My wife said she couldn’t seduce me because I was too busy fucking around with Claude. Many such cases.

Thinking about my angle of attack on my wedges

https://t.co/302ZmdN6S2

TFW you treat your moderate to severe ulcerative colitis with Rinvoq

When the iPhone plane lands

if RFK bans diet coke, i will make jan 6 look like a girl scout meeting.

my wife and i stood in whole foods, sexless for weeks, feuding over our daughter artemis's piano teacher. but when i saw the npr notification that ann selzer had harris+3 in iowa, i knew walz's midwestern charm had secured the blue wall, and a red fire started burning in my body

CORY BOOKER: Sleep and I broke up. I'm dating Coffee now. She is hot! BOB MENENDEZ: (looking up “do you go to jail for crimes”) So is there a way I can prove that was Che’s tooth or do I just have to take your word for it.

https://t.co/LJW5HT24kM

A man named Jacob Garlick bought the Flatiron Building at a public auction last week. This week he just… didn’t make the downpayment for it. This situation is the funniest thing in the world to me right now. Jacob why did you do that!!!!!

Happy V day

I did it. I found the single weirdest moment in the Jan. 6 committee transcripts released so far. Between witness Samuel Armes and his lawyer Anessa Santos. https://t.co/gO0K9pdu4i

(angriest I’ve ever been in my life) ok sounds good

Everyone wishing Hitler would have gotten into art school so he wouldn’t have risen to power illustrates a great point: that the function of art school is to round up the most evil people imaginable and guarantee they’ll never be able to have a significant impact on the world.

the holy trinity of desk drinks is a big water, a two-hour-old iced coffee and a flavored seltzer.

Brett Cross, father of Uziyah Garcia, showed us his tattoo before the start of the Uvalde CISD school board meeting.

In light of the Queen’s passing, I would like to request a two-week extension on our deadline to provide discovery responses.

we can stare at a problem for weeks off and on beating our heads against the wall, and then solve it in two hours when we have the right insight and work intensively with that insight. very different model of labor than digging a ditch.

Huge line for the Apple store!