jonathan
@jnsyaaa
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no homo but I want to be cradled in the arms of an immense masculine being who’s capable of unspeakable violence against those who would do me harm but feels nothing but tenderness and care towards me.
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seeing a statue this old that’s this hot is bewildering. like reading a joke written more than a hundred years ago that’s actually funny.
Sculpture of a female figure, probably a yakshi (nature spirit). Mathura, India, around 200 AD
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@QiaochuYuan brings a tear to my eye that some unknown sculptor from india 2000 years ago created a piece so hot that I could legit jack off to it today.
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last year my friendship group was rocked by an incident where one male friend asked another male friend to give him an honest looks rating . and the friend gave him a 2 (out of 10).
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Berlin is full of gay guys in their 40s who look at least 10 years younger but they still go out dancing + taking drugs for 36 hours straight every weekend. Is anyone studying this Dorian Gray magic? Where do they get their stamina? How do they look so youthful?.
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some people are so attuned they’re annoying. there’s comfort in ppl who don’t need anything from you, who are not constantly reading your emotional state for cues on how to behave.
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What do you do when a friend sends a link or meme that you don't like?. Sending a placatory "haha" feels inauthentic, and doing a full honest "ahh didn't find that funny sorry" feels like weird vibe-killing overkill. Not replying feels deadening to the relationship.
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I used to think casual sex and casual dating were good because variety helped you find what you like. But a deeply meaningful relationship this year showed me how much I’d been holding back. My experiences b4 weren’t variety - it was the same kind of sex/relationship many times.
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the rating receiver was really hurt and upset, and the rating giver was criticised for being unnecessarily cruel with his rating.
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@jaydah_block @Asendrys @catpoopburglar it's a joke from ancient sumeria that doesn't make sense in translation
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I think the best metaphor for inner work is pushing something up your ass. it’s the same cycles of tension and relaxation. forcing doesn’t work but slow patient persistent effort does. there are inevitable sudden contractions tht make you feel like you’re back where you started.
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Have you ever done a ceremony with an ex to say goodbye to your relationship?. Not the breakup itself, but a post-breakup ritual to express gratitude for what you had and grieve its passing. What did it look like?.
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This was my favourite answer!. I like it because it validates and encourages the emotional thrust of your friend’s message (ie they were signalling something like playfulness plus “I’m thinking of you”) without needing to like the content. Gonna give this a whirl for a while.
@jnsyaaa Reply like this: 🫠🫠🫠🦕🦕🦕. playful and meaningless.
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I’m friends with a couple who’re gonna have a baby - he’s greek she’s italian they speak English together & live in Berlin . they’re trying to triage which languages they use with the baby. can you teach a child 4 languages? probably not right.
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@DKoala1087 not sucked but humour is unusually sensitive to context. small changes to timing or wording can take sth from v funny to not at all. it's natural that these fussy details don't translate well over millenia . (attractiveness i'm less sure about).
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@AndyMasley brutal, brutal. i had a similar experience w sea cucumber in japan. absolute hubris.
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Anyone got a term they use for their spiritual path / emotional growth journey that doesn’t sound unbearably pretentious & wanky?.
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also two ppl can get locked in an anxious “attunement” negative feedback loop. both focussed on the other & neither able to take the lead.
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@nolightupstairs @andimgladofit yeah i'm also a wodehouse fan! he's about my chronological edge for "genuinely actually lol funny". there's a joke in dickens (and probs a few other victorian novelists) that made me lol once but it's definitely rarer. before that, almost never.
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Doing anything casually requires holding back, not sharing all of yourself. Sex in which you’re holding back parts of yourself is a categorically different thing. I genuinely did not know (or had forgotten) what I was missing.
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they should invent a drug that gives girls a 5x strength increase for a brief 30 minute window so I can finally go 100% in a romantic playfight.
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Experiencing sex where the rich tapestry of your emotions can be folded in, everything included and allowed, is so so good. Sex where your sadness and anger and fear and joy melds together with theirs and becomes inseparable from each other in some way.
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@StoopMensch europe is poorer but in this case you're encountering german cultural stingy-ness, not a genuine economic need to save money.
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the two best ways to get to know someone are:.1. Sleeping together (and navigating all the complexities that come w that).2. Large amounts of unstructured time together inc parallel play, silence + being around others.
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doing a land acknowledgement before a work meetkng but I live in Berlin so it’s to the prussian von Winterfeld family, the last of whom was fragged by his own men in a trench in the dying days of 1918.
