedGenius
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INSHALLAH UNITED paperback edition is out 11th April! Pre-order here:
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I'm chuffed my book, Inshallah United, is out on paperback today. Hopefully it's funny, heartfelt and relatable. It's about football, identity and love.
Some kind people from
@RealBobMortimer
to
@MarinaHyde
have said lovely things about it
Get it bought!
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Scary as fuck weather report. First it's like, ah smart use of green screen, then it's like holy fucking shit.
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Actually in awe of how grim this is. Fucking outstanding
Glasgow Willy Wonka experience slammed as ‘farce’ as tickets refunded
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Pissing myself at gorillas making a run for it in the rain. Especially the 😬 expressions
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Just when you think it can't get any better, it does 😍
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Me listening to a serious podcast with an ad break
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It’s like one dress is trying to illegally occupy another dress
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This 18 seconds is probably the best single piece of advice I’ve heard about the
#coronavirus
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Fact we’re in the ‘Twenties’ sounds so weird. It’s so synonymous with the 1920s. Sounds like a bygone era when women were still fighting for their rights, the upper classes were living a life of hedonism whilst people starved & the world was on the verge of financial ruin and war
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HAHAHAHAHA!!
Look at the tentative way he begs for her hand with his little pinky. She legit HATES him
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Everyone thinks capybaras are cute and harmless but watch this and wait for the moment it attacks her
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When your mum makes you come down to say hello to visitors
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Hilarious how there's people out there with a massive hard-on for a war they're too young to remember, and fetishise wartime struggle, and yet when, for the first time in their lives, they're asked to make a tiny sacrifice like wearing a mask in shops they cry like fucking babies
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MIGRANTS WILL BE TURNED BACK TO FRANCE!
...meanwhile well done our Emma, who was born in Canada to a Romanian father and a Chinese mother and moved to London as a two-year-old
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Great answer.
The question - I think from Nick Robinson - suggested haggling over £5m was ‘showboating’ over a ‘relatively small amount of money’.
This is what Burnham said:
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The ‘r’ is silent
Watford star Joao Pedro dating 15-year-old Brazilian TV star Mel Maia
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Sky News just challenged the public to overthrow the monarchy
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Eurovision is moved to 2021. This year’s contestants are welcome to reapply, but rules stipulate they can’t use this year’s songs, so this magnificent Iceland effort is the great lost winner
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Lol the fake stories Coleen planted to entrap Vardy. Love Coleen. Absolute legend of the game
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No time to dye
Daniel Craig is the first ever James Bond to have grey hair in new 007 film
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Who’s the researcher? Jesse Lingard?
Is a 24-year-old a teenager? Some researchers say yes.
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Not a pen for me. The rules clearly state if you walk around on all fours like a dog, your arms become legs
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A reminder that Alan Sugar tweeted this about the Senegal national team and still has his daft show
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Lol at Maradona and his girlfriend looking like Gloria and Manny from Modern Family
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No way is this real. Souness talking about the cat like it had a goal disallowed
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This is actual genius. No fucker's gonna mark him
Odion Ighalo to be involved for Man Utd at Chelsea despite coronavirus fears
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The word ‘shithousery’ somehow doesn’t do this justice. It’s exquisite. Top class villainy
LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
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Fuck her tears. I have zero sympathy. I do have sympathy for elderly members of the Windrush generation told to leave the country, Grenfell survivors who still don't have adequate housing or justice, 4.1m kids living in poverty, and 100,000s more people forced to use food banks.
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It's fucking heartbreaking that there's working-class lads out there, struggling to make ends meet, who'll defend this man to the hilt
Jacob Rees-Mogg’s Company Accounts show c£103M profit over last 5 years, but paid ZERO UK corporation tax.
The tax he should have paid, would give every kid on free dinners 3 meals a day for the full summer holidays with plenty of change.
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Donald Trump is actually trying to take credit for the word 'fake'
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Blimey. I didn't realise Pakistan vs Zimbabwe was a grudge match and for good reason
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Seamus Coleman looks like the walking embodiment of ‘the game’s gone’
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Not even hiring a Michael Jackson impersonator is going to distract from the shite he's coming out with
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In all of the best of 2019 and greatest moments of the decade lists, this has been criminally overlooked. What a legend
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Look at the amount of air Swifty gets with that first leap. Unreal
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Daniel Radcliffe looks like he’s just won his club’s first Serie A title in 20 years and thrown his kit to the ultras section
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I dunno why I find Roy Hodgson doing his best to take the knee in a cramped space so wholesome
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You’re an embarrassment and the worst kind of Muslim. In the month of Ramadan, worry about yourself and let a man who has actually been a really positive role model for Muslims around the world live his life. Frankly it’s weird you’re thinking this about someone else’s daughter.
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Greg Wallace, aggressively pushing out farts in various poses, whilst maintaining eye contact.
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Tell you what’s more distracting than mobile phones in the classroom - hunger
We know how distracting mobile phones are in the classroom.
Today we help schools put an end to this.
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Modric looks like your gobby neighbour Pamela who’s the cock of the avenue cos of her three big sons
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This is utter bullshit from the Telegraph. A pathetic attempt to create friction from a unifying event. They’re baiting the kind of sad bigots who thinks Muslims want to ban Xmas or change the name of Easter eggs. No one was forced to walk away. There’s no issue, you snide fucks.
Two of England's Cricket champions were forced to walk away from the champagne celebrations because they are Muslim and therefore choose not to drink. But in a multicultural Britain should this be happening? And are champagne celebrations outdated in multicultural Britain?
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We can take the piss out of America all we like, but we’re the ones who pay for this lot to live a life of luxury due to some weird reasoning that they’re somehow the best family in the land and deserve our money more than we do.
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Your boss wanting to chat about the footie with you this morning
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This is the moment of the whole tournament for me. A goal awarded in a World Cup Final due to the size of a man's arse
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A chilling vision of what Britain would be like without immigrants
Looks like chicken tonight (for the kids tea). (Carrots, spinach & spuds to be added, they’re not on a pure meat diet 😂)
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This should be the end of his leadership campaign. I can’t believe he said it out loud in the age of smartphones
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Lads, the country’s going to shit. Energy prices have caused the sharpest increase in absolute poverty in 30 years. Councils are going bankrupt. Backlogs in the NHS & courts will take an estimated 10 years to clear. 4.3m children are growing up in poverty. But yeah, you crack on.
🚨 NEW: The Tories, Labour and Lib Dems have all united to condemn Nike's new St George cross design on the England Euro shirt as they demand a return to the original
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Love how clearly I can hear “Calm tha fook doyn” in his Norn Iron accent
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Boris Johnson just said: "The common sense of the British people is going to get us through this."
In short, we're fucked.
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Clapping for carers in a large crowd so they’ll have even more work to do
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Not sure about this Newcastle United announcement video
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David Moyes and David Beckham were teammates at Preston
Quote this tweet with football facts that sound fake but is actually TRUE..
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Why are they so casual about being brilliant? It’s pissing me off
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I like both the empathy of this dog, and also its ‘stop being a dick’ stare
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Everton’s midfield 2004/05
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