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if we’re friends, and your hand accidentally brushes my leg or your foot touches mine, and you immediately apologise and draw back . that’s like a dagger through my heart. a razor blade to the artery of our friendship.
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what mainsplaining discourse misses out on is that explaining something that excites you to a beautiful woman who's expressing genuine interest & asking followup questions is a top 5 all-time feeling.
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india has significant social problems due a 52:48 m:f ratio. jesscamp had a 9:1 m:f ratio. lots sensitive & single men there, & I imagine many hoping to meet a likeminded girl. it’s important to be real: if yr a straight guy yr v unlikely to find the love of your life thru tpot.
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over time the system develops trust and you need to use much less effort and learn to enjoy both the tension and the relaxation - like they’re both pleasurable parts of the same flowing process. this allows less reactivity.
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was talking w a friend about whether there’s a romantic spark bw us. I said I’m skeptical of starting sth where there’s not v clear romantic attraction from the outset . she feels the opposite - she doesn’t trust strong early attraction bcz it’s often built on trauma & projection.
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hanging out with the sales guys in the office and their job is literally just being an anxious girl who's dating an avoidant guy. long discussion about exact wording of an email to a contact who hasn't replied to the last 3 calls. being left on read. frustration but perseverance.
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Circling’s had a strange effect of cheapening moments of intimacy. It used to be that if I held eye contact with someone (esp a cute girl) for a few moments, or shared a vulnerable moment, that would reverberate in my memory fr months. Now I have moments like that quite regularly.
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@punishedmother me too… tho it’s interesting that not much old art is viscerally erotic to the modern porn-brained person.
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eg I’d developed this very dominant kink while dating casually, which had become quite monotonous . It’s obvious to me now, in retrospect, that this was bcz I wasn’t fucking people I trusted to hold my vulnerability. I think this was v bad for me!.
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not a big sharia guy but I will say that when a hot girl wearing hot sportswear is near me in the gym then she consumes roughly 50% of my awareness for the duration (often the awareness is mostly the effort of not looking at her).
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I’m back!! After 2 months in opaque Twitter jail. If anyone else gets perma-suspended in the future w no reason given even after appealing: the trick is to buy one month of premium *then* make an appeal.
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@joriamramos ahaha nice answer! i'm actually quite into this. like how official international diplomatic announcements at the UN contain lots of pro-forma gobbledegook that means nothing to avoid offense.
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Q for lifters who are into meditation / nervous system stuff:. For hours after this lift earlier my mind felt extremely scattered & my body somewhat generalised uncomfortable. My story is it’s big stress on nervous system -> dysregulation. Do you exp this too and wdyd?.
115kg deadlift for 5x3. mastodon on the headphones . I am ready to launch a war on god
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what's a good habit to replace checking my phone?. doom scrolling is my stickiest addiction. when i've tried giving up cold turkey for a while i end up relapsing and bingeing. distracting myself is quite load-bearing. but what else can i do when i feel slightly overwhelmed?.
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@visualbasic97 v normal!!. also it gave me joy to read this little vignette about your shadow thoughts - ty 🙏
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going to a dinner party where my ex will be tonight so my gym session rn is hitting every vanity muscle known to god.
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when I was ~8 I unscrewed a lamp’s lightbulb, stuck my finger down & got a shock. it was v painful & scary - I cried & felt ashamed of doing sth I shouldn’t have. to make myself feel better I grabbed my younger brother & told him to do the same, which he did bcz he trusted me.
Sometimes when I am full of blackness, I want nothing more than to induce that blackness in others, to drag them down so they are filled with the same blackness.
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the tragedy of casual sex is that condoms make the raw sensations 4x less pleasurable. which naturally pushes you away from enjoying-the-moment type sensuality and towards more craving-y show-y type fucking that tends to create distance.
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4 scrambled eggs: a very normal, healthy amount of eggs. 4 fried eggs: disgusting gluttony. pathological.
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feels like the universe is repeatedly ramming my head into the lesson “if there is something off in your relationship with someone, the longer you ignore that dynamic the more painful it will be” with escalatingly severe emotional consequences.
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Things I like about hippie spaces:.- openness to weird.- kind + friendly.- community.- focus on touch + nonverbal connection. Dislike:.- linguistic vagueness.- aesthetics .- no irony.- rejection of conflict (ie, no embrace of shadow stuff can make hippie spaces quite saccharine).
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Circling last night in a small group of 3 and the guy admitted that he felt deeply competitive with me because we were 2 guys and a girl. There's something insanely brave about admitting that - my body recoils from being honest about something like that.
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“Internal Family Systems” is an impressively bad name. Every time I explain it to someone they get think it’s about something it’s not. Plus the name has “technical and systems-y” connotations, when the therapy itself is supremely intuitive and vibes-y.
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tried sleeping on the floor for the past couple of nights (comfy rug at the end of my bed). got 8-9.5 hours sleep for the first time in many months (norm has been 5.5-7h). time to throw my bed away (as part of the wider project Make Jonathan Unfuckable)
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@dissproportion I’m googling and educating myself rn. It seems to be an acne cream? Does it have effects beyond that?.
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Did you know that Germans will throw the English phrase “no risk no fun” into a German sentence, believing it to be a well-known English expression?.
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@ladyofcode I like the side eye!. but when I receive a 🙃 in any context it’s like a punch to the gut. The go-to passive aggressive emoji. it pains me.
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I want to love a giant woman 100x my size. she keeps me in her pocket & she’s so caring & loving & feeds me crumbs. but she’s so big that she can’t help but break my bones as she picks me up. she’s constantly nursing me back to health from the injuries I suffered at her hands.
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One problem with “you should be in therapy” culture is it focuses on emotional intimacy as a service to be received, rather than a reciprocal skill that empowers people to support each other as both receiver and giver (often in the same conversation!).
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epistemic status: I’m pretending I believe this because it makes you angry.
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@butleriano exactly .
doing a land acknowledgement before a work meetkng but I live in Berlin so it’s to the prussian von Winterfeld family, the last of whom was fragged by his own men in a trench in the dying days of 1918.
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All the early 00s text speak is still with us - lol, fyi, imo, asap - except g2g, which died because there’s now no going anywhere. Always online, nowhere to go.
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chats about flirting etc on here make me sad bcz obv flirting (online or irl) in an 80-90% male environment is *completely* different (& worse). I’m worried there are guys for whom this scene is a lifeline & naturally expect to find ❤️, but the demographics make that v unlikely!!.
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@twinfleeks1 @ihvaloadedgun Gonna be a classic guy and jump to advice: is there any interest or hobby you have (or could have) that would involve you going to the same place once a week (or more often)? Find one and do that!. For me going to a climbing meet up unlocked a whole new friendship circle.
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Feeling extremely anxious because I’m flying to spend a week with my parents on my own and.a) I’ve got two flights today in possibly-bad weather which scares me and.b) planning to have Serious Talks with them to improve Our Relationship which really scares me.
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why the FUCK did the Twitter algo show this tweet (w four likes) to the person in question (despite us not following each other or interacting on here)???.
One Friday I had an awful date w a Russian. The next day I had a hinge date planned w an Asian girl, and I messaged a friend like “friendship ended w Russian girls”. The Asian girl turned out to have been born and grew up in Moscow (Vietnamese parents) and we went out for a year
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@fimbres_paul @GreenTextRepost wait why is an alibi important? no one would expect that Michael personally executes the other dons right?.
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I know it seems like there’s a bottomless hole inside you, but who’s to say it’s endless?. what if u just haven’t crammed enough numbness & porn & booze & phone time & shitty sex w people you don’t like & bad parties to fill it up yet?. there’s light at the end of the tunnel ❤️.
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IFS can feel like a process of gradually removing mask after mask, until you reach masks that you’ve worn for so long that you assumed they were your actual face. and then getting shocked when its just as removable as all the previous masks.
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that he rarely felt appreciation for anyone. when I dug more he said he never felt appreciated by others either. he said this quite casually - no emotion - but that insight into his psychology dissolved the whole conflict for me. I recognised that all his ego that pissed me off….
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in him was trying to fill this lack of feeling genuinely appreciated and seen. it’s funny how strong a perspective shift can be: I just have so much more compassion for those things that drove me crazy about him before.
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115kg deadlift for 5x3. mastodon on the headphones . I am ready to launch a war on god
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Is it the relative balance of hormones in your system that makes you more masc/fem, or their absolute levels?. What I’m asking is: what happens if I take insane amounts of testosterone, oestrogen and progesterone? Do I become the kwisatz haderach?.
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Berliners! this year I’m co-curating the Being Lab (part of the Church of Interbeing), where we explore connection thru circling, meditation & other fun stuff. Tuesday evenings @ 7 in Neukölln. It’s a cool group of people and would love to see you there - msg me for details . 1/.
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while ago I had a biiiiig conflict w a co-organiser. I felt v angry & hurt, and he shut me out & refused to talk abt it for weeks. in a mediation session I admitted that the root of my anger was an unmet need to feel appreciated by him (felt v vulnerable to say that). he said….
